The Misadventures of the Akatsuki

0

Some more NarutoxKonan

0

Might become a full blown out series with TCKANA elements. No not part of the series just elements from it.

0

Misadventures- A fanfiction portraying the Akatsuki in a humorous and crack fic like manner. The Akatsuki are the following.

Deidara- The Bishounen foul mouth, art obsessed member. Like all the members he has a strong like for Alcohol and recently weed. (See chapter 1.) Often made fun of the other characters by his style of speech and looks he's known to often be involved in complicated schemes, usually the guy who blows shit up.

Sasori- One of the quieter and less insane members of the troupe. Been known to have a thing for blondes. From time to time he breaks his silence by either offering words of wisdom or making a completely random Suggestion.

Zetsu-The quietest and most mysterious of the Akatsuki. Goes along with anyone and is neutral. From time to time tries to eat the other members or there pets. (Stay tune for future chapters.)

Hidan-The foul mouthed immortal of the group. Known to be very religious and violent. Loves crack and is a Kleptomaniac. Known to cause children to cry and cause adults to commit suicide.

Kakuzu- The greediest member of Akatsuki. Normally serves as a counter balance to more of the insane behavior of the members. The Ironic thing about this guy is that his immortality is based off having a maximum of five hearts, yet most of his deaths are heart attack related.

Itachi-The Closet Pervert of the Akatsuki. Has been known to kill anyone who messes with his stash. Also tends to Tsukiyomi people a lot, specifically Kisame. Also one of the more insane members, though his bouts are more concentrated and deadly then spread out like the others.

Kisame- An Open pervert and cannibal. Kisame loves committing mass murder and weed. If there is anything involving drugs then he's most likely involved.

Tobi-The most cheerful and naive of the Akatsuki. Often the Catalyst for Mayhem and other plots that often result in one or more of the members being killed. The running joke is that Tobi is immortal as he usually miraculously survives or disappears.

Konan- The most intelligent of the Akatsuki members and by far sane. Though she has her quirks being a bit of a Nympho and Cosplayer. The Voice of Reason of the group not to mention the one who usually solves the problems. Also know to have a one of a kind jewel that lets her possess the body of others and allows them to feel what she feels.

Pein/Nagato- The leader of the group who is a lightweight when it comes to any type of abuse able substance. Often either Unconscious or somewhere else when things happen. When he is there he is usually panicking like the others. The only person who can keep control of him is Konan

Naruto-Temporary? The new guy and former target of the Akatsuki. Known as quite the playboy and worshipped by Kisame and Itachi. Is in need of a seal to suppress Kyuubi whose interfering with Naruto's ability to have some fun.

The Akatsuki-Despite their differences they have many things in common. One is they are often dying in embarrassing or unbelievable ways, only to be brought back to life later like nothing happened.

Also they all from time to time abuse substances like Alcohol or Beer. Above all else they have a treasured item that they would kill anyone over.

They also have a game call 'Clowin' when they start doing Yo Mama Jokes for extreme hilarity.

All and all…it's these traits and more that contribute to there Misadventures.

0

Story Start

0

''Get away from Samheda you little bastard,'' Kisame screamed and ran away like a little girl. It all started as another ordinary day in the life of the Akatsuki. Two weeks had passed since the whole most of them being murdered thing. But that didn't mean being killed would be enough to temper out the Akatsuki members.

''I'm getting back my money fuck face and that's the most valuable thing you have,'' Naruto shouted chasing after him. Naruto had built a brand new jet air plane out of paper clips, rocks, old car parts, uranium, and a donkey. No one asked how or even why, but just accepted it.
''It's too early in the morning for this shit, yeah,'' Deidara said as he went through the cabinet.

Naruto suddenly stopped as Kisame ran out the kitchen. ''I'll get him in his sleep,'' He then front flip onto the counter and opened one of the pantries. ''What the fu...''

At this opportune moment Pein decided to enter the Kitchen. He was so engrossed in his Icha Icha Paradise book he didn't see Naruto come flying towards. Naruto promptly spun in mid air and kicked the distracted man into one of the walls. ''YOU ATE THE LAST MUTHA FUCKIN TWINKIE!'' Was his battle cry.

''What...the...fuck,'' Pein said as he came too a few seconds later. ''Have you lost your mind Namikaze? You got a fucking problem or something''
''Mutha fucka you damn right. You keep all the twinkies and shit, and you ate the fucking Crunch Berries and shit too, man I'm hungrier then a mutha fucka.''

''Then make something you little fuck. Don't just randomly attack people.''

''Great...pissing contest already,'' Konan mumbled as she entered the room in her latest cosplay outfit yet. Today's outfit was Ryoko complete with tail and all.

''More or less, yeah. Hey Konan can you make me some pancakes?''

''You got arms.''

''Damn pissy because you still haven't got any dick yet?''

Spliiiyaaaaaaaaak.

''AAAaaaaaaaah...'' Fatality!

''How the hell do you kill someone with paper to the shins? That makes no damn sense?''

''Pein...you gather the others and you make sure they do not disturb me or Naruto. The consequences for this failure will be more then you can handle. Naruto...come!''

Both men did as they were told as Konan had that scary look in her eyes.
0
Else where
0

Itachi was drinking some coffee and reading the newspaper. He was trying to come up with his scheudle for today.

