Thank you so much to emma . ray, best beta reader of the world, and thanks to every one of you for your kind words and your reviews, it means a lot to me.
I am going to die here. I am tormented by hunger and I've been in this wet hold for weeks. All I've had to eat in two days was just a little bit of a squalid porridge diluted in water. My whole body is numbed due to sitting or squatting for so long. Two other girls about my age are in my cage, but despite all our efforts to communicate, we don't understand each other. They speak a strange language of which I cannot find the origin, although I am fluent in several.
The boat was effervescent - we were hearing the men walking fast above us, probably getting ready for our arrival in Pompeii. A young sailor had told me in confidence that such was our destination, and the more we heard the men fussing, the more a knot was forming in my stomach. My heart was at the edge of my lips, my breath was quickening, my mouth was dry, my hands clammy.
I ran my tongue on my lips, trying vainly to moisten them, and the taste of blood which loaded my papillae caused me to spasm in disgust. My lower lip was split because of a sailor whom I had refused myself to. The captain had arrived just in time, saving me from a second punch. "We do not damage the goods," he shouted.
We heard a voice shouting - "Pompeii, Pompeii" - and two well-built galley slaves arrived to open our cage. The other girls squeezed up to one another and one of the men ordered me curtly to stretch my arms in his direction. I executed without jibbing, afraid of receiving a new blow. He closed two chains around my wrists, bound to two others which he hindered my ankles with. He pulled me outside the cage and I was finally able to stand. I staggered, trying to catch a barrel nearby in order not to fall but missed it and collapsed heavily. The men laughed, looking at me amusedly. They chained the other young women, then ordered us to go to the deck.
How nice it was to finally feel the sun on my skin. The wind was slightly playing with my messy hair, and despite the fishes' stenches that were poisoning the air, it was a very welcome relief to finally be able to move. Reality struck me again when one of the sailors pushed me violently on the side. My chains did not allow me to part my legs enough to regain my balance and I fell again. The quartermaster appeared, telling the men to "fuck off and stop messing with the merchandise", catching me violently by the shoulders and straightening me sharply.
The boat was a small ship, designed mostly to bring back merchandise like wine or spices from the end of the world. We were just a bonus, a gift from the captain to his employer. We were finally at the berth, and the hustle reigning in the port reminded me of my dear city of Panyu, one of the most mixed of the Han empire.
We reached dry land, slightly staggering because of the immobility of the ground. One of the men seized our chains and pulled them firmly for us to follow him quickly. We were hauled along, following the captain who went straight to a small and greasy man. He wore his hair carefully oiled, dressed in a light blue toga and was adorned by so many signs of outside wealth that I wondered if his appearance wasn't a simple façade for dirty vices he was trying to hide.
I was trembling in a combination of weakness and fear, hastened by all the ambient noises and by people rushing at the merchandise to obtain the better price.
It wasn't the first time that I was passed around but as always, I knew what and who I was leaving, not what was lying ahead for me. Was I going to be a mere transaction or will this repugnant man keep me for himself? I felt his piercing glance all over me, his eyes never leaving me, and even with my head down I knew he was smiling.
"I'm takin' that one, she is perfect. Do what you want with the others, as a thanks for your good and loyal service. Marius, take care of her, we goin'."
A young slave seized my chains and, still dulled by everything that was surrounding me, I did not stumble. From the moment I was taken away from my family three years ago, it had been clear that the slightest resistance from me ended with lashes from the whip or punches. Or worse. These years of slavery and ill-treatment as well as these months of travel had completely transformed me, I wasn't the wild young woman who made my father laugh and my mother wince anymore. I was just an empty shell. Emily had been wiped out of existence.
I heard the young women scream as they were taken by force in a despicable back alley while the small greasy man led the way towards a lively street. We were followed by a slew of slaves, rolling barrels and carrying bags filled with marvels from my home country. We walked for a few moments before arriving in front of a shop situated in a small dirty street. Two young women opened the door and judging by their clothes and the numerous bruises on their arms, they were slaves as well.
"Go prepare a bath and wash that, shop opens in a few moments and she has to be perfect."
Marius removed my chains and went to heat some water while the two young slaves took me to the back shop. My throat was so tied that no sound could have crossed my lips. I did not protest when they undressed me completely. I did not raise an eyebrow when they drove me into the boiling water.
"Move your lazy asses you whores, we open in 10 minutes."
The women started to rub me from head to toe using sponges and perfumed soaps, removing the grime and revealing marks and bruises I wasn't aware of bearing. One of them made me sit in the hot water and washed my hair delicately. I felt tears forming behind my eyes but the oldest looked at me with so much fear that I swallowed them as soon as I saw her. A slave who cries is good for nothing.
They dried me hastily, anointing me with perfumed oils to be fairly presented and to appear healthier than I really was, and dressed me in a simple tunic that left my breast exposed. The merchant stuck his head into the back shop, sporting a satisfied look.
