So, first things first: you guys are really great. It was such a good feeling to explain what was going on, and have such wonderful support and kind words from you guys. I hope you like this chapter, a lot of it was written just after, and I've been trying to tweak it and keep it from getting angsty. I think it's pretty good, and we're definitely getting on with the plot.
Also, I've started a Christmas story based on Hans Christian Andersen's "The Snow Queen" and have already posted the prologue. The first chapter will be up soon and I'll be posting biweekly until Christmas.
Castiel went back to work Monday morning. He could no longer hold out, and it was clear that Dean would be swamped at work thanks to Halloween and the Wild Hunt, so there was really no point in hanging around the Winchester house.
In the office, he stared at Samandriel and was amazed to discover that he remembered everything about the boy. Samandriel smiled and they clasped forearms the way they had back in Heaven when they were in the same training areas together.
The day was not productive work-wise because word had spread through the office somehow that he was ill and taking off two weeks for some sort of treatment, so anyone he had ever come into contact with in his huge corporation decided they had to come by and tell him he looked good, give him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, sometimes a gift, or relay a story of something he had missed.
The good part about it was that before, when he was still trying to figure out what had happened to him, he had felt that he was surrounded by the Supernatural, but now that he was calmer and more in control, he could see much better that he was mostly surrounded by Humans with the odd Werewolf, Angel, Vampire, or Other in the minority.
By the evening, he was ready to return to Dean's house—their house—and relax, however. His wings were feeling cramped once more, and he was barely in his and Dean's bedroom before he was stripping off his shirt and undershirt, letting his wings out as he flexed them and breathed a sigh of relief. He stared at them in the mirror, realizing that they were a smooth deep blue, all traces of juvenile feathers gone. He flexed them forward so that the tips were in front of him and carded a hand through one, just to test. Smooth adult feathers traced against his fingers and he let them bob back to a resting position at his back.
"Huh," he said, twisting to get a better look at them in the mirror. When he had been in Heaven, vanity had been the least of his problems. Mirrors, images, all of that meant nothing. Here on Earth, however, he found himself captivated by the look of his wings sprouting so finely and symmetrically from his back.
He could remember admiring the forms of others, such as Lucifer and even Michael, but he couldn't really conjure a moment where he had thought so very much of himself. It was odd, to have his memories of his past life with his current memories of his current life. It was as though he were skating on two separate roads that ran parallel to each other, separated by a small bit of space. He was both an Angel and a Human at the same time. His heart beat, his lungs drew breath, he felt things like cold and heat and pain and…Dean. He felt Dean. It was like Dean was a consciousness thrumming just beneath his skin, a part of him.
He wanted to be near Dean, felt an overwhelming urge to just touch him, so he found his phone and smiled to see that Dean had already sent him a text asking him to meet him at The Roadhouse. Castiel tucked his wings away and put his shirt back on so he could do just that.
}O{
Castiel was surprised to find Michael sitting at the bar, drinking a beer and talking amiably with Sam.
"Castiel!"
Castiel nodded and took a seat next to Michael. "Hello, Michael."
Michael gave him a small smile, and just like that, Castiel was able to recall their entire history together, the way Michael had proposed they join forces, Castiel's heartbreak at Balthazar binding with Lucifer, the way he had been sure he was losing not only his best friend but his mentor, and Michael's proposition had seemed so nice. The best part was that there were to be no emotions involved.
"You just had your heart broken, Castiel. Can you honestly tell me you want more of the same? Bind with me," Michael said, stroking his hand down Castiel's cheek. "Don't you see, ours will be a union of minds."
Castiel gave a tight-lipped smile. "You know how to sweet talk an Angel, Michael."
Michael snorted. "Do you wish for words of love from me, dearest? Would you desire sonnets and love songs?"
"No, not from you," Castiel conceded. His heart was broken, he wasn't thinking rationally, and yet he couldn't dismiss Michael's proposition. "Tell me, are you heartbroken, Michael?"
The Archangel looked positively scandalized. "Certainly not! I would never run away with…emotion in that way."
"I'll think it over," Castiel said. He was at least aware that it was the wrong time to make such a momentous decision.
"Castiel?"
He looked at Michael in a new light now. "I'm sorry, Michael. I was just…remembering."
"You remember now? Everything?"
Castiel nodded. "My memories are intact. I simply require focus to bring them back."
