Chapter 5 - Oops I did it again
A/N Just a quick word of thanks to everyone who has followed us on this somewhat unconventional but affectionate take on our favourite characters.
Over time Carol, Lisbon and Jane settled ever more comfortably into their arrangement. While they all had their quirks, they were each in their own way heavily invested in making the unusual relationship work. Jane's presence grounded Lisbon's normally flighty attitude to personal relationships. Carol's place in Lisbon's life ensured Jane didn't have to extend himself beyond his comfort zone and Lisbon's presence in Jane's life gave him a happiness he'd never dared hope to experience again.
Subconsciously Lisbon thrived on the attention. After a lifetime of being the caretaker, responsible adult and consultant apologist, life had started to adjust the karmic imbalance. Her pleasant home and work life rejuvenated her outlook, wiped away her veneer of police cynicism and even wound back the influence of father time. Her manner was more open, her figure a touch more rounded and the men of the Austin office couldn't help to notice.
It was enough to send Fisher scrounging after a more compelling series of books on being found attractive to the male psyche. Jane observed it all with glee; he had no intention of assuring Fischer the men were barking up the wrong tree, even if Lisbon's privacy wasn't paramount.
Unfortunately, it wasn't just his colleagues who saw the lovely Lisbon with fresh eyes. After a decade of quiescence Jane was experiencing a few subtle stirrings himself. The first time was innocent enough. Jane and Felix were relaxing on the couch when Carol and Lisbon breezed through on their way out for a jog. Lisbon had bent over to adjust a shoe causing Jane's eyebrows to raise in time with the short shorts sliding up her thighs.
Jane's enjoyment of the spectacle was spoilt when Felix suddenly dug his claws in. The subsequent yelp and spilt cup of tea that scalded the tip of Felix's tail served to shatter the moment. After soothing their inept males Carol and Lisbon proceeded with their run, oblivious to the cause of the ruckus.
Felix was not quite so sanguine and he narrowed his eyes at Jane before stalking from the room. Jane narrowed his eyes back when the feline was safely out of sight.
It signalled a shift in the relations between man and cat. Felix had previously seen Jane as no threat to his alpha status and so had tolerated him with amused condescension. Now that his animal senses picked up on a possibility of a rival for Lisbon's affection he was ready to fight to stay king of the heap.
Not ready to throw the cat amongst the pigeons, so to speak, Jane leaned more heavily on his biofeedback skills to stop the issue from coming to a head. He was never more grateful of his mentalist skills because Felix often treated him as a human cushion and the moment he showed too much interest in Lisbon a wicked claw would pierce his pants. This would be followed by a hiss and a stiff legged walk from the room.
Tiring of the mistreatment, Jane tried to assert his authority. Secret trysts in the kitchen where Jane hissed veiled threats about trips to the vet did nothing to help matters, in the end Jane resorted to the tried and trusted method of feline control, treats. Unusually it seemed like Felix was Top Cat to Jane's Officer Dibble; the master manipulator was being played like a cheap violin.
Domestic duties were evenly shared, each taking their turn in the kitchen. It hadn't escaped Jane's notice that Carol's culinary contributions were getting increasingly health conscious and decidedly less satisfying as the weeks went on. It was quite unwarranted as both women were in great shape, and at Jane's age it wasn't unreasonable to sport a small set of love handles.
On closer inspection Jane noticed that the perfectly arranged kitchen cupboards now contained a preponderance of food supplements and minerals, in preference to the comfort foods beloved by Lisbon. It was all rather curious….
Lisbon too was growing suspicious but in her case she wasn't kept in suspense for long. One night she was lying spent, side by side in bed when Carol sighed theatrically and buried her face in the pillow. Ever practical, Lisbon searched for where her sleep clothes had been kicked to the bottom of the bed. If she was going to have a deep and meaningful, at least she wasn't going to be bare arsed naked.
