TROY

Senior year, day sixty-two.

"You okay, man?"

"I'm fine," I catch the ball from Brett before attempting to make it in the basket.

But, I missed. Like I have been.

Brett chases after the ball. "You've been missing."

"I know," I laugh.

"Look, dude, I know it's been weird lately, but you can talk to me. You know you can tell me shit, right? Anything you want."

I know I can. I've known Brett just as long as I've known Chris and we've always hung out. Chris and I were just closer. But I love Brett like a brother and despite him never knowing about my crush for Gabriella, I know I can trust him with basically anything.

Chris has shut us out. He goes off for lunch, doing his own thing, and that's not really my problem anymore. I don't even care what he's doing.

I know it bother Brett and Brian and the rest of the guys, though.

But it's up to them to deal with it.

I'm not.

"I think I'm in love with Gabriella," I tell him with a slight shrug as if it's no big deal.

"Oh," he says, "makes sense."

What's he talking about? It makes sense? "Huh?"

Brett laughs, "it just makes sense. She's obviously gorgeous. You two have always had this easy going friendship. The way you look at her. the way she looks at you. I obviously didn't want to assume anything and I barely gave it much thought, to be honest. But it makes sense. I see it."

"Okay, and...?"

"And Chris is a fucking idiot for doing what he did. She's free game, my man, and you'd be an idiot to sit back and not let her know how you feel."

He's right. I would. But she barely looks my way. I've tried talk to her.

I think I'll just give it some time.

"Do you think I'm a terrible friend?" I ask him.

"Nah," he shakes his head, tossing me the ball, "a terrible friend is Chris Murphy for cheating on her and then shutting us all out."

"Yeah..."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. If Chris really cared, he would have apologized to Gabriella and owned to what he did was wrong. Sure, he could be mad at you for falling for his girl, but you didn't do shit about you. You stood back and let them be. That's a good fucking friend right there and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm serious. You don't need to feel like shit. You've been nothing but a good friend."

I know I have. I do know that.

But it's hard not to think about the fact that I let myself just fall for this girl who was taken. How shitty I feel for doing that.

At the same time, though, it has no correlation with him cheating.

For being a bad boyfriend or whatever.

That's on him.

I take a deep breath, shoot the ball, make it and then thank Brett. He's a good friend.

The kind I need in my life.

Senior year, day sixty-eight.

"Troy!"

I walk into my mother's office, a bag of chips in hand, after her excessively calling my name. "Sorry, what?"

She's sitting at her desk with a stack of papers, "I wanna talk to you."

She looks... busy.

But I sit down anyway on one of the chairs.

"So," she says, closing a manila folder filled with papers and pushing it to the side before leaning back in her chair, "what's been going on with you lately?"

"What do you mean?" I ask her, yet I'm fully aware of exactly what she's talking about.

"Troy..."

I let my shoulders fall as I slump in this chair, tossing the bag of chips on her desk, "I know I'm... checked out a bit."

She nods, "you can talk to me."

"Remember how I told you that thing about my friend and his girlfriend and how she might be cheating on him?" I ask, which earns a nod, "well, I lied. Not really. It was just the other way around. My friend was the one cheating on his girlfriend and I knew and well, I'm sure you're obviously putting the pieces together and you know it was Gabriella and Cameron."

"Oh, Troy," she looks concerned and like her mom heart just broke in two, "I'm so sorry. That's such a terrible place to be in."

I laugh.

It really was a terrible place.

But it's not the reason I'm down in the dumps, why I walk around without saying much.

"Mom," I drag her name out, trying to decide if I should go down this route. If anyone else needs to know about my feelings for her. But this is my mom. She probably has such sage advice. "It was mostly terrible because I think I've been in love with Gabriella from the moment I laid eyes on her."

"You think I didn't know that?" She lets out a smile.

"You did?"

"Troy, honey, I'm your mom. Of course I know when you like a girl."

I laugh, "yeah, of course."

She shakes her head, "sometimes you can't help it. I know for a fact you wouldn't pursue your best friends girl, sneak her away, fall for her on purpose. It just happens. People are attracted to who they're attracted to. It's how they go about it. And you were respectful. And you let them have their relationship, whatever that meant to them, and now... well, now, I'm not sure. How do you feel? What do you want?"

Her.

I just really, really want her. More than anything.

But I also just want her to know how truly sorry I am that I didn't speak up when I had my suspicions. Maybe it would have saved her some heartache.

"I just want her to be happy, honestly," I tell her, "she really does deserve that."

"And so do you."

Most people deserve happiness. I know I can be happy without Gabriella. She's not the end all be all in my life.

But God, I wish I had the chance to know how it felt to be with her.

To be happy alongside her.

I'm not sure what it'll take. I'm not sure she wants anything to do with me. I'm not sure if she wants nothing to do with any guy for a while. Or if she just has no interest in me in that way whatsoever. I have no idea because she won't talk to me.

"You can't keep your feelings bottled in, baby," she gets up from her chair and comes towards me, "people deserve to know them."

"What if she doesn't wanna hear them?"

"Her loss."

I smile up at her. Of course she has to say that, she's my mom.

I'm already at a loss.

"Is it wrong that you fell for a girl with a boyfriend, who so happened to be your best friend? No. But it is a little... messed up. But we cannot help who we fall for, Troy. You did not act on it, you did not tell her, him, this whole time. If I had to be a million dollars, I'd bet you wish you hadn't, that you tried so hard not to. You deserve happiness in whatever form it is. Whether it's closure or wanting something out of this... go for it."

"I don't even know where to begin," I tell her.

She gives me a small smile, "you begin by telling yourself that it's okay that you fell for someone. No reason to be mad at yourself for it."

She's right.

I don't need to keep telling myself that I'm an idiot for falling for her. Because I'm not an idiot.

And I never, ever wanted to take her away in any shape, way or form. I wanted her happy. And if that meant with Chris then that meant with Chris.

But maybe it's my turn.

Maybe I deserve some of that happiness I feel she can bring to me.