House Arrest

Mass Effect 3

FemShep/Zaeed M.

Summary: While Shepard is imprisoned in Vancouver Zaeed breaks her out for a night out.

A/N: I like Kaidan as a character but sometimes he drives me crazy. Also, this has been sitting in a folder for months and I decided to finish it as is even though I am not entirely happy with it.

House arrest was undoubtedly the most mind-numbingly boring situation Shepard had been placed in. True, she had a pretty bodyguard, that Jimmy Vega, but that didn't make up for the fact that she wasn't allowed to have a gun anymore. And she couldn't call anyone, lest she somehow get a hold of Cerberus. Visitors would have made a difference, but the only friends she wanted to visit couldn't. Either because they were in trouble for helping her when she was with Cerberus or because they were busy with their own, unraveling lives. Alenko, of course, had no excuse to not visit, though that didn't keep him from continuing to ignore her. That was fair enough, Shepard supposed. They had broken up at Horizon. At least she was pretty sure that's what had happened. Damn. She probably should have double checked that before...

Her small apartment was suddenly flooded with light. Cursing, Shepard rolled off her bed and stared into the light that was beaming through her picture window. After a minute her eyes adjusted and she could see a Cerberus shuttle hovering outside her room. Shepard had enough time to say "Fuck!" and bring up a biotic shield before the shuttle crashed through her window and landed halfway into her apartment. It knocked into her shield, causing her to fly backwards and hit the wall hard. While she was picking herself up again the shuttle's door opened and the soldier inside stepped out.

With no gun Shepard was forced to rely solely on her biotics and to hope that the Alliance would move its sorry ass and get to her in time. Knowing the Alliance, though, that was unlikely.

Before she could act, something about the soldier made her pause. "Massani?" She lowered her fists with a smirk. Yeah, there was no mistaking that black and yellow armor. Zaeed Massani had just broken into her home with one of Cerberus's own shuttles. Oh. Cerberus. Shit. Instantly Shepard brought up a electric blue barrier around herself. "Massani!" she shouted over to him as Zaeed left the shuttle and made his way over to her current position. "Did the Illusive Man send you here to kill me? Capture me? Send me an ominous message? Ask me for a light?"

Zaeed didn't answer. He removed the assault rifle from his back and Shepard cringed. Sure, she and Massani had had some pretty fun times during their last mission together, destroying the Collectors, but he could still be on the Illusive Man's payroll. And the Illusive Man was pissed that she had turned herself in to the Alliance. Really pissed. Hire-one-of-her-former-friends-to-kill-her kind of pissed.

Frowning and looking intent, Zaeed glanced about the room before he pointed up to one of the many cameras the Alliance had monitoring her. He nodded to the closest camera and gave her a look.

Shepard shrugged. "They have cameras everywhere, watching me. Making sure I don't contact Cerberus. There's no audio, though. I took that down awhile ago. My hacking skills aren't good enough to mess with the images so they can still see us. Just can't hear us."

"Good," Zaeed finally spoke, raising his rifle at her barrier. Shepard bit her lower lip.

"Massani, why are you here?" She didn't care if he had been the one to catch her and pull her onto the Normandy at the Collector's base. She was not lowering her barrier while he had a gun pointed at her.

"As far as the Alliance knows, I'm abducting you. As far as you know, I'm taking you out."

"Taking me out?" Shepard repeated dumbly. She could hear the Alliance moving around down on the street. "On a date?"

"It's about goddamn time I did," he replied and then proceeded to fire at her barrier.

Shepard dropped the barrier as Zaeed reached for another thermal clip. She shouted irritably, "What the hell are you doing that for?!"

"This has to look like an abduction," he answered as if she was an idiot for even asking. "Or else the Alliance will think you were involved. Don't worry, Cinderella," he sneered, "I'll have you home by midnight."

She was unimpressed. "I'm Commander Fucking Shepard. And you're going to kidnap me? How exactly is that going to work?"

She never did get a verbal answer. Instead Zaeed just walked up to her, hoisted her over his shoulder, and threw her into the shuttle craft.

Trying to fix her hair after being dumped unceremoniously onto the floor, Shepard said from the back, "Okay, I see what you did there. But I get to drive on the way back, you dig?"

"Garrus mentioned that if you ever asked to drive anything, I should respond with, 'Remember the Mako.'"

"Son of a bitch."