Worrying at her lip she tentatively touched Carol on the shoulder. As if waiting for the slightest signal, the younger woman uncoiled like a spring and flipped over to face Lisbon. Two soulful blue eyes gazed imploring at her.
"Am I starting to look old?"
Lisbon's head jerked back in surprise. The Chicago accent was thick in her denial. "Naww! What are you talking about, you look amazing." There was a touch of ruefulness in Lisbon's tone. Carol was a decade younger and it would have taken a true saint not to feel a touch of envy when living in close proximity to someone still blessed with a youthful figure and a tummy so flat you could eat off it like a table.
Carol sniffed, unconvinced. "I'm old", she said with uncharacteristic insensitivity. "I'll be turning 33 next year and I feel like my clock is about to run down. Hugging herself tightly she stared straight ahead as she made her confession. "Teresa, I want a child."
Lisbon's breath caught in her throat. She knew that tone, that special quality of yearning. Not from herself, maybe, but certainly from women friends in the Sacramento and San Francisco law enforcement communities. It was a tone that conveyed fear that for all the satisfaction of doing a job that truly mattered, perhaps there was something equally important they were missing out on.
Lisbon's knees slid up to her chest and were enfolded by her arms. She'd made her peace with the lack of a conventional life a long time ago. She had a plethora of nieces and nephews and every likelihood of more to come.
If she ever patched things up with her brothers she could be swimming in children. That wasn't to say even she didn't feel the occasional pang, especially when wondering what sort of children a certain blond haired consultant might have sired...
Lisbon snapped out of her reverie to see Carol looking at her expectantly. The older woman nodded quietly. She didn't want her lover to ever have to wonder what might have been. Decision made she forced a smile. "You deserve a child, we deserve a child," she hastily amended when she saw Carol about to raise an objection. "You're going to be a terrific mother, I just know..."
She was cut off mid sentence by a whoop, a holler and a bone crushing hug that left her seeing stars. Well at least that question was settled.
Having secured an in-principal agreement Carol raised the ante with her culinary quest for achieving perfect bodily health. Matters finally came to a head when Carol's latest offering came in a glass with a tasteful garnish. Despite her assurances that it was a balanced meal, it was hardly what they wanted after a day at work. Making the excuse of wanting to watch something on the TV, Jane took one sip of the noxious gloop before feeding the bulk of it to the hardy Snake plant, which somehow thrived despite Lisbon's lack of care.
Creeping to the kitchen when he thought everyone was asleep, a tell tale light revealed Lisbon frantically searching the fridge. Jumping back guiltily at the sound of approaching footsteps, Lisbon looked relieved to see it was Jane approaching. They ransacked the fridge like marauding jackals scavenging the last bit of goodness from an empty carcass. "Lisbon, where's all the food gone?"Jane whined.
"She's detoxing, preparing." Lisbon murmured evasively.
"Preparing for what?" There would be nothing left of Carol on this diet.
Feeling Jane's inquisitive eyes, Lisbon whispered. "Motherhood."
"Motherhood?" Jane hissed, not sure he'd heard correctly.
A slow nod of Lisbon's head confirmed matters.
Jane frowned, seriously doubting the wisdom of this. while there was no doubting Carol was smitten, he seriously doubted Lisbon's commitment to the relationship.
With their heads still buried in the fridge, Jane whispered. "Has she thought this through? It's an impersonal and emotionally bruising business." It could be a heartbreaking as well, and Carol was emotional at the best of times.
Weighing Jane up before she answered, Lisbon considered her words carefully. "She's bought a DIY kit off EBay."
Jane started laughing. "Seriously Lisbon, you must be joking." A shake of the head confirmed she was deadly serious. "It's not as easy as you think and she's got to find a donor."
Lisbon regarded Jane with an unfathomable expression. He couldn't be precisely sure but there was a sense of ruefulness or irony with a top note of wistful regret. It looked like she was waiting for him and he only comprehended her meaning when she quirked a suggestive eyebrow.
Jane's head cracked against the overhead shelf as he pulled up sharply. "No! Absolutely not!" He hissed emphatically. He shot her a look of betrayal. "I'm surprised you would ask that of me."
