Life, Her Hell that Holds Love
Word Count: 1375 words
A/N: Hello there! I'm back with a new chapter! Just Give Me a Reason is a song performed by P!nk (one of my favourite female singers) featuring Nate Ruess. Amazing is an understatement, my comment.
Thank you for reading. Please review to tell me what you think.
Characters: Haibara Ai, Kudo Shinichi, Agasa Hiroshi
Chapter 5: Just Give Me a Reason
"Kudo-kun" I call, after Akai left, when he's done discussing about Vermouth with Shinichi.
"Huh?" he looks at me in doubt.
"I, actually, bought a plane ticket to London. The flight is scheduled tonight," I say casually, the entire speech is already in my mind, composed when they're busy exchanging thoughts and plans.
"Wha- Why? You're still going? After all these we've been through?" he looks dumbfounded, saying in disbelief.
"Right. Vermouth is still looking for me, and..." I can't finish my sentence, with Shinichi stopping me.
"And I'm here to protect you, from Vermouth, from the damn organisation, from anyone who tries to harm you!" he interrupts, sounding agitated but caring.
"Kudo-kun," I gulp, "I can't let you risk your life for me any longer!" This is what I planned to say, but it should sounds calmer.
"Why are you suddenly calling me that way?" he questions, now his hands on my arms. His eyes are full of, not irritation, but hurt.
"Be rational," I push his hands away, making my best to seem cold, "What if Ran-san was here when Vermouth broke in?"
Shinichi is stunned, apparently he never consider the possibility of this circumstance, which precisely, is high.
I sneer at his face, "And what if when the next time Vermouth comes for me, you're not here with me?" I know my words are like blades, piercing his mind, "Are you, still, able to protect me?"
Silence fills the atmosphere, when both of us know no word is appropriate for this situation. Moments later, Shi-, Kudo takes a step forward and embraces me. I gasp, pushing him away, though I love to be in his arms, I love the warmth of his body.
"Kudo-kun," I stare into his glowering eyes, "Go back to Ran-san."
His eyes widen upon my words, his lips press into a thin line, before he let out a bitter laugh, "That's it? That's all you want to say?"
I suppress the feelings in me, which is a mixture of guilty, sadness and disgust, "If it's not for what happened yesterday, who you would choose today? If it's not for my body, I'm sure you're still indecisive, like how you are all along!"
His body moves a little backward involuntarily. Obviously, he hates me being this honest, like how I hate myself to be; otherwise, we can still lie to ourselves, playing lovey-dovey, and tell each other we are the one and only. But we're not, never will be...
Right from the start he was a thief, he stole my heart, and I, his willing victim... It's time to make it right, though my heart is already his, but I should stop stealing his too. Because his heart will never, entirely, belongs to me.
"My flight," I break the awkward silence, "is scheduled at 11:15 pm. You can bid me farewell, and please bring along Ran-san. I'd like to see her before I go," I say before I leave, and repeat the remaining sentence in my heart that I never say in front of him.
I'd like to see her before I go, happy together with you, so that I have the strength to forget you...
oOoOoOoOo
My watch is showing 9:45pm, another half an hour or so, I'll have to check in. My coffee is already cold in the paper cup, left on the table where Professor Agasa is sitting opposite to me.
I'll be in the airport to meet you by 10, with Ran.
I keep reading Kudo's text in my phone which was sent to me this afternoon, as if there's something I missed. I feel glances on me and I look up.
"Professor Agasa," I call, though he keeps stealing peeks at me to make sure I'm all right, my sudden call makes him surprised.
"Yes, Ai-kun?" he answers.
"Thank you for sending me to the airport, biding me farewell and..." I stand up and walk to his seat. He is shocked but still sticking on his chair; when I put my arms around him, he is even more astounded at first, but glad later.
"Thank you for taking care of me, giving me a shelter and offering goodness that is beyond anything I can ever return," I smile, with my face so close to his white hair.
"You're welcomed, Ai-kun," he replies, smiling as genuine as always. His hands grasp my arms, making me feel the warmth from his huge, wrinkled palms. "Your parents will sure be proud of you..."
"I hope so," I say, unsure if they feel a thing.
"And your sister too," he adds, grasping my arms more tightly.
"I think she will..." I smile broadly, as I feel myself hugging Professor Agasa closer.
"Hello there," the familiar voice makes my heart skips a beat; I look up to see no one but him.
"Hey, Kudo-kun," I reply his greeting, the tone in my voice remains no-more-than-friendly, as how he started. Noticing Ran's absent, I am about to ask about that.
"Ran called and told me to come alone, said she caught a cold and need to rest," he answers my unspoken question.
"Oh," I reply, feeling relieved, then guilty about my feeling, "Hope she'll recover soon. Send her my regards, please."
"I will," he answers, the way he speaks suggests that he understands how I'd want us to be, just friends.
"I think I'll leave now. You two have some time together," Professor Agasa who was sitting all the time suddenly stands up.
"No," Kudo and I exclaim, almost at the same time, "you don't have to!"
Professor Agasa feigns a yawn, amused, says, "I'm tired... Take care, Ai-kun."
"Professor Agasa, take care. Eat more vegetables and fruits, don't you try to have junk food after I leave. And, exercise regularly," I instruct, telling everything I want to tell him before I depart.
"Ha, Ai-kun, stop sounding like my mother! Goodbye!" Professor Agasa hugs me before he goes. I smile. Thinking back, it's always me who make sure he eats the right meals and works out. Perhaps I'll really miss having someone for me to take care of, like a mother does to a kid.
"Are you really leaving?" Kudo asks after Professor Agasa has gone far from where we stand. I sigh before turning to face him.
"What are you kidding about?" I glare at him, cold as usual, like what happened yesterday was nothing but a dream, "I've bought the ticket, packed my luggage, now in the airport about to check in."
"You know you don't have to," he smiles bitterly. The wall we built just now seems shattered.
"You know," I look into his sincere eyes, "I have to."
"Ai..." his voice sounds like he's begging.
"Treat Ran-san well, baka," I smirk, hiding the sorrow that rises in me, "she's like a sister to me."
"Do you..." he starts again, looking at me with his blue eyes. I look away, because if I look back I may fall for them again.
"I'm leaving now," I say as I get my luggage.
"Don't," he grabs my arm, mumbles. He knows it's not right, it's unfair, it's hurting, to me, to him, to Ran. So, why he refuses to let me go?
"Just give me a reason," I smirk. How can you be so selfish? How can you? The thought echoes itself in my mind, but there's no one to reply.
As expected, silence takes over. I turn to take my last glance at him, seeing there are tears other than blankness. I lose my arm from his hand and walk away.
Behind me, a few feet away, is the man I love, looking at my back, having no excuse, no right, nothing to stop me from leaving. Perhaps the one who lose the most in this battle isn't me, it's him.
Just then, Shinichi's cell phone rings. After a few rings, maybe taking time to calm himself, he picks up the phone. Shockingly, he bursts into pure anger.
"Hello... What?! Ran is... WHAT?! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"
I have a really bad feeling that I know I can't just leave now, that I do not hesitate to turn to see what's going on with my teary eyes.
Reply to my dear reviewer:
Someone else, All right, you don't have to. Let's see if I can. I have a feeling that the plot of this chapter is in your expectation, until the last part. I'll do my best to update until Chapter 7 this month. Then readers will have to wait for 3 months for the next update... Thanks for reviewing!