The Misadventures of the Akatsuki:Redux Chapter 9: The Killer Is!, a naruto fanfic

The Misadventure's of the Akatsuki

NarutoxKonanx(Yugito, Sakura, Hinata, Temari, Shion, Sasame, Hana, Tsume, and Isaribi) The Main focus will be Konan though. I will do one-shot lemons though with the other girls of Naruto but they won't play a major focus in the pairing.

ItachixOc Uchiha (Presumably the unnamed Girlfriend from the Manga.)

First Ending-Naruto and Konan Ending

Story Start

''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

''He's dead!'' Said a figure from the darkness. They were a hundred feet away from the door, from freedom. The killer being there last obstacle. ''Great Job…the two of you managed to survive.''

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. ''I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.'' The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''How? Only…wait…how you know about our abilities and personalities. How you knew what we were going to do accordingly. It's all so simple now, I should have known from the moment you disappeared.''

''So you know who I am don't you?''

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

''Well who is it? Whose the killer?''

''Kisame I knew I should have killed you first. You always did piss me off.''

''You could have gone about this a different way Konan.'' Pein said as the Konan took off the mask.

''What! It was you? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND YOU CRAZY BITCH!''

''No I couldn't have…I'm sick and tired of this same song and dance. I'm sick and tired of being stuck around you idiots. I'm sick and tired of being immortal. It all had to end…most importantly…YOU ASS-HOLES RUINED MY SEX LIFE!''

''Now how the fuck did we do that?''

''Kisame I wonder how Itachi puts up with you. It is imperative after some much thought I realize that we have pussy-blocked our fellow member on several occasions.''

''Wait! What the hell is pussy blocked?''

''Basically cock-blocking but pussy blocking is when you prevent a female from getting some dick.''

''Ooh.''

''Yes…several times we have offered Naruto a fake antidote after the Disney Land Fiasco. Only to have him run off with Konan and find out it wasn't working.''

''Yes…oh you bastards had to pay.''

Flash Back-First Incident

Konan was tossed on the bed as Naruto slit open her robe with a kunai. It was so arousing to be taken so force able by her new lover. He kissed and caressed every inch of her chest. His hands had trailed down to her blue lace panties and massaged her entrance through the material. She moaned in ecstasy as he got her all hot and bothered. The next thing she knew he jumped up and started cursing and hissing in pain.

Second Incident

She was taking a nice warm bubble bath when she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her. ''Well hey there Handsome…come to wash my back?'' She asked seductively as she took ahold of his tool.

''Oh you know it my goddess. I got the cure and I'm ready to show you why I'm the god of stamina.''

''Are you sure you got the right one?''

''Oh I'm sure,'' He groaned as he started to get aroused.

''In that case let meaah,'' Konan hissed as she jerked back her hand from the heat.

''Fuach.'' Naruto cried out in pain. It wasn't the cure.

''There was the Movie Theater…The Parking Lot…The Tree.''

''Tree?''

''Shut the fuck up Kisame! On second thought keep talking…you'll be dead in a matter of seconds anyway.''

''What the hell are you..'' Kisame was tackled to the ground as the alien looking creature.

''As always you are a fool Kisame!" Konan said as there eyes nearly popped out of there heads. Konan sounded like Itachi. ''Surprised? Let's just say I learned a few interesting things about my Kekki Gekkai. You see it all started two weeks ago. I had arrived back early and heard about you guys driving me lover bat shit insane. He had finally gotten the cure only to find out you sent me on a mission. Imagine my surprise and anger that he didn't get the cure until after I left. I decided I didn't want nor need to deal with these damn antics any longer. So I formulated the plan. Itachi of course had to be the first to go. Using my jewel I possessed his body and took care of the other major threat.''

''Tobi,''-Pein.

''Exactly…couldn't have that insane mortal with the brain the size of a peanut running around. After that I froze Itachi's body in ice and sent him to his number one fan girl's house.'''

''You Bitch!'' Kisame whispered in horror.

'' Oh yes…and loving it…so I went to work…As Itachi I did all the research I needed. A poison that could kill Zetsu, which I learned from his log.''

Flash back

''Has anyone seen my log? I'll fuck eat you.''

''Go away Zetsu,un…can't you see I'm busy.'

''Damnit Deidara don't get any of your crappy clay on the table where we eat.''

''Go fuck yourself Kisame.''