Lisbon's expression was hard to read. "It's Carol asking, not me. You're a better man than you let yourself believe. How could she not consider you?"
Rather than push him further she walked away, leaving Jane to ponder that thought. Good luck to him if he could say no to Carol's imploring eyes. Lisbon had already gone through all the arguments to no avail.
Sleep eluded Jane that night. Was it truly only Carol asking or was it Lisbon as well? That ship might have sailed for his dear friend but did he have it within himself to deny her a chance at a family. More concerning, was the prospect of him being the father a boon or a curse?
One thing was certain, he wasn't a fire and forget type of guy. If the child was his the sense of responsibility would remain for the rest of his life. Was he fit to be a father again given his appalling record? As he pondered the question and the possibilities, his only comfort was that two such remarkable women as Lisbon and Carol were twice as likely to compensate for his shortfalls.
Perhaps sensing Jane's disquiet, Carol didn't broach the subject of his genes being donated to the cause. Instead she subscribed to various donor sites and began an intensive period of research to find the best possible donor.
She determinedly roped Lisbon into the screening process though names of the website weren't conducive to a serious assessment of the potential donors. Names such as Seed of Hope, Fertile Fellas and Erectoplasm provoked guffaws of laughter that took Carol a week to forgive.
It was only delaying the inevitable, however, and when Jane returned from a long walk one night he found the two women alternatively cooing and giggling over various donor candidates.
Despite himself, he ducked over for a peak.
Carol was reading the donor bio out loud.
"Donor 14564: Byron. This tall, elegant English major, spends his free time reading Virginia Woolf and writing poetry. While he admits to being a bit introverted, this scholar could spend hours talking about any range of topics from film to literature. Other hobbies include cooking, nature walks,-/"
"... and jerking off into plastic cups!" Lisbon interjected with a snicker. Her tough Chicago upbringing struggled with the flowery profiles of the potential donors.
The punch to the ribs that she got from Carol was offset by the discrete fist bump she shared with Jane. At least someone appreciated her sense of humour.
The moment was definitely spoiled for donor 14564. Carol moved onto the next contender.
"Donor 32169: Lance. A tall, chiselled world traveller this donor once spent a month solo exploring China, and credits that experience with helping him gain a deeper cultural understanding of the world we live in. His communion with nature has let him empathise with all creatures and he looks forward to help women take part in the great cycle of life. A renaissance man, he's currently building a monster truck at his local garage."
Lisbon looked at the picture musingly. "He's cute."
Jane couldn't hold back any longer. "Cute but narcissistic. All that baloney about 'world harmony' and he's into monster trucks? It's a good thing I'm here to help you ladies read between the lines."
Lisbon and Carol exchanged sceptical looks but decided to indulge the wounded male ego. Dozens of candidates from various sites were assessed and then dismissed due to character flaws like 'vain milquetoast', 'sociopathic' or 'hairy knuckles'.
Once amusement turned to exasperation Lisbon called Jane out. "Are you seriously trying to tell us that there is something wrong with every single sperm donor?"
He refused to back down. "Fundamentally? Yes. You have to ask yourselves what sort of man would anonymously donate sperm?"
Carol took up the argument. "Because they want to help women like me! Maybe because they like the idea that some part of them will be passed onto another generation."
"But they have no involvement in the child!" Jane exclaimed. "Don't you think it's a little cold that they give life and then have nothing to do with it?"
Carol could be as stubborn as Jane. "Maybe they want to be fathers but recognise they lack the maturity to be a positive influence? Isn't that better they do something to help rather than nothing?"
Jane pretended to ponder this for a second, then dropped his clincher. "Could you just give up an egg if the situation was reversed? Could you go through life ignoring you had a child?"
Carol opened her mouth to respond, then hesitated. "I couldn't do that," she admitted.
Jane turned his gaze to Lisbon. She didn't hesitate. "Me neither."
