Seriously, I don't know what's gotten into me, but I'm writing like a furious little cinnamon bun right now! I know this chapter is probably going to piss a lot of you off, but it's a necessary one. At least you will all get to admire Ruby being an amazing human being again! I love all of you, and enjoy the chapter!
Emma's whole body jerked in a mighty twist, and she tumbled from the cot to the floor, barely missing the now cracked and drying puddle of puke. Its smell right beneath her nose made her stomach want to add fresh contents to it. She rolled away, flopping on her back, bringing her right hand up to wipe away some of the cold sweat that was stinging in the scratches on her face.
She shivered and groaned aloud, trying to rub the dregs of her nightmare from her eyes. As quickly as it had disturbed her sleep, it was running away even faster. All Emma was left with was a lingering feeling of despair that she usually felt when confronted with the demons of her past. She could no longer remember which piece had come up to haunt her that night, but she didn't feel quite as scared as she normally did.
She remembered one thing, and it was the best and most important thing that could have chosen to linger in her mind. He was there again, whoever He was. Her dream savior, the shadow that kept the terror at bay, the shadow that made her flesh feel warm again. She shivered, considering reaching over and pulling the blankets from the cot, not sure if she even had enough strength to pull herself back up onto it.
Being pissed drunk for roughly two days had done nothing for her body's recovery from the coma. She hadn't done any of her exercises, and it was astonishing how quickly the body lost all the strength she had recovered. It had gotten to the point where the cane almost wasn't enough to help her hobble around the tiny cabin. Unfortunately, that did her no favors; if she could barely walk, she certainly couldn't go about cleaning up the mess her bowels left for her.
The blonde sniffed again and quickly wrinkled her nose, still too near to the stale puddle of sick. She closed her eyes and tried to think of the last time she smelled something good, and frowned when the memory of a spicy, almost beachy - in the good way - scent drifted through her mind. It came attached to a pair of fierce, bloodshot, brown eyes, pink lips sporting an ugly split and olive skin painted with the unflattering hues of aging bruises.
Great, I'm thinking of Regina again, Emma thought angrily. As if that woman hadn't already been on her mind enough as was, ever since her visit two days prior, the brunette was a frequent subject of her musings. It also didn't help that since their interaction had occurred, Graham had been silent and unseen. Things were getting awfully quiet, and Emma was beginning to wonder if she hadn't just imagined all of those times with him. She was pretty drunk and fucked up; who's to say it wasn't all a figment of her imagination?
Yet, without his invasions, the blonde felt like she had no choice but to hear her own thoughts, to feel the emotions clawing at the back of her brain. Lately, it was guilt. Not the kind of guilt you get when you lie about doing your homework, either. It was the kind of guilt you get when you come up with a lame lie to not see your grandparents over the weekend, and the Monday after, Grandma gets sick and dies. That kind of guilt. Only this time, it wasn't Grandma.
More often than not, it was Regina's busted, battered face that danced around her mind, especially her eyes. Eyes that had shed tears, something Emma that had never even thought her rival to be capable of. She wasn't sure what bothered her more: the fact that Regina had cried at all, or that she herself was the cause of those tears. She had spent so many long months looking upon the hard, stoic brunette as something inhuman, and, to Emma, she thought that crying was a really...human thing to do.
Perhaps that was why she felt so able to assault Regina as she had. She didn't look at her as any other person like Ruby or Mary Margaret. Emma flushed, realizing that she had actually started to think of Regina as the fictitious, unmovable Evil Queen. The mayor was no longer a breakable, feeling mortal in her eyes; instead, becoming something that didn't apply to abstract words such as Justice or Mercy. Unconsciously dehumanizing her allowed Emma commit an unthinkable atrocity, and she was beyond disgusted with herself.
She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes, rolling onto her side, groaning with frustration. "Where are you, Graham? Why aren't you here to tell me how to get through this mess this time?" she asked the silent room. "I don't know what to do now! I know I was stubborn last time, okay? But...but I'll listen to you this time around. Please..."
A soft knocking sound penetrated the blonde's mind. She grumbled something incoherent under her breath, but the knocking continued for a little longer. She refused to open her eyes, hoping that whoever the hell was outside the cabin would give up and go away. To her immense disappointment, the sound of the latch clicking open reached her ears.
"House keeping!" sing-songed a familiar voice. She heard quick footfalls approach her head. "Christ, Em! Is it always going to be like this?"
"I d'know what you're talking about," she garbled out through the sleepy fog clouding her brain.
Ruby crouched down, resting her forearms on her bent legs. "I seem to have a habit of finding you on the ground. I'm just glad you're not drowning in a puddle this time," the brunette remarked, not sounding particularly glad of anything. Emma only grunted in response. "Okay, I can't stay in here much longer before I hurl from the smell. C'mon, let's go outside."
