a/n: Credit for dialogue I used that's seen in the show goes to Ariane DeVere - Sherlock Transcript: "The Blind Banker" on livejournal. Enjoy and please leave a comment or review, I'd love to hear what you guys think of it so far!

Poor Mrs Hudson..she must be so confused, I think as I root around the kitchen cupboards for something to feed Catsby. Preferably NOT human body parts. Finally, after battling my way through thumbs, blood samples and what looked like a jar of pickled eyeballs (don't even ask) in the fridge, I located a rather fossilised tin of tuna. I stick my head out the kitchen door, looking for Sherlock.

'Oi, this tin of tuna, is it okay to feed Catsby with? I mean, he won't contract some alien virus and...die?'

Sherlock, who had been researching my 'problem' (as he so kindly put it), looks up from his laptop, frowning. 'Our landlady has been transported to another dimension, grâce à vous, and right now you're more concerned about the wellbeing of your over-fed cat?'

'Okay, firstly, how dare you. Catsby is not overfed.'

'Secondly, I am very concerned for Mrs Hudson and feel truly awful for sending an unsuspecting elderly woman to an alternate universe, but I have no idea how I did it! And thirdly, is the tuna contaminated or not?'

Sherlock sniffs and resumes reading. I'll take that as a no then.

'You know, I'm not being purposely useless.' I say as I gingerly inspect the contents of the tin for any sign of radioactivity. 'Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.' Content with my inspection, I begin spooning the mushy fish into Sherlock's favourite mug, sniggering as I do so. 'I mean, who knew my voice held such immense powers?'

Sherlock's back is turned to me but I can practically feel his eyes rolling. 'Well, I've found nothing of use on this incompetent thing.' He sighs and dramatically hurls John's laptop from his knees. 'Time for option two.' He rises from the armchair and into the kitchen, flinging the fridge open.

'What's that then?' I ask, now spoon-feeding a struggling Catsby, who gave his dinner one sniff and scarpered.

He remerges, holding a small a vile of blood between his index finger and thumb. 'DNA test. I think a trip to St. Barts is in order.' He says, and pockets the tube. Shrugging his coat on, he looks around the room. 'Where's John?'

I look up at him incredulously. 'What do you mean where's John? You gave him tickets for some Chinese show thingy for his date with Sarah.' He continues to stare at me blankly. 'Literally just an hour ago.' I add.

'Oh, I see.' He bites his lip, thinking. 'Well, you'll just have to do then.' He decides and pulls me to a standing position. I yank my arm out of his, rubbing it. 'What? Why do I have to come?' I whine, looking outside the window. 'It's dark and St. Barts will be closed by now!'

Sherlock grins wickedly. 'Not if Molly's still there.'

I grit my teeth in annoyance. 'Now listen here you little mudblood, Molly Hooper does not deserve to be used.'

'What is a mu-' He starts but I cut him off.

'I know the little mind games you play with her, complimenting her so you can inspect the newest batch of carcasses!'

Sherlock scoffs at this.

I stand up on tiptoe to reach his eye-level. Well, chin-level, but it was the best I could do. 'It's sick. And just plain cruel, and I shan't stand for it.'

Sherlock narrows his eyes and detaches himself from my grip. 'I haven't faintest idea of what you're talking about.' He straightens his coat and flounces from the room.

'Hello Molly.' Sherlock loudly announces himself behind the unsuspecting girl.

She jumps and hits against the table, metal instruments flying to the ground. 'Sh-Sherlock! I didn't hear you come in!'

Sherlock had already strode past her and began setting up the microscope. I turn to face Molly apologetically. 'Sorry for barging in like this.'

'Oh no it's fine,' She waves me off. 'I'm u-'

'Used to it?' I finish for her. 'You know, I really applaud you for putting up with this git.' I sigh, catching Sherlock throwing me a look of utmost contempt.

'Uh..thanks.' She says, smiling awkwardly. 'Sorry, what was your name?'

'Oh' I laugh, 'My name's –'

'AUDREY' Sherlock yells at me from across the room. I sigh and slowly make my way over towards him.

'What?'

'Hold this.' He hands me the vile containing my blood.

I smirk. 'Good luck trying to find anything on me. Pretty impossible since, technically, I don't actually exist here.' Molly looks up from her work, confused.

