Did someone say more Swan Queen? Here it is! And thank you all so much for all of the lovely comments, likes and follows! They really keep me motivated in writing this piece. I had a lot of fun writing this one, and I think you'll all enjoy this chapter a lot!
Regina cautiously regarded Emma, almost as though she was weighing the pros and cons of simply ignoring the proffered keys and taking off on foot. Emma offered a weak smile, extending her hand just a little farther, and she waited patiently as she watched fearful, brown eyes dart between her own and her hand.
"I'm not gonna bite. I swear, but would you rather I dropped them for you instead?" A gloved hand darted out, lifting the keyring from her finger, and Emma let her arm drop, smiling a little more. "See? I didn't hurt you."
"I know that!" the mayor snapped back.
"Regina...I-"
"No. Stop, please. I can't." Regina looked away, clenching her jaw tightly, but made no move to leave either.
Emma shifted a little, getting her hand in a more comfortable position atop the cane. "Can't what?"
"I can't...can't hear another apology. I can't..." Even in the dim light of the moon, the blonde could see tears of shame shining in her eyes.
"If you won't let me apologize for all the messed up shit I pulled, then I don't know how to fix this."
"Perhaps you can't fix this, Miss Swan." Regina's shoulders lost some of their rigid composure.
"Then what am I supposed to do, huh? I can't stay out here forever!"
"You're right; you can't. But I fail to see how that's my problem."
Emma shot an annoyed look at the other woman. "So what? I'm supposed to come back to town and turn myself in?"
"A sheriff should abide by the law, but I don't think that's ever been your forte, dear. However, the longer you stay a wanted woman, I believe the worse things get. It's your choice."
"My choice, huh? How come you haven't turned me in then?"
Regina froze, the air suddenly a little too thick, and the question hung between them as it waited for an answer. But, the silence stretched on, and Emma stood, smirking a little, almost proud of her trump card, while Regina unconsciously worried at her loose tooth.
"Cat got your tongue, Madame Mayor?"
"Not at all, dear."
"Then answer the question. You've known about my location for weeks now, and yet you haven't had David storm the place. I don't know what the fuck is going on with you, or us, but I've never been so lost before."
Regina narrowed her eyes. "Why haven't you run? It is, after all, your trademark. Why didn't you find a new hideout once I found you? Why take the risk?"
"Nuh-uh, you're deflecting. Answer the question, Regina!"
"Not until I know why you didn't flee like the coward you've been your whole life!"
Emma's eyes flashed dangerously, and the brunette flinched, stumbling back several steps. She was reminded of the look she saw in those emerald eyes not too long ago in her own office. The blonde, though upset at the effect she was now having on the older woman, did not back down.
"Don't you fucking dare call me a coward! You have no idea what I've fucking been through in my life, and you have no fucking right to judge me! If you had even the slightest inkling of what I've endured all these years, you'd know exactly why I ran! If you ever call me a coward again-"
"You'll what!" Regina retorted. "Put me in my place again! Beat me senseless! Maybe you'll get the results you wanted this time!"
"No! Fuck! You're twisting my words again! That's not what I meant!"
"Oh, just like you didn't mean to nearly kill me the first time?!" the brunette shouted, tears falling down her face again.
Emma's own expression crumpled, and she burst into thick sobs, startling the mayor from her angry rant. "Why, Regina? W-Why do we do th-is?" The blonde slumped against the side of the Benz, sliding down into the gravel. "I d-don't know who I am, and I never w-wanted to do this!"
Still shocked, Regina knelt down as well, unable to do much but mirror the blonde. "Emma..."
"God, I f-fucked up so fucking bad! And Regina...I'm s-so fucking sorry! You d-don't even know how sorry I am, do you? I'm a f-fucking monster!" Emma buried her face into her hands, sobbing uncontrollably, barely managing to take the ragged breaths escaping her chest. "I c-can't let you tell me not t-to apologize, 'cause k-keeping this is k-killing me... Is...is it kill-ing you too?"
There was a short pause, and the only thing that could be heard was the sound of Emma's weeping mingled with the chirping crickets. "Yes," Regina murmured. "I am exhausted."
The blonde looked up at her with a look of desperation. "Th-then why can't we just..."
"Move on?"
Emma shook her head. "N-No. I don't think you could ever l-let this go...at least, n-not this soon. But...can't we talk or something?"
Regina let out a soft exhale of sad laughter. She now sat to Emma's left in a position identical to that of the sheriff: back against the driver's side door of the car, knees pulled up, forearms draped across them, and hands clasped at the front.
"Talk, huh? I'm not sure it's quite so simple..." she said softly, and the glint of tears falling caught her own red eyes.
"It never is, but you're a f-fool to think that I d-don't know. Here," she held out her right hand to the brunette. "Go on, take a look."
