When Bella left the bathroom the Cullens were milling about the house. It helped lend to the illusion that Bella's melt down went unnoticed. Bella ran into Esme in the kitchen where she was putting together a tea tray. As they walked into the formal dining room together the rest of the family, with the exception of one, appeared and entered with them.

Once they got started, it didn't take long for the details to be worked out. This was Emmett's project; he told Bella about the work he'd been doing as a volunteer community football coach in Chicago. How a random comment from a kid about never seeing the big dipper lead him to take a group of them camping and he saw a whole new side to these street smart kids. Bella was moved by this side of Emmett and couldn't help but become genuinely caught up in his enthusiasm. Mike and Bella would supply the Trust with camping supplies for the next year. The bursaries were to be rewarded monthly along with up to $10,000 in equipment. It would buy them time.

"I didn't know you guys went to Chicago." Things had wrapped up, but Bella was enjoying her time with the Cullens. She was curious what they had been up to the past decade. She had heard bits of rumors; Carlisle in LA as a plastic surgeon, Edward burnt out on Wall Street. She knew neither were likely to be true.

"We didn't. Just Em and I. And only last year." Rosalie had been fairly quiet during most of the evening, as had Alice. "The rest of the family were in Wyoming at this point. We just wanted a little escape. Chicago was far enough away, without being too far."

"I have a soft spot for Chicago. I lived there for four years; it's where I did my undergrad. I love what you guys are doing with this. Mike will be so stoked about this project. What you were doing with those kids Emmett? That's exactly what he wanted to do."

The family all smiled quietly at Bella. No one was quite sure what to say next.

"What about you Bella? Tell us about the past ten years." It was Alice who spoke up, which amused Bella.

"Like you don't know." Bella said it lightheartedly enough, but the words still carried a bit of a bite.

"I really can't see you anymore. I thought maybe it was just the distance, but we've been back a week and still nothing. I don't know what to make of this blindness." Alice tried to smile, but this time, it didn't reach her eyes. She had no idea how to interact with Bella anymore. She wanted her best friend back, but the Bella in front of them was so different. Alice felt almost intimidated. She wanted to apologize for the years gone by, but had no idea if that would make things worse. Jasper told her that Bella wasn't feeling as confident as she projected and that maybe the best course of action was to say nothing at all.

"Well, I'm not going to lie, I'm a little relieved." Bella added nothing more about her life and no one pressed her as everyone turned to Edward as he walked into the room. He leaned against a wall, saying nothing.

Bella took the moment to finish her tea and Esme reached across the table to take Bella's other hand. "We did hear about Charlie. I'm so sorry." She squeezed Bella's hand, but didn't let go. She was sorry for so much more than the loss of Charlie.

"Thank you. It was quite a shock. I was just about to start my masters in New York, but when I lost him... I just couldn't. I deferred it for a year. Then I just gave it up."

"What were you studying?" It was Edward who spoke up.

"I was going into Cornell's Master of Professional Studies Program. Information Studies. Now I work at the library, so guess I didn't need it to land my dream job after all." Bella was the only one to smile at her sarcastic joke.

Edward knew why she gave it up. Mike. He couldn't keep the disgust off his face.

As always, Bella misread the reason for his expression. She feared he'd connected the dots. Chicago. Ithaca. She had been looking for any connection to him. "Anyway, I really should be going. Emmett, I'm at the store again tomorrow, if you want to come by when we close at eight we can get started on putting together that equipment."

"Sure Bella, I'll bring a copy of their grant proposal so you can get a better feel for their needs." He shook her hand, then took Rosalie's and they left the room. Bella took a moment to gather her things and when she looked up seconds later, she was alone with Edward.

"Bella, if you have a minute. I'd like to talk with you before you go."

She hesitated a moment, remembering how their last conversation went. She hoped things would go better this time. She could hear them moving around the house, Esme was washing Bella's tea cup in the kitchen. They didn't have to make noise, Bella realized they were doing this to let her know they were still around.

