Chapter 4: The Death of Eric Cartman
Weeks went by and Eric was still in the hospital. Kenny and I visit him everyday after school hoping he would be better, but he's only gotten worse. He refuses to eat, and keeps himself awake until he passes out from exhaustion, and he has been put on suicide watch after another attempt while Kenny was visiting him. When I visit Eric by myself on Sundays he seems calm and at ease but, that can be easily be mixed up with how he is and how the medicine is. He has been living in the Psych ward for at least two months. He still gets his homework and lessons, and his mother visits him every single day, and makes his favorite foods, but he doesn't eat it. When Kenny and I see Mrs. Cartman she's not herself anymore she's emotionless, tired, devastated.
The hospital was dreary and empty. Doctors and nurses were rushed all over completing or failing their tasks of saving lives and/or filling prescriptions. Screeching of the hospital's wheelchairs and beeping of monitors filled our ears but, with just the two of us in the hallway waiting, it felt lonely. Eric was going through so much. He was under stress but, I didn't see it. He wouldn't be in the hospital if I was there to save him. If I was there to stop the thoughts before they ran through his head. But I wasn't and now he was living in a psych ward. It should be me in there. My eyes started to water up and I looked over next to me to see Kenny thinking hard about the same thing. He looked down at me with troubled eyes and took my hand into his lap. "Butters…" His voice was low and staggered. He was holding back tears. I've never seen him try so hard to hold back anything. I was afraid if he didn't cry soon his eyes were going to pop out of his head. "I-I'm sorry," "Ken?" "I-I should've known. I went through the same thing," I knew he was upset but, never has he blamed himself. "Aww Ken, it wasn't your fau-fault," "It is, I wasn't there for him but, he was there for me," he grabbed me and held me tightly against his chest taking deep breaths to hold the waterworks back but, when I wrapped my arms around him for comfort he let it all out. He sobbed into my shoulder. I was shocked but held him tight and cried with him. I didn't want to make him more upset by reminding him that it wasn't his fault so I remained silent. After awhile Kenny lied on the bench and rested his head in my lap and napped. We must've been there almost the entire day waiting for visiting hours. We've been spending our Saturdays like this ever since Eric was admitted. Kenny said he didn't want to enjoy himself until his best friend was signed out of the hospital. I believe I speak for all the guys when I say that we never knew how close Kenny McCormick and Eric Cartman were until now. Kenny and Eric always seemed to disagree and almost hate each other but, sitting with Kenny crying in my shoulder about Eric proved otherwise.
While Kenny was sleeping on the bench, Stan, Kyle, and Wendy came by to keep us comfort. Stan and Kyle woke Kenny up and they went off to the food court to get some dinner. I was following pursuit when Wendy pulled my shoulder gently for me to stay. "Butters?" "G-go ahead, Kenny I'll meet up with you," "Alright," Wendy walked me over to the bench to sit down and talk with me about something. I take it was serious from the look of her eyes. Her face was pink and puffy most likely from crying. "Hi Butters," "He-hey Wendy," "Do you know anything about Eric yet?" "He had a go-good day today," "What?" "I-It means that Er-Eric hasn't done anything to hurt any of the nurses or himse-self. He even ate a meal today from what I he-heard," "He hasn't been eating?" "I was so exhausted from crying that talking about Eric I felt like I had no more tears to cry out. "He-he hasn't been eating at all, and when he does he either throws it up or hits himself on the wall. Apparently Eric hasn't be-been eating anything for weeks, only alcohol," "Oh god," "Yeah it's pretty bad alright," "How do you think he'll react about me being here?" "We-well I don't know Wendy," "Alright, can I talk to," "Excuse me Butters?" "Yeah Dr. Hadley," "Eric is ready to see visitors now," "Oh, ok," The red-haired lady smiled a wide smile before walking away. "What were you saying Wendy?" "I uh, can I talk to Eric? Alone for a minute," "Well sure Wendy I'll g-go eat dinner with Ken," I thought it was kind of weird for Wendy to ask if she could talk to Eric alone. I mean I know she is a good person but, she hates Eric with a passion. But maybe I'm imagining things, I don't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep.
Cartman's Point Of View:
I need to get out of here. I need to leave now. I have tried everything. Everything is locked up, I'm locked up. I hate it here. I'm sick of everyone and the people who are taking care of me are people I barely know. My mother has never taken care of me and she still hasn't owned up to being a mom. When I was little she spoiled me with treats to compensate for her not being there. No dad, no siblings, no mom, I was an orphan living in a relative's house. No one cared. I thought I could get out of this shit town and make a living somewhere else but, my plan failed. I turned to the only other option I had left and it is still the only option. I just want to die. No one ever cared, and now out of nowhere they act like I'm of some importance to them. I know Butters cares, but he needs to forget someone like me.
