GABRIELLA

Senior year, day thirty-seven.

Morgan and Ryan decided to check out homecoming.

So did Brett and Nicole.

It's kind of weird that for so long, I was the taken one and now my friends are dating as well.

Well, I'm pretty sure Brett and Nicole are dating. They're being very secretive about it, saying they're just casually hanging out, but you could tell by the look in his eyes when she's around that he's got it bad. I think he always has, which is sweet. I'm team Brett and Nicole, for sure.

I decided not to go since it was going to be all these couples around me.

Chris isn't here.

So, instead, I came to visit my grandma.

She was released from the hospital almost two weeks ago, but was admitted back a couple days ago. And they want to keep her here a little while longer.

Cervical cancer is no fucking joke and I hate it so much.

I hate this so much.

Why my grandma? She brings me so much joy, I can't even describe it. My love for her runs SO deep.

"Gabriella," she tells me with a frown, "you don't need to be sitting here on a Saturday night. You should go hang out with your friends."

"They're at Homecoming, grandma, don't worry, I'm not ditching them."

"What? You didn't go to the dance?"

I shake my head as I pull my hair back into a high bun on top of my head. I take in my grandma for a second. She looks weak. And that fucking kills me. Because before, if you were to describe Theresa Montez, the last word you would use was weak or anything along those lines. She wasn't weak. Ever. And she still isn't weak, but she looks it and I fucking hate it so much. She's the strongest person I know, mentally and physically and although she has every reason to be mad at the world right now, she isn't. She's still my loving grandma.

She sighs, shaking her head, "Mija, you don't need to come every chance you get. I know you're busy and you're thinking about me. That's enough for me."

"But I want to."

"I know, but you have friends and a boyfriend and..."

"He's out of town," I tell her, "I didn't make him skip the dance, don't worry."

She still shakes her head.

I get it. It's my senior year, she wants me to have fun. It's hard, though. If I'm not home and out and about doing thing, my mind doesn't wander as much to her. So, sure, yes, I want to be out and doing stuff, but at the same time, every minute I'm not with my grandma, I feel guilty. It's a minute lost.

"Besides, my parents aren't home this weekend, someone needs to come hang out with you for a bit."

"Grandpa just left and your uncle and aunt were here earlier."

"Well, you can't kick me out," I tell her.

She laughs.

And then looks over at me and gives me a smile. "Your brother called me. We talked for a good hour and a half. You know he has a new girlfriend?"

I laugh, "yeah, he was telling me about her. She's really pretty, he showed me a picture."

"Oh to be young and in college."

"How did you feel when my dad came up to you his junior year of college and told you he wanted to marry my mom?"

She chuckles to herself. "Was it his junior year?"

I nod.

"Well," she sits up a bit, chuckling, "I loved your mom. I thought she was beautiful and smart and so full of life. The way she would look at your dad is the way I imagined I was looking at Grandpa. But since they were away at college, I never saw the ins and outs of their relationship. I didn't know if she pushed his buttons in a negative way and he was letting it slide because of her beauty. I didn't know if she was the best thing to him and my son wasn't noticing that and giving her all the love she deserved. I had no way of truly knowing how their relationship was. So, you know, I wasn't the most supportive. I said, you know, you need to wait a while before making even a verbal commitment to someone like that. Live in the real world for a few years, you know? We were still paying for everything, he had no job. And he said, sure, mom, I'll hold off on proposing, but in my heart, I'm already married to her and I know she's going to be the mother of my children. I thought it was sweet, but you know, not very realistic. As soon as he graduated, he entered medical school the following fall and that took up so much of his time. I thought, well, it's a good thing he didn't propose because any woman would want to be getting the planning going and his head was not in that mind frame. It was never about your mom. It was more about wanting my son to live his life a little bit before making the biggest commitment of his life and promising forever to someone. But then at the end of his freshman year in medical school, he was driving back home when he got rear ended. It made him spin and lose control and crash into a light post. You know, I'm sure he tells you kids this story so you're always alert. The moment he walked away with just a bruise and a scratch is the moment he told me he's going to marry your mom and there's no convincing him otherwise. Life was too short for him and if he died before giving him all he had to her, well, he'd never forgive himself. So, he got my blessing and your grandpa's and they had the most beautiful wedding. Three months later, they were pregnant with your brother. It was hard. Your mom was trying to get her career started, your dad in medical school. Jacob was everything this family was missing and well, then you came along. They made it work. They're still making it work. I know I kind of give you a hard time about Chris, but that's because I don't see you look at him the way your mom looked at your dad. You're young and my son proved to me that being young doesn't mean you're incapable of falling in love with the person you're supposed to be with, I know that, but it's just always a concern, you know? You want to be absolutely sure. It's what I told your brother, too."