The truth was, she was curious what Edward wanted to say to her. Their first few attempts at conversation hadn't gone well. For either of them. Maybe the third time was the charm.

"Sure Edward, I have time."

He smiled then, and she realized it was the first time she had seen him with a positive expression since his return. He looked towards the kitchen and then back at Bella.

"Why don't we go sit in the family room. It will be more comfortable." He winked at her then and pulled on his ear. Bella was surprised at his playfulness.

From somewhere in the house Emmett bellowed, "We'll give you five minutes, then we'll be back!"

The house was instantly silent. Bella followed Edward out of the dining room. Someone had lit a fire, and she took a spot at the end of the love-seat nearest the warmth. Edward sat at the other end.

"First of all, I'd like to apologize for last week. My behavior was reprehensible and I am truly sorry." At this he turned to Bella, "Not to make excuses, but I wasn't prepared for you to be in our home, and my control slipped."

He was trying to be honest with her. He wanted to tell her everything. The look in her eyes silenced him. For the first time ever, she looked at him with fear.

"Should I be worried now?"

"I don't mean my blood lust. That actually hasn't been a problem at all." It was the first time he articulated it, and he paused a moment to briefly consider why. What Bella heard, was something slightly different.

"Oh well that's good, I'm not your singer anymore. That should make things easier." The words came out of her mouth too fast. She reached for her purse, but knocked it over in her haste. Edward was instantly in front of her, and everything was back where it belonged before she could even reach for it. He put her purse beside her instead of handing it to her.

"That's not what I meant. Please, there's something I want to explain to you. I need you, I mean I would like you, to listen to what I have to say. Please."

Bella said nothing at first, but once again curiosity got the better of her. "Ok, Edward."

With that he returned to his spot at the end of the couch, but this time angled his body so that he was facing her. She mirrored his actions.

Edward took a moment, and then a moment more. Finally he took a deep, unnecessary breath.

"I lied Bella."

And with those words Bella stopped listening. "About what? That you're 17? That you're 28? That you're an investment banker? That you loved me? That you moved to New York? There are so many lies to choose from. What you are is a liar. You are very good at it though."

Edward winced at the truth she uttered among all those lies. "I am. It's a necessity. But you need to know I lied to you in the woods. I loved you. I loved you so much I was willing to walk away, to give you a life I thought you deserved. I was willing to leave you because I loved you that much."

"You loved me so much you decided to break my fragile little girl heart and leave me to my own devices deep in the woods behind my house? Wow Edward, thanks. A girl could only be hope to be loved so much in her life." Bella picked up her purse, this time without spilling its contents, as she stood. "On that note, have a nice life Edward Cullen. Tell the next girl you choose to love so much I wish her luck. She's gonna need it."

Edward rose with Bella, but instead of guiding her to the door he grabbed the purse from her hands and through it back down. "Jesus woman, you need to listen to what I am actually saying. For once in your god damned life just listen to what I am actually telling you." Edward's words were little more than a growl and he was close enough to Bella that her breasts would brush against his chest if she took a deep breath.

Which she did.

"Edward. I listened to what you said that day in the woods. Trust me. I believe the phrase you used was 'I don't want you'. So maybe for once in your god. Damned. Life. You need to listen to what you are actually saying." Bella did not back away from Edward an inch, in fact she moved her face closer to his, in an primal challenge. Additionally she punctuated her sentence with finger jabs to his chest as she spit his own words back at him. "Now you need to back the fuck away so I can meet my husband for dinner."

At that Edward grabbed her wrists.

"You are going to listen to me before I let you go. I was willing to crush myself so that you could have a shot. You have no idea how much I love you; you constantly underestimated my feelings for you. I used that against you. I was willing to leave you because I love you more than you could ever imagine."

As Edward spoke he pulled Bella's hands to his chest, pulling her even closer to him, his grip tightening.

"Are you trying to tell me you loved me the most? That our feelings for each other were some sort of pissing competition and you won?" Bella's voice was little more than a disbelieving whisper.