Seeing as they were in Canada, Shepard had no idea what Zaeed had planned for her. Vancouver wasn't exactly their regular type of hangout. Omega, though? That was more like it. Too bad they didn't have enough time to make a trip out there. One of the local clubs would have to do. And luckily since the Alliance believed she was actually captured by Cerberus (she hoped), they wouldn't bother looking at the local bars for her.

Shepard was standing behind the pilot's seat that Zaeed was currently occupying. She tapped him on the shoulder lightly. "Where are we going?"

"What does it matter?" he barked back, trying to concentrate on flying. "You're out of that cage, what more do you want?"

"We could go dancing?" she offered pleasantly. He just snorted in reply.

"Yeah, I was warned against doing that already, Shepard."

She pretended to be insulted. "Oh, my dancing isn't that bad. Garrus was just exaggerating"

He didn't seem convinced. "I'm not sure I trust you."

"You're abducting people and I'm the untrustworthy one?" She was joking, but the look Zaeed gave her was anything but.

"Shepard," he growled, taking his eyes off the sky to look at her intently. "If you want me to take you back, fucking say so."

"Eyes on the road!" Shepard grabbed his jaw and made him face front. "Or the sky. Whatever." While Zaeed grumbled Shepard bent down to place a kiss along his jawline. "And I am glad to see you. I'm just in a lot of serious shit right now. And this isn't helping."

He seemed to accept that. "Like I said before, I can take you right back."

"What's the point in that? I'm already out. Might as well enjoy it." Trying to seem visibly relaxed, Shepard sat in the passenger's seat until they found a secluded place to park that was relatively near a bar.

Zaeed stopped her before she could hop out of the vehicle. "Since your Alliance getup is a little suspicious and we don't want anyone recognizing you, I had Kasumi get you some clothes to change into. They're in the back."

"Kasumi picked them out?" Shepard groaned and shuffled to the back of the shuttle. Zaeed waited outside, shaking his head as he heard Shepard curse and groan. When she finally appeared it was in a dress and heels. And she wasn't happy about it. "I love Kasumi, but would it have killed her to find me some pants instead? Dammit, Massani, if I have to wear a dress you had better put out."

"That won't be a problem."

As they were walking to the club, a disturbing neon one called Elysium, Shepard asked, "Are you working for the Illusive Man or did you steal this shuttle?"

"Do you really think I would stoop that low?" Zaeed grabbed her arm and made her look at him. "Of course I stole the shuttle, Shepard. Figured it'd make the 'abduction' story more believable. And I paid Kasumi to erase any footage of us while we're inside this Elysium shithole."

"Aw." Shepard placed both of her hands over her heart and batted her eyelashes playfully. "You did all that for me? That's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. No, wait, the Illusive Man did bring me back from the dead. He may have you beat."

"Goddammit, Shepard." Zaeed tugged her into a dark corner and kissed her hard. He held her there until she bit him.

She chuckled as he cursed and wiped blood from his bottom lip. "I want to go dancing," she repeated, smirking. "And we're not doing that here."

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

"Knowing my dancing, yeah, probably."

She had to say one thing for Vancouver's bar scene...there was none of that damn Asari club music. Nothing against the Asari, but their music could get a little repetitive. She tried to lead Massani straight to the dance floor. He just shook his head, announcing that he needed a few drinks first.

Considering who his dance partner was, that was more than fair enough.

They sat down, waiting for one of the waitresses to bring their drinks. Shepard downed hers all in one go and instantly regretted it. "The fuck was that?" she sputtered, reaching for Zaeed's drink to try to drown out the current taste in her mouth. His was even worse.

He watched this all, highly amused. "That's human alcohol. I thought you might not recognize it, seeing as I've only ever seen you order Krogan liquor. Didn't you ever drink while on Earth?"

Shepard glared at her cup and asked the waitress for anything alien, please. "Ah, no. I was more focused on staying alive. Orphan, remember? I didn't drink until I was in the Alliance. And then I never stopped drinking." She thanked the waitress for her new, glowing green drink and then caught the server by her wrist. "Hey, can I request a song? None of this pop noise. Metallica, Black Sabbath, AC/DC..." Shepard paused, frowning into the waitress's confused eyes. "You don't know any of these bands, do you? Okay, just repeat what I said to the DJ. My friend here will wire you some extra credits for it."

"I will?" Zaeed glared at Shepard while the waitress ran off. She just shrugged.

"The Alliance froze my account. Evidently I'm not allowed to spend my stint in house arrest catching up on my online shopping. So, uh, you're going to have to pay for these drinks, too." She sipped her drink while he took that in.