"They really do love each other, huh?"

My grandma smiles, "they do. You have the perfect example of real, true love."

I know I do.

I'm lucky in that way.

She's right, too. I don't look at Chris the way my mom looks at my dad. Or how she looks at my grandma. But I don't know how to change or fix that.

Is it something you just can't fix? It comes naturally?

Before I could ask her about it, her face dropped. And her eyes were slowly closing shut.

No.

I jumped to my feet, calling her name, but she was in and out of consciousness that I had no idea if she heard me or not.

I rushed out, got the first nurse I saw and she rushed in, checking her machines and whatever else she needed to do. She phoned the doctor and before I knew it, he was in there, over her, asking her question after question, but my grandma couldn't answer him. It was a big fucking blur and the next thing I knew is they told me visiting hours were over for the day and I need to go home, she's not good right now and they'll call family later or something like that.

Like I said, it's all a big blur.

It all happened so fast. One minute she was telling me a story, the next she was losing consciousness.

I called my grandpa, let him know everything and then left.

Once I got in my car, I cried so hard.

So hard.

I've never witnessed something like that. I've seen her sitting in her hospital ed, awake and talking to me, eing positive about the whole thing.

Sure, I've seen her struggle with IV's and taking medicine left and right, but it was nothing like what just happened.

I'm crying so hard, my face in my hands and I don't know what to do.

My parents aren't here.

All of my friends are at the dance.

I'm in no position to drive to Boulder to be with my other friends and have their support.

No one knows, though. No one knows that this is what I'm going through everyday. That we're all trying to be strong and keep it together, but at the end of the day, we're scared shitless that we're going to lose her. It's the worst feeling in the word and seeing her like that, it's breaking my fucking heart.

Every time I think about it, I only cry harder and harder.

Shit.

Before I know it, I'm driving away.

To God knows where.

"Gabriella?"

"Is... is this a bad time?" I ask Troy, in between cries.

He shakes his head, motioning for me to come in, "what happened, are you okay?"

I ended up at Troy's.

I'm not sure if it was consciously or if I subconsciously drove over here. But here I am and I have no idea how to go about it.

"No, I'm not okay, I just... I'm not."

"What happened?" He asks me, shutting the door behind me.

I couldn't even get the words out. I was still crying. And I know I might be freaking him out, but I just need a good cry right now. I feel like I've been holding it all in lately and right now, I don't give a shit. I just want to cry and I want him to let me cry for a moment.

He did.

I fell into his arms and just cried.

He stood here, wrapping an arm around me, as still as possible and didn't utter one word. It was exactly what I needed and what I wanted.

"I didn't... I'm sorry I'm here, I just..."

"It's okay," he says.

I try to take a deep breath in between sobs, but it just sounds like I'm hyperventilating. I need to calm down a little bit. I need to tell him why I'm here.

Wiping my eyes, I take another deep breath and clue him in.

"I'm sorry," I regain complete use of my words, "I didn't want to be alone, my parents are out of town and... I just had the worst moment of my life and... my grandma, my grandma has cervical cancer and I just watched her lose consciousness in a hospital bed as she was talking to me and then get strapped with IV's and nurses and doctor's scrambling and it really freaked me out and I have no idea if she's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry," is she first thing Troy says, "about your grandma and that you had to witness that. I'm sorry. That's a tough pill to swallow."

"I didn't know what to do and I'm sorry if..."