1. Play mind Games on Sasuke
2. Get some pussy
3. Buy some pocky
4. Eat pocky
5. Fuck with Sasuke
6. Bang Yugao
7. Kill Kisame (Move to number one if possible.)
Though before he left the Cafe he felt a sense of foreboding. ''That will be seven dollars and seventy nine cents sir. '' Right, he'll pay his bill then worry about the sense of foreboding later.

After another week of insanity things began to calm down. It was another ordinary day in the lives of the Akatsuki. All of them with the exception of Naruto, Konan, and Itachi were in the kitchen. Naruto was being held hostage by a frustrated Konan who needed to release her urges and Itachi...no one knew where he was. Today the others were all gathered at the Kitchen table as it was Tobi's turn to make breakfast. The breakfast was known other then Tobi's homemade special pancakes.

Kisame got up to get some Milk when Konan strode in. She was wearing nothing but an oversize T-shirt that strained against her sizable breasts. 'Hello Kisame,'' She said cheerful causing the latter to froze. The horror that came with Konan's smile was something he wasn't a stranger too. After taking three trays of ice cubes, some whip-cream, some chocolate syrup, strawberries, and peanut butter she strode out of the kitchen.

Kisame ran over the table and hid behind Sasori. ''Guys...I'm scared,'' He whispered.

''Damnit Kisame we went over this...''

''No it's Konan...she smiled at me.'' The room had went deadly quiet.

Sasori then attempted to pierce Kisame with his tail causing the latter to jump away. ''Hey what the fuck man!''

''Whatever the hell you did you stay away from me!''

0

A previous Kisame

0

''Hey there Kisame!'' Konan greeted him cheerfully.

''Uugh...Hello Konan...what are you doing with that bat?''

''N-o-othing,'' She turn partially only to spin and cracked Kisame across the skull sending him crashing into a table full of Tobi's homemade snow globes. ''Teach you to steal my panties.'' She looked at the destroyed table realizing her mistake. ''Uh-oh.''

Just then Sasori walked in.

''Could you hold this for me?'' She asked handing him the bloody bat.

''Uum sure?'' He said in confusion as she strode out the room. Konan was the most sane of the bunch so she must have had good reason.

''Tobi is going to get his snow globes an...'' He stopped seeing the damage. He looked at the snow globes, then Kisame, then Sasori, back to his snow globes, then Kisame's bloody head and Sasori holding the Bat. ''Tobi...is a very baaaaaaaaaaad boy.''

The others were in the Kitchen when the next thing they knew they saw a screaming and on fire Sasori run by and leap out the window.

''What the fuck?'' Deidara cried out.

0

Current Moment

0

''I didn't do anything! I swear she's been fucking Naruto the past 24 hours anyway,'' Kisame said in his defense.

''Sasori-sempai would you like some?'' Tobi said handing him a stick of pocky.

''Why thank you Tobi...at least some people are considerate.'' Now when Tobi ran out of the room flags should have went up in his head.

''The hell with this!'' Kisame went to the door. He turned around to address the other members. ''I'm going to my room before that crazy bitch gets back with...'' The kitchen door was kicked off it's henges and collided with Kisame.

''HEY WHAT THE FUCK!" He shouted as he collided with the floor.

Itachi was pissed. He looked around and sniffed when he sat his sights on Sasori, more specifically the pocky in his hand.

''Fuck my life!'' Sasori whispered. The next thing he knew he was sent flying through one of the windows. Landing on the ground, smoke radiating from his burnt form.

Sasori had enough...he deciding he was quitting Akatsuki once and for all. They were nothing more then a bunch of crazed ass-holes that kept getting him maimed or killed. As Sasori shook off the last of Itachi's flame Jutsu he sensed a familiar presence.

''Sasori of the red sands...how would you like revenge?''

Sasori looked into the shadows. ''You! What the fuck do you want?''

''To cause the Akatsuki to pay of course. Those bastard destroyed the shipment of pron and alcohol I get from Iwa and Kumo for half-price. How would you like to help me?''

''I would like nothing better...though Tobi is mine.''

''You made a wise decision,'' The person said stepping out of the shadows.

''You better not be fucking around...''

0

Akatsuki headquarters

0

Konan walked into the kitchen dressed like Fina from Skies of Arcadia. She took three more trays of ice cube out of the Freezer and promplty left.

''Some guys get all the luck,'' Kisame murmured.

''Let's just go get some prostitutes...We can rape them in the ass make them shoot it out their mouths.''

''That was disturbing Zetsu...I say we just rob them.'' Kakuzu said.

''Fuck that! Jashin demands a sacrifice!''

''I am sensing something...something dark is in the works...'' Pein rose from his chair. ''Whatever this is...I know for a fact...at least one of you will die. Most likely Kisame.''

''Oh man what the fuck!''

''Now if you excuse me...I have to go film Naruto and Konan having sex so I can post it on face book.''

''Spacebook got video log now?''

'Yeah...see Kisame-sempai?'' Tobi said showing his screens. In one of the screens was Tobi's face book and the other was myspace. He had over two million friends in both of them, most of them sexy young girls from ages 18 to 27.

''Oh that is bullshit!"

''Come my apprentice!'' Itachi said putting his arm of Tobi's arm. ''Between you and I we shall get all the bitches in the kingdom.''

''Whose been letting Itachi watch Chad Vader again?''