Michael smiled and patted him on the back.
"Michael, I am truly sorry for breaking our engagement, however, I believe you…I believe perhaps you are happier now?"
Michael nodded and took a sip of his beer. "Yes, Castiel. You were right." His hand gripped Castiel's shoulder. "You were right."
Angels did not measure time because time did not exist for Angels. The concept of time is a human reality. For Humans, time is linear, filled with cause and effect, days, weeks, months…anything beyond a few years is incomprehensible to them. The significant factor is that time passed. Time passed for Castiel. How it might be measured against Human consciousness is immaterial. It was enough time to heal his wounded ego and to cause him to see more clearly the mistake he had made in accepting Michael's proposal.
Michael had promised him no romance, no love. Their relationship was polite, cordial, conventional. They respected each other, but there was no love. And enough time passed that Castiel began to crave that love.
"I made a mistake," he said. No preamble, no explanation. Michael would know what he meant.
"A mistake would be continuing to chase after the illusion of love," Michael answered, hardly looking up from his scrolls. War was brewing between Heaven and Hell. Michael would be leading the charge. He was going to leave Castiel in Heaven in leadership, his first test of their proposed relationship.
"No, Michael. It is a mistake to continue telling myself that I don't want it. That I don't hope to see a light of happiness in your eyes when you see me for the first time after a long absence, that I don't crave someone to hold me passionately."
"Love is weakness and you know it. We've talked this over, dearest. Love has brought you here."
Castiel shook his head. "No, lying to myself brought me here. Pretending that love doesn't matter is what brought me here."
Michael gave him his full attention. "What do you want, Castiel?"
"I wish to break our engagement."
"And when you realize that what you want is a pipe dream? That your idea of love is an illusion? Do you honestly think that those around us in love are truly happy?"
Castiel shook his head. "I know not. But I wish to find out."
Michael stood in front of him and held his arms. "Who will love you if you break our agreement, Castiel? Who will trust you to not leave them capriciously as you are now leaving me? Do you not see how your actions will affect all around you? You will be seen as inconstant and fickle!"
"I am willing to take that risk, Michael." He walked away from his fiancé then. He knew he had to do it.
"You were wise beyond even my years, Castiel," Michael conceded. "I had never thought to like this Earth, and certainly never thought to turn my eyes to a human."
"Do you still believe love makes you weak?"
Michael nodded. "Very. But in the best way."
They shared a smile. "What brings you in here tonight?"
"I can't lie and say I came to see you?" Michael asked with a smirk. When Castiel shook his head, he briefly explained about what Adam had told him regarding killing Azazel. "I thought I would find Loki and speak with him. I don't like to do it since he is a god and he stands against The Father, but I must do this for my mate."
Castiel nodded. "You will show him that you can care for his family."
"A benefit I am not sure he will welcome. He is very independent."
"I have noticed it is a shared trait amongst the brothers," Castiel mused. "But still, it sounds as though Adam is asking you to keep his brothers safe. As one is my mate, I cannot disagree with his sentiment. I have not seen Loki here since my first night. I believe Dean or Sam could tell you where he lives."
Michael slid his hand up Castiel's arm to his shoulder and leaned their foreheads together. "You love Dean."
Castiel chuckled deep in his chest. "I always knew you would have light in your eyes if you loved someone, Michael. You were never this affectionate with me. Not even when you were trying to convince me to change my mind."
"A deal, then," Michael said. "I will not give you up, Castiel. Not without a fight. I am still convinced that you are a True Match for me, so hear me out: We go to Earth. We embody as many of our kind have done, and I promise you that we will still find each other. We will still end up together. I know we will."
Castiel nodded. "Very well. I concede. But if I fall in love…you must allow me to follow my heart."
"You knew all along, that love would make me more of an Angel. A better Angel."
Castiel shook his head. "No, do not give me so much undue credit. I simply…you were vengeance and blood. The right arm of The Father Himself. You needed love, and not the sort of polite companionship that you suggested we share. You deserve passion, something to ground you. My Dean is a Hunter, and until he met me, he required an anchor or else he would have been lost in the Hunt, becoming nothing but a mindless slave to the never-ending chase. That is how we all are, Michael. Just as I could have lost myself to my powers if I had used them too soon in this mortal shell, you would have surely lost yourself to the sword had you not found Adam."