"Can't," was the only word Ruby heard.
"Why is that?" the waitress huffed.
"Can't walk. M'body is all weak and crap again." Emma yawned loudly.
"That's not my fault, Cranky McCrankerson. You're a big girl now. You can take care of yourself." She surveyed the blonde sprawled across the floor in rumpled sweats, stained tanktop yellowing from sweat around the collar and underarms, and hair a ratty mess of untamed, unwashed curls. "Well...you're supposed to be able to take care of yourself."
"Kinda is your fault, though, Rubes." Emma looked up at her with a lazy expression that said totally true what I am saying right now.
"Okay, whatever, you can explain how the hell any of this is my fault outside." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. "I am dying here."
Ruby swiped up Emma's cane, which was resting near the bed, and moved to help the sheriff up to her feet. Emma grunted, whined, and, eventually, made it to her feet, leaning heavily on the aluminum walking aid.
"Thanks," the sheriff mumbled while Ruby pulled away from her.
"Good God, Emma! When was the last time you took a shower?"
"Hard to bathe when I can barely walk," she grumbled, blushing furiously as they made their way out to the porch.
"Whatever your excuse, it won't hold up in my next visit. If you don't at least wash your pits or something, I'm going to throw you into the lake. I will scrub you down myself, if I have to. This is getting out of hand, Em."
"I know, okay!" the blonde snapped back harshly. "You think I'm just blind to the fact that I'm swimming in nasty?" Emma heavily thudded down onto the porch stairs, glaring out across the lake.
"Not much evidence around that says you do." Ruby remained standing, hands firmly planted on cocked hips.
"Fine, whatever. I get it, I'm disgusting and unworthy of anything."
The waitress refused to take the bait. "Cut the pity party, Emma. Mind telling me how even a shred of this shit is my fault?"
"You gave me the alcohol," she bluntly stated.
Ruby scoffed loudly. "Are you serious right now? I gave you that under the assumption that you'd be a responsible adult, like I thought you were, Sheriff. I gave it to you to help take the edge off. It was your choice to drink it all at once! So don't you dare put any of this fucking shit on me!" Her tone was dangerous, eyes flashing angrily down at her friend.
The use of the expletive caught Emma's attention, knowing that the good-natured brunette rarely used that kind of language. "Then you're an idiot for thinking that I was okay enough to act responsibly."
"I wasn't aware that you turned into a giant, alcoholic, childish asshat when you're emotionally compromised," Ruby shot back.
"You're really fucking rude, you know that?"
The brunette stared silently at the other woman for a moment before breaking out into loud, disbelieving laughter. Emma glowered darkly up at the cackling girl, remaining firmly planted on the steps.
"Oh, I'm the rude one? That's rich, Emma! I have done nothing but help your sorry ass! I got the power turned on here for you, and I've made sure you have food, and water, and clothes. I helped you survive! Admit it! You'd be dead right now if wasn't for me!"
"I never said I wanted to be saved!" the blonde shouted.
"That's the biggest load of horseshit I've ever heard! We both know you needed help to stay alive for Henry! I was the one who helped you! I was the one who made sure you'd stay alive long enough to come home to him! ME!"
Emma sprung to her feet surprisingly fast. Adrenaline had that effect on her. "Oh yeah! You helped me all right! Big fucking help when you sold me out to Regina fucking Mills!" She was yelling right into Ruby's face, their noses almost touching.
"You would see it like that! As me selling you out! But you're not the only one suffering here!"
And I haven't been suffering? Regina's vehement words echoed in Emma's brain.
"At least you know you have friends in your corner! Regina had no one she could safely go to about this!"
"And telling her where I am is helping her? Ever thought that she might try to exact a little revenge, huh? She could have killed me!" Emma spat.
"AND YOU ALMOST KILLED HER, YOU FUCKING MORON!" Ruby had officially lost her cool. Tough love usually worked on Emma during these visits, but the blonde was determined to make a royal ass of herself. The brunette refused to take even an inch of that.
"FUCK! I KNOW! WHY DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN A FUCKING WRECK?! DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M HAPPY ABOUT HOW I'VE HURT HER?" Emma's voice broke slightly, tears welling in her green eyes.
"DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW BADLY YOU'VE HURT HER, EMMA?"
"I SAW EVERYTHING, RUBY! SHE PUT IT ON FUCKING DISPLAY FOR ME. OH, LET'S NOT FORGET THAT I REMEMBER EVERY GOD DAMNED SENSATION AND SOUND FROM WHEN I ATTACKED HER!" The blonde broke away from her staring match with the waitress, stumbling back until she hit one of the support beams for the porch.
"Why?" she pleaded, clinging to the post for support. "Why did you send her to me?"
