chapter 1

All Harry potter characters and so forth belong to J.K Rowling and Warner Brothers unfortunately I am neither and never will be.

Might use some content from the books, any content you recognise doesn't nor will ever belong to me.

Warning there is going to be self-harm, binge drinking and smoking in this chapter.

I didn't plan for it to happen but the story done its own thing.

On the bright side I don't think this chapter is quite as depressing as before.

let's continue :)

Harry didn't awake until it was dark, for a moment Harry thought he was back in the graveyard. He could see Cedric's unmoving eyes, Voldemort rising from the ashes, being put under the Cruciatus curse. Harry managed to come back to his surroundings before he had a panic attack.

Harry realised he was in the forbidden forest. He got up on shaky legs and started to move out of the dark forest. Once he was out of the forest he saw Hagrid, Hagrid just gave a sad look and told him to come over his when he had time. He hated the look Hagrid was giving him, he didn't understand why no one was having a go. He got Cedric killed, he told him to take the cup with him.

Once he was in the castle he saw Professor McGonagall, Harry then realised it was probably past curfew. However to Harry's surprise McGonagall just gave him that look, the same look Hagrid gave him, the look he didn't deserve.

The next moment Harry was outside the common room, but he still couldn't remember the password. Harry decided to just wait outside the common room and get his thoughts together.

About half an hour later Ron and Hermione opened the portrait hole, they looked relieved to see Harry there. The common room was now empty except the trio, they automatically moved next to the fireplace in silence.

Harry decided to break the silence by asking what they had done all day. They told Harry, Dumbledore had spoken to the school that morning, asking the school to leave Harry alone and not ask questions. Harry was thankful for that. Ron and Hermione spent the day with Mrs Weasley, until she had to go have a meeting with Dumbledore.

Ron and Hermione also mentioned they went to the Hospital wing, but Harry wasn't there. Harry just said he had to talk with the Diggorys, ending the conversation. Not much later Ron and Hermione went to bed, sensing that Harry wanted to be alone.

The silence was to much for Harry, he noticed he was still shaking, from nerves or the Cruciatus curse he had no idea. Deciding it was to much he decided to wander the castle, curfew be damned. Not even bothering getting his cloak or map, Harry started to wander down some dark corridors. Only seeing one or two ghosts along the way he started to let the peacefulness overcome him.

As Harry started descending by the kitchens he noticed it was starting to get light out, he decided to take refuge in the kitchens. Harry didn't want to bump into the Hufflepuffs, he couldn't bear what they thought of him. Before Harry knew it he was surrounded by a hoard of house elves trying to pass him a load of food. Harry decided to have a bread roll and go talk to Dobby. Dobby looked up at Harry with sad glistening eyes, almost like diamonds.

Harry saw that Winky was passed out on the floor gripping a bottle of butterbeer. Dobby told Harry that Winky had got worse blaming herself for the events, and was trying to forget, tears were now leaking out of his round orbs. Harry wondered if it would work for him, he would do anything to forget. Harry looked at the shelf above the fireplace and saw some liquor, fire whiskey and vodka.

Harry decided to take all three and sit down next to Winky, as he handed Dobby a glass of butterbeer. Dobby looked at Harry with nerves, but started to drink his butterbeer whilst Harry watched all the other house elves cook food for breakfast. Around three hours later Harry was dancing around with Dobby, after drinking a bottle of cherry liquor and a bottle of fire whiskey.

As the other house elves started to prepare lunch, Harry just watched as the room spun around. After around an hour Harry started to feel sick from the room moving in circles, so decided to finally eat his bread roll and down his vodka as fast as possible. Harry couldn't even put a thought together.

He decided to go for a wander around the corridors, it took Harry a good fifteen minutes to leave the kitchens. Harry started to wander around laughing every time he fell over, he hadn't felt this good in ages if ever. Everything was just hilarious. As Harry was by the great hall, he thought it would be a good idea to get his schoolbag and go get some more alcohol.

It took Harry a good two and a half hours to get to his dorm, however he had stopped on the way there to help Peeves play dung bombs with the other students. Harry managed to remember the password as he went to retrieve his bag. On the way he decided to play a game of exploding snap with Fred and George and actually won, no one ever beat Fred and George. They commentated that it was good that Harry was feeling better, making him remember what was wrong.

Harry stumbled up to his dorm all the depressing thoughts from the past couple of days rising up, but not making complete sense to his drunken mind. Before he knew it he had his Potions knife out and was watching the light bounce of it. He sat their mesmerized for a good ten minutes, before he started sliding it across his wrists. He watched as bright red blood slid down his arm, combined with the pain and alcohol making Harry forget why he was upset.

Harry spent a good twenty minutes at peace with the world, he had four cuts on his wrist. Deciding to wash the blood off he had a shower, then took his schoolbag and went on his way back to the kitchen, completely ignoring Ron and Hermione on his way out. By the time Harry had made it back to the kitchens, the house elves were preparing dinner and he had sobered up quite a bit.

Harry decided to put two bottles of vodka, a bottle of chocolate liquor, two bottles of fire whiskey and some weird wizarding shots in his bag. Harry then decided to have a nap on the sofa next to the fireplace, not wanting to bump into the Hufflepuffs. Harry had the best nights sleep he had in ages, he assumed it was to do with the alcohol. Harry went to leave the kitchens when he spotted a pack of straights and a lighter on a cabinet, he didn't know what compelled him to do it but he took them deciding to be reckless.

As he stepped into the dark courtyard he thought that he's always been reckless anyway, heck he wouldn't be surprised if it was his middle name. But it was his recklessness that had got Cedric killed, a tear escaped him as he thought of those dead cold eyes looking up at him. Before he knew it he had a fag in his mouth and was trying to light it, he spent a good ten minutes before he managed to light his fag. Then he started to cough up everywhere not use to the smoke, it took him several tokes until he found out how to take his fag back properly. As Harry spent a good five minutes getting use to smoking, he was getting calmer and calmer.

After his fag he decided to go back to his common room, on the way he saw Snape who said something about curfew but he wasn't paying attention. Before he knew it he was in the common room walking up to Ron and Hermione, Hermione beamed at him as she and Ron continued playing wizards chess. Harry just enjoyed watching them play the game, his whole mind going devoid of emotion.

Harry just looked around the common room looking at random stuff and having random thoughts. Harry didn't even notice when Ron and Hermione went bed, he was just enjoying the calm. When he started to feel drained he went to bed, not realising it was just before he had to get up for school.