Chapter 3: The Evidence

The sun was bright through my mother's curtains, and Kenny was beside me, he looked like an angel. When I sat up I groaned in agony, my head was pounding. My eyes were sore, and my pillow had a little patch of wetness. I cried myself to sleep. It was early and no one else was awake, I started to remember last night. Ms. Cartman, that man, the blood, and…Eric. Why would he do that to him self? The cuts were so deep, it must have felt unbearable. But he did it. Not only was he in pain but, he caused it. I decided to investigate a little, because I knew asking Eric a million questions would just result in frustration. He would never give me straight forward answer. I slowly snuck out of bed put on my sneakers and snuck outside. When I looked at the clock on the fire place it read 5:43 so it was really early for anyone to be up. I was afraid of waking anybody up so I tiptoed out the front door. I used to live right next to Eric's house but, we moved down the street because, our house had become too small for us. While I was walking the sun kept my face warm with its sweet embrace and brightened by the minute. The snow was glimmering with the sunlight and the town was so peaceful.

When I arrived at Eric's house emotions were starting to swell up to my eyes, on the verge of breaking loose. I took a deep breath and held in my tears and walked right through his front door. When I closed the front door the silence was deadly, it was deafening. Not one sound stirred in the house. The china cabinet was shattered and broken on the ground blocking the archway to the kitchen, and the smell of dirty dishes and fabric freshener filled the air. His old brown couch was worn down and beat up, and his coffee table was scratched up from his old cat Mr. Kitty. He loved that cat more then the world, I remember when his cat passed away, Eric spoke to no one for at least a month. He was devastated. I slowly began to walk up the stairs to his room, looking at the pictures hanging in beautiful patterned frames, all though worn down. "Loo loo l-loo, you g-got some apples, loo l-loo loo, you got so-some too," I began to sing to calm my nerves and to prevent myself from crying and before I knew it I was standing in front of Eric's door. I cautiously turned the door knob in fear of finding the horrible scene again. His room was dark and the air's aroma was different then the rest of the house. It reeked of smoke and alcohol. His bed was unmade, his desk was covered in piles of paper and cigarette buds, and small piles of dirty clothes stayed strewn about the floor. Where we found Eric there were two small puddles of dried up blood and a piece of note book paper folded up. I don't remember seeing the little piece of paper. I picked it up gently and unfolded its edges, it was a note.

To Whom It May Concern,

If you are reading this you have probably found me dead. Know that I was tired, tired of taking care of my mother, tired of taking care of myself alone, and tired of having no love in my life. Whoever is reading this probably cares less about me and jumping with joy that I am gone. I've escaped. I am not a good person, I know Hell awaits me. I am cruel, rude, fat, and insensitive to the people I care about. Their lives are better without me, and I know I'm better without me. I don't deserve to have love and that's why I am tired. Fighting and reaching for something you can have is worth living for, but I am reaching for something that I know I can never have. I can never have love because, I am a bad person, but today I will protect you.

-Eric Cartman

I couldn't hold the tears in anymore, I had to let them spill out. I wanted Eric to be happy. I wanted him to want to live. He was trying to kill himself. As I was crying I got a glimpse of what the papers on his desk were, when I looked closer I noticed they were bills. Most of them were overdue but, some were paid. Only a handful I would guess. All over on the floor vodka and whiskey bottles remained empty and deserted. I felt even more terrible and started to sob. I ran out of the house and back to my house screaming at myself inside. "Butters!" before I looked up I crashed into Kenny. We fell down on the ground hard and Kenny hit his head on the cold sidewalk under us. "Ow!" I hurried off of Kenny and began to cry even more because I had hurt him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I fell to the ground in a crying mess when Kenny wrapped his arms around me. "Butters, what happened?" He was rocking me back and forth trying to get me to calm down. I couldn't talk I knew I couldn't talk so I gave him the crumpled piece of paper that was in my hand. He slowly pulled it out of my hand before I let out another stream of tears. "Shh, Butters?" I took deep breaths and sniffled. "I-I we-went over t-to Eric's hou-house t-to find out wh-why he wou-would do that an-and I found th-that!" With that I let out another cry before more tears streamed down my face. Kenny looked at me with concerned expression before he helped me up and took me inside where my mother was making coffee and my father was reading the newspaper as usual. I guess Kenny didn't want to upset my parents with me crying so he snuck me upstairs to my room. My window was covered with a big piece of cardboard to prevent the cold air from spilling in. Kenny led me over to my bed and sat me down and began rocking me back and forth again. "You can tell me Butters it's ok," I closed my eyes and took more deep breaths until I was calm enough to speak. I must have taken a long time because, when I began to talk I startled Kenny. "I-I was going over to Eric's house to see if there was anything t-to explain wh-why Eric would do that t-to himself and I found this no-note and I found bills, bottles, cigarettes even. I didn't know," I started up the water works again. "Shh, it's ok. It's ok, I'll go over and see if there's anything else ok?" "B-but there isn't, look at that note th-that explains everything!" Kenny gave me a peck on the cheek before lifting his arm off of me to read the note. I saw his eyes scan through the paper concentrating on this little but, big piece of information. When he had read it a dozen times he didn't move. He didn't say anything about the note. "Ho-how about you and your parents go visit Eric in the hospital while I go over to his house," "But Ken," "No, I need to see for myself," I nodded my head and understood why Kenny needed to do this. He always had his own way of dealing with his emotions, sometimes they would burst out of nowhere. Sometimes he keeps them all to himself. What he had to do, he had to do on his own. "Ok Ken, you'll meet up with us right?" "Right, and we should probably call the school and tell them we're out today," "Oh yeah," I gave Kenny a kiss before heading downstairs to talk to my parents and leave to see Eric. After, I ate breakfast my mom called the school to excuse Kenny and I, then the hospital to let them know we were coming over. I grabbed my coat and put on my sneakers and we headed out to see Eric. I hope Kenny comes to see Eric soon. I don't want to be with Eric alone knowing that we saved him from his wishes. My parents are good company but, they don't know what happened this morning, or what Eric tried to do last night.