"See," Jane concluded triumphantly. "I feel the same. If I fathered a child I'd do everything I could to protect them and give them the best life possible. How could I not? It's the greatest responsibility in the world."
Carol sighed dejectedly. "So I need to find a real person to be a donor. Someone who actually cares and will want time with our child." She hugged Lisbon close, seeking comfort.
Oblivious to his impending peril, Jane nodded encouragingly. "That's right. Someone you know with the qualities you'd want in a child. That would really cut down on the risk."
Carol gathered her courage. "I do know someone who would be suitable. You would. Will you please help us Patrick?"
Jane stared at her in dismay. He's walked into that one like a complete mark. He's assumed his refrigerator conversation with Lisbon had put paid to that notion. Hearing the request from Carol's lips made it suddenly, terrifyingly real.
He breathed heavily, trying to reign in his rising panic. "I don't exactly have a good track record as a father. I think you should set your sights higher."
Carol looked like she would let it go but Lisbon piped up unexpectedly. "Oh cut the crap, Jane. You'd make a wonderful father. It's time you stopped beating yourself up about something that wasn't your fault to begin with. Of all the men I know, you are the bravest and the best when it counts."
Taken aback by the warmth of the compliments, Jane dashed a hint of moisture from his eye. He tried to rebut Lisbon, but was lost for words. It was too much, too soon. He couldn't breathe. The belief he saw in Lisbon's eyes was almost as hard to take as the rising hope in Carol's. He needed space to think things over. It wasn't fair they were putting him in this position.
"I'll be in my room," he said abruptly before stomping off. The effect was spoiled when a Felix shaped streak of fur rushed up, bit him in the ankle and streaked away again. Jane's yelp of surprise broke the tension and provoked nervous laughter from the girls.
The laughter quickly died and Carol stared anxiously at Lisbon. The older woman looked in the direction of Jane's room for a long moment before giving Carol a reassuring nod. The squeal and bone-crushing hug that followed should have been predictable and as Lisbon wheezed for breath she wondered why she felt so conflicted about Jane's inevitable capitulation.
In the kitchen Felix was positively morose. While he'd gotten in one last strike, deep within his feline heart he knew the tide had turned. Jane was set to assume alpha status and unless he kept a low profile an unpleasant visit to the vet was on the cards...
While nothing was settled, Carol planned her strategy with military precision. An analyst by profession, she could whip up a chart for anything at a moment's notice. The walls were festooned with spreadsheets and charts, apparently there was no such a thing as too much information. The atmosphere became tense as Carol worked her teary baby blues on Jane. Begrudgingly he gave into the inevitable. "Once, just once."
Lisbon's amused eyes followed him as he retreated to the safety of his room, knowing once he'd given Carol an inch she'd take a mile.
As the meals become increasingly healthier, Jane decided to take pre-emptive action. Hell Lisbon was grumpy enough at the best of times, deprived of food she made his life a downright misery, besides in the maelstrom of hormones there was more than enough tension around at the moment.
Quickly texting Cho, Jane arranged for them to be called out to an emergency. With his car keys at the ready just waiting for the call, they dashed out making their apologies to Carol on the run. "I'm driving." Jane shouted. Speed was of the essence. Before long they were tucking into a tasty burger. "Ummm feel that grease line your arteries." Jane sighed with contentment as he attacked the reconstituted meat. Lisbon whimpered orgasmically as the ketchup oozed from the sides of her burger. They wasted no time on talk as they savoured their guilty pleasure.
Jane recalled the conversation with Bosco where the older agent had compared eating a dog and kraut with infidelity. He could suddenly see his point.
An unfortunate pattern emerged of being called out at mealtimes, a sudden spike in crime by all accounts. Carol fussed incessantly about the dangers of the job, mistaking the red stains on Lisbon's blouse for blood. Jane's eyes twinkled with amusement as Lisbon guiltily brushed off Carol's concerns.
