Chapter 6! There will probably be one or two chapters left in this story. Yeah, it's almost over. But hopefully you guys enjoy this chapter! There's a bit of a revelation in store.
Depressing songs for this chapter: "Lose You" by Pete Yorn and "Breathe No More" by Evanescence.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Merlin.
A month.
Had it really been a month?
It seemed so surreal to Arthur at this point, knowing that it was three weeks since the funeral, a month since he last saw Merlin alive. It felt like a lifetime, an eternity, ago.
There was still that pang in the morning, that harsh reminder every day that it's one more day without Merlin at his side. There were still nights where he would have such wonderful dreams of pressing kisses and soft embraces from a lifetime that seemed so far away now, and then he'd wake sobbing because it would never last.
There was still Arthur, who missed Merlin so damn much that it hurt to breathe sometime. It hurt to live without him.
But he survived this far.
His friends were a tremendous help. Morgana was always the one he went to first, seeing as though it was his sister and he lived with her. He turned to Gwen for her kindness and gentle soul, reveling in the calm he felt after she kissed his temple and sinking sillingly into her hugs. that reminded him of his own mother, unconsciously needed that maternal care as she stroked his hair after a hard day. Lance, Percival, Leon, Elyan were there if he was up for going out, surprising Arthur time and time again with their endless patience when he grew quiet or when all he wanted to do was get shit-faced drunk to the point of blubbering incoherency, making sure he made it home safe. Even Will was there, providing Arthur with a harsh declaration that Arthur needed to get himself together whenever things became too much. Will was always good for tough love, yet he still displayed empathy towards Arthur's pain, and Arthur was grateful for that.
Surprisingly enough, out of all his friends, Gwaine was the one that helped the most.
Gwaine and Arthur grew even closer during the three weeks since the funeral, so much so that somehow, without realizing it, Gwaine became Arthur's best friend. When the agony, which sometimes seemed as raw as the first moment he experienced it, snuck up on him, when talking to the others didn't help, he called Gwaine, who was always ready with a strong demeanor, a listening ear, and a flask of whiskey.
During these times, he stayed at Gwaine's, crashing on the couch after an emotional night of drinking and recounting fond and still painful memories of his relationship with Merlin.
It was on one of these nights that Gwaine found out just what happened the night Merlin died. It was also on this same night where a particularly brutal nightmare plagued Arthur's mind.
xXx
"Father, may I talk to you?"
"No father, please-"
"I will not have you succumb to this abomination!"
"Father, I love him!"
"You're to go nowhere near that boy!"
"What's going on?"
"Merlin, no-!"
"You! You stay away from my son! Get out of my house!"
"Arthur-!"
"Father, no!"
"You're never to return, you're to forget Arthur and keep your filthy-"
"STOP THIS! You leave him alone! I love Merlin and-"
"Uther?!"
"Get out!"
Arthur caught the scream as it was leaving his throat, leaving him wide awake, heart pounding furiously in his chest, eyes and throat burning. A gut-wrenching sob erupted from deep in his chest, and he pressed the heels of his hands to his streaming eyes, teeth clenched tightly as he fought to keep his cries quiet.
"You kept calling for your father."
A wild gasp, and Arthur saw Gwaine sitting in the armchair nearest to the couch, a calm expression on his face, hair tousled, lids half-shut in drowsiness.
"You kept telling him to stop," Gwaine continued when Arthur didn't speak. "You… You called for Merlin too."
Arthur gulped, inhaling and exhaling shakily from his nostrils. Tears continued to fall down his ashen cheeks, but he made no move to wipe them away, at the moment not giving a damn that Gwaine was seeing him cry.
Gwaine took a deep breath and scratched his head. "You don't have to tell me," he whispered roughly. "But… Do you want me to stay here for a while?"
Gwaine's friendship was still quite new, and it took Arthur a moment for it to sink in just how grateful he was to have Gwaine there before he nodded slowly, looking back up at the white ceiling. He observed the single crack above him, cerulean eyes tracing the path and pattern as he gathered his thoughts.
A few moments later he heard the steady breathing that signaled Gwaine had dozed off and he sighed, suddenly overcome with the urge to tell someone, even though Gwaine was dead to the world. So he began to speak.
"We were talking about telling people about us," Arthur muttered, a little startled at how horrible his voice sounded. "His mother and Gaius already knew about us. I think my mother did too. I told Morgana a while back, but she had already guessed by then. The only one left besides you all was my father."