Michael pulled away from Castiel. "You are still wise beyond your years."
"You make me blush."
"It is not a false praise, Castiel. I do wish…" his hand went back to Castiel's shoulder, "…It would have been very nice if we could have loved each other."
"Agreed. But we are better with our Hunters."
Michael looked over Castiel's head. "And here yours is, staring at us with forlorn love in his eyes, worried that you are passing him over for the likes of me. Go to him. I will ask Sam about Loki."
Castiel turned to see just that. Dean was staring at him, green eyes huge and sad. He knew how it must look, that he and Michael were rekindling some sort of love. In a way they were, but he wasn't quite sure Dean would understand. He was not a celestial being; he did not comprehend the closeness born of several eons worth of friendship, loyalty, and brotherly love. Perhaps someday, but not yet.
Castiel didn't even say goodbye to Michael. He was too drawn by his mate. He walked straight to Dean without breaking eye contact, his other senses helping him to sidestep patrons and chairs and pool cues. He walked straight to Dean, grabbed his shirt and leaned up, rubbing the tips of their noses together a few times before joining their lips together once, twice, three times.
"Hello, Dean."
"Fuck, Cas! You can't just kiss a guy like that!"
Castiel smiled, gliding his hands down Dean's stomach and pulling on his belt loops to bring him closer, feeling the proof of his mate's arousal against his stomach. Dean grazed his lips over Castiel's forehead.
"Dean, please get our food to go. I'll meet you at home. It is time to finalize our bond."
Dean's breath hitched in his throat and Castiel kissed his neck in response. "Cas, you're killing me."
"Trust me, if I were intent on your demise, you would no longer be breathing. Now let's go home."
}O{
Dean never drove so fast in all his life. He wasn't even sure if Castiel meant what he thought he meant, but if he did, then…whoa. Boy. Dude.
They were going to finally have sex.
Awesome.
Oh God.
Wait.
More like, "Oh Castiel's Dad" because…Angel.
He knew Cas was an Angel. Why was this just suddenly freaking him out? He was hot for the little nerdy dude, so what was the problem? Come on, Winchester, get a grip. It's not like you haven't been thinking about it, and Cas is clearly okay with it. Balthazar and Lucifer seemed to think it was okay.
So why was he suddenly feeling cold feet?
He pulled into the driveway and tried to gather his thoughts.
"Okay, Dean," he said aloud, feeling like a freakin' moron, "pull it together. This is Cas. He wouldn't let you do anything sacrilegious or wrong. If he wants to get his freak on with us, we have no objection. We've been ready to go for ages now."
And with that, he got out of the car with the bag of food and went inside.
Oh good gravy. Was that Castiel's tie on the newel post? He picked up the monochrome grey-on-grey striped silk, letting it slide between his fingers. Castiel's jacket was hanging from the post on the landing. His pants were left rumpled up the second flight. Dean wasn't sure if he was disappointed that he wouldn't be allowed to unbutton him, or if it was hot as hell.
He settled on hot as hell. He could always unbutton Castiel at a later date.
Dean felt his heart pound at the thought. Castiel was going to be here tomorrow, the next day, week, year, decade…beyond what he could comprehend. Angel/Hunter bonds were forever. Even after Dean's death, they would have their own special place in Heaven where soul mates retire. That was the promise, at least. Until then, though, his lifeline would be tied in with Castiel's Grace, and his years would be extended to the triple digits.
In a way, Castiel would be doing for Dean what his friend Charlie's Fairy girlfriend would be doing for her.
Dean paused, staring at the white shirt currently draped just in front of his door.
Fuck his brain.
"Cas, I just had an idea."
"Really? And I was being so subtle."
That voice.
He opened the door, finding his Angel spread out on the bed on his belly, ass framed perfectly by dark blue briefs trimmed in white, wings spread out, starting in light blues at the top and ending in dark blues at the bottom. Oh holy hell.
His mouth went dry and all thoughts left his brain.
Wait, no, that was important. It was an important thought.
Castiel sat up on his knees and stretched his arms over his head, flexing his wings out. They were darker on the underside, a deep cobalt. Dean wanted to sink his fingers into those feathers…
"Wait, wait, I need to say this idea…"
Castiel walked on his knees to the end of the bed and slid his hands inside Dean's flannel, pushing it off his shoulders. "Want to show me instead?"
