The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki
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NarutoxKonanxHarem. (Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.
ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)
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Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.
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Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.
Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.
Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)
Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.
Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.
Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.
Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.
Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.
Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.
Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan
Naruto-Temporary? Soon to be new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshiped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.
The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.
Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.
They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.
All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.
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Konoha 12
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Hinata-The Shy one of the Bunch and the most endowed of the girls. Has a secret Inner Pervert and desired to be 'tamed' by her love Naruto. Hinata is known to rarely get angry or drunk and when she does watch out. Has an alter-ego known as Evil Hinata who comes in great times of stress, anger, or drunkenness. She usually magically appears in an all black leather outfit and paddle that can send people flying several kilometers. She's also known to be invincible and immune to everything from poison to logic with her only weaknesses being Naruto and Holy Water. As a result Hinata is the only shinobi in history to get a special circumstantial SSS-rank label while being loyal to her village.
Sakura-One of the crazier members also has a secret and perverted side. Has a desire to dominate a strong willed and feral Naruto in bed. The type girl that can whoop your ass with a punch and turn around and heal you. Rumors has it that she has a catgirl outfit and a Death Note.
Sasuke-The slightly psychotic one of the K12. He's calm down from his overwhelmingly life of darkness and hatred, but can't seem to function without having vengeance. As a result he's on a never ending quest of vengeance for anyone who tries to kill him to simply kicking his puppy Bosco 2. Bosco 2 is named after Bosco, Sasuke's original dog when he was young and the real reason why Sasuke swore vengeance upon Itachi.
Kiba-One of the more perverted members and along with Shino have been known to smoke and sale weed. He's the louder and more boisterous of the duo with his partner Akamaru who has a keen nose for weed as well. Kiba is also one of the few people who knows the identity of the infamous Panty Bandit.
Shino-One of the more intelligent and stoic members of the K12 who also peddles out weed along with Kiba. Also despite how much people try to coax emotion out of him he always talks in monotone. Also rumor has it, or mostly because Kiba states it that he might be the infamous Panty Bandit who is never dare when the Panty Bandit is in public sight.
Ino-The sexy and talkative blond is the heiress of the Yamanka clan. If anyone is to know about the latest gossip its her.
Chouji-The Large kid of the bunch and one of the physically strongest. Chouji is quite kind and intelligent, even a decent cook. Watch out because if you call him fat he literally squashes you.
Shikamaru-The most intelligent of the K12 and one of the true geniuses of Konoha Shikamaru is known for thinking ten steps ahead of his opponents. He's also quite lazy so why the hell is that attractive brunette from wine country dating him?
Tenten-The weapon happy weapons master of Konoha. Tenten is the first Konoha shinobi of history banned from handling explosives even at the price of failing a mission. So she blew up twenty houses, six factories, three museums, two restaurants, and a golf course. It was an accident. She also has deadly pinpoint accuracy and can pull weapons out of the mythical hammer space.
Neji-Another Stoic member of the K12 and secret pervert. Neji has a fetish for long haired black haired girls. He's also known to go into a murderous rage against anyone who damages his hair.
Lee- The must exuberant member and most energetic excluding Naruto. The heir to the philosophy of Youth and the most extreme. Their is few people who can defeat a drunk Rock Lee in battle.
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Warning
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Do not read story wild drinking liquids(Especially hot ones) due to risk of first degree burns and choking.
Do not read story while eating due to risk of choking.
Do not read story wild anyone below the age of sixteen or while a parent is around.
Do not read story when everyone at house is asleep due to risk of waking them from loud laughter. You have been warned.
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Story Start
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''Uugh….what the hell? Where am I?'' Naruto asked as he heard the sound of dripping water. Next thing he knew he could see, as the blind fold covering his eyes was taken off. Who stood across from him was none other then some person in a batman costume.
''I got some questions for you,'' The person, most likely male asked.
''I got some questions for you… Who are you? Where am I?''
''I'm Batman.''
''No your not…your some crazy ass guy in a costume…you're a damn disgrace…why the fuck am I in a cave?''
''I want some information.''
''Man fuck that…how did I get here? Last thing I know I was knocking back drinks at the strip club and…you put something in my drink didn't you? Your not one of those freaky people from Pulp fiction are you? I swear to Osama Bin Landen I will bite that shit off if you try something.''
''I'm not gay!''
''Tobi?''
''I mean…I'm not gay.''
''Tobi is that you?''
''I'm Batman!"
''Tobi if you don't get me out of these bat cuffs. I'm going to whoop yo ass and then I'm going to whoop yo daddy ass for making you.''
''I'm Batman damnit!''
''Uh-huh ok….I'm telling Tobi's Okaa-san then when this over.''
'' Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa there, theres no need to call Tobi's Okaa-san…I obviously made a mistake and you're free to go.''
''Yeah I thought so.''
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2 days later
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''HAHAHAH! Fucking finally! The CURE!'' Naruto shouted as he gulped down the potion. He was the happiest damn person in the world.
Meanwhile
''Final Round…Deidara-Sempai vs. Kisame-sempai. 3 Last Jokes.''-Tobi.
Deidara-'' Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
'' Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.''
'' Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.''
'' Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.''
'' It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license because she couldn't get used to the front seat!''
''Hahaha!''
''Oh man now that's original.''
''Come on Kisame you got to give it to'em.''
''Yo Mama is so fat, when she went swimming in the gulf of Mexico, she farted and that's what caused Hurricane Katrina.''
It all got quiet. The following happened.
Kakuzu just started rolling. It was the hardest the Akatsuki member ever laughed. Every few seconds he had to catch his breath. Itachi had to spit out his drink as he started to choke because he started to laugh.
Zetsu's lips twitched into a half smile.
Sasori fell over.
Everyone else though just roared with laughter.
''Now that was hilarious,'' Pein said, wiping a tear from his eye. ''But it was too soon.''
''What do I care? I'm evil!''
''No you're bloody thirsty and psychotic, not to mention perverted. What led you here was by circumstance, so you're not really evil.''
''Bah!''
''Hey Pein! Where's Konan! Haven't seen her all day and I'm anxious to see if this cure worked.''
''Didn't you get the letter?''
''What letter?''
''Konan's on a mission to the western country. She's going to be gone for two months.''
''………''
''Naruto?''
''……..''
''You ok?''
''……….''
Itachi sensed that a great evil was coming. So he stood up and ran….ran as fast as he could. Now seeing the stoic Uchiha ran like there was Pocki on sale brought something to Sasori/Pein/Zetsu's attention. Being part of the smarter half of Akatsuki, which only seemed to work when they sensed they were going to die also took off. It took that for the others to finally realize that maybe they should go.
''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'' Demonic Youki exploded around the Blond as anger consumed him. No Poon for an additional two months? They wait until now to give them the cure. Oh there was going to be hell to pay.
''Naruto-Sem-oof,'' Tobi was smacked into a fall and phased right through it. Figures…he always managed to escape. It didn't matter… he thought as four tails swung behind him wildly. As he prepared the menacing ball all he wanted to do was to distribute some Pain.