He shakes his head, "no, it's okay. I'm here. Don't worry about it."

He's here.

It's something he's always been.

Troy Bolton has always been there for me, whether he means to or not. He has. And I'm so fucking grateful for that.

The crying has subsided a bit, but it's all still so fresh.

"Let's sit," he tells me.

We go to his living room where the TV is on to an episode of Family Guy.

He turns the TV off, clears the couch of pillows so I can sit down and we get comfortable.

I'm in one of those weird transition stages after crying where I'm sniffing and letting out cries but I'm not fully crying. No tears are coming out anymore. And it must sound awful to him and he's probably super uncomfortable and feeling a bit awkward. But he's being super nice about it.

"So, do you want to talk about it?"

I don't know.

I honestly don't know what I want, why my car steered me here and if I should get up and go home.

"It's not something I do. I don't really talk about it."

"Okay, well, do you want to get your mind off of it? We can..."

"Three months ago, she got diagnosed. They didn't catch it early, but they didn't catch it late. So, we were hopeful. It all happened so fast. This is my grandma! You know her, you've been around her. She's... energetic, cracking jokes, cooking all the time. You never think something like this could happen to someone like her, but it did and so we were hopeful. She's been in and out of the hospital and it's like, we don't think she's getting better, but they're not telling us she's getting worse and it's been so frustrating and so hard. And I don't talk about it. I don't share this. It's... so fucking personal and it's something we've been dealing with and I'm not sure why I don't tell anyone, but I haven't. And I just... I don't make plans because I want to be with her. I leave things early to go see her. I wake up an hour before I normally do so I can go see her before school. I'm there after school, whenever I get the chance. I'm like living a double life and my friends and Chris... I don't need them to walk on eggshells around me. They have lives, senior things and this whole thing, my feelings and everything, it doesn't need to be a burden for them. And you, whatever, I don't expect you to..."

"I know exactly what you're going through and I'm here for you, okay? Any time of the day, night, whatever, I'm only a phone call away if you need me."

He does know what I'm going through.

Before I met him, more than a few years ago, his grandma battled cancer.

She died.

I know it's something that he still thinks about. I know every Sunday, he visits her grave and sits there for a little while. I know he changed his number on the soccer team to 7 because it was the day his grandma was born. I know he very much still misses her everyday.

"I'm sorry," I find myself saying, "it shouldn't be..."

"Stop," he says, "don't apologize. I get it. I really do and if you feel like I'm the only person who can relate, who you can talk to, I'm here."

That's the thing, though.

Just because you can't relate doesn't mean you can't talk to them.

My best friend in the whole world would drop everything she's doing and come be with me.

I know for sure Morgan would be supportive and would be there for me as well.

It's weird.

It's so fucking weird how I didn't want to tell Troy because he could relate. I just wanted to tell him because I wanted to tell someone, I wanted someone to be in my corner with me and I wanted them to be there for me because I was sick of doing this whole thing alone.

How could I not want to tell my friends?

There's literally no explanation for it in my mind that I can put into words. It's crazy. It's absolutely wild that I'm here right now with him.

And wild that for the next three hours, I'm on his couch.

"You shouldn't drive."

"Hm?" I look over at him, my eyes pulling away from the House episode we're watching.

"It's past midnight, you shouldn't drive," he repeats himself, "um, you can stay here. In the guest room, or the couch."

Shit.

This isn't a good idea, I can't stay here.

But the last thing I want to do is go home to an empty house with just my thoughts. It's why I overstayed my welcome tonight by a few hours. It's why when he told me Olivia was at his aunt's house spending the night, I suggested we watch another episode of House. It's why I came in the first place.

"I can drive."

"Yeah, but it's late and your parents are out of town. I don't mind..."

"Okay," I find myself saying after not really thinking about it, but pretending to, "thank you."

I shouldn't, though.

Because I have my own house to stay at.

Because Chris Murphy is my boyfriend and having a boyfriend means you shouldn't stay at other boy's houses. Ever.

Especially if that said boy is your boyfriends best friend.

Fuck.