"I'm trying to tell you that you have no idea how I felt about you. No idea how I feel. I loved you more-"

"Do you want it to be a competition? Do you want to approach this as a seventeen year old boy? You think you loved me more because you were willing to quit? To walk away? To hope I had a nice life without you? Well here is my submission; I loved you more because I was willing to fight for you. I didn't want the easy way. I was willing to risk everything to be with you. You were a pussy and walked away when things got tricky, but I would have fought. I loved you more."

"You would have fought for us? Where is the evidence of that?"

"You never gave me a chance, I had no idea where to find you."

"That's bullshit Bella. You believed my lie at first utterance. I thought I would have to at least convince you. You believed my lie and within the year you had fallen into a dog's bed."

Bella gasped as Edward gripped her even tighter, tears pricked her eyes. "Edward please... you're hurting me."

Edward's hands instantly dropped, "I'm sorry." His body sank down onto the couch. His hands replaced Bella's wrists with his hair, he grabbed it and pulled his head down to his knees. "I just wanted to say sorry. I want to earn a place back in your life. And I keep making it worse. Do you remember what I said to you that day in the woods?" He let go of his hair and looked up, though his body remained slumped to his knees.

"You told me you didn't want me." Bella said as she sat beside him.

"I never said that; you did."

"Excuse me?"

"I was making a mess of it. I was trying to leave you, but the words weren't coming, I couldn't bring myself to actually say the words that would cut you out of my life forever. Each sentence I started I nearly ended with a confession of what I was really trying to do. Then you said it for me."

"Said what? That I didn't want you?"

"No, you just looked at me, completely broken, and said 'you don't want me.' I thought I would have to spend my time convincing you, but you were already there."

"You exploited my greatest insecurity?"

"Do you remember the conversation now? What I said to you after?"

"You said 'no', that you didn't want me."

"I said no. I was still trying to back out of it. I was going to tell you that you had it wrong. I changed my mind a million times that day. But then you calmed down. You had already accepted it. I realized you would move on, you were already starting to move on. It made leaving easier."

"Are you kidding me?" Bella's voice had taken on the same calm that Edward had mistaken for complacency. "Are are fucking kidding me? You are trying to put this on me now? You were going to stay, but what? I was too insecure for you? Is that what you're telling me? You came back 10 years later to rub salt in the wound? Hey Bella," She shifted her voice to a deeper, mocking, register, "remember when I said I didn't want you? What I meant was you were just too insecure for me. If you'd just felt better about yourself, maybe I'd have stuck it out –"

"Stop! Fucking just stop!" Edward brought his hand down on the arm of the couch to emphasize his point, obliterating it in the process. His destruction caused Bella to topple towards him, his confusion allowed him to tumble off the edge of the couch with her on top of him.

"This reminds me of the time you saved my life," she whispered. Her face was inches away, her body pressed against him, her right leg pressed between his two. While one of Edward's arms remained on the floor, the other had wrapped around her in their fall, his hand splayed across the small of her back. The anger in the room had dissipated.

"Which time?" He asked as he smiled crookedly up at her.

"The first time." As she said it, he raised his hand from the floor and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He allowed his fingers to gently caress her ear and neck before twisting his fingers into the tendrils and letting them caress him. Edward delighted in watching her blush deepen, listening as her pulse accelerated.

"How so?"

"It's the only other time I've heard you say fuck."

"I didn't think you had heard that." Edward looked genuinely embarrassed.

"You seem just as confused." Bella's voice was even softer. Edward wondered if she realized she was pressing harder against him, if she knew that she had moved her head towards his. He moved the hand that still hovered between them to rest on her arm.

"That moment changed everything."

"It did." As he watched the tip of her tongue dart out to moisten her lips Edward decided that Emmett was right; Bella Swan was a woman who knew what she wanted. He couldn't miss that this action was accompanied by a quick eye flick to his lips, a slight increase in pressure from her hips. Bella wanted to kiss him. Edward's hand began to move up her arm as he tensed his stomach muscles, slowly lifting his head towards hers. It was the gasp, not from over him, but from behind, that stopped him.