Arthur closed his eyes, his mind thrown back to that day, reliving it in vivid detail. "Merlin was over that day, and I left him in the kitchen with my mother so I could talk to my father. I walked into his study and I asked him if we could talk."
"Father, may I talk to you?"
"I didn't know how to approach it," Arthur continued. "He interrupted me, though, to talk about this daughter of a fellow business partner who had shown interest in me, and he was encouraging me to ask her to dinner. When I refused, he got confused. I kept trying to tell him, he kept urging, and then I just blurted it out."
"No father, please-"
"I will not have you succumb to this abomination!"
"Father, I love him!"
"You're to go nowhere near that boy!"
"He went completely mental," Arthur's voice quivered, recalling the wrath of his father he encountered that day. "Screaming at me, calling what Merlin and I had an abomination. He was screaming, I was screaming. And then Merlin walked in."
"What's going on?"
"Merlin, no-!"
"You! You stay away from my son! Get out of my house!"
"Arthur-!"
Arthur exhaled, pausing for a moment to regain his composure. He rubbed his hand across his face and continued. "I kept myself in front of him. I didn't know what father might have done had he gotten his hands on him. He was insulting him, cursing at him, telling him that he was to go no where near me and that he was not welcome in the house anymore…"
"Father, no!"
"You're never to return, you're to forget Arthur and keep your filthy-"
"I begged him." He went on, despite the fresh tears trekking past his lids. "For the first time since I was a child, I begged him to listen, to try to understand, and I kept telling him that I loved Merlin, but he wouldn't listen. My mother ran in then to try to stop my father.."
"STOP THIS! You leave him alone! I love Merlin and-"
"Uther?!"
"Get out!"
It was then that Arthur noticed the feeling that someone was watching him, and he rolled his head to the side to see Gwaine, wide awake, and staring with eyes full of bewilderment and shining bright, even in the darkness of the room.
Arthur sniffed. "He made him leave. Merlin ran out, and I followed him. He kept apologizing." Here, Arthur let out a huff of humorless laughter. "Sorry for what? What the hell did he have to be sorry for? For loving me? For the fact that I loved him?... He told me that for now he would stay away from Uther's house- that he'd stay away for the day and hopefully things would calm down. He promised to call me later that night when he got home. Then… Then he kissed me, got into his car, and drove away."
"I'm sorry, Arthur, I'm so, so sorry."
"Merlin, what on earth on you talking about?"
"I-"
"No! You've nothing to apologize for, now please, don't leave! I-I'm the one that should be sorry that he reacted like that. I swear, I'm going to-"
"No, don't! Arthur, no. It's your father."
"After what he said to you?!"
"Even though we didn't hope for it, we both knew that this was one of the possible scenarios that would have gone down."
"Merlin-"
"Shhhh. It's okay. I'll leave for now, I won't stay away forever, just long enough for Uther to hopefully calm down. This isn't the end, Arthur."
"Damn right it isn't. I'll make him see sense. I'll make him see how wrong he is, I'll make him see that I love you and that we're not. Splitting. Up."
A soft quirk of the lips. "Well, until then, I'll stay away from here. I-I should get going now, I can hear him calling for you. Hey… I love you. I'll call you when I get home."
Gwaine barely moved at all during Arthur's tale, but now he moved his gaze downcast. Arthur ignored the glimmer that fell from Gwaine's face.
"He never called me that night," Arthur whispered. "Found out from Gaius the next day that on the way home, Merlin lost control of the car while driving down that country lane to his house."
He licked his lips, tasting the salt of his tears that made it to his mouth. "I blamed my father at first. He was the one that sent Merlin away, he hated him as soon as I revealed that we were together. I was so angry at him, so furious that he robbed Merlin from me like that, but… it wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's. I know that now."
"... I never liked Uther,," Gwaine answered eventually, looking back up. His eyes were red, not from the lack of sleep. "No disrespect, mate, but your father and I... never saw eye to eye. But I think you should talk to him. This is killing you, Arthur. You need to make peace with him."
Arthur bit his bottom lip worriedly. "I don't know if I can."
"You can."
"What if he doesn't want to talk? What if he refuses to listen?"
"He does," Gwaine answered. "And if he doesn't… Make him."