Engrossed in a tale of doomed love, Jane became aware of a shadow cast over the page of his novel. Lisbon stood expectantly in front of him, an empty cup in her hand. Recoiling theatrically, Jane spluttered. "You're joking. I'm just getting to the good bit. Surely it can wait." The next millennia seemed like a good time to Jane.
"Apparently not." Lisbon commented drily, refusing to budge. According to the algorithm the planets were in alignment. She plucked the book from his hand and handed him the cup. No huffing or plaintive face pulling had any effect on Lisbon; she just jerked her head in the direction of the bathroom, a guilty cast to her features. This was embarrassing enough without Jane making a production of it.
Defeated, Jane schlepped his way into the bathroom. Lisbon hovered uncertainly outside. What did one do in situations such as this? Was putting on some light jazz appropriate? Did she have time to make herself a cup of coffee? Time dragged on interminably. Losing patience, she knocked on the door.
"What's going on in there?"
The door opened and a shamefaced Jane looked at her dejectedly. "No dice, Lisbon. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."
Glancing in the direction of the master bedroom where the mother to be was waiting expectantly, Lisbon hissed at her friend. "What's the holdup?" She made a vague jerking motion with her wrist. "You guys do this all the time! Don't tell me you don't" - she'd raised three teenage boys and knew more than she'd ever wanted to about the subject.
Jane drew back haughtily. "In case you never noticed, I'm not most guys." The effect of his air quotes was spoilt by the cup held awkwardly in one hand. Seeing the frustration build in Lisbon's eyes he hastily tried to find a solution. "Maybe if you got me some, ah, inspirational material?"
Lisbon was about to launch into a tirade when a querulous Carol asked for an update. "I just need to get some supplies!" she called back. "Why don't you watch another episode of West Wing while you wait?"
As Carol gave the affirmative Lisbon glared daggers at Jane. "Just so we're clear, I'm doing this for Carol, and if you don't put out after all the trouble I'm going to, I'm going to extract that sample myself!"
The starred at each other heatedly for a second, then mutually averted their eyes. "Thanks Lisbon," Jane said as he stared at the tiles at his feet.
Lisbon glanced guiltily in Carol's direction. "Don't go anywhere," she said in a slightly mollified tone.
Wearing a large hat and oversized sunglasses, Lisbon sidled up to the seedy newsstand. A first pass gave her a rough idea of the layout, on the second pass she eyed up the section catering to the raincoat brigade. Realising that she was starting to look a bit suspicious, she advanced closer and pulled out a copy of Cosmopolitan as an decoy, allowing a closer inspection of the top shelf magazines.
Two old ladies came up to the stand, loudly wondering if the latest copy of Vogue Knitting International had arrived. Lisbon guiltily flicked past the 10 ways to get your man in the mood article she'd been perusing, strictly in the interest of scientific research.
She was interrupted by the news seller's cough. "If you want a free read lady, the library's down the road."
Lisbon replaced the magazine as the old dears finally completed their purchase and moved on. Lifting her eyes upwards she got a good look at the pages of sin. The glossy pictures of impossibly pneumatic specimens loomed intimidatingly above her; they were placed so high up it wasn't just their breasts that were defying gravity. Even with her recently changed outlook she failed to see the appeal.
Lisbon teetered on her toes as she stretched up to reach the first magazine, uncomfortably aware of the vendor's suspicious eyes following her every move. Darn it they were just out of reach. She hopped up to grab a few magazines and ended up knocking them all on the floor. Utterly mortified she fell to her knees in her haste to pick up the incriminating mess. Her hat was knocked askew and her glasses slipped down her nose. Through her embarrassment she sensed a stranger bend down to help. Lisbon looked up to meet his eye. Oh sheep-dip it was Father Reilly!
"Teresa?" Father Reilly performed a quick double take between the front covers and Lisbon's guilty face. Thinking quickly, she muttered "Sssh, I'm working undercover." She looked round conspiratorially before catching sight of the pack of cigarettes in his hand; she was sure he'd packed up smoking for Lent.