"Because she was scared, you idiot. You know...she couldn't even hear your name? She was downright petrified of you. It was like she was four years old, and you were the monster under her bed!"
"She still could've..."
"Killed you? Hit you back? An eye for an eye? I'm starting to think that maybe you could use a fist to your face. Maybe I shouldn't've made her make that promise." Ruby fixed Emma with a hard look.
"W-What? You made Regina make a promise?"
"I did, because I was still looking out for you. I made her promise to bring you no harm, unless you yourself instigated anything first."
"And you just trusted her to keep her word? Are you stupid?"
"She kept her promise, didn't she? I made her swear on Henry's life not to hurt you! Besides, Regina's the one who should be mad at me!"
Emma chuckled mirthlessly. "Why is that, huh?"
"Because I sent an injured woman to see a crazy, blonde bitch with a gun and a vendetta! For all I know, you would've shot her dead on sight!"
"I...did pull my gun on her," Emma mumbled, averting her eyes.
Ruby's eyes just about bugged right out of her head. "Oh my God! And you think I'm the stupid one? What the hell were you thinking?"
"She looked angry and scary!" Emma whined. "I felt afraid for my life. It's not like I actually shot at her, or anything."
"Guess you've had a little taste of what it felt like to think you might die. Here's the kicker, though. Regina didn't actually attack you, and you pulled your freakin' gun on her. Haven't you threatened her with enough pain? Haven't you dished out enough damage? And not just to Regina, Emma." Ruby opened her mouth to keep going, but the sheriff cut her off.
"I know! I know I've hurt Henry! Regina told me, okay?" she said through gritted teeth.
"No. Not okay. This is a mess you can't run from, Emma. And it's a shitstorm that needs fixing!"
"So what? You want me to turn myself in? What good would that do? I can't fix anything from jail, and Henry would..."
Ruby nodded her head no, her frustration climbing higher and higher again. "No, you're right. That wouldn't help. But you know what, you could start by getting your shit together. Clean up your fucking barfshack, take care of yourself and stuff. How can you even think of fixing this, if you can't even keep yourself in working order?"
"I get it, Ruby! I stink, okay? I'll clean up-"
"This isn't just about personal hygiene. Regina's probably going to come by again. If you want to open any sort of dialogue with her-"
"What makes you think I want that? Or that I want her to even try to talk to me? When did you even start liking her so much? Why are you defending her? What makes her better than me?"
"For starters, she doesn't smell like puke and self-loathing!" Ruby bit back.
"How can you even...?"
"I don't fucking know. All I know is that it's rolling off of you in waves, Emma. And it reeks. As for the other reasons? She's been falling apart at the seams, and it's more than she can handle. If she's barely able to function, how is she supposed to take care of Henry or the town?
"I ran into her coming out of Tom's store, and I mean physically ran into her. When I did that, she freaked the fuck out, Emma. She had a full-blown panic attack! I reached out to her, because she needed it. Regina took me up on my offer.
"And you know what else? Just because you don't like her, doesn't make her unworthy of help. It doesn't make her beneath you. She's a Goddamn human being! Am I the only one who sees that?" Ruby asked incredulously, reaching the end of her rope.
"But she-"
"No," the brunette said sharply. "I'm done with your pathetic, floundering excuses. You're determined to be blind, and I've had enough." She turned and started to walk away.
"Where are you going?"
"Home. Maybe I'll even see Regina! At least she only smells like cinnamon and a broken heart," she called over her shoulder.
"But-"
Ruby spun on her spot, glaring with enough heat to make the blonde wince. "No, Emma. You don't get any more help from me! But you know what? I'm feeling generous today, so here's the last favor you'll ever get from me." Ruby confidently strode back up to the sheriff, right into her personal space again. "Want to know why I trusted Regina?"
"Just tell me," Emma said in a dangerously even tone.
"While you were in your coma, she visited you all the time. With no ill intent." Then the waitress was gone from Emma's face, striding away toward her car. "Good luck surviving out here! Hope you make good friends with those puke piles, because they're the only friends you deserve right now!" She disappeared around the side of the cabin, and Emma heard her car roar into life, and the crunch of gravel faded quickly.
So, HUGE shout out to my bestest Beta, Jasmine, who helped me get through a lot of spots where I got stuck in the dialogue. You're the best, and all of you guys should see how awesome she is on her Tumblr at obligatory-regal-name. tumblr. com and you can find me at Writers-Dilemma. tumblr. com.
I am open for prompts now, so send me your ideas via PM here or on Tumblr.
One last thing, I know a lot of you commented on Emma's lie detector not catching Regina's lie about not being a killer. If you'd like to know my reasoning/headcanon for that, message me! I'd love to elaborate!