The mayor cautiously took the hand in her leather-clad fingers, turning it so the moonlight showed brightest on pale skin. The knuckles were all purpled; one appeared slightly inflamed. She saw in the poor light the hint of scabs where her skin had split open.
"I was there, Regina. I know how badly I hurt you..."
"I know," she whispered.
"Press on them," Emma urged quietly. Brown eyes silently searched hers, looking for an answer to the curious command. "Just...just t-trust me. I know that's s-selfish of me to ask, but...please."
Reluctantly, Regina skated her thumb up a slender index finger until it hovered over one bruised knuckle. She moved her gaze to the other woman's, and bit the inside of her lip when she saw her own look returned. The Savior wasn't staring at their hands; she was staring at her, and that unnerved the mayor immensely.
She received another silent urge, and Regina waited a breath before pressing her thumb down. Emma hissed in pain, and almost jerked her hand away. The brunette, startled, immediately pulled her own hands away, looking at the blonde with a mixture of disgust, horror and sadness.
"How do you feel now?" Emma quietly inquired.
"I...don't understand."
"Now that you've...hurt me a little, how do you feel?"
"You wanted me to hurt you?"
"Well, if we can't talk, maybe I can start to even things out again. Little by little, you can hurt me and my body...just as I did yours."
A deep scowl darkened Regina's expression. "You think that, by letting me poke and prod your boo-boos a few dozen times will 'even things out?' You are sorely mistaken."
"So...you didn't feel any better from that? It didn't help any?"
Regina shot her a withering look. "No. Why on earth would you think it would benefit me in any way?"
"I just thought, maybe if you got to hurt me back...eye for eye or whatever..."
"You shouldn't think too much, dear. It doesn't suit you. That tactic might have worked on me...before Henry. He's changed me, as I am certain you are aware of his abilities to do so. As for the eye for an eye? I don't think I would have to tell you that I would need to do a significant amount of damage to you to put us on equal footing. However, I don't see how hospitalizing you would help any."
Emma fixed her with a sad look, lingering tears still shining in her eyes. "Then what would?"
Regina paused for a moment. "What makes you think that I know? Why do you think I have all the answers?"
"For one thing, I'm at your mercy, Regina. Not the other way around. I'm the one who hurt you; therefore, you're the only one who can determine what helps or hinders us in this whole shitfest. Secondly, you're always the one with the answers. You've always got your story straight, usually with witnesses and evidence to boot. You're always one step ahead, so I think it's safe for me to assume that you have the answers."
The mayor fixed the other woman with a shrewd expression, carefully considering those words. Her lips tilted upward in the smallest of smiles. "That might have been the most sensible thing I have ever heard you say, Miss Swan. Unfortunately, I have no answers for you right now."
"Right now? Does that mean...if you think of any way that I can start to pay for what I've done, you'll tell me?"
"Perhaps, but don't expect me to put an abundance of thought into it," Regina replied thoughtfully, and Emma's lie detector pinged quietly in her head.
"I don't have much choice but to accept, I guess." Emma worried her lip, glancing between her wringing hands and the mayor. "Regina? I need to know. Why? Why haven't you turned me in? And please, don't lie. I can always tell. I just want...a little bit of truth."
The brunette looked away, repeatedly clenching her jaw and arching an eyebrow in frustration. "The truth?"
"Mhm. The truth." she echoed.
"There's no easy way to fix this, but I think you already know that. However; if I turned you in..." She huffed out an irritated breath. "There would be absolutely no way to fix this with bars between us."
Emma's jaw dropped. "You want to fix this? To give me a chance?"
"For Henry's sake!" the mayor snapped back. Emma registered a partial lie to her statement.
"Can...can I show you something?" Emma asked, the higher pitch of her voice revealing her insecurity.
"I have no desire to see any more of your bodily injuries, Miss Swan."
"I have no doubt, Regina, but that's not what I wanna show you. It's not something I go around showing just anyone, and it's kinda personal."
"Do I want to know?"
"Yes, actually. I think you'll want to see this. It's in the cabin. If you give me a minute, I'll get it. Um...don't run off, but...if you do, I won't stop you either."
"Should I be running?"
"Your choice, Regina. I told you, the ball's in your court now. I'll play by your rules. I'll be right back, and I hope you'll be here when I return."
Emma rose from the ground, struggling a little, and leaning heavily on her cane again. She made to move off to the cabin, but she paused and looked over her shoulder. Regina could tell she was making sure that she was still there, even though it had only been moments since she had asked her not to leave. It was somehow endearing, and the two just stared at each other for a moment before the woman turned to go get whatever it was she wanted to show her.
Regina debated using the opportunity to actually leave. Her entire plan for the evening had been utterly ruined, and she felt as though she had drastically overstayed her welcome for the time being. And yet...Emma wasn't sending her away. In fact, she implored her to stay.