Catching the direction of her gaze, it was Father Reilly's turn to be caught out. "We all have our weaknesses."He admitted shamefacedly. "It's a long time since we've seen you in confession; perhaps it's time to have a talk?"
Hell and damnation! Lisbon felt completely transparent when his eyes searched hers. "Yes Father" She muttered as she hurriedly grabbed the magazines without looking at them, and threw some notes at the news seller.
Oh crap! How was she going to get out of that? The last time she'd been to confession was at the height of the Pike debacle. That was going to be peanuts compared to what was now on her chest. Buying girly mags so her platonic friend could produce a sperm sample for her clucky lady lover was a confession that might just damage the man's faith.
Returning home Lisbon flung her hat and overcoat onto the couch and stomped over to the bathroom. Her skin was still crawling from the horrors she'd just experienced.
Hearing her footsteps Jane cracked the door open and then recoiled when the glossies were all but shoved in his face. Instead of having the decency to vanish behind the door he began critically leafing through the titles, naming them aloud in the process.
"Juggs… Chunky Asses… Bodacious Tatas ?! Lisbon, your taste in pornography is terrible!"
Perhaps still rattled from her encounter with the good father, Lisbon was uncharacteristically defensive. "Stop whining and get to work! You have no idea what I went through to get those."
Jane opened his mouth to question further when the door was closed in his face. Humphing in irritation Jane started leafing through the first magazine that came to hand. He found the pictures inside as unappealing as Lisbon had and it was all the worse for being painfully aware his dear friend was waiting impatiently outside.
He was flicking through the selection in quiet despair when a title caught his eye: American Philatelist. What was that doing there? He pondered for a second, then grinned. No doubt an illiterate news seller had taken philately for some strange new fetish…
Forgetting about his reason for being in the bathroom Jane started leafing through the pages. A picture caught his eye and he brought the magazine up close to get a better look. Inspiration could strike in the most unusual of places. It was an Audrey Hepburn commemorative series and something about the elfin brunette served as a call to action for Jane's nascent libido.
On the other side of the door Lisbon nearly wore a hole through the carpet with her agitated pacing. She both wanted and didn't want to know what Jane was doing in there. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened a crack and a hand appeared. Lisbon whisked the offending article away without a word, neither of them wishing to face the other at this juncture.
Jane's work was done but she still had half the job ahead of her. Typical.
Repetitions of the ordeal over the following months allowed the process to be refined. Nevertheless, Jane groaned inwardly each month, when he discovered Carol red eyed in the kitchen bemoaning her barren state.
The summer wore on, Carol was grasping at straws tweaking her spreadsheets adjusting the algorithm, struggling to understand what was going wrong. She tried everything, meditation, yoga, she eyed Jane critically wondering whether he was up to the task. Lisbon looked on sympathetically as Jane muttered about RSI before trudging away cup in hand; it really was getting to be quite wearisome.
As each new cycle failed Carol became more and more obsessed, she resorted to all manner of monitoring systems to ensure that she was in tip top condition when the planets aligned. Her body was a tightly regulated chemical factory, where no input went unmonitored. In her quest for conception everything else was of secondary importance, and that included Lisbon. Although the two women were still as close as ever, and Lisbon continued to give Carol all the support she needed, the first flush of love, or lust at any rate had passed.
Maybe things would return to normal when Carol finally conceived and the rush of hormones restored her libido. Sadly Lisbon had a sneaking suspicion that Carol would be just as obsessive when she was pregnant, and doubted whether things would ever be the same again. She'd never been comfortable asking for things and she certainly wasn't going to pressure the increasingly distraught Carol for some physical comfort.
With a hit of regret Lisbon resigned herself to the new reality. Truth to tell it was very familiar territory, she had no cause to complain, especially as she still got to share her life with two people who meant the world to her.
Jane had started to notice that Lisbon was staying up later at night and had dusted off her old favourites, and would watch Die Hard long after Carol had retired for the evening. It didn't take him long to work out what was going on, not that Lisbon would ever say a word against Carol.