Zaeed opened his mouth to reply, but the song suddenly changed, causing Shepard to jump up, grab his arm, and drag him to the dance floor. The waitress may not have known who Metallica was, but she could at least repeat their name back to the DJ. The other dancers looked around, trying to figure out how the hell to dance to something that wasn't techno.

Shepard didn't know how to dance to it, either.

"I'm not even sure what you're doing, Shepard. You're just sort of...shuffling." Zaeed backed off a step, watching Shepard with an expression akin to horror.

She huffed at him, blushing red. "Don't just stare at me! Do something."

"I think the best thing I could do for you right now, Shepard, is shoot you in the goddamn foot."

"Don't you dare!"

Major Kaidan Alenko noticed an awkward sort of moment over on the dance floor. Peering over his drink, he narrowed his gaze onto one particular dancer. That dark shade of red seemed almost familiar...but, no, she couldn't be here. Shepard was still incarcerated, courtesy of the Alliance they both had once served so loyally.

He had to admit, though, this look alike was a terrible dancer.

Oh, god, it was Shepard.

With Metallica's 'Of Wolf And Man' over, the regularly scheduled techno took over once again. Shepard lowered her arms in defeat and, to Zaeed's relief, made her way off the dance floor. Only to run into the only Canadian she knew, Kaidan Alenko.

"Oh, shit." Shepard knew she should have kept her mouth shut and tried to sneak past him. Well, it was too late for that now. Kaidan cut her off from the table she and Zaeed had been sitting at previously.

"Shepard? The Alliance let you out?"

"You could say that," Shepard shrugged. Zaeed appeared at her back, glaring down at the biotic in front of them.

"What do you mean?" Even through the gaudy red light Shepard could tell Kaidan was confused.

"I said you could say that. Didn't mean it was true. Anyway," she waved him off. "I'm a little busy at the moment. So excuse me." She made to push through but he wouldn't budge.

Kaidan looked concerned for a moment before he glared at her present company. "Is this your father?"

Zaeed uttered a few choice expletives while Shepard cringed and nearly yelled, "I'm an orphan, Alenko! You know that!" She crossed her arms and explained further. "Not that it's any of your business, but he's my date. Now. Move."

"Date? Shepard!"

She stopped. She knew that voice. Sighing, Shepard turned around and picked up their conversation again. "Kaidan, we're broken up. You moved on. I moved on. It's okay."

"I didn't move on," he insisted. "And broken up?"

"Please don't tell me you ended it with that doctor. And do you remember what you said to me on Horizon?" This night was not turning out how she had hoped. Shepard had fully expected to have gotten some by now. "I didn't ask you to do that. And I think there's a T-swift song that would really help you out things in perspective."

Kaidan held up a hand. "I know I said some unpleasant things on Horizon-"

"Unpleasant?!"

He looked exasperated. "I was upset!"
"I was dead!"

"I'm still here." Zaeed decided it was time for him to chime in.

Shepard's ears burned as red as her hair. She didn't want to do this in front of Massani. She didn't want to do this ever. Bringing up her omni-tool, Shepard hacked into the club's horrible music library until she found their country music section. "Here, Alenko. I need to leave."

Shepard and Zaeed brushed past him as "Never Ever Getting Back Together" by Taylor Swift played through the club's many speakers. She and the mercenary walked in silence until they stepped outside. Letting out a low whistle, Zaeed commented, "You don't show any goddamn mercy to anyone; not reapers, not collectors, and not even ex-boyfriends with ridiculous hair."

"Yeah, I feel bad about that now. But in my defense, I'm drunk."

"You had one drink."

"Okay, so I'm not drunk I just make bad decisions. And his hair isn't that-"

"It looked better on Elvis." Shepard watched as Zaeed found a skycar, hot-wired it, and held open the door for her. "Now I have reservations for us at some fancy hotel Kasumi favors. If you're in the mood...?"

It was a blunt way to put "wanna bang?" but that was how the two of them worked. Shepard nodded and stepped into the stolen vehicle, suddenly very thankful for Kasumi. "Of course I'm in the goddamn mood. I've been locked up alone for months. A hanar could get it from me at this point."

"That is an image I don't want, Shepard."

"Relax, Massani. I'll give you a few images that you will."

He smirked in an out of character way. "Sometimes I fucking love you, Shepard."

"And sometimes I fucking love you back."