'What do you mean you don't exist?' She asks.

'Oh, I'm not from this world. I read myself here.' I explain.

'You..read yourself here?' Molly asks, disbelievingly.

'Yeah, it's you guys that don't exist. You're fictional.' I shrug. 'Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.'

'Yes, Audrey you can shut up any time you like now.' Sherlock warns, not taking his eyes off the microscope.

I flip him off and turn back to Molly. 'I'm not crazy. Promise.'

An hour later and boredom was slowly beginning to take over. I decided to see how long I could stare at Sherlock before he began to sense my penetrating gaze.

The answer is a very, very long time.

God he's annoying.

Two cups of coffee and a pair of watering eyes later, Sherlock admits the inevitable.

'Nothing!' He exclaims. 'I can find absolutely nothing wrong with you, your bloods are perfect!'

'Hate to say it but... I told you so. Can we go gatecrash John's date now?' I ask innocently.

Sherlock eyes me. 'Does this happen in the book?'

I tap my nose, saying nothing. He yanks me up from the floor, none too gentle, once again and pulls me after him.

'Bye Molly!' I wave at her. 'See you soon. Oh and do me a favour? Don't go on any dates with Jim.' I add.

'Who's..Jim?'

I shake my head at her. 'Just promise!' I shout back as the doors close behind us.

'Actually, I have four in that name.' I hear the ticket manager say to John and Sarah.

'No, I don't think so. We only booked two.' John replies confusedly.

Oh Sherlock, you bad man.

'And then I phoned back and got one for myself and Audrey as well.' Sherlock and I appear behind them.

John looks at Sherlock in disbelief.

'I'm sorry John, this wasn't my idea, it was all him!' I point up at Sherlock.

Sarah looks at us rather awkwardly.

'Hi!' I say, extending my hand. 'I'm Audrey.'

'Er, hi.' She says, smiling nervously.

John and Sherlock continue in their silent staring battle.

'John,' Sarah touches his arm. 'I'm going to nip to the loo before the show begins.'

He smiles and nods at her.

'I'll come with.' I say, smiling over at Sarah.

The bathroom is quite small, so there's only enough room for one toilet. I wait for Sarah and awkwardly attempt to converse with her while she's still in there.

'Listen, when you go back to the flat with John after this, don't order any take away or anything that involves answering the door.'

She emerges from the bathroom, perplexed.

'How do you know I'm going to go back to his flat?' She asks, raising an eyebrow.

I grin. 'Course you will, John's a total lad.'

She continues to look at me strangely, but laughs. We exit the bathroom and begin our way up the stairs when I remember-

'Wait.' I pull her back, listening.

'What, what is it?' She looks back at me.

I continue to listen, waiting for-

'... while I'm trying to get off with Sarah!' I hear John say exasperatedly.

'Okay,' I smile. 'Now we can go.'

She gives me a quizzical look, but gives no sign of having heard John. Oh Aud, you sly fox, you.

Instrumental music begins as we enter the performance area. A figure emerges, wearing chainmail and an ornamental head mask. The warrior holds his arms out to the sides and two men come over and start to attach heavy chains and straps to him, strapping his now-folded arms in front of him and then backing him up against the board and starting to chain him to it.

'Classic Chinese escapology act.' Sherlock leans forward and whispers to John and Sarah.

'Hmm?' John turns back to him.

'The crossbow's on a delicate string. The warrior has to escape his bonds before it fires.' Sherlock explains.

He moves back and casts me a smug glance.

Eejit.

The woman dressed in traditional Chinese costume picks up a small knife and displays it to the audience.

Once again, to my undisguised annoyance, Sherlock leans forward and explains what is about to happen.

'She splits the sandbag; the sand pours out; gradually the weight lowers into the bowl.'

Just as Sherlock predicted, the woman up to the sandbag and stabs it in the bottom, making a hole. He smirks at me.

'Yeah, yeah, ten points for bloody Gryffindor.' I mutter under my breath.

Just as the act is finished, and the man has freed himself from the chains, I notice that Sherlock has disappeared.

I sigh and check my watch, waiting. Five, four, three, two, one – On cue, Sherlock and the masked figure come flying out of the curtains, landing on the ground below. John is on the move immediately, charging at Sherlock's attacker.

I stay behind, watching and giggling like a crazy person.