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How can you love a broken soul? Chapter3

The next morning I woke up seeing Anakin was gone. I sighed and sat up on my bed. His presence had been comforting; it had helped me falling asleep without worrying about my nightmares. I looked at the clock just to see we already had noon. Great, I thought. I got up from my bed and changed into some new clothes since I'd cried all over the others last night. It'd been an exhausting day yesterday and I was glad it was over now. Hopefully, today will be a better one. I made my bed and went into the kitchen. I was actually starving already. After making myself some food I sat down on the couch and ate it. I zapped through the TV program but couldn't really find something good to watch so I turned the TV back off. While eating my breakfast I heard the door open and looked up just to see Anakin coming in. He smiled at me weakly before he sat down next to me. He looked a little depressed and stared at the ground.

"What's wrong?" I asked and looked at him worriedly. He looked up from the ground and in my eyes.

"I've been at a Council meeting; they want you to write a report about what happened yesterday." He sighed and I looked back at the ground. I didn't want to write that damn report. I just wanted to forget what had happened back there and never be reminded of it again. I sighed as well leaning back against the couch. He placed his hand on my shoulder knowing it would comfort me a little.

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have done all of this. I now know it was a mistake and I promise you I won't ever do it again." He seemed sincerely, like he really meant what he said. I smiled a bit and looked up at him.

"I know you just wanted to protect me, it's okay, I was a little overreacting. I think I might have been just in a shock. I'm sorry I should have told you about Lux and me. What happened is my entire fault, if I would have told you about us you wouldn't have freaked out and you wouldn't have killed Lux." I started crying silently and he rubbed my shoulder with his palm. I leaned against him crying harder and he wrapped his arms around me trying to soothe me. It was comforting having his caring arms wrapped around me; they made me feel save and I hadn't felt save in a long time.

"Shhh, It's okay, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I never meant to hurt you, little one. I just wanted to save you. I'm sorry that it ran out of control, I should've had my emotions under better control and I truly am sorry." I thought he wanted to calm me down but he apologized instead. I didn't know he was still blaming himself for doing that. I understood his motives and I would probably have done the same thing in order to save him. I looked up at him and saw a few tears in his eyes.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm not mad at you. I'm grateful that you did what you did. Otherwise he would still be here hurting me." My voice cracked as I remembered all the horrible things he'd done to me. I loved him, or at least I thought I would, but he was a monster and my Master came to save me. I slowly wiped his tears away with my thumb and my finger trailed off his cheek. I stared into his eyes and he stared back in mine. We remained like this for a moment and he slowly lowered his head towards mine while I came closer and closer to his. My gaze fell from his eyes to his lips and in this moment I knew exactly what I wanted. I didn't want Lux or any other guy; I wanted my Master. I didn't realize how close our lips already were until our lips finally touched in a loving kiss. My palmed held his cheek and he held me in his save arms. It was beautiful and it felt so different from when Lux had used to kiss me. I smiled during the kiss; something I've almost never done when Lux had kissed me. I felt so loved and it felt so amazing but then I remembered who I was kissing; my Master. This wasn't right though it might felt that way. I shouldn't be kissing my Master. I pulled away from him, looked at his lips a last time and then ran into my room closing the door behind me. I could sense Anakin's shock in the force; I just hoped the other Masters wouldn't sense it. I lied on my bed crying, again. It seriously started annoying me that I was always crying, I thought I was over that phase but obviously I wasn't. I was trapped in a quandary; I wanted my Master, I never wanted someone else as bad as I wanted my Master right now but I knew it was wrong. My relationship with Lux was a big mistake and the Council is going to freak out about it but if they'd find out about Anakin and me it would be even worse. He's my Master nothing more, I should forget about what had happened just minutes before but I couldn't; I didn't want to. It felt so good and I wanted to feel it again.

I cried, I cried quite a little time and when I ruffed myself back together it was already afternoon. I slowly and carefully opened the door and peeked out of it. I couldn't see my Master and that was good, I didn't want to see him. I went out of my room and into the living area. I still needed to write my report. I sat down on the couch and took the data pad in my hands as I noticed Anakin coming towards me. I sighed heavily and looked at him. He smiled sadly but sat down next to me with a little space between us.

"Ahsoka, listen, I know I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry; I can understand why you're upset with me. You just lost your boyfriend and then I came and I'm sorry." He told me but I didn't really pay attention. I wanted to forget the kiss but it didn't work. I told myself this hadn't really happened but I knew it had; this wasn't even my biggest problem though, my biggest problem was that that I wanted to do it again and that was wrong. I shouldn't be kissing my Master, also I knew he was married to Padme, he shouldn't be kissing me either.

"Wait." I said before he could go on. I was struggling whether to tell him the truth or not; I knew I would end up telling him the truth anyways so I decided being honest with him from the beginning would be better. "I'm not upset with you." My voice was small and I wasn't quite sure whether he should know; I was afraid of his reaction. "I'm more upset with myself. I wanted to kiss you and it felt so good but there is so much going on right now, you are married to Padme and I was in a relationship until yesterday. I've been in love with you for so long…" I trailed off. He kneeled down in front of me and looked in my eyes. I tried to avoid his eyes. He was probably disappointed in me; he always wanted me to be a perfect Jedi, and falling in love and kissing wasn't things a Jedi would do. His hand reached out and he gripped my chin carefully making me look back in his eyes.

"Why did you never tell me?" He asked a little hurt. I was surprised by his reaction though. I thought he would freak out but he somehow seemed to understand.

"I, I don't know. I knew you are married to Padme and, and I thought no one would ever love me." A few tears were back in my eyes and I tried to look away from him; he didn't let me. He held onto me.

"Ahsoka, you should have told me. We could have figured something out." He looked at the ground obviously thinking whether he should go on or not. "I've fallen in love with you a long time ago, Ahsoka. I just never thought you would feel the same way." I was shocked. Did he really just say that? He, he was with Padme and now he told me he was in love with me. Why? Why would he love me?

"Don't look so shocked, Ahsoka." He laughed slightly. I still couldn't believe what he'd just said.

"You're in love with me?" I asked still not believing it. He nodded and smiled at me shyly. "But, but you're with Padme." I managed to say. He looked at the ground and I could tell he was ashamed. Why? Force, everything was so confusing right now.

"Things between Padme and me aren't going well. We were only fighting the last year and lately we're considering getting divorced. It just doesn't work out with her anymore. I don't love her the way I love you; I never did." I didn't expect that, I thought he was happy with Padme; he never told me about his problems with her, but on the other side, there had happened lots of things I hadn't expected recently. I stared at him and he probably thought I was going insane; I probably was though.

"But how, how can you love me? I'm nothing special!" That was true. I was nothing special. I was just an ordinary girl that got hurt a lot due to the fact that she held her hopes a little too high.

"Ahsoka, I love you because you are the most amazing woman I've ever seen. You are smart, athletic, and funny and you always make me smile. You're not ordinary, you're someone special and I love you." I smiled widely; it was a real smile, not faked. He smiled as well and we both laughed together.

"I thought no one would ever love me." I said after a little time and looked at the ground.

"But I do love you with all my heart. I love you more than anything else in this galaxy, do you believe me?" He asked and I nodded slowly. Yes, I did believe him but I was scared that I would get hurt again.

"May I kiss you now?" He asked gentlemanly. I smiled and leaned forward and our lips touched once again in a passionate kiss.

Please tell me what you think so far!

-Svenja