Okay, here is the usual disclaimer: I do not own supernatural, nor any character created by the show, nor some of the ones in this story 'cause I stole them from almost 'real' life (my friends). Nor am I making any money from this unless my friends try and bribe me not to put it up, but I will anyway, so alas no money.
Beta'd: Maz and Ellen, you both gave me a lot of help and encouragement you're awesome!
Special dedication: To all those who must be careful to avoid spoilers due to geography, timing or in Ellen's case lack of cable, good luck staying un-spoiled.
Good writing
Serenity for all
Sincerely Rae Artemis
Warning: This contains
Spoilers for Season
Five Episode Ten:
Abandon All Hope.
Do Not If You Do Not
Want To Be Spoiled
18 Where There's Smoke Alarms There's Spoilers
"Damn it."
*beep*
"Damn it."
*beep*
"Damn –" Ellen paused glaring at the infernal device, its red blinking eye mocking her cruelly.
*beep*
"IT!" She leapt to her feet, the bed jostling with the sudden movement.
*beep*
"That's it!" Ellen dropped to the floor and began collecting her textbooks before scribbling on her notepad that she would be back before eleven.
*beep*
"Just gotta have the last word, don't you?" Ellen growled at the white plastic entombed red-eyed demon.
*beep*
Admirably resisting the urge to slam the door on the inanimate object, Ellen gently closed it before stomping off to the student run coffee shop, the Daily Grind. Hopefully she could get some studying done amid the peace and quiet of clinking dishware and murmured conversation.
*beep*
"Argh!" Sam grunted as Dean hopped onto his left foot, "what the hell man?" He shoved Dean away and onto Ellen's bed. Dean landed on his back, wrinkling the light blue comforter with the effort to keep his boots off it.
*beep*
Both brothers craned their necks upward at the much-cursed smoke alarm.
"Sorry Sammy," Dean smirked at his brother from his prone position on the bed, "that damned-"
*beep*
"Thing startled me," he finished lamely already annoyed with the red-eyed blinking smoke detector.
*beep*
"Ellen went to the Daily Grind as the smoke alarm was driving her crazy," Sam read off the note left on the desk.
*beep*
"I don't blame her," Dean muttered, engaged in a one-sided staring contest with the mocking device.
*beep*
"I gotta do Sammy, I gotta take out the battery," Dean growled as the red-eye watched them. He dragged Ellen's desk chair over and mounted it coming eye-to-eye with the-
*beep*
"I don't think that's a good idea Dean. In the apartment Jess and I were in had one of those and it was wired into the electrical system and-"
*beep*
*beep*
*beep*
*beep*
*beep*
"Dean?"
*beep*
"Yeah Sammy?"
*beep*
"You pulled the-" *beep* "battery didn't you?"
*beep*
"Maybe."
*beep*
"I tried to-" *beep* "warn-"
"Shut up-" *beep* "Sam."
Ellen and a woman wearing a maintenance uniform rushed in, hands clamping over their ears as the beeps turned into a high pitched shriek.
"I told you I'd get to it," bellowed the maintenance woman over the continuous shrieking.
"It wasn't me, I just got home!" Ellen protested, glaring at Sam and Dean, "you met me on the stairs outside, remember?"
The maintenance woman grabbed the chair from where Dean had deftly replaced it un-noticed during the cacophony of noise.
Sam joined Ellen in glaring at Dean as the shrieking continued to burrow through is temples. All Dean could do was shrug apologetically at them, as he was unable to take his hands away from his ears.
Finally after a long minute of tinkering and too quiet cursing about impatient students the horrible noise ended, though a ghost of it remained humming against their eardrums.
"There," she stepped down wiping her dusty hands on her coveralls. "Odd, the battery came undone but the face hadn't been opened at all. Still dusty in fact, and no marks of screwdrivers either," she looked at Ellen mildly confused. "Strange that," her eyes lingered on the space that Dean and Sam occupied, almost perceiving them.
"Well, um, thank you so much," Ellen began, hurrying her out, politely but firmly. Dean heard her making some nonsensical explanation as to how multiple earthquakes could of have loosened the battery enough to have it disconnect and set off the alarm. It was the gentle stomping back up the stairs that warned the Winchesters she was returning.
"Did she buy the earthquake theory?" Sam asked as Ellen came back through the door, gratefully falling back onto her bed.