The room was bare. Nothing covered the walls with empty graffiti. The walls were paper white, along with the ceiling. The tiled floor was a light shade of gray with dark specks across them, looking like the end of a paint splatter. I couldn't have a window, because I was on 'suicide watch'. I didn't have a mirror in the bathroom, so I had no idea what I looked like. I had no television, only a bed, a side table, and me and my thoughts. I felt abandoned in that room. Today was one of my 'good' days they said. I thought it was the worst. I was too exhausted to attempt anything so I lied in bed all day, alone. With nothing to do but think, all I thought about was how I will succeed next time. Today was different, I thought about a girl who would never like me. It didn't bring up my self-esteem or a decision change. I was going to succeed no matter what. That was one of the more recognizable traits of my personality. If I start something I had to finish it. I hated myself and loved myself for that and only that reason. Creek! I shot my head up from hanging low and saw a beautiful girl. A girl with prominence in her body and face that would make a model jealous. Her brown eyes glowed like cinnamon jewels. Her smooth raven hair was down below her waist moving in sync with her body swaying side to side. Her black boots contrasted well with her white jeans, and purple turtle neck with a small gold chain around her abdomen. He black trench coat draped over her on her sides with personality. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on. I loved her ever since I could remember. She was perfect and her name was Wendy Testaburger. Yes, Wendy the chick who beat me up in 4th grade because, I let her. I couldn't hit her. She was in my room. She was visiting me in the hospital. She walked slowly towards the side of my bed and sat in the cushioned chair beside me and took my hand. I was confused. "Where were you?" What did she say? "What?" She seemed lost for minute, but she straightened her posture pursed her lips out and closed her eyes and repeated. "Where were you?" "Wendy what are you talking about?" "Dinner at Italio's, 7:30 don't be late. Yours only, asshole," I stared back at her speechless I didn't know what to say. I had forgotten all about that date. I wrote it on a little slip of notebook paper and slipped it in her locker on the first day of school. I didn't show. "I…" I didn't know what to say her eyes were pleading me for an answer of any kind. Her face was a soft pink from embarrassment but, she covered up well. She was always one of the strongest girls in the school, almost like she was one of the guys. She was brave, courageous, smart, and strong-minded. She was a strong young woman with beauty that I could not compare to anyone else. She was everything I hoped she would grow up to be. She had a disappointed expression on her face with a hint of pity. I didn't want her to pity me. I never wanted her to see me weak, not since our fight in elementary school. She caught me off guard when she took a deep breath. "I knew it was you. Bebe saw you at my locker and warned me of a death threat from you then I found this," She reached into her pocket and pulled out that same slip of paper that I wrote only for her. I didn't realize that I had accidently let one tear escape, until she jumped out her chair almost knocking it over and hugging me strongly. "Why Eric, why?" she held on to me. "What?" "Why would you leave me?" My eyes grew wide and my mouth was gaping like a fish, I lost my breath, I lost my train of thought, I couldn't do anything but, cry. I pulled her in closer whimpering into her shoulder. I had held in a lot for people, my emotions, my personal life, my problems, but with Wendy I felt like I could finally speak for the first time. She pulled away with her hands still on my shoulder gripping them, as if she'd never let go. "Eric," Her mascara had run down her face leaving little transparent black lines down her cheeks. I moved my hand up to her face and wiped away the lines, and put back a lock of her hair behind her ear and let out a few more water droplets. She smiled and leaned close to my face. She pursed her lips out in a friendly way, closed her eyes and leaned in further. I leaned towards her. Our lips caressed each other momentarily before attacking one another. Her tongue invaded my mouth, and mine invaded hers. I sat up without breaking contact and wrapped my arms around her torso pulling her closer towards me. We pulled away and looked at each other for reassurance that this wasn't a dream. She pushed me over to the other side of the bed and she lied beside me and snuggled up against me. Her head rested on the crook of my armpit, and I played with her hair. We didn't speak, we didn't have to. We knew what was going through our minds. What would people think? Will we be there for each other? Could we trust each other to tell one another secrets we dared never to share to anyone? We would have to find out for ourselves.
Creek! Wendy startled me by jumping from the noise, but she remained where she was rested against my side as Kenny, Stan, Kyle, and Butters walked in the room. "Well, you don't see this everyday," Kyle looked at me with shock. Kenny just sat where he usually sat in the red chair on the other side of my bed with Butters, and Stan sat in the chair where Wendy sat. "You look better Cartman," Stan meant sincerely as he gestured to me. "Yeah, you're a lot better from yesterday," Kenny said with a little joy in his voice. I looked at everybody for a minute observing each and every single person who had visited me whenever they could since I've been here. I wasn't alone. I started to cry so I sat up again and covered my face from embarrassment. "Woah, Cartman are you alright?" Kyle rushed over with everyone else to make sure I was alright. More tears sprang from my eyes like a faucet. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" I kept repeating myself. I didn't know what else to say to them. They meant so much to me. I shot up and pulled Kenny, Kyle, and Wendy into a huge hug. Stan and Butters came over and joined us in our emotional group hug. "I'm sorry guys, I'm so sorry. You guys have no idea how much you mean to me," I didn't want to let go, afraid of how they'd look at me. Wendy pulled me out of it and held me while everyone smiled at me. Butters and Kenny were both crying from joy, and Stan and Kyle were giddy with excitement. We all talked for awhile before people started leaving, Kenny and Butters were of course the last to leave. They would be back tomorrow and so would Wendy. I smiled at the thought. We talked about old times and how we should all go to the arcade in the mall one day when I get out of the hospital. Kyle and Stan came out to me and Wendy. Wendy already knew from school which I haven't been in since the first day. Days went by and I found out I would be discharged three days before homecoming. Enough time for me to find a suit and ask Wendy properly. Today was the best day of my life.