Perhaps the prospect of being a father again had rekindled something inside Jane, but now that he had accepted the situation he seemed to be curiously at ease with it all, and he took the opportunity to brush up on his parenting skills with the young boy next door.
Once Lisbon was satisfied that the young widow wasn't making a play for Jane, she was more than happy to see Jane bonding with her son. With his mop of floppy hair, young Jack was the cutest kid on the block, and it was great to see a different side to Jane when he let his guard down.
Lisbon could only imagine what he had been like with Charlotte, and what he would be like with his own child. He truly was a transformed character, the years fell off him as he indulged his playful side. She couldn't help but be touched by the thought that he would have a focus to his life, and for his sake as much as Carol's she desperately hoped conception wouldn't take too long.
Delighting Jack with his magic tricks and teaching him some more dubious skills to boot, Jane was in his element. After a spell kicking a ball around the garden, Jane and Jack bounded in, breathless and flushed, in search of refreshments, and the happy pair went hand in hand to the kitchen. The girls smiled indulgently, before exchanging a worried glance when Jane unexpectedly walked past the soda to the freezer.
"Now let's see what we can find to cool us down." Jane's eyes lit up as he spotted the Ben and Jerry's mini cup.
Jack beamed as Jane handed it to him, but in the twinkling of an eye Lisbon had swooped in and snatched the pot, deftly lobbed it behind her back to Carol, who made a one handed catch and hid it under the cushion. Jane shook his head, if it hadn't been for the wailing child holding his hand, he would have seriously thought he'd imagined it. Lisbon and Carol just smiled back innocently. "Out of date, meant to throw it away" Lisbon crinkled her nose, before mollifying Jack with some money to take Uncle Patrick to the local ice cream parlour.
Still not entirely sure what had happened, Jane was aware of someone watching him later that night when he opened the freezer compartment. Seeing the pot back in place, he lifted it up curiously and started to lift the lid.
"You don't want to do that." Lisbon said quietly.
Jane looked up at her questioningly. "Surplus stock." Lisbon raised her eyebrows meaningfully, hoping no further explanation was required. Jane dropped the carton on the bench top in disgust; it was bad enough being harvested without being deep frozen as well.
"You were the one complaining. It made sense to keep a backup. You should be grateful, Carol wanted to use the ice cube tray, at least I talked her out of that one." Lisbon shrugged defiantly.
In truth Jane wasn't having as much performance anxiety of late; once you rubbed the bottle it was hard to put the genie away. Desperate to reassert some boundaries, Jane avoided working too closely with Lisbon.
On noticing Lisbon shooting the occasional hurt glance in his direction, Jane explained his sudden preference for going out with Cho by saying they needed a break from each other occasionally. Fearful of throwing their domestic arrangement out of whack, Jane didn't dare mention the siren call of her body was driving him to distraction.
For much of their friendship he'd been able to maintain an abstract appreciation of Lisbon's looks. He could clinically admire her beauty like he would a fine Vermeer or a sunset. Now when he caught a fleeting glimpse of pale skin, especially when peeking from out of an oversized football jersey, it was enough to have him bite his knuckles in frustration. His biofeedback skills, more mentalist blarney than biological genius, were failing him miserably. Felix wasn't talking to him at all.
A complicated case found Jane and Lisbon squeezed into a tight alcove where they could unobtrusively stake out the Pink Flamingo. Lisbon was focussed on the job at hand while Jane seemed strangely distracted. Trying to ease a cramp in her thigh, Lisbon shifted backwards and felt something firm press into the small of her back.
With half her mind still calculating entry points and likely security measures, Lisbon tried to work out what was going on. "Did Abbott authorise you to carry a gun?"
Jane desperately choked off a cough. Realisation dawned slowly for Lisbon as the protrusion was apologetically removed. Of course Jane was wasn't carrying a gun. Which meant...
