Bella was checking inventory in the stock room when she heard the bells ring to alert her she had a customer. It was a habit that drove Mike crazy. He thought she should lock the front door if she was leaving the main shop but Bella was reluctant to turn a potential customer away. Her quick scan of the cash drawer when she came in told her she didn't want to turn away their first customer of the day. She put her clipboard down and headed back through the doors to the store. She was startled to find Edward browsing the book selection near the front.

"Hello." She spoke first and he lifted his head to smile at her. "Can I help you?"

"No, I've got everything I need here." He waved his right hand, his long fingers curled around three books. He walked towards the cash desk so Bella followed.

She picked the books up and read them out loud as she scanned them, "Cougar: Ecology and Conservation; Forest Cats of North America; River-Walking Songbirds & Singing Coyotes: An Uncommon Field Guide to Northwest Mountains. Are you kidding?" She raised her eyebrows and looked at him expectedly.

He raised his hands, "This may have started as a ruse to see you"

"Ya think?" She replied sarcastically. "Well, here I am." She stopped his transaction and crossed her arms.

"But now I want the books."

"Are you serious?"

"I still want to see you, but I would also like to buy these books."

"Do you need a hand with your hunting?" Bella's face relaxed and she let out a small laugh.

"No, I just..." Edward's hand moved to fidget with the back of his neck, "I haven't read anything in a while..."

Bella laughed again, "Are you trying to put yourself to sleep? Because, despite what I've heard about you guys, this might be the way to do it." He said nothing more and she continued to quietly laugh while she totalled his order.

Once Bella had handed him his change and his package, he continued to stand at her counter, hesitant to ask anything of her, but not yet willing to leave. "Is this the seeing me part?" Her words came out softly. She was unsure why he was still hanging around. She really hoped he wasn't going to ask anymore about her uterus.

"I know I don't deserve your time. You don't owe me anything. But I think I owe you an explanation that isn't shouted at you. Could I take you across the street for a coffee?"

"That's not a good idea." Although Edward wasn't surprised at her answer, he was still disappointed. She continued to speak. "This is a small town. And we haven't done a very good job at not shouting at each other."

Edward didn't want to give up. "I thought going somewhere public would keep the shouting at bay. Perhaps you could just storm out when I inevitably say something stupid?" This time Edward raised his eyebrows at her, his hand returned to fidget nervously at his neck.

Bella looked past Edward, through the window outside. She didn't recognize the car, but knew it had to belong to a Cullen. "Is that yours?"

"It's what I drove here, yes."

"I'll tell you what, take your car home, I can close up in a few. Mike's office has a window. I'll open it; I'm sure you'll find a way to get in. I can meet you up there in fifteen minutes." He looked so vulnerable she felt like she needed to take him up on his offer. In the time since their argument some of his words had trickled into her consciousness. There were things she needed to say to him now too.

Bella walked into Mike's office, cash bag in hand, to find Edward sitting across from Mike's desk. It wasn't the first time he had been in the room, he had stood near the door with Carlisle last week, but now it was the first time he had been in it with Bella. Memories of Mike and Bella on the desk morphed into fantasies of Bella and Edward.

"Hey! You're a little early." She was slightly breathless from running up the stairs, hoping to finish her nightly routine before Edward arrived. "I've just got to lock this away and then I'm done." She tossed the bag into the bottom drawer of an ancient filing cabinet. She turned the key at the top, but left it in there before moving to the chair behind the desk.

He wanted to comment on the lack of a safe for the money, but had enough sense to hold his tongue. "Hello. Thanks for agreeing to meet with me." Best to start with something neutral.

She smiled briefly, then looked away for a moment. When her eyes moved back to him she once again looked serious. "I think we should set some house rules." He nodded. "Number one: No shouting." With that she smiled once again, and this time he returned it. "Number two," she paused and took a deep breath, "I will listen this time. I thought about some of the things you said to me at your house. I twisted your words with my anger and I'm sorry."

"You aren't the one who should be apologizing for that night. I was out of line. I've been working on my self control when it comes to conversing with you."

"Maybe we should agree that we have a lot to say to each other, and it's probably best if we only tackle a little at a time?"

"That may be for the best." He realized it also allowed for them to be alone together more than this once.

"So," she leaned back in the chair, "what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Leaving you."

"I figured as much." The smile was gone.

"And coming back."

She raised an eyebrow at that statement. "Maybe we should start at the beginning. Why did you go?"

"Leaving you was wrong. I was frightened of losing you, so I left instead. I realize what I did to you was the most cowardly way to go about trying to protect you. What I said to you the other night, about changing my mind a million times? All of that was the horrible truth. It didn't take me long to regret my actions. Actually, I regretted them instantly. I know I will never be able to properly explain why I thought it was a good idea. I don't know myself. It didn't take me long to realize I needed to come back to you."

"But you didn't."

"I did."

Bella blinked in surprise and leaned slightly forward. He forced himself to keep eye contact, despite the hint of cleavage that her new position afforded a glance of.

"I lasted five months and then I needed to be with you. Being separated from you was impossible. It was physically painful-"

"It was like I had been split in two and then forced to keep existing." She whispered, not able to keep it to herself.

He closed his eyes and nodded. "Exactly." He paused, uncertain for a moment whether to continue or to start apologizing again. "I went to our meadow first. Do you know what I could smell?"

