Okay, here is the usual disclaimer: I do not own supernatural, nor any character created by the show, nor some of the ones in this story 'cause I stole them from almost 'real' life (my friends). Nor am I making any money from this unless my friends try and bribe me not to put it up, but I will anyway, so alas no money.
A/N: Well I'm back and as I post this I am indeed wearing black, lol. Looks like I'm back and the muses are too, good thing otherwise this would be more pathetic than usual. I have a few more stories in the works will be updating again soon and hope to hear back what people think after my long absence.
Beta'd: by the dear Maz Kazama who filled in the blanks and pointed out my confused sentence structures and general plot holes.
Good writing
Serenity for all
Sincerely Rae Artemis
Jumping Across the Pond
"Keys, keys, keys," Maria 'Maz' Kazama sing-songed to herself, tearing the cushions off her sofa in a desperate search for her flat's keys, "oh wherever did I put those blasted keys?"
"Looking for these?"
A metallic jangling came from behind her, causing her to turn quickly eyes already glued to her watch face, checking to see if she was late yet.
"Damn, damn, damn! I'm going to be late if…I, uh…" her voice trailed off as recognition sank in. Suddenly the sofa seemed to jump up and hit Maria in the backside, jarring her brain against the top of her skull. "You, you, you," Maria shook her head hard to try and restart her tongue, "you're, you're, you're-"
"Yeah, we are, you're not, and yes this is really happening," Dean responded anticipating the usual questions people had with their first encounter with the figmentary figures of Sam and himself. He threw Sam a smirk before dropping with boneless grace onto bumping Maria slightly. Maria jumps up with surprise, bumping into a all too solid Sam, before finding herself in the middle of her living room staring at both Winchester brothers, now seated on her sofa, Sam fiddling with the floral-print slip cover and Dean smirking knowingly at her.
"Easy no Maz, we just came to chat and-" Sam has his hands up, speaking gently as if speaking to a jumper on a ledge.
"Hey, you got anything to eat?" Dean stretched, poised to put his boots on the coaster-strewn coffee table. It is this breach of Maria's house rules that breaks her out of her reverie.
Dean's boots barely kissed the top of the table when Maz walks over to him and swats his feet off the table, straightening the displaced coaster with special care.
"Oh, sorry," Dean yanked his feet out of her way and grinned sheepishly at Sam, who behind Maz was gesturing his displeasure at Dean's behaviour. "So, uh I know it's seven at night here but we just jumped from the states and its lunch time there. Have you had dinner yet?"
Maria just stared at them with no little amount of shock, still working her mind around the fact that they were in fact here, speaking to her, in her flat.
"Of course it's the night that I am supposed to meet up with my sparing partner for a workout," Maria sighed, glancing at her watch to see time really was speeding by, "but how often does one have a chance like this, right?"
"Um, more often for some than you might think actually," Sam, replied thoughtfully, recalling their many visitations upon un-suspecting fans. "I mean, that is to say, we've run into a few people like this as Rae may have mentioned to you."
"Yeah she mentioned it but I just thought she was insane," Maria was interrupted by the phone ringing, which Dean answered.
"Hello? Hello? Maria? No, there's no Maria here. Oh wait, do you mean Maz?" Dean held his hand over the phone, "Is your name really Maria?"
"Yes, hand it over," she grabbed the phone from Dean "hello?"
"Who was that?" Maria rolled her eyes as her mother's voice took on the nosey tone she loathed so much. "Was it John? Is Steve over there? Aren't you supposed to be sparring right now anyway?"
"Yes mom, but I'm feeling a bit under the weather so I'm going to skip tonight and just stay in," Maria knew enough not to try and fake sounding ill to her mother as she'd be seen through in a second.
"Did you want me to bring some soup over? Do you have a fever? It's not the flu is it? Perhaps you should go to the hospital?" Maria fought the urge to grind her teeth as her mother began mother-henning her.
"No Mom, I'm fine. I don't have a fever, I don't have the flu, I'm just a little rundown and could use a night off."
"Are you sure you don't want me to bring over some soup? It won't take terribly long," her mother's voice took on a wheedling tone.
"No Mum, honestly I'm fine, really," Maria turned as Dean began to rifle through her fridge clanging jars together and sorting through to try and discover something edible. "Mum, I'm just going to go and lie down, thanks for calling. Goodnight."
Maria thankfully hang up the phone, before quickly dialling her sparring partner Atif, getting the voicemail she quickly left a message informing him that she wasn't going to make it in. Turning back to Sam she was met by an up close and personal space invasion by Dean who had raided her takeout menus off the fridge, holding them up with sincere hope in his eyes.
"Can we PLEASE order some food? I don't want to sound like a bad imaginary houseguest but there's next to nothing in your fridge and I am starving!" Dean held up the plethora of pamphlets, waving them back and forth tantalizingly.
"I do so have food in my fridge," Maria replied trying to mask her indignation, she walked over to the fridge, Sam and Dean trailing behind her. Sam opened up the old fridge and found it was not empty, as Dean had claimed rather it was empty of any source of junk food.
"There is too food, its just healthy stuff, sprouts, tofu, oh you see that green tree-like vegetable Dean? That's called broccoli, its good for you," Sam grinned as Dean hit him over the head with the pamphlets.
"Just because its good for you doesn't mean it tastes good," Dean groused sullenly.
"Hey weren't you the one who told me that each and every vegetables had a grain of sugar inside?" Sam asked gently elbowing Dean in the ribs.