Her head whipped around to regard her partner, the look on Jane's face removed all doubt. A wordless interrogation began and uncharacteristically, it was Jane who broke. "I'm sorry Lisbon, I can't seem to help myself. Ever since I've had to, you know, for Carol, well now the cat's out of the bag and I can't put it back!
Listening to his panicked babbling almost made Lisbon take pity, but she needed to know for sure. "Just to be clear, I'm the one doing this to you, not Carol or any other pretty thing that catches your eye."
Misunderstanding her intention, Jane wilted. "I'm sorry Lisbon it's you. Just you. I know the timing is terrible and this is completely unfair. I'll get over it, just please, please don't ask me to move out."
Lisbon was unable to respond, overcome by Jane's intensity. Her mind flashed back to her shattered hopes on their ill fated weekend away. Throw him out? Throw him onto the nearest bed, more likely!
Not daring to meet his gaze, she probed further. "Just supposing that I might feel the same way towards you… Are you saying that if we, oh I don't know; went to the nearest hotel you'd be up for more than a cup of tea and a few hours of watching the Discovery Channel?"
Seeing the lifeline for what it was, Jane threw caution to the winds and brought his lips to her ear. "If you placed yourself alone with me in a hotel room," he murmured, "I don't even have the words for all the wicked things I would do you, Special Agent Teresa Lisbon…"
Oh God! The way he was talking made her feel like she was being made love to already. Turning discretely away, Lisbon made a silent fist pump. Yes!
Whipping out her phone she told Cho they were breaking cover to follow a new lead. It sounded dodgy but she was past caring. There were bells and whistles and flashing neon lights going off in her mind. She was about to have her wicked way with Patrick Jane and he wanted her to!
She finally turned back to her consultant whose blood deprived brain was only just now realising he might be onto a very good thing. She mashed her lips against his before pulling back to admonish him. "Don't talk. Don't think. Don't do anything except come with me." For once in his life Jane played it smart. He nodded enthusiastically.
Lisbon almost yanked his arm out of his socket as she dragged him away.
Many eventful hours later they collapsed bonelessly onto the much abused motel bed. Lisbon waited for her breathing to return to normal. Credit where credit was due, Jane had more than delivered to expectations. The man in question sported the goofy look of someone whose Christmases had come all at once.
Thinking of the time and of Carol waiting at home, Lisbon tried to feel guilty but failed. Their tryst had been nothing short of wonderful. Maybe she and Jane were kidding themselves but it had felt so natural, so right, so good; right or wrong didn't even come into it. It was meant to be.
"Carol…" They were so in sync, it was unclear which of them had spoken. Jane articulated the truth for both of them. "This doesn't change how we feel about Carol. She's family and we both want what she wants too."
Lisbon breathed out in relief. She placed a gentle hand on Jane's cheek. "We have Carol, but now we have each other too."
A double life ensued, domestic harmony at home with Carol and passionate encounters in various locations around Austin. Jane had even cleared the cobwebs from his Airstream. Everyone was happy, especially Lisbon who was having her cake and eating it too.
The only fly in the ointment was the lack of success in the baby department. At least until the day they were woken by Carol's whoops of joy one Saturday morning. Jane emerged bleary eyed from his room. Against all odds Carol's DIY project had come to fruition. In a frenzy of excitement she tore all her old charts off the wall and began going through her home birthing manuals.
Feeling a bit green about the gills, Lisbon's response was surprisingly muted. Her sudden dash out of the room as Jane cooked breakfast seemed odd.
"Are you OK Lisbon? Tapping gently on the bathroom door, he found Lisbon retching over the pan. Rubbing her stomach, she turned and looked at him. Did she have to spell it out to him?
"No you're - you're kidding me." Jane said in shocked disbelief.
"I'm not kidding," she snarled; she wished she was.
"You are?" He gulped.
"I am." Lisbon rolled her eyes. It was hard to believe he was a mentalist at times.
There was a pregnant pause as they stared at each other in disbelief. It was a fine pickle. What the hell were they going to tell Carol?