This chapter was inspired by the song 'Stay' by Rihanna.
Stay
Matthew sat in the alcove and pressed his hand against the windowpane. His breath frosted the window with each sigh.
Gilbert stood outside in the snow with a brilliant red suitcase. He was looking at the house, at Matthew, refusing to come in but unable to leave. Snowflakes caught in his hair and settled on his broad shoulders.
He had been standing there for an hour.
Matthew pulled his feet up onto the seat and nestled into the blanket, worn and soft against his bare chest. He was naked and cold and dead inside but he refused to move. He refused to give up that last sliver of hope.
His knuckles were white and his fingertips were pink but he pressed harder as if he might be able to reach the man on the other side. His forehead smacked against the windowpane.
He wanted him to stay.
Gilbert watched him with an unreadable expression. His footprints had long since disappeared in the falling snow. It was as if he had always been there, watching. Waiting…
Matthew did not know what he was waiting for…
He curled his toes in an effort to warm up but it was a lost cause. The cold had seeped into his bones and into his heart.
He smacked his forehead against the windowpane again.
The suitcase resting in the snow was fever bright and vivid. It was impossible to ignore. That suitcase carried a lifetime of memories and dreams. It carried their past.
And their future…
He let his forehead bounce against the window again and again and again.
Gilbert flinched.
The blanket around his shoulders was pale blue and falling apart. It was stained with a thousand kisses, a hundred arguments, and a dozen rainstorms. It was painted with their sweat and tears. It represented their life together.
He tightened his grasp on it and stared at Gilbert, wanting him to stay, no, needing him to stay. He wanted to throw himself at his feet and beg but his pride would not let him. He wanted to apologize but the words died on his lips.
His forehead hit the windowpane again. His fingers ached.
But he refused to move.
The snow continued to dance around Gilbert and the suitcase was more white than red now. How much time had passed? How long had he been standing there?
How long had Matthew been watching him?
The sun started setting in the west and coloured the clouds in purples and oranges.
Gilbert took a step forward.
And then another one.
And another one.
He approached the window and studied Matthew, chewing on his lip. He was unsure... Worried.
Vulnerable.
Then he raised a tentative hand and pressed it against the windowpane, mirroring the blonde. His hand was bigger and Matthew could feel the heat radiating from his palm through the frost.
Gilbert cocked his head to the side in a silent, unspoken question. His gaze never left his face.
He wanted to stay.
Matthew sobbed, sudden and harsh, and nodded his head. The tears streaked down his cheeks and decorated the blanket because the answer was obvious, so obvious.
He wanted him to stay. Of course he wanted him to stay.
So he would.
Gilbert turned around and picked up the suitcase. A moment later the door opened and he collapsed in front of Matthew, still covered in snow. The suitcase sat alone in the den, red and white and meaningful.
Matthew wrapped his arms around the other man and cried.
Author's Notes:
There is a vulnerability to this song that catches my attention. It is very simple and somehow very powerful. And so is this piece. (And short, but there was not much else to add.)
There is no dialogue in this chapter because no words are needed. Matthew wants him to stay, Gilbert wants to stay, but both of them know it would be better to go. Relationships are like that sometimes.
All of my love.