Fuck. Well, what would one little kiss hurt?
He meant it to be just a soft peck, maybe a good amount of lip, but before he knew it, Castiel's tongue was sliding against his and the Angel was manhandling him until he was laying on his back, arms full of Castiel's long, lithe body, hand firmly planted on one ass cheek, other hand between his wings. Fuck his friend Charlie and her Fairy girlfriend, this was…
Wait. "Wait, Cas…"
Castiel pulled away looking distinctly annoyed. "What is it, Dean? Are you still pushing me away? I am patient, but—"
Dean cut him off. "No, no, we're totally—totally—going to have sex. But I got this idea about your friend Charlie."
"Dean, Charlie really isn't interested in being in a threesome with us."
Dean laughed. "No, that's not what I mean. But nice idea. No, she has a Fairy girlfriend, right? Why dick around with Loki or even known lore when we can ask an actual Fairy? If Bobby can really summon one, then why not her first?"
"Huh," Castiel hummed. "Good idea. My mind has been so occupied with my past memories that I had nearly forgotten Charlie. If we summon Gilda successfully, perhaps I can see Charlie once more. I miss her."
Dean raked his fingers through Castiel's wings. "What will she think of all this?"
"I believe she will be very accepting. It is her way. She will probably be excited for me."
"I'm excited for you," Dean said with a smile.
"Yes, Dean. I can feel it," Castiel said, grinding down a bit.
Dean laughed. "God, I love you, you nerdy little…" he stopped himself. Fuck, he hadn't meant to say it like that. He looked up at Castiel to apologize, to do…something, but found his Angel smiling down at him benevolently.
"Yes, Dean. I love you as well." Cas leaned down and kissed him. "I would not bind myself to you if I did not."
Dean looked up at him and stroked his hands over Castiel's arms, teasing his fingertips over the flesh. "I meant for that to be a little more romantic. Sorry. But I do. I love you."
Castiel took Dean's face in his hands and leaned in, kissing him. "I know."
Dean lifted his arms so Castiel could slip his undershirt off, then the Angel ran his palms down Dean's chest, pushing him back against the pillows. His lips followed his hands, and Dean leaned his head back, enjoying the little kitten licks and sucks against his flesh as Cas made his way down Dean's stomach to the waistband of his jeans.
"Yesssss," he hissed when hot breath hit against his crotch as Cas started to tease him, plucking at the waistband with his fingers, rubbing against Dean's erection, biting his thigh through his pants. "Ah, Cas…" he sank his fingers into Castiel's hair, pulling him closer, wanting more, wanting the torture to never end.
Castiel unbuttoned the waistband and slid the zipper down, kissing and licking, biting at Dean's hip bones. Dean loved the tickle of Cas's tongue, the sharp dig of his teeth. He bit his own lip when Castiel licked around his happy trail, tickling the hairs with his nose and lips.
"Cas, please, I need more."
Castiel chuckled against his skin and slid Dean's jeans and underwear off. On instinct, Dean reached down and squeezed himself, then slid his hand loosely up and down, managing to get in a couple of relieving strokes before Castiel stopped him, straddling his thighs. The Angel had stripped his own boxers off at one point, and now he was gloriously naked and on Dean's lap, his wings fluttering ever so slightly with his every movement.
Dean tugged his arms toward himself, drawing Castiel to him since he had hold of Dean's wrists. The Angel was stronger than Dean was, Dean knew this, but he still moved forward at Dean's tugs, letting himself be drawn into Dean's embrace, responding when Dean kissed him. Dean started manhandling Castiel, forcing him to crawl up Dean's chest until he was straddling it. Dean enjoyed himself along the way, finding out that Castiel had incredibly sensitive nipples and was slightly ticklish just under his left rib.
Castiel seemed to understand what he was trying to do, and let Dean pull him forward, gripped the headboard, and then Dean was rewarded with a filthy moan when he grabbed Cas's ass and sucked him down. He pressed his fingers between Castiel's cheeks and started to tease his soft, puckered entrance when something wet dripped against his wrist. Confused, he pulled away and looked at his hands.
"Oil," Castiel said when Dean touched a finger to the drop on his wrist. "It's for my wings, but…I understand that it can be used for other things."
Dean looked up at him in wonder and put his hands on Castiel's back, following the trail of the oil upwards. "Is this okay?" he didn't want to overstep his bounds.