"Who did it?" Ellen asked eyes closed, fatigue flowing from her every line.
"Well it turned out for the best right?" Dean asked hopefully, edging towards the door, only to be blocked by Sammy, arms crossed unmovable.
"It was Dean wasn't it?" Ellen asked Sam, who nodded solemnly unseen by Ellen who was still relaxed on the bed, her eyes tightly shut.
"I'm just saying that the beep is gone right?" Dean offered, eyes searching around the room looking for an escape.
"Dean just admit it was you," she demanded, sitting up on the bed looking meaningfully at Sam. Dean turned to see what Ellen was looking at when a pillow struck him in the back of the head.
"Hey!" As he turned to face Ellen, another pillow hit him, sending him stumbling towards the bed, once more within reach of another pillow attack. Before he knew it Dean was on the bed being pummeled by pillows, no possible escape or mercy. Finally they stopped their attack, but only after their arms tired. Dean found himself buried under all the pillows Ellen own as well as her few of her stuffed animals.
"Truce." Ellen offered, Sam nodding enthusiastically as he saw Dean's hand reaching for a pillow in retaliation.
"Fine, truce," Dean sighed dropping the pillow and laying back on the heap of pillows.
"You guys want anything to eat?" Ellen climbed over the pile that Dean had been trapped under towards her milk crate that held her snacks beside the mini-fridge of beverages. "I've got some white cheddar popcorn, uh, some kettle chips, some old valentine's chocolates and a couple health drinks." Ellen gave Sam a knowing look.
"What kind of kettle chips?" Dean asked yawning into a fuzzy bear that lay on his shoulder.
"Um, the yellow bagged ones?" she offered, returning a yawn of her own as she continued her determined search.
"New York Cheddar," Sam corrected absent-mindedly as he stared at Ellen's desk and its new inhabitant, a red beta fish in a classic fish bowl, sparkly castle included. "What's this guy's name?"
"Doesn't have one yet," Ellen replied digging through the milk crate for the Hersey Hugs she thought had been in there earlier. "I've been considering a few different ones, any suggestions guys? He and I are both open to ideas?"
"Crowley?"
"Who?" Ellen asked, still intent on trying to find the Hugs that had been there.
"How about Meg? With that bitch being Lucifer's new lap dog I could use a little helpless creature at my mercy named Meg," Sam suggested a mocking smile curling his lips.
"What? She's what?" Ellen paused in her search for the chocolate goodies, a sinking feeling developing in her stomach.
"He's red so why not Lucifer?" Dean offered his hands twitching at the memory of his failure with the devil. "At least if we shot this little guy in the face he'd die, unlike that bastard angel."
"Guys! I can't believe you just did that!"
"Did what?" Dean asked, distracted from throttling the teddy bear on his shoulder.
"You guys just spoiled me, I haven't seen that yet!" Ellen groaned, debating between cursing them out or just kicking them out.
"At least I didn't mention how Jo and Ellen are dea-" Dean attempted before Sam's hand clamped over his mouth to stop further spoiling of Ellen.
"I'm so sorry Ellen, we didn't realize…" Sam began but seeing the expression on Ellen's face, a mixture of disillusionment and grief he grabbed Dean and they disappeared, literally. The last thinking she heard as they faded out was, "sorry, its too late but sorry."
Ellen clenched her fists one more time before settling down to her schoolwork, desperately trying to forget the spoilers she had just been exposed to.
It wasn't until the day her burnt DVD appeared did she finally find the DVD that had been left in the player as an apology. The black sharpie marker title was in Sam's readable scrawl it read:
Sorry to have ruined the surprise hopefully
this will make you smile and yes we did call
in a favor or two for this – Sammy and Dean
"Huh?" Ellen paused to stare disbelievingly at the disc innocently sitting in her DVD player, what they might mean by their apology note. "Well, only one way to find out what's on it," she muttered pushing the DVD in with a nervous hand, it began to play automatically. She settled back on her bed, serendipitously removing her shoes.