''If any of you see my writing book, my log. Return it or die.''

Flash Back End

''Of course there was also all the times I initiated a game of Clowin. You idiots were so into it that you didn't notice me slip away. Day after day I schemed until today was the result that paid off. ''Now it's time I finish this…Spot…Kill.'' Spot 6 sunk it's fangs into Kisame's neck. With one Jerk his head was ripped clean off.

''That was very good Spot. Mommy is giving you a special treat tonight.''

''That fucked up creature's name is spot? You have clearly lost it Konan. I'm sorry about this but I have to kill you now.'' Pein said as he attempted to summon his other bodies.

''You're wasting your time Pein. I wasn't sitting around playing with my…ok you know what never mind. I disabled your bodies under the guise of Itachi. After all it's not like you were using them.''

''So that's it…you're going to kill me now?''

''Nah…I'll think I'll let you live…living, knowing you failed the organization is a suitable punishment. ''

''Really? Well I'm ok with that.''

''Nah I'm just fucking with you of course. I'm a bomb tag note collaboration assigned to self destruct in ten seconds. Nice knowing you muther fucker.''

''Fuck my life.''

2 hours later

Naruto came back to find the Akatsuki base destroyed. He searched for two hours for a way inside. Not to see if the members were alive but if he could retrieved his stuff. The explosion could have destroyed over countless decades of porn gathered by Jirayia and given to him. After all it was in Jirayia's will that he inherited everything.

''Hey there stud! Missed me!'' He heard as he turned around and saw Konan.

''Konan-chan…what happened?''

''Gas leak…they all blew up…oh well…now time for you to go to work.''

''Oh hell no…I'm not rebuilding that place.''

''I was talking about me.'' She said as she let her robe drop, revealing her naked figure.

Naruto was so happy he started crying.

0000000000

Alternative Ending 2- Itachi Ending

00000

''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. ''I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.'' The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''So you know who I am don't you?''

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

''Well who is it? Whose the killer?''

''Kisame I knew I should have killed you first. You always did piss me off.''

''Itachi but why go through all this trouble?''

''Itachi! No fucking way….but why?''

''It's all very simple… This organization; the whole purpose of what we are now has become nothing more but idiotic drabble. Day in and day out is nonsense with misfortune followed by Mayhem. Most importantly…you bastards took my dream away from me.''

Couple of months ago

''Bill…Bill…Bill.'' Paper after paper was being launched into the fire. Kakuzu…being the cheap ass that he wasn't didn't pay the heating bill so they had to make a fire and was burning any scrap of paper they could find.

''Has anyone seen my tickets to pocky land? They were…'' It was to Itachi's horror that he saw Kisame throw in a stack of papers. Where he hid his Pocky papers in. ''!'' Runs off.

''The hell wrong with him?'' Deidara asked as Kisame shrugged.

Flashback end

''Wait…so you killed everyone…Our butler and all the other members just because of some tickers?''

''They weren't just some tickets…They were V.I.P. deluxe Pocky Land tickets. Free pass to the factory and a life time's worth of Pocky. You bastards took that away from me.''

''Well technically it was Kakuzu and Kisame…I didn't have anything to do with it? What? Don't look at me like that Kisame I had nothing to do with it…but still…Itachi…to kill 9…''

''Actually 7…Naruto and Konan are um…indisposed. I couldn't kill the only surviving writer of the Icha Icha Series. Now it's time for you two to die.''

''Itachi you…''

''I paid Konan 5,000 Ryou to disable your bodies. ''

''Wouldn't kill me I mean come on…after all I done for you?''-Kisame

''You mean all the times you stole my book? And used up the hot water? And bought all that crap on my credit card?''

''Well can you just kill him and let me live. I know a guy and the black market who we can sell the remaining body pieces so we can buy you new tickets.''

''Mmhmm…deal.''

''So um…you're not going to kill us right?''

Time Skip=24 hours later

''Has the jury reached a verdict?''

''We have your honor….on the sole counts of 'eight' counts of murder. We find one Itachi Uchiha innocent of all charges.''

Outside the court room

''Hey Itachi what ever happened to Kisame's body?''-Naruto.

Memory Flash

''Hey Itachi I didn't know you knew how to grill Fish.

Memory flash end

''You are better off not knowing Naruto.''