Kenny's Point Of View:

After Butters had left the room I sunk my head into my hands. How could I be so blind? Was I really that oblivious to it? I went through the same thing, and Cartman was there to help me through it, even if he was an ass about it. He was going through one of the most difficult parts of his life and I wasn't there for him. I'm a terrible friend.

As I was walking to Cartman's house I had almost run into Kyle on his way to school. "Hey, hey Kenny," "What, oh, hey," "Dude, school is that way, "Yeah I know, I'm not going to school today," "What, why?" "I need to, it's about Cartman," "Oh, what did the Nazi-bastard do this time?" "Kyle, please. He-he did something stupid last night," I shrugged and looked over to see Kyle walking with me to Cartman's house. "That sounds like Cartman being himself," "No, I mean really stupid, like if he had succeeded he wouldn't be able to go back and fix it," "What do you mean? Is he in jail or something?" I started to have shortened breaths and accidently let a tear run down my face, causing Kyle to stop and grab my shoulder. I looked over and saw his eyes full of worry. "Did he do something to Butters?" I wiped my tears away with my hand and continued walking with Kyle beside me. "No, he-he did something to himself," I was going to lose it if I kept talking so I took out the paper Butters gave to me out of my pocket and handed it Kyle, who looked at me with confusion. He took the paper and read it silently then aloud for reassurance. "If you are reading this you have probably found me dead. Know that I was tired, tired of taking care of my mother, tired of taking care of myself alone, and tired of having no love in my life. Whoever is reading this probably cares less about me and jumping with joy that I am gone. I've escaped. I am not a good person, I know Hell awaits me. I am cruel, rude, fat, and insensitive to the people I care about. Their lives are better without me, and I know I'm better without me. I don't deserve to have love and that's why I am tired. Fighting and reaching for something you can have is worth living for, but I am reaching for something that I know I can never have. I can never have love because, I am a bad person. Eric Cartman," I looked over to him expecting to see a confused or shocked expression, instead it was one of sadness and regret. "Wh-why would he do that? What did he do to himself, tell me Kenny," He started to get angry and frustrated. "I don't know he-he took a pair of scissors," I was losing my breath and biting my lip to prevent my self from screaming. "And he sliced open his arms, oh it was awful. Butters screamed and I held is arms up trying to keep him awake. When the ambulance got there they said if we weren't there when we were, he' be gone. He would be gone. He'd be dead," I held it in the tears and bit my lip again. "Kenny, I'm sorry," I let go right there, I dropped to my knees and pried. Kyle gave me a hug and I cried into his shoulder. He brought me up as I relieved my tears into his sweatshirt. I let it all out. I pulled away and continued to walk to Cartman's house after I had wiped away my tears. Kyle pulled out his cell phone and was dialing a number. "Hey Stan, can you skip school today?" I looked over to Kyle and took a minute to observe my friend. He was wearing a black sweatshirt, blue jeans, and his worn down white converse that were now a brownish gray. It seemed that everybody had converse in this town except for Stan who always wore boots. "Yeah, well I'm with Kenny and uh, something happened can you meet up with us?" He looked to me for an answer to his question, where are we going? "We're going to Cartman's house for a look around his mom isn't home so we can just walk in," He shook his head and told Stan where to meet him then hanged up.