A hand drawn title card read:
A Sammy/Dean Production
Supernatural:
S05E10: Abandon All Hope
Starring: Sammy and Dean
With Special Guest Stars:
Castiel, Pamela & Crowley
The scene opened in Ellen's stairway, darkened and attempting gloomy, though the cheery sky blue belied it. Castiel walked up the stairs, staring directly into the camera, cell phone in his hand and a nervous look on his face. He stopped at the far end of the landing still within three feet of Dean and whom Ellen had to assume was Crowley. Dean was dressed as a different character as he was wearing a suit with a pillow stuffed down the front to look fat, with a bald cap. To complete the illusion he wore a nametag that stated he was an 'Evil corrupt banker'.
"So you want a bailout for your gluttonous ways that dragged your bank into debt then?" Crowley purred, leaning in close to Dean who glared at him stepping backwards.
"I uh, I thought I was going to deal with the hot chick who I spoke to before?" Dean stammered, a nervous sweat forming on his forehead. "She said the deal would be, uh, sealed with a kiss?"
"And so it shall be," Crowley replied, smirking at Dean's discomfort, stepping closer forcing Dean back against the wall. "What's wrong with you? Are you going to let over forty years of homophobia keep you from a sweet juicy bailout?"
"Uh," Dean's eyes looked desperately at the camera, "Sam I thought we were going to gloss over this part?" His hands came up pushing Crowley and his puckering lips backwards, and away from his face.
"Dean, you messed up this episode for Ellen so suck it up," came Sam's disembodied voice from behind the camera. "And you lost the coin toss so suck it up."
"Best two out of three?" Dean pleaded with the camera, shoulders against the wall with Crowley moving in for the kiss, "seriously man I don't want to do-"
He was abruptly cut off as his lips were sealed by Crowley's, his arms however waved wildly and ferociously in unspoken denial of what was going on. The camera whipped over to Castiel, so fast that Ellen felt a little ill as the fast change, similar to her feelings during the Blair Witch movie.
Castiel froze like a bunny-rabbit in the headlights of an oncoming 18-wheeler as the camera settled on him, eyes staring directly into the lens, fear covering the angel uncharacteristically.
"Cas, call Dean," Sam whispered, the camera jiggling with some unknown action he was portraying to the cowering angel. "Call him and report in."
Castiel nodded quickly, overacting the simple actions and waiting for the ringing to actually begin. Dean's cell phone began to ring off camera and Dean's muted cursing, as he tried to retrieve his phone, filled the audio track.
"Dean, please answer your phone," Castiel whispered to unseen Dean off camera, "Sam seems to want me to speak to you on the phone, even though you are right there."
The video progressed with all the smoothness and professionalism of a kindergarten staged play, Ellen laughing manically throughout it. Crowley had been given all the demonic acting parts, even Meg whom he pulled off with surprising smoothness and ability, even when Meg (Crowley) and Lucifer (Crowley) had a discussion in front of Castiel. When it came to Jo(Pamela) and Ellen (Castiel) Harvelle's death scene Ellen actually fell from the end of bed, landing hard on her tailbone, laughing too hard to care.
Castiel had an onion held under his eyes to try and make him to cry, but the expression of confusion on his face ruined it. Ellen had wonder if he was trying for sad or hungry? Pamela did a heart-rending job at portraying Jo's death scene and so Castiel's stiff performance stood out even further. Tears pricked at her eyes as the scene ended with hand drawn cards describing the destruction of the building and obliteration of Jo and Ellen Harvelle cut to black.
The video wrapped up and Ellen stared blankly at the television, the burnt DVD with the proper episode completely forgotten. She sucked in breath to comment on the performances to the empty air around her but found that she had no words to even begin to describe what she had been subjected to. Shaking her head gently, Ellen found that the episode had gone beyond the usual forty-two minutes (without the commercials) by an hour or so, she could only guess that not everything she'd seen had been in the official episode and of course Castiel had been a bit slow in delivering his lines.
"Dean. Sam. Nice job, we're even," Ellen offered to the empty air, "feel free to drop by anytime."
No sooner were those words out of her mouth than there came a familiar knock on the doorframe, in which they stood.
"Please be honest," Dean asked with a glint in his eyes, "I'm a better actor than that Jensen guy right?"
A/N: This chapter was a conglomeration of a bunch of ideas from conversations with Ellen and a few near spoilings as well. Just thought it would be fun to see what would happen if the Winchesters did spoil someone and how they might take it, so obviously had to be a big one. Also anyone wondering why I used Crowley and Pamela instead of the Harvelles, their deaths are kinda hard to take and it was funnier.