"That was just because of that Tommy kid in your fifth grade class. He told you that veggies were created by aliens to control human kind and you were stupid enough to believe it," Dean shot back. "You should have seen him, he runs back from school one day and starts emptying out the fridge of every since green veggie we have in the hotel room, clears the cupboards of all the canned peas and beans and everything else that looks remotely green," Sam had his hands over his eyes attempting to erase the event of gullibility from his memory. "He even tossed the fake potted plants that were in the hotel room."
"Oh Sammy, tell me you didn't believe that? Really?" Maria couldn't help but laugh at the hound-dog expression on Sam's face.
"Not only did he believe it he tried to convince me of it, spent the entire night with a flashlight and a baseball bat at the ready. It didn't help that there were odd deaths in the town, Dad was hunting down something and so the rumour mill was running. Poor lil'Sammy here didn't know about the family business yet, and it was right around the time X-Files was starting so aliens were on TV a lot. The geek here watched X-Files religiously."
"I'll have you know that Tommy had a very convincing argument and you weren't that convincing when you told m there weren't any aliens, its like you wanted me to be freaked out," Sam growled back, obviously irritated at Dean's gleeful recollection. Fortunately Maria's mobile rang and she got to excuse herself from what was amping up to be an embarrassing story contest.
"Hello?" Maria muttered into the phone, Dean following her over, displaying takeout menus with quiet desperation. "Hey Atif, yeah I'm not really feeling well, might be coming down with something and as I don't think you want me to share it with you I'm going to stay in tonight. Yeah, I think I'll be okay for later, maybe tomorrow, yeah, yeah see you later, bye."
Maria no sooner hung up the phone than Dean collapsed to the floor in front of her. She dropped to her knees to check to see if he was conscious and was joined by Sam who was desperately feeling Dean's neck checking for a pulse.
"Geez that last hurt!Dean fic must have taken more out of him than I thought, he's-" Sam stopped as Dean's eyes fluttered open and he grasped Sam's shirt collar.
"Food, need food," Dean gasped before lapsing back into his fake-swoon, running it with a smirk.
"Jerk," Sam muttered, dropping Dean's head back onto the pale blue linoleum, "you really are a jerk sometimes. You scared me to death."
"Bitch," the elder Winchester tossed back, jumping back to his feet, grinning broadly at his tasteless joke, "besides I really am starving so can we either order something or make a run to some grocery store?"
Sam offered Maz a hand up and squelched a smile as she took the time to brush off her track pants before accepting his outstretched hand.
"Thank you, well should we feed the beast? Or leave him to suffer?" She arched her eyebrow with fake evil malice.
"I don't know…" Sam began as Dean waved the take out menus again Maria went over and began to pick through them, attempting to find something that would appeal to all three, healthy, tasty, fast, and preferably cheap.
"How about Indian?"
"Wait like India? Or the people from who the North Americans' stole all that land from?" Dean asked, Sam looking at him blankly, "what? I really wanna know, it could happen."
"Uh, the people from India kind. There's this great place close to here Royal Thawa, they have this great meal deal, lots of food and great service. Shall I?" Garnering nods all around Maria called in a 'set me for one'. "Should just be a half an hour or so."
"Are you sure a dinner for one will be enough?" Dean asked, rummaging in the fridge for a beer.
"I order there all the time and a set for one is enough to last me a couple of days, really trust me on this there will be a ton of food. Oh did you want something to drink?" Maria went to the freezer and pulled out a good bottle of vodka.
"Bingo!" Dean dropped the takeout menus on the counter and began searching the cupboards for glasses. "By chance you got any whiskey?"
"Um, the cupboard above the fridge, I got some for Christmas from a buddy of mine, he says it's the good stuff but I haven't tried it yet."
"No time like the present then," he replied, glasses clinking together as he placed them on the countertop. Maria noticed that Sam was being very quiet, standing in the corner out of the way. "Do you have any coolers for the Sasquatch over there? As I'm sure you know he's not a drinker at all," Dean smirked at Sam who rolled his eyes at Dean.
"Got any decent beers?" Sam asked skulking towards the fridge looking to check for a beer, all he found was Innis&Gunn and Guiness neither of which was remotely familiar at all. "Can you recommend either of these two?"
"Go with the Guiness , the Innis&Gunn is my flatmate's so not up for grabs," Maria offered over her shoulder, as she mixed herself a Vodka, lime and lemonade and sat down at the broken in kitchen table, putting her bare feet up on the chair beside her. Dean moseyed over and sprawled into the chair opposite with Sam bringing up the rear, beer in hand.
"So, what should we do to kill time before food gets here?" Sam asked, fiddling with the beer's label. "Got any cards? Poker?"
"Strip poker?" Dean leered appreciatively at Maz who paused with the glass to her lips before she burst out laughing. "What? I thought all people liked poker?"
"Oh that's too much sorry, I just, sorry," Maria had to brace herself against the table as she continued to laugh at Dean's mock-hurt expression, he found no sympathy from Sam who was also fighting hysterical giggles at Dean's expense.
*DING DONG*
"Saved by the bell eh Dean?" Sam chuckled as Maz padded towards the doors wallet in hand and smirk pasted on her face.
"Shut up Sam, just shut up."
"Her name is Maria by the way Dean, Maz is just her screen name," Sam's taunt followed Dean as he wandered out of the kitchen to help Maz with the delievered food.