When we got to Cartman's house the door was open from Butters running out earlier, I guessed. I took the first step inside observing the room and the damaged inflicted on the atmosphere last night. Everything was out of place about the feeling of the room, I was nervous, scared even. I was frightened of the events that took place in the room. I told Kyle what had happened last night and why we were over here in the first place. He seemed stunned about what had happened and spoke very little. I was heading for the kitchen when we heard a knock on the door. "It's probably Stan," "Alright just tell him to be careful in here there's shattered glass everywhere." Kyle went to the door and let Stan in who had a puzzled face. "Hey Kenny," I looked up from glass and looked over to Stan who was observing the mess. "Hey, Stan," Stan looked at me with a confused looked and looked down on the fallen china cabinet. "What happened?" "Something bad," I glanced at Kyle who got the idea that I didn't want to talk about it so he explained the situation to Stan. "Dude," "Yeah, I know," I passed Stan and Kyle to head up the stairs with suspicion. The other two followed pursuit. I saw that Cartman's door was wide open, and the aroma changed. I walked into the room with caution and saw a glimpse of last night's happenings. I saw the blood on the floor and stopped breathing for a moment as another line of wetness slithered down my cheek. I snapped out of it and turned away from the blood. I looked around the room for something as to who the guy was who attacked Mrs. Cartman was or what Butters was talking about bills. I went over to his desk to see piles of envelopes and papers stacked high. All the pages read overdue, bill paid, foreclosure notice. Why would they all be in his room and not Mrs. Cartman's? "Why are bills on all over Cartman's desk?" Stan's eyes grew sincere and sympathetic as we went through his bills. "Because he was paying them," I saw them look over to me briefly before I turned away and looked on the ground. A composition book was resting on a stack of textbooks, so I reached down and picked it up. "I guess Cartman still writes," Kyle looked at me while Stan was still searching through the documents in front of us. I flipped open the note book and tried to make out the scribbles written on the pages. "I am tired. I am going to die soon hopefully," There was a drawing of a fat kid hanging on a noose. I lifted the notebook and showed the drawing to the two of them. "Dude," I looked over to Kyle for a sign of some good news, but he couldn't speak. "What are we going to do about this?" Kyle and I looked to Stan. "I mean we can't just stand here and do nothing, he's our friend," he was a nervous wreck with fear in his eyes. "Right now we don't know a lot and Cartman is in the hospital. I think we should just be there for him while he needs us," "Kenny what about Butters?" Stan looked to Kyle and me before asking again. "What about Butters?" "He's the one who told me," "What?" They both said in unison staring at me with confusion. "He's the one that found the letter," We all glanced at each other before nodding our heads in agreement to leave. "We need to meet up with Butters at the hospital," "We can take my car," "Thanks Stan," "No problem."

We left Cartman's house and headed for the hospital. We sat in the waiting room for awhile before going into Cartman's room. I wanted Butters to have his talk with him. His parents left and he was left alone in the room. The door opened and Butters was standing there in tears I ran over to him and squeezed him tight. "Butters, Butters what's the matter?" "H-he told me why," He sniffled. "What do you mean?" "H-he is si-sick of taking ca-care of everyone else," He started sobbing into my shoulder and I placed my hand on the back of his head. The other two boys were looking at me with sympathy in their eyes. They couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything when Butters is this upset. All we can do is try to talk to him and calm him down. I told Kyle and Stan that Butters and I needed to go home, and that we would talk to Cartman tomorrow. With that we all went home.

Butters and I lied around the rest of the day watching television and sharing oodles and noodles. We cuddled on the pull out bed, and didn't talk at all. Karen came by to check up on me and we talked for awhile before she left, leaving me and Butters two cookies she had baked. Butters nibbled on his cookie for an hour before he finally finished it, I think he was savoring the taste. We didn't eat dinner and Mr. and Mrs. Stotch wished us goodnight before heading upstairs for bed. Butters had already fallen asleep clinging to my side. He was so sweet, his eyelid twitched giving the impression that he was dreaming, and his hair was all messy. He looked sloppy but, at the same time so clean. His skin was pale in the television's dim light and his hair appeared white. I switched off the TV and sat in the silence listening to the heater rattling in the hallway and Butters' soft breathing. I kissed him on the forehead before pulling the cover over us and closing my eyes. "Goodnight Butters," with that I dozed off to sleep.