The brunette ran a hand through her hair. It was true: she did want to give Emma a chance, and she hated herself for that. She felt a deep-rooted disgust roiling in her belly, and she wished that she could just leave. However, she couldn't. If they kept running from each other at every turn, at every opportunity to start repairing anything, then they truly would go nowhere.
Her tumultuous thoughts kept her busy - and still - until she heard the crunch of gravel close by. When the Savior came into view, she had one hand on her cane, and the other carrying a bundle roughly the size of a small sack of flower. What truly caught her attention was the way that Emma wasn't just carrying the thing; she was cradling it.
She plopped back down beside the mayor, still carefully carrying the object in her arms. Closer, Regina was able to see that it was something fuzzy, and bi-colored - black and grey? Emma flashed her a shy smile, which was warm and almost child-like.
"This is Erika." She gestured to the object tucked carefully in her arm like an infant.
"What exactly is Erika?" Regina asked skeptically, peering down at it.
"Here, you can hold her, but...be super careful, okay? She's just about as old as I am." Emma extended the thing out to the older woman.
Gingerly, Regina grasped it, and it flopped a little in her hands. When she examined it closely, she found it to be an extremely worn, slightly dirty, stuffed panda. It was so old that the stuffing inside of her had gotten all compressed and lumpy, but her face, all white fur grey with age and dirt, had a sweet, comforting look to it. It reminded her a lot of Stuffles.
"A stuffed animal?"
"Hey," Emma said defensively. "She's not just any stuffed animal, okay? Erika is very special!"
Regina smiled a little to herself, but it didn't go unnoticed by the blonde. "I suppose she has a story that you're willing to tell?" She passed the panda back to her owner.
"If...if you don't mind hearing it." The blonde pressed her furry companion to her chest.
"You said you thought I needed to see this. Do I really have anything else I should be doing?"
"I d'know. Sleeping? Midnight snack? Antagonizing me some more?" Emma teased.
"Tempting, dear. Truly tempting, but a midnight story sounds better than a midnight snack."
Emma smiled at the subtle encouragement she got, and looked down at Erika before returning her focus to the mayor. "I have my baby blanket still...from when I was found by the road. Most people would take comfort in having that little piece of their family, and I suppose I did at times, but...it just reminded me of more pain than it did joy. And it left me with more questions than it did answers.
"It's not a store-bought blanket. I can tell that it was made by hand. So, why would my mother go through all the trouble and care of making me a blanket with my own name stitched into it, just to abandon me? So I kept it, but didn't really feel about it the way that I feel about Erika."
"When did you get her?" Regina asked lightly.
"My last name: Swan. I got that from the first family that adopted me when I was just a baby. They got her for me. I don't know where or why. Trip to the zoo? Christmas? Who knows, but apparently I wouldn't let her go. I wouldn't sleep without her, leave my bedroom or even the house without her. I heard from my social worker that they said I would cry and cry if they took Erika from me for washing or something.
"So when they sent me back into the system, they made it very clear that she was to stay with me. They told the people working there that I would make their lives a living hell if they took the panda from me. I've had her ever since. She's my safety blanket, y'know? I know that it's kinda stupid; a grown woman with a stuffed animal..."
"It's not stupid," Regina interrupted.
"You're kidding, right? You, Regina Mills of all people, aren't jumping down my throat and telling me how immature I am?"
"If you so desire, I can do those things."
"N-No, that's okay, but...why? Why don't you think I'm a freak or something?"
Regina turned an honest gaze to the blonde. "If I did, that would make me quite the hypocrite."
"What? Do you mean you...?"
"Have a small, stuffed friend of my own? Yes."
Emma bit her lip, stifling a tiny giggle. "Seriously? C'mon, tell me!"
"Not so sure you want to hear it right now."
"I just told you about Erika! Now you gotta tell me about yours!"
"Your story was...endearing. Mine is a little less so."
"I think I can handle it, but...if you can't, I won't make you tell me. Like I said, I'm at your mercy."
Regina took a deep breath, nodding at the words. "Stuffles," she said, not looking at the blonde.
"What was that?"
"Stuffles. His name is Stuffles."
"Did you-"
"Come up with that? No. I got him for Henry when he was about three, maybe three and a half? He was entirely enamored with The Lion King. He would run around, positively screaming The Circle of Life. Of course, he didn't really know all the words, and he...well, he spoke like a three year old. So he mostly garbled out the words to the basic tune and rhythm of the song.
"I took him shopping one day, and he spotted this stuffed lion on one of the toy shelves, and I thought he had gone ballistic. He started shrieking, and bouncing up and down, clapping so wildly. I believe, Miss Swan, that you understand how difficult it is to say no to Henry?"
"Almost impossible," Emma agreed.
