TROY

Senior year, day fifty-two.

It's Sunday.

I've spent the past two days hating myself.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

Why?

Why did I tell Gabriella that I knew and she deserves better. Why? I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut.

I mean, they were broken up after all. There was no need to insert myself.

But it just came out. It was like a knee jerk reaction. And it was too late to take it back. The moment it slipped off my tongue, I instantly prayed that she just wouldn't catch it, that she's had one too many beers and her mind's not all there, but nope. She caught it.

And she called me out on it, of course.

She had every right to. I mean, she's right. I knew and I didn't tell her. But the thing is, I didn't know until a few days before, for sure.

It was just assumption.

And once I did know, I went back on forth about telling her.

Currently, that day, my mind was telling me to tell her. But who knows if it would have changed by the night.

She and Chris has broken up, though.

So, I don't know. I thought I was off the hook. It was a mixture of relief and happiness for a moment. And then I blabbed and next thing I knew, she was yelling at me with tears rolling down her face and I felt fucking awful. I did that. I let her know that she was being cheated on. And I let her know that I knew about it. But I seriously thought that's why they broke up. She said there was someone else. When she stated that he cheated on her, she said it as if she's realizing it for the first time and I know that was all my doing. I know that.

So, who's the someone else?

Maybe Chris told her there was someone else, but promised he didn't cheat on her which is why she reacted that way. It was already planted in her mind.

I don't know.

I haven't talked to him all weekend.

All I wanna do is go over there and explain everything.

But I can't.

Either way, there's nothing we can do. It's not like I can suddenly be with her now.

Also, I'm pretty sure she hates me, too.

Senior year, day fifty-three.

"Hey, can we talk?" I ask Chris after practice as we're exiting the locker room.

It looks like he doesn't want to.

Like the only thing he's focused on right now is getting the hell out of here and not engaging with anyone.

He's been quiet.

During lunch, during practice, all day pretty much.

And I get it. I get not wanting to talk to anyone after a breakup and having to hear question after question. It must be really annoying.

But we really need to talk.

"What?"

"Look, I know what was going on," I tell him, looking around to see if anyone else was around, but then weren't so I continued, "I didn't want to accuse you of anything before I knew for sure, but dude, come on, cheating on Gabriella? Really?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he tells me, his eyes going dark, "if you'll excuse me, I have to..."

"I followed you."

Chris turns around, trying to register the words I just told him. "You what?"

Here goes nothing. "I followed you to West High."

"Why the fuck are you following me?" His words come out so angry, "God, did you tell her? Is that why she broke up with me?"

"I didn't tell her anything."

"Don't fucking stand here and tell me shit, Troy. You've never had a girlfriend in your life, let alone a date," he says, "so what if I did? It's not the end of the fucking world. I didn't kill anyone. You acting like my father about this, following me and shit, what the..."

"Chris, are you fucking kidding me right now? You're okay with it?"

He shakes his head, "it doesn't matter."

Right.

Of course it doesn't matter anymore because him and Gabriella are broken up so his cheating isn't even that big of a deal anymore. Ha. Some logic.

"Why would you cheat on her?" I ask, my voice softening, "I just don't get it."

"She changed, man."

"Why not break up with her?"

He shrugs, "doesn't mean she's not good for me just because she changed and it was no longer this fun thing, you know?"

I cannot believe the words I'm hearing come out of his mouth.

This... this isn't my best friend. It can't be.

But maybe it is. Maybe I've been clouded by this high school cloud that whatever he said or any of my other friends said was just that: him being a high school guy. It's not, though. It's not okay to say shit like this. It's not okay to cheat on someone because they've changed. It's not okay to string someone along while you're with someone else because you don't want to lose the person they are to you.

And Gabriella is the kind of girlfriend who would drop everything to do someone for her boyfriend. Whenever he'd need her, she'd be there.

He didn't want to end that.

And that's the most disgusting thing I've ever head.

She wasn't good enough for the hang outs and the conversations anymore. He just wanted to keep her in his back pocket for the bigger things in life.

Disgusting.

"So, you wanted to have your cake and eat it, too?" I laugh, "really?"

"You swear like it's the end of the world."

"It's really fucked up."

Chris shakes his head, "what's it even to you? Are you in love with her or something? God. Troy. Mind your fucking business."

Here is it.

I'm just going to go for it.

"Actually, I am. And I have been since the first day she stepped foot here. And you know what? I regret not making a move that night every single fucking day of my life. But you know what I did? I stood back and let you have the girl because I thought, well, Chris is great. Chris would treat her right. What the fuck do I know about women? I was a 16 year old guy! But I was wrong, because here you were, cheating on her for God knows how long. And you're not even an ounce remorseful about it. You're... you're not the fucking person I was. And I can't stand here and pretend like I'm okay with it. I'm not choosing her over you. I'm just choosing not to surround myself with someone who would treat someone like that, who has no moral compass and who lies to their friends and girlfriend to have a little fun. So, I'll mind my business for good now. You go ad have fun with that West High girl. Hope things work out."

I didn't even let Chris respond because I said my peace.

And I don't even feel the least bit sad walking away from him and our friendship right now.

It's not about a girl.

I didn't walk away from him so in the future I'd maybe have a slight chance with Gabriella if she ever stopped hating me.

It's about right from wrong and the person that was standing in front of me.

He's not someone I want as a friend.

Now.

Or probably ever.