The day came when I could finally leave the hospital. All of my friends were there with my mom who drove us all to Bennigan's where Butters managed to get the employees to make a banner that said 'Welcome Home Eric' we had dinner and my mother and I dropped everyone home except for Kenny who was spending the night. On the drive home Kenny and I talked about how we use to be messed up kids, and now were just messed up teenagers. When we pulled up in the driveway I was a little nervous to walk in the door to see the mess we had left. Kenny held my hand and helped me make my way up the stairs and covered my eyes before going inside. "Kenny, what are you doing?" "It's a surprise," I heard my mother open the door and Kenny moved his hands. "Welcome home asshole," I opened my eyes to see a whole new house. There was new furniture new carpet, a new kitchen, and even new paint. I looked around in amazement. "And, wait until you see upstairs," He led me up to my room where he presented a new setting. The carpet was replaced with hardwood floors, the walls were now blue instead of purple, and a new bed was sitting in the middle of the room. "Kenny, how could you afford this? What about all the bills that were here?" "It's taken care of, calm down." "But, how?" "I think you should look under your bed," I looked at him with a confused expression as I worked my way around to look under the bed. There was a black shoe box with a bow on top. I lifted the lid to see a stack of visa, best buy, furniture warehouse, and other store gift cards. Each one was in a cardboard case with a name. "Bebe, Craig, Clyde, Kyle, Stan, Toke, Jimmy, Lola, they all bought these?" "Kyle, Stan, Butters, and I thought that life is going rough for you so, we talked to everyone we could think of and we got every person in the town to donate something to you and Mrs. Cartman," I started to tear up. "Don't cry on me now the paint, the floors that was from Randy. The furniture was from Bill at the furniture warehouse. Kyle was the one who used his allowance money to get you a laptop for school. He already downloaded all the programs you would need. Oh and his dad worked through all your bills and paid you off for the next six months. We helped your mom get two jobs at Tweek's Bros. Coffee and a check-out person at the grocery store. And we," "Thank you, for," I walked over and gave him a heartfelt hug.
I wasn't the only one who had a changed. My mother changed a lot too. She worked on getting off of alcohol and going to AA meetings, and she stopped her business. No more dead beat guys, no more abusive boyfriends, no more. I was proud of my mother, I gave her a huge hug and told her that I loved her and she told me she loved me too. I finally have a mom. She promised me that she would for now on be there when I need her, and will help me find a good college to go to. She told me that she was also proud of me for what I've done, and how far I have come from first being admitted to the hospital. All thanks to Kenny and Butters I finally have a future I can look forward too. Kenny and I went up to my room after my talk with mom and decided to call Butters and tell him how everything went. I thanked him for everything and Kenny told him that he'd spend the night over his house next week because, this week he was staying at my place just two friends hanging out for a week. And, since tomorrow was Wednesday I was going to school for the first time in a long time. We also had to look forward to Friday night's homecoming. I am going to ask Wendy tomorrow at school. After school, Kenny and I were planning to go with Stan to find suits because, Butters, Wendy, and Kyle would be dress shopping. I was actually excited to see Kyle in a dress, Butters I could see wearing one, but Kyle, I was never going to forget it. Kenny agreed with me on the Kyle subject. We planned to have corsages for the girls and would have my mother make them. She lost her way years ago but, she is still very artistic and creative nonetheless. We talked about how it would go and how we should enjoy it and decided to do something romantic. Stan had agreed to use his car to drive us all since we couldn't afford a limosene, so we discussed how we could make it. We were going to take strips of white Christmas lights and hang them on the ceiling of the car with streamers coming from the back of the car. On the back of the car we would put three hearts A blue one with K+K in the middle, a purple one with C+W in it and a green one with S+K in it, each representing the couples in the car. Of course we men are cheesy but, it impresses the girls. (And boys)
The rest of the night we played videogames and surfed through the web. We ordered pizza and enjoyed being kids for one night. "Hey Cartman," "Yeah," "You're different," I looked at him with confusion and fear. "Don't worry it's for the better. You're not mean, or rude, or even ignorant what happened?" We laughed before a silence took over the room. I thought for a moment and came up with the best answer I could muster up. "I killed myself," Kenny looked at me with an eyebrow raised. "What?" I thought it over one time but, stuck with it. "I killed myself, and created a new," I smiled at Kenny before turning around and continuing the game. Kenny patted me on the back before resuming the game also. My life finally had meaning. I am a good person.