"Where are you from?" he asked me.
"From the East, the Han Empire, near- "
"Yeah yeah shut up, that will do."
I lowered my eyes, completely lost, frightened. Everything had gone so fast. My former domini were brutal and abusive men, but I had always managed to make it out alive. Although I would have preferred to die sometimes. What fate did Pompeii have for me? What master was I going to find? What would my task be?
Escaping had nearly been possible. But not anymore. I had already tried to cross a frontier to a country of free men during my journey but the men who took me had found me, and they were really unhappy with the time they wasted on capturing me again. And they let me know how much. What omen did I offend to deserve such a fate?
He preceded me outside and began to gibber my so-saying pedigree in an imprecise Latin before I was even able to cross the fine linen that separated the shop from the street.
And it's then that I saw her.
A young Roman woman, probably of noble ancestry, was coming down the street with several girls and two slaves.
I couldn't define what I felt when my eyes rested upon her.
Maybe it was the simple assertion that there was something still living inside me, an organ that hadn't already given up, a wounded animal which reacted to her sight in a desperate attempt to catch its breath again, a certain relief that stated I had not died.
My heart was racing. I needed to calm down, to regain a derisory control over my body so that the master didn't notice anything. A mystic moment, so fleeting. I thanked the gods that she hadn't looked at me in the eyes at this moment, this fraction of a second I had needed to recover, to tell myself that it was real and that something had just happened. This moment was the "i" of inaccessible, intangible, immaterial, that became instant, irony and insatiable.
Her hazel hair was arranged in the most delicate fashion and from her face radiated a soft light, as if every person or thing that would be lucky enough to bear her gaze would be blessed by the most benevolent goddess. Her delicate traits seemed slightly upset, but seeing her advancing in my direction I lowered my head and moved by the master's side. A second. A simple second.
The merchant gave me a pat under the chin. "Look in front of you. Stand up straight."
A young and haughty blonde woman approached us. She seemed to be accompanying the goddess that had appeared a few feet away but I could see in the corner of my eye that she wasn't coming closer. She seemed frozen in the middle of the street. Maybe she was one of the rare Romans that did not own slaves?
I focused on the blonde. There was something depraved in her gaze that was blood-curdling. She seemed to have noticed that I was staring at her and she came closer to the tradesman. He put himself in a worshipping position at once, as if the young woman was a descendant of the very Venus herself. He made a lot of low bows and his tone became honeyed.
"Look domina, a magnificent slave, just arrived from the Empire Han. A princess of cinnamon skin, raised by the greatest families. She speaks Latin and can be of use as much in the house as in the bedchamber. The perfect gift for-
"Open your mouth," she told me curtly.
I obeyed right away. I absolutely had to make a good impression to not receive a blow, and the faster I left this small, fat, vicious man, the better I was. Well… that is what I was thinking at that time anyway.
She looked at my teeth attentively but I felt that something was strange. She was looking but wasn't seeing. She examined my hair but her eyes were not turned at me. She was looking in the direction of the young divinity. The blonde placed one of her hands on my breast and turned around, laughingly. I was completely lost. I couldn't believe that a creature such as the hazel-haired goddess that had appeared to me could tacitly agree with a person that disrespectful.
Not that this behaviour was shocking to me, it was usual during slaves' purchases, it was necessary to feel the goods. To test the obedience of a slave. But the laughter that emanated from the blonde was anything but an amused laughter. I lowered my head, only to be reprimanded by the man. She pressed her finger on my lip wound and it made me shiver with pain. She began to argue with the man and I knew. She was going to buy me. Acquire me. I was going to become her property. I did not dare to hope that she was buying me for her shy friend who still hadn't moved.
I was wholeheartedly hoping this rich Roman simply needed a chambermaid. Or a house slave. Although cold and directive, having a domina instead of an abusive and violent man as dominus could only be positive. She drew her purse out. That was it. She paid the 900 sesterces that she had managed to obtain for me. I had been sold for more but as she had so skilfully pointed out, I was damaged. Second hand.
"Lorenzo, deal with her."
A Moorish slave hindered my arms and walked a few steps in the direction of the hazel-haired goddess. I had not paid great attention to the three girls that were accompanying the blonde but they were clearly gauging me, stunned.
We stopped as the blonde girl was leading the way, slowing near the brunette and whispering her some words. My goddess was petrified. Gobsmacked.
Lorenzo pulled me in order to move forward and I skimmed the shoulder of the young woman when passing by. Our gazes crossed the time of a heartbeat and now it was a certainty. The Fates had weaved my destiny so I could find myself here, right at this moment. So that my eyes could settle upon her. So many things within her own, so much pain that was reverberating in mine to have to tear away from her sight.
I wasn't hers, and my heart was also a slave itself.