A/N: VisualIDentificationZeta, first paragraph's for you. :)

Excoriation

One usage of a chamberpot later, and I was really longing for indoor plumbing. While I was sure trying to nail a small bowl on the floor was probably a challenge even to sober guys, it was a serious pain in the ass for a girl having to squat over it. I almost pissed on the floor when I lost my balance and fell over. Trust me, the temptation just to sit in the cold tub and let go was nearly overwhelming.

The big decision of the morning appeared to be choice of outfits. Assuming I could talk Mauronk into that mission up to the Barrow, I should probably get suited up. But if we decided to stay in town for awhile first... I unwrapped one of the packages and looked over the dress critically. It was a stunner, that's for sure. I'd always thought the dress was amazingly sexy on some of the women in the game, so I was excited to see that trader had one. I wondered what Mauronk would think of it.

I felt my cheeks heat up. Where did that come from? Oh sure, he was built like a brick house. Or... the male equivalent, anyway. I'm sure the Commodores didn't have boys in mind back in the day. The Orc certainly didn't leave you guessing as to his endowments, either. No, he was... right up front about it, pretty much. He was so unselfish with his body, I almost felt like a nun by comparison. And that was certainly not true.

This morning's little confrontation told me a lot about him that I probably wouldn't have learned even by talking to him for days. Whatever this taboo was about Orcs and humans getting it on, he took it damn seriously. He could have taken advantage of the situation in a million other ways than how he actually handled it. I had to give him credit for that. Not shy about full Monties or thumping annoying girls he may be, but a rapist he was not.

The scary thing was, he was pretty damn sexy, and knowing the whole world would freak itself into a stupor if we so much as kissed made him exponentially more desirable. What is it about 'forbidden' that gets the heart racing and the loins throbbing? Shaking my head and grinning, I put on the dress.

I'd seen it on a few women, mostly in association with taverns. The bodice dipped way down, and shoved the boobs way up, so you got an instant front-mounted cleavage assault vehicle. The skirt was knee length, and gathered up at the waist at intervals to show a frilly underskirt beneath. A pair of knee-high soft leather boots completed the ensemble. Though mostly colored in earth tones, it was still pretty complementary to my pale skin. I didn't have a mirror, but what I could see was pretty impressive. Grinning, I went out into the common room.

He was still in his room, hopefully scrubbing the hell out of himself, so I went ahead and ordered up some breakfast. The great big fire pit in the middle of the room was toasty warm, and I actually started feeling a little drowsy as I waited.

When he finally emerged from the room next to mine, he even looked cleaner. The purple paint he'd worn was washed off now, and he was dressed in a simple tunic and pants. Obviously, he had no immediate plans for assaulting nearby tombs this morning. Without the paint, I could see a jagged scar on his left cheek from some long ago battle. As he approached, he was busy pulling his damp hair back and tying it with a thong, so he didn't register me at first.

Collapsing into the chair opposite me, he finally stopped fussing with his hair and looked at me. His jaw fell open. I really wished I could tell where his eyes were focused, but I guess I didn't have to wonder. The thing about breasts is that they don't require too much extra effort to fire off an opening salvo when a worthy opponent is near.

"Much better," I commented, leaning forward and breathing in his scent. If possible, his eyes widened more when this second volley was launched. "You'd never know either one of us had escaped a flaming village now."

Mauronk blinked rapidly, apparently trying to drag his attention away from the battlefield. "What... is that?" he finally asked, his voice rasping as he tried to keep it down.

"Do you like it?" I asked, fussing with the neckline and the way the skirt rested on my lap. "Not cheap, mind you, but well worth every... uh... septim."

"It is... nice," he managed, looking away.

"Well, you don't sound too convincing," I grumped. Not exactly as effusive with admiration as I'd hoped.

"What do you want me to say?" he growled. "You look a proper whore; congratulations?"

My eyes flew open wide and my back went ramrod straight. Slowly standing up, I fixed him with a dagger-filled glare, then stomped back to my room, slamming the door behind me. While I felt like tearing the thing off and ripping it to shreds, I restrained myself, and folded it a bit less than neatly. It had cost a lot. I put on my leather armor instead, but still couldn't go out there and face him.

I guess I should have expected it from him, Insensitivity Poster Child that he was, but it was still humiliating. He runs around in the altogether without a thought; I show a little skin and I'm a whore? What the hell? I was so angry, tears started to form, and that just made me madder.

There was a knock on my door, but I ignored it. Let him stew, the bastard.

"Danni."

"Go away."

"I'm... I'm sorry."

"Fuck off."

He tried the door, and it easily opened. I hadn't figured out how to lock it, I guess. He hesitantly walked in and closed the door behind him.

