Chapter 5: If I Ever Lost You
"Why would you do that, Phil!?" Dan shouted at me
"What did I do, Dan?" I asked concerned.
"You know what you did, Phil, don't pretend you don't know! How could anyone not know!" Dan shouted back.
I have no idea what Dan was talking about, I don't remember doing anything that would make him react this way, I would never ever want to make him this upset. I hated seeing him act this way. I was scared and I had no clue what was going on. I had no idea how to fix this and became frustrated with myself.
"Dan, please calm down and tell me what I did." I asked desperately.
"Oh come on, Phil, you know exactly what you did!" He said Putting on his shoes and giving me an angry look.
"Dan, what are you doing? I don't even know what I did! Please tell me so I can fix this!" I asked starting to cry.
"Do I really have to tell you? If you're too blind to see this, I don't think I need you!" Dan said putting his coat and hat on. "I can't believe he doesn't know. Pfft." He muttered to himself.
"Dan where are you going? Please don't leave! I need you, Dan!" I shouted, just about to burst out in tears.
I couldn't loose Dan, he was my best friend and I loved him way more than that. He can't leave, he couldn't. He was about to walk out the door and my heart was about to leave with him.
He was heading towards the door and, oh god what was I going to do? He was leaving and I was clueless. I had to do something, and act quickly. I loved him and I couldn't let him walk out that door.
"NO." I said running and putting my arms our to each side of the door, blocking it.
"Move, Phil" Dan said with a bit of disappointment in his sad and angry voice.
"NO." I said. " You are going to sit your ass down in the lounge and tell me what the hell is going on"
I hated being so mean and assertive towards Dan, but this was beginning to really annoy me. I loved him too much to let him walk out that door. I've said it once and I'll say it again, I was the oldest out of the both of us, and I was going to be the bigger person. If I had fight for Dan, I would, damn it.
"Phil, come on move." He said trying to nudge me away.
"I said no, now sit!" I said pointing to the lounge and nudging him, and keeping my hand on his back leading him to the sofa. He had no words to say so he just went into the lounge and sat down.
"Why are you doing this, Ph-" He began, but I cut him off.
"Now, you're going to tell me just what I did to make you so unhappy." I said looking him in the eye.
"Phil, I real-" He began but I cut him off again
"NO, you're going to sit here and tell me!" I shouted, angrily, standing up and crossing my arms.
"I specifically told you not to do this, but you did it anyway." He began standing up and looking at me a bit angry. "I told you I didn't want you to put that bit in your video, because I didn't want people to make a big fuss about it all, the touching, the long kiss, I didn't want our fans to see that! Now there's tweets, face book posts, and gifs of it all over the internet! Tweets calling me gay, face book posts telling people to un subscribe, and all that are all over the internet, Phil!" Dan said throwing his hat on the sofa and looking into my eyes, beginning to cry.
"Dan-" I began but he cut me off.
" I didn't want this to happen to either of us! I didn't want all the haters to have something else to spread around the world! You know a lot of people have big, huge problems with gays, or ever bisexual people! You know a lot of people don't and never will accept us, all they want to do is make our lives a living hell, and with that video all those people that are like that just added two others to their list. I Can't have that! And don't even think I'm only thinking of myself, because I know how things affect you and I know a lot about you that you didn't want me to know! I saw the blades in your dresser and all the bloody tissues, I don't need you feeling any worse than you already do, Phil. I love you, and with all the hate in this world, all these people committing suicide or just self-harming, I- I- I can't loose you! I can't have you hurting yourself anymore, and if you ever killed yourself, I don't know-" He said, cutting himself off with loads of tears running down his face. He looked me in the eyes and just broke down. He covered his face with his hands and fell to the floor on his knees, crying.
I immediately fall to the floor with tears running down my face and wrap my arms around him rubbing his back. After everything he had just said, I had no words.
He took in my embrace as soon as he felt me touch him and he wrapped his arms around my neck and cried into my shoulder. I lay my head on his and hug him even tighter, pulling him on my lap.
He's sat on my lap with his whole body facing mine and his legs wrapped around my upper waist, hugging me even tighter. I take away one hand to pet his hair, trying to calm him.
With him still tight up against and facing my body, I take his face in both my hands and kiss him. For a long while we stay there, connected by emotion, and the taste of Dan's sweet lips. He calms down enough to stop crying, and let the tears dry to his face. I pull away for a short second but Dan's face was still begging to be kissed, so I lean in and kiss him again.
My bum was starting to hurt from sitting on the floor for so long. I grab Dan and carefully I got up with his legs and arms still wrapped around me, and walked over to the sofa and sat down, carefully. His head was laid on my chest and his arms around my neck. He wasn't crying anymore but he was still sniffling like a child does after they cry.
I lay down on the sofa with Dan on top of me and I wrap one arm around him and with the other, I play with his hair. I could feel he was still crying, but not loud, because I felt my shirt begin to get wet where his eyes were. I didn't mind though.
With his arms still around my neck, he pulls his body us, to get his face closer to mine, and kisses me on the cheek and lays his head on my shoulder.
"Why didn't you let me leave earlier?" Dan asked so sweetly.
"I love you and if I let you leave, I would hate myself forever. True love is never found, but when it is, you have to fight for it, and never let it walk out that door." I said hugging his tightly.
He chuckled and pressed his face to my neck kissing it and wrapping his arms a bit tighter around me.
"I love you." Dan whispered in my ear.
"I love you, too." I said as I reached over and grabbed Lion and made him walk to Dan's face and kiss his nose. "Lion loves you." I added
"I love you , too, Lion." He said grabbing Lion and kissing him.
He then made Lion walk up on my cheek and said in a funny little voice, meaning it to be Lion, "Stop self-harming, ma and Dan love you way too much to let you do that, especially Dan"
"I will try my hardest, I promise, but this life is a crewel place, Lion, I'm just glad you and Dan are here to live it with me" I said to Lion. To surprise Dan, I, very quickly, grabbed him with one arm, sat up and with the other, I tickled him and kissed his forehead repeatedly, scaring him and making him laugh. He embraced Lion very closely so he wouldn't drop him and smashed his face into my chest.
On the sofa, embraced with each other, is where we feel asleep and stayed for the night. Dan snored a little, but it was incredible adorable and his mouth was open, indicating he was getting a cold, and he was drooling on me. It may sound strange, but that was adorable too. He tucked his arms under his body and put his hands into a fist and placed them under his chin, he was getting cold. I slowly sit up a bit with him still on me and grab the blanket that was just out of my reach and drape it over us.
I pet his hair and kissed his hair "Good night my sleepy angel, I love you so much, and am blessed to have you in my life" I said out loud to Dan as he slept.