Inspired: The Man With The Child In His Eyes by Kate Bush.
The Man With The Child In His Eyes
Matthew snuffed the candle on his bedside and snuggled into the bedsheets. The wind was bitter where it slipped through the shutters but he made no move to mess around with them. The blankets were warm and that was what mattered.
He blinked, staring at the ceiling and willing himself to dream.
He tried counting sheep, and when that did not work, he tried counting them backwards and in another language.
He wanted to see him. No, he needed to see him. The man with the child in his eyes… The man who existed only in his dreams…
Gilbert.
The sheep continue to bound over the fence one after the other but Matthew did not feel very tired.
"That's because you're already asleep, moron."
Matthew jumped at the sound of another voice besides his inner monologue and was surprised to find Gilbert sitting next to him on the dreamscape fence.
"Gilbert!"
"The one and only."
"I could have sworn I was still awake…"
"Nope. It's just you and me and the sheep now." Gilbert quirked an eyebrow. "But you can stop counting them anytime now."
Matthew 'closed' his eyes for a second and when he opened them again, the sheep were gone. He watched a sun that existed only in his mind cast pink and silver shadows over unfamiliar blue prairie grass. Gilbert nodded his head in approval.
"Pretty," he said simply.
"What are you doing here?" Matthew asked, keeping his gaze on the horizon.
"You wanted to see me."
Matthew laughed.
"I always want to see you. That does not mean you always come."
Gilbert shrugged and graced him with a small mischievous smile. It brought out the twinkle in his eyes that spoke of a little boy with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Hey. I'm a figment of your imagination. What I do or don't do is your problem, not mine."
Matthew clucked his tongue disapprovingly but did not disagree. It was true.
Leave it to him to fall in love with a figment of his own imagination, to fall in love with a dream… It was just like him to do something so ridiculous and asinine.
The wind whistled through the grass and carried the seeds to new beginnings. There were birds soaring across the purple skies that would seem misshapen and strange by the light of day but were just right whilst he was sleeping.
"I missed you," Matthew said, keeping his eyes trained on the setting sun. Gilbert snorted and jostled him and Matthew could almost pretend that he was actually there.
"Of course you did; I'm awesome." He puffed out his chest. "It would be weird if you didn't miss me."
"How modest," Matthew said dryly.
"I know."
"… Do you ever miss me?"
"… Maybe."
The old wooden fence creaked beneath their weight and he could have sworn that the gnarled knots and splinters beneath his fingertips were real but it was all a lie. It was all a dream.
Granted, it was an absolutely perfect dream. The tragedy was that it made the waking world seem that much more unbearable, like being ripped out of paradise and cast into hell.
"Sometimes I wish that I could just stay here."
"… Sometimes I wish that you could just stay here too. With me."
"Why don't I, then?"
Gilbert sighed and the wind echoed the sound.
"Everyone has to wake up, Matthew. Even you."
Matthew kicked out his bare feet with petulant grace and pouted.
"What if I don't want to?"
"That's not how it works and you know it."
"Well," Matthew huffed, "it should be."
"Yes," Gilbert agreed, "it should be. But it isn't."
Matthew watched as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon and his dreamscape shifted to painted blues and blacks. Brilliant white stars peppered the sky in intricate patterns. There was no moon.
He finally turned his head to stare at the figment that seemed so real… The man with the child in his eyes…
Gilbert was tall, he supposed, but he always seemed to slouch. His skin was as pale as the stars in the sky and just as radiant; he seemed to glow in the darkness. It was hard to see them now but Matthew knew that those beautiful eyes were crimson.
Gilbert met his gaze.
"Kiss me," Matthew whispered, aware that he sounded desperate and not caring. "Please."
"Alright…" Gilbert leaned in to kiss him and…
Matthew woke up.
He hissed and roughly wiped the tears of frustration from his cheeks. His bedroom seemed even colder now without Gilbert and he shivered beneath the blankets that had been so warm an hour ago.
It was awful, falling in love with a dream. It was horrible and wearisome but he kept seeking it out. How could he not? He spent his days thinking about the man with the child in his eyes and could not wait until bedtime. It was selfish and somehow narcissistic but he kept coming back for more.
Matthew sighed and settled back into the pillows, waiting for sleep to claim him once again.
It was a dreadful way to live but it was worth it. In some twisted way, it was worth the pain just to see Gilbert and he knew that he would give up so much more just to have those few stolen moments with him.
Matthew felt his consciousness slipping away and found himself wishing, yet again, that he could stay with Gilbert. He found himself wishing that he would never wake up…
Even though it was impossible; even though it was impractical…
He would give it all up for a figment of his imagination, for a vision, for a dream.
He would give it all up for the man with the child in his eyes.
Author's Notes:
This one is a little different. It should be obvious that I chose such a dreamlike and disjointed writing style on purpose. This ended up being sort of bitter and sad in the end. I'll have to try and balance it with something happier next time. I have to keep you on your toes.
I fell in love with a dream once and I cannot even begin to express how deeply it touched me. It was heart wrenching to wake up. My heart still longs for that dream and I struggle with the fact that he will forever be beyond my reach.
Aha! A week worth of updates, everyday. Suck on that! (Don't, actually. You don't know where it's been.) I hope that the updates were of some help to those who went back to school this week. Good luck!
More love!