"Well, it was completely impossible when he had those chubby, rosy cheeks, and that big, toothy grin of his." Regina looked out into the woods, smiling with nostalgia at the memories of her young son.
"I don't think anyone could blame you for giving in to a face like that, Regina."
"Naturally, I bought it for him. I don't remember how he came to the name Stuffles, but it stuck. He carried him around in his little hands for months, slept with him every night played with him every day. But, like all things young children fancy, he had moved on to something else, but he always did keep that lion close by.
"After you..."
"Attacked you?" Emma offered, ashamed.
"Yes. I was...not okay. But, I had Henry to worry about. I didn't want him to see me in the state I was. He tried, though. To talk, to get to me, but I was too scared of how he'd react when he saw me. It is remarkable how often we underestimate a child's capacity to understand and sympathize.
"He was kind to me, and didn't push too hard. But...he didn't want to leave me alone, either. He ran to his room and brought out Stuffles. He told me that that little lion had always protected him when he was scared or sad, and wanted me to have him when he himself couldn't be there for me.
"I...I was so touched by the gesture, by his need to protect me, that I did indeed take Stuffles with me. I was skeptical of the ability for anything so simple as a stuffed animal to help me, but..."
"He did, didn't he? It's almost unnerving the effect they can have, isn't it?"
Regina stared back at the woman, shocked by the understanding that seemed to pass between them. "Yes...he did. That little, stuffed lion helped to curb multiple panic attacks."
Emma flushed, looking away in embarrassment. "I'm sorry..."
"Please, d-"
"No. Don't tell me not to apologize. Seriously. How can I not? If anything, just let me have my apologies. Please."
"I've known you long enough to be well-acquainted with your stubbornness. Even if I tell you no, as I already have on several occasions this evening alone, you will continue to do so."
"So, that's a yes?" Emma asked, hopeful, and Regina nodded her head once in acquiescence. "Thank you, Regina. Really."
"You're welcome, I suppose."
"Will you bring him?"
Regina's eyes widened. "Who? Bring who?"
"Oh! Not Henry. No, I mean, I'd love to see the kid, but it's not the time for that. I meant Stuffles. Would you bring him next time?"
"Next time? Presumptuous aren't we?"
"No, I just know that you'll be back," Emma said plainly.
"And how do you come to be privileged with such knowledge?"
"I'd call it a hunch, but...you do want to give me a chance to start making things right. To do that, you have to be here at least some of the time."
"Indeed."
"So will you?"
"Will I what, dear?"
"Bring Stuffles? I wanna meet him. I wanna meet the one who can protect you even when you're alone."
"Why would you need to do that?"
"To look the little guy in the eye and judge his character," the blonde smiled.
"What happens if you don't like what you see?"
"I suppose we'll just have to agree to disagree. If he's a good protector for you, then I have no reason to give any negative feedback."
"I can't believe," Regina huffed. "That after all that has transpired between us, I cannot believe that we are sitting here, 3am, talking about stuffed animals."
"You imagined different, huh?"
"Didn't you?"
"Well, I can't say that I imagined a visit from you in the middle of the night. Why are you here at this hour anyway?"
Regina tensed noticeably, and Emma was afraid that she had just ruined whatever flow had finally come between them. "You're not the only one who cannot rest easy, Miss Swan. I felt...trapped? I left the house, but I came here for some reason," she explained evenly. Emma's lie detector pinged again, but again, she ignored it, not willing to push too far that evening.
"Well...I guess I'm kinda glad you came."
Regina choked. "You what?"
"Yeah, weird, I know. But...if you hadn't come here, we wouldn't be...talking. Regina, we're actually talking, communicating. Before, it was...well, you know... So yeah, I'm actually pretty glad you came here tonight, and that things went the way they did. Is that totally crazy?"
"Yes, it is totally crazy, dear. But then again, this is an unusual circumstance, to say the least. I think that it's safe to say we should expect to see more than a little crazy at this time." Regina yawned loudly.
"You are tired. You should get home, and don't fall asleep at the wheel."
"Are you kicking me out, Sheriff?"
"Only for the greater good. Can't run the town if you're burnt out, right?"
Regina frowned deeply. "This is the most bizarre night of my life, and, considering the course of my life, that is saying something."
"You said bizarre and not, I d'know, dreadful or something."
"You would be correct, dear." Emma simply smirked, hugging Erika a little closer. "There is no way to part tonight without it being awkward, is there?"
"Nope, but I...well, get home safe, okay?"
"I will do my best, dear. Thank you, by the way. For sharing Erika with me. And...I will bring Stuffles next time."
"Next time," Emma echoed with a smile.
As always, a nice big thanks to Jasmine, my bestest Beta in the whole world! Find her sassiness on Tumblr at obligatory-regal-name. tumblr. com and you can find me at Writers-Dilemma. tumblr. com