"Of course, Dean." He leaned down and kissed the top of Dean's head. "Touch me."
Dean did just that, pressing his palms against Castiel's back, spreading the oil around, drawing it down to his butt, rubbing it in, then moving his hands back up to Castiel's wings, finding the oil glands, and teasing them when Castiel let out a moan at the contact.
"That's quite nice," he groaned.
Dean smiled and pushed Castiel off of him and onto his stomach, intent on exploring this new part of his lover. He pressed his hands into the feathers, letting them sink deep into Castiel's wings, letting the Angel's moans and gasps guide him as he worked his way down his back, pressing, kneading, collecting the oil and spreading it over Castiel's buttocks until it was nice and slick, then he started working his way inside.
"Dean," Castiel moaned when Dean's fingers brushed over his opening. He pushed his hips up to get more of Dean against him and Dean leaned down and kissed one well-formed cheek before scraping his teeth against it. "Ah, that's good!" Castiel said with a laugh. He pushed off the bed and straddled Dean once more, grinding down against him. "Please, Dean, I'm ready. I want you to make me yours."
Dean nodded and started working on opening Cas up while Cas kissed and licked his neck, moaning encouragement when Dean's fingers slipped inside. It was torture to touch him like this, feeling the tight, pulsing heat of him, working oil inside until he was nice and slick. He wanted inside, wanted in that heat…
"Now, Dean, please," Castiel whispered against his lips, pushing back against the head of Dean's cock. "Use my oil on yourself. I want you to smell like me so that every Angel in the world knows you're mine."
Dean did as Castiel asked, his breath hitching when Castiel actually started to slide down onto him.
"Fuck, Cas!" he moaned at the tight heat enveloping him agonizingly slowly. He pressed a hand into Castiel's hip to try and speed him along. He thrust upwards without thinking, his body wanting more of Castiel. "Cas, I want…I want us to bind now. Can we do that? I want you to be mine, too."
Castiel nodded. "Yes, Dean. If you will let me, I will mark you as mine."
Dean nodded, not sure what that might entail, but wanting it. If Castiel wanted him…if he was willing to really stay… "I want you so much, Cas," he whispered, pulling him down for a kiss.
They moved together on instinct, Dean thrusting up while Cas ground down, their moans and heavy breathing filling the room, little squeaks from the bed, the flutter of wings. And then Castiel placed his hand on Dean's shoulder just as Dean circled his hand around Castiel's erection. Their movements grew more frenzied now, the building of their completion moving closer. Dean wanted it to be good for Castiel, he wanted his first time like this to be incredible. His own pleasure was nothing compared to his mate's.
"I love you," he whispered against Castiel's ear, the realization that it was so much more than just physical. He loved so much about Cas, his humor and his laughter and the way he accepted Dean's family…
"I love you, too, Dean," Castiel replied. "Now I'm going to mark you."
Dean nodded. "Do it."
He was expecting it to hurt for some reason, but the pulse that entered his body was pure white-hot pleasure. He arched and cried out, and something that sounded like a lion roared in his ears. He was pretty sure he blacked out at some point, but he sort of remembered Castiel bouncing on his dick, his head thrown back and white-hot bursts of seed spilling out over his stomach as Cas came. Their bodies vibrated, shaking the bed, practically shaking the house. Dean came too, his body arching upwards, trying to get as inside Cas as possible, practically bucking him off as he thrust. His eyes closed and Castiel slumped against him.
Somehow, they managed to get the strength to separate, then Castiel lay on top of Dean, his wings acting as their blanket.
"Wow," Castiel murmured.
Dean smiled, sifting his fingers through Castiel's hair. "I wish I could remember half of it," he chuckled, feeling a tingling in his arm where Castiel had marked him.
"We'll have to do it again someday to help jog your memory."
Dean laughed and rubbed his face, wiping off the sweat. "I swear, I can last longer usually."
Castiel lifted his head and kissed Dean with soft lips. "It was great. I feel great. I mean it."
Dean smiled and cuddled Castiel's head against his heart. "So, we're, like, married now?"
He almost jumped when he felt Castiel in his head saying, Yes, now we are bonded. Can you feel it?
"Wow," Dean whispered. "Wow, I've read about it, but…wow."
You've said that already.
Dean looked down at the Angel currently smiling against his chest. "Things are going to be so different now."