''Riiiight….so who wants go to a strip club?'' He asked as Pein and Itachi cheered. As for Konan, she passed out in the back of car in a bliss induced Coma. It was safe to say that it was a great day for the surviving Akatsuki members.

Alternate Ending 3- My Way Ending

Story Start

''No way!''

''I can't believe it!''

''So even he died.''

''This is serious.''

It was none other then the body of there Butler Geoffrey. He was covered in blood and wasn't moving. He had several holes in his outfit, consisting with stab marks. In his hand was a heart.

''I recognize that heart…It's Kakuzu's heart…then that means.''

''Tw…''Hidan started to say as blood dripped from his mouth. He fell forward and gave a horrendous scream as his body blew to pieces. In it's places was some black shelled looking dog creature.

''WHAT THE FUCK MAN! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU KILLING US!''

''You always did managed to piss me off Kisame. You were always talking shit…saying things that I didn't find inappropriate. Now I will kill you.''

''Killer-san do you have any idea who you are fucking with? I am Pein, Leader of Akatsuki and wielder of the Rin'nengan. I have only lost to one person and you sure as hell aren't him.''

The killer began to chuckle. ''I know you a lot better then you think…Nagato.'' The killer said as Pein's eyes widen.

''So you know who I am don't you?''

''Without a doubt…you could only be….''

''Well who is it? Whose the killer?''

''Kisame I knew I should have killed you first. You always did piss me off.''

''You could have gone about this a different way...Juggernaut.''

''The killer...wait who...''

''Oooh it's the Juggernaut Bitch!...Oh shit that's the shark from deep blue sea,'' Picks up a book case and hurls it.

''Cryaaak!"'

''That's for eating Samuel L. Jackson you muthafucka!''

Pein looks at Kisame's unconscious body.

''Juggy...what the hell...I thought Charles had you locked up.''

''Mutha Fucka I'm the god damn Juggernaut! Police can't fuck with the juggernaut!''

''You know what...should have never agreed to guard your prison transport for money. Shinra Tenshi!'' The powerful blast didn't budge the Juggernaut a bit.''Oh shit!''

''Silly fucker, yo powers can not harm me, don't you know who I am I'm the Juggernaut Bitch!'' Picks up desk and throws it at Peins who ducks.

''Too fast.''

''You better run...ya pussy''

''You destroyed my base, kill my members, and now you insult me! I will not tolerate this anymore. You're going on a one way trip back to juggrasic park.''

''Man foo I'm going to tell you just like I told Charles...you know damn well the last time i went to juggrasic park to get the hair cut by a velociraptor. I left with a tatoo on my nuts, a prince albert,and i had some graphic on my ass hairs and a new tatoo on my chest that say long dick willy.''

''Damnit!'' Hits a switch on the wall as secret compartment opened. Pein aims rocket after rocket at Juggernaut using Fire Jutsu to light it.

''Still shooting firecrackers at a mutha fucka ain't this a bitch!''

''You know what...I thought you were sentenced to the chair.''

''Man my lawyer got me off, six months on house- arrest, speaking of which. I just got off house arest and just fucked She-hulk, fucked around and caught athlete's foot but its cool cuz I fucked in the ear and gave her hearing aids CAUSE I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BEITCH!''

''Men what the hell is wrong with you Juggernaut.''

''You already know that Ow-we got my fucked up, wanna transport and fuck some huckers...Huuyaaaah!'' Charges forward, Pein jumps out of the way as the Juggernaut crashes through the wall.

''Hey Pein were...what the hell! What did you idiots do!'' Konan was pissed. She cleaned up the whole base before she left because none of those messy and inconsiderate bastards would. Well except Pein, he had a seventh secret body that was basically maid, which is why it was a secret body for male pride reasons and all. Oh and Itachi, though he usually threatened one of the other members with Tsukiyomi or Amatreasu so yeah...

''Oh it's the Juggernaut! Bout to have a rape party up in this bitch!"' Was heard in the background.

''Damnit! Juggy's here! '' Naruto took out a Hirashin Kunai. ''Itachi's outside. Were just going to have to ask him to burn this place down.''

some time later

The base was burned down and the body of the Akatsuki members were lost. The surviving Akatsuki members which included Tobi moved to an hotel resort island. It was for the best they all decided. Though a week later Naruto and Konan slipped away from the others for obvious reasons and were never seen again. Until 2 decade later when a bunch of hyperactive kids with whiskers were seen running around.