"I did not mean...," he began, but I cut him off.

"You know what?" I snapped. "If it's skin exposure that makes me a whore, than you're the world's biggest whore. I've seen every inch of you, and so have most of the people in this town."

"They are not looking at me," he retorted defensively.

"Well, why the hell wouldn't they?" I cried. "You're... sort of... nice to look at." Again, my cheeks flared bright red, and I looked away.

"You are likely the only human who thinks so," he said quietly after a moment. I glanced up at him. He looked embarrassed, but the little smile wrestling its way around his tusks told me he was flattered as well.

"I'm not a whore, Mauronk," I said stiffly.

"I am sorry I said it," he replied. He sighed and leaned against the door. "You wear your armor. Do you have plans?"

"Yeah," I said, grateful for the change of subject. "The guy at the trader's has some stolen property he wants returned. I agreed to go get it." I rose and straightened the leather hanging around my legs. "Wanna come?"

He snorted a laugh. "Someone must keep you alive," he said.

"Well, go get dressed, then," I said firmly. Nodding, he left.

I was pretty sure I hadn't forgiven him, but I had to be realistic. There was no way I'd make it through Bleak Falls Barrow without a meat shield, and he made a pretty good one. He didn't say much as we left the inn and headed down the road, though he kept looking at me funny every now and then. At first I thought it was because he actually had liked me in that dress and was imagining me back in it, but when he finally stopped and said something, I quickly learned how wrong I was.

"Stop, I cannot stand it," he snapped. Barely waiting for me to come to a full stop, he grabbed the front of my armor and started unbuckling the side.

"Oh my," I said breathlessly. "Right here?"

He curled his lip. "This goes here," he snarled, realigning the straps and buckles. "And this goes here."

I just stared at him, dumbfounded. My armor wasn't on right?

"Now we can go on." He turned and started walking again.

"Wow," I said sarcastically. "That was disappointing."

Furrowing his brow, he looked at me as I fell into step with him again. "What do you mean?"

"All groping and no 'oh my god'. You men are all alike."

Halting again, he gazed at me in disbelief. "What?"

The look of shock on his face was hilarious, so I carried on. "What about my needs?" I cried to the heavens. "Don't I deserve a thrill once in awhile? A little satisfaction?" Glancing at him, I almost blew it, he looked so completely uncomfortable, embarrassed, confused... the list goes on and on. "Never mind!" I wailed dramatically. I threw up my hand palm out, pitched my nose in the air, and walked right into a pair of very hungry, pissed off wolves.

While I didn't exactly shit myself, I came damn close to dampening my legs. Thank goodness for that chamberpot after all, huh? I thought my scream shook a few birds out of their nests as well. Mauronk was fast off the mark, and dove at the offending animals with a roar. Having fallen on my ass, I scuttled backwards out of the way and hyperventilated in an ineffectual heap while the Orc thoroughly ventilated the poor beasts.

Once more, the thought crowded into my mind that I was going to die horribly. Some Dragonborn I was. What a piece of crap hero, if two little wolves nearly put me in a coma. Just wait for a dragon to drop out of the sky. Hugging myself and drawing up my knees, I just sat there staring at the ground. I could hear his metal-shod boots approaching.

Here it comes, I thought. He's going to be disgusted and give me another 'lesson' about fighting, out of the goodness of his heart. Good thing he's wearing steel plated gauntlets so I'll be sure to get it this time.

Mauronk squatted next to me, and I flinched.

"I will not strike you, little one," he said, his voice a deep rumble. "Are you well? Do you need healing?"

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I suck. I don't know why I'm even trying."

"You do not... suck," he said uncertainly. Obviously, he was trying to work out the meaning by context and not having much success at it. "You were surprised. If anything, it is I who should apologize. I did not see them coming."

"I distracted you," I pointed out.

"There is that," he conceded. Another of his unwilling smiles battled fiercely to show itself. "Are you certain you want to continue?"

Sighing, I nodded. "I have to. Don't ask me why, just... I just have to. Once we're done here, we have to get to Whiterun and tell the Jarl. I'm sure Ralof is too busy hiding from Imperials to do a damn thing."

Grunting, Mauronk straightened and offered his hand. "I have not seen him since we reached Riverwood." I stood with his help. "If he has gone on to Windhelm, he must have done so in the night."

"Probably," I agreed. We continued on up the path to the Barrow. "Hey. Thanks," I muttered.

"We will need to camp before reaching the top, I expect," he said as if he hadn't heard me. "I can teach you the sword and bow, if you wish."

"That'll be great," I said dully.

"And you are welcome."