Bella had a feeling she knew the answer, but shook her head anyway.

"You. You had been there since I left." She nodded. "But you didn't go alone, did you?" Edward was never sure if Bella, Laurent and the wolves had ever been together at the same time, but he thought he would feign confidence.

"I went alone. I wasn't alone for long."

"Yes, I could tell there were others there. What happened?"

"I was looking for that place. Looking for you," She glanced over at him and he nodded for her to continue. "It was winter, so everything was dead. It was so symbolic... and then Laurent showed up...and then the wolves did..." She saw Edward stiffen, and this time guessed correctly at what upset him. "I was fine. It was over so quickly. And that was that. No more vampires in Forks. Well, until recently - or so I thought." She gestured in his direction. "You said you wanted to come back for me, and then you went there. What changed your mind?" Bella added up the months, but she still wasn't with Jacob five months after Edward left.

"I arrived, just behind Victoria. Her scent was fresh, so I followed her. I needed you to be safe. I thought if I captured her, I could return to you and we could...that things would work out."

Bella went white at the mention of Victoria. The wolves had told her that she showed up on the reserve and they killed her just like they took out Laurent. She had no idea that Victoria had been around earlier. She wondered if the boys knew and had kept it from her. She had no idea the things the wolves had kept from her.

"So I chased her. For months. My brothers helped. We caught her in Seattle in June."

"Did she get away?"

"In Seattle? No, we destroyed her."

"With the wolves?"

"No." He looked confused, "Why would the wolves be there?"

"They told me they killed her. That she showed up and they killed her."

Edward sighed. He knew Carlisle had alerted the wolves to Victoria's presence and subsequent demise. He should have known they would take credit for the kill.

"No. That was the three of us."

"Why would they lie?" Now it was Bella who was confused.

"I'm guessing they didn't want you to worry about her. But they also didn't want you to know about my involvement."

"So is that why you didn't come back? She reminded you of the danger of your world?"

"No. I came back. The night of your prom."

"Oh." Bella breathed out as she realized that was how he would have found out about her and Jacob.

"Yeah." Edward nodded, then looked at her sadly. "I saw you."

"You did?"

"You were beautiful. As always. I chased you through the minds of your friends. I learned you were with Jacob. But when I saw you together..."

"Dog's bed" Bella whispered.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

Bella nodded, but said nothing. She played with a loose thread on her cargo pants as she debated what to say next. Edward waited patiently.

"I will tell you about Jake. Not because I feel like I owe you an explanation, but because I want you to understand. That is, if you want to know?" She held his eyes while he gave her a slight nod. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees as he pressed his finger tips together.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. For some reason she couldn't look at him while she confessed. "I fell apart when you left. I don't know if you know how much. I did nothing. I still don't even really remember the first few months. And even when I started coming out of that emotional coma, I was a mess. Jacob was a good friend. Eventually, people thought I started to get better, but it felt like a mask. I only seemed to get better. I was still having nightmares. I was still chasing your ghost. Until it nearly killed me. When I say that Jake saved my life, I'm being literal. I jumped into the ocean from a high cliff. I said I was doing it for the rush, but I don't know..." She heard a strangled sound come from Edward's direction, but she kept her eyes closed. "He pulled me out. Resuscitated me." Another sound came from Edward, but still she didn't look. "He saved my life. And then a few days later, I gave in to his advances because I wanted him to save the rest of me." She moved her hand to wipe the tear she felt escape; it had been a long time since she revisited those memories. Edward's fingers were cool against her skin as he beat her to it. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to face him just yet, she had never been that honest about her jump with anyone before. She missed him press her tear to his lips.

"I thought you were gone for good. I was so empty. I needed to try and fill that void." She opened her eyes to see that he had returned to the chair across from her. "I want to say that I am sorry for not waiting for you. But where would this have gone? I was hurt, but maybe you were right. Maybe-"

"It is the greatest mistake of my life."

"But maybe, eventually, I would have left you. You weren't going to change me. Sooner or later we would have seemed a little off. Sure, we still look the same age now, but after a while I would surpass the cougar label and head straight into paedophilic. And it's not like you could have been with me... it would be like asking a heroin addict to use but not get high. I get it. This is the natural course of things Edward. Where would we have ended up? Eventually chaste kisses would lose their appeal. What then? In our few months together I was growing frustrated at constant rejection. I couldn't have lived a life like that...you said you loved me passionately, but kissed me with only slightly more fervour than a brother kisses his sister. It would have driven me insane, I never felt like I was enough, your words may have contradicted me, but your actions told another story."

"I made so many mistakes, I see them now. Maybe I would have seen them sooner."

Bella smiled sadly at him. "Maybe."

"What happened with Jake? Did you break up to go to school?" He knew he had no right to ask her about him, but he wanted to know what happened.

"I still couldn't get over you. I think he knew that's why I was going to Chicago. Eventually he explained imprinting - it's wolf soul mate juju - he didn't imprint on me. It just seemed pointless to keep trying. I loved an immortal boy vampire. I tried to love an immortal boy werewolf. After a while it became ridiculous. I had to say goodbye to my Peter Pan fetish and grow up. I couldn't spend my life pining after seventeen year old boys."