Word Count: 1710 words

A/N: Once again, it's me with my update.

Figure out the rest by yourself.

Hope you like it.

Chapter 9: Leave Out All the Rest

The first thing I realize when I wake up, panting heavily with sweats dripping from my forehead and all over my back, is that Shinichi is nowhere to be seen. I glance to the clock on the wall eagerly; it's still 4:45 in the morning, 15 minutes later the doctor will come and check on me. This is what I know from the timetable that lies on my side table.

In a hurry, I dress myself with my clothes left on the lower corner of my bed; apparently, ha had picked them up for me before he left. I don't know what hurts me more, he left, he lied, or I somehow know the reason why he's doing all that. In an anxious pace, I walk out of the door, still panting.

As the seems-to-be endless corridor passes me like blurry image, everything feels more real and vivid to me, like the world is crumbling right in front of my eyes. I recall him calling her name in his dream, I recall the dream that woke me up, and I recall how desperate he looked... I wish I'm just being paranoid now, but that would be a pitiful lie.

The lift at the end of the corridor seems so far away. The illusion makes me half running to reach it. When I approach, I'm the only one in the lift. I attempt to fix my breath, but the effort turns futile. The reflection I see from the steel inner wall is a pale, messy-haired, bandage figure. The warm and humid breath of mine blurs the wary image that I hate to look at. Frustrated, I press hard at the 'G' button; I'm damn sure it's where the lobby located.

"Miss," I try to sound polite despite how tired and despair I am, "can you please check for me which room Mouri Ran is checked in?"

"Sure. Please wait for a while," though astonished to see a mad-looking woman in the patient clothes looking for another patient, the young nurse still shows her profession. With a smile, she types the name I mentioned.

I feel myself biting my lower lip, fighting back the fear of hearing what I expected. The nightmare I had flashes back in my mind, triggering my deadly fear. I have to hide my trembling hands by clenching them into fists, so hard that it hurts.

oOoOoOo

"Go!" she keeps turning her head, yelling to Shinichi who's chasing after her.

From far, I see Ran walks in the sea; the water had reached her shoulder, but she's going further and deeper. Shinichi keeps chasing for her from behind, yet again and again, he's brought to the shore by huge waves. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot go further than his knee length.

I don't know how and why, my feet are glued to the ground, I cannot move even an inch; my throat is muted, not even a hum can escape through it. All I can do is nothing but watch. None of the two noticed my presence.

It is cold and foggy. My teeth are gritting to avoid themselves from trembling. I cannot imagine how frigid it is to be in the water.

Ran keeps stepping further and deeper into the sea, while Shinichi keeps pursuing for her but it turns failure every time. Shinichi cries and begs her not to go, but she refuses and eventually remains silent.

I can only stare, until she disappears from the horizon...

oOoOoOo

"Miss," her long-awaited reply interrupts my thoughts, "there isn't such a patient here today, but she was in ICU room 39 yesterday."

"Any idea where she is?" I feel pure horror that had risen in me. Almost automatically, I lean against the counter so that I don't collapse when I hear what I'm going to hear.

"She had undergone operation for organs transferring last night," the nurse frowns in confuse, "organs donation. That's what the data shows."

My heart skips a bit. Organ donation... I repeat the phrase in my mind, feeling my legs shiver and my stomach cramps.

"I'm sorry," the friendly yet absent-minded nurse says, "I'm afraid the one you're looking for is gone."

Shut up... I know damn well what it means.

Like a lifeless doll, I drag my feet back to my room. Now I understand how it feels to walk in Shinichi's shoes.

Shinichi... His name strikes me.

Can I really forgive how he used me?

Do I hate him for what he did?

And most importantly, has he ever loved me?

"Miss Haibara, the doctor who is about to enter my room spots me, "there you are. Good morning, I'm here to measure your BP."

oOoOoOo

-Shinichi's POV-

"Fucker!" lost my mind, I punch in rage to the pillar that I was leaning on. My rational mind finally snaps, recalling seeing Ai's sweet smile when she falls asleep, when I pretend to sleep.

Dramatically, blood stain left on the pillar like four letter 'I'. My wounded fist slowly relaxed, feeling numb.

What are you fucking scum doing? My mind roars in despair, so loud that I think it's breaking every nerve in me. I bite my lower lip damn hard that I can taste blood.

I recall the moment when the sergeant announced Ran being brain dead and ask for Mouri Kogoro's permission to donate her organs to the people in need. I can never forget how I fell on my knees, losing the thin faith I had, forcing myself to accept the fate branded on my chest.

"You assholes aren't going to try saving her?! And you are fucking telling me bullshit to give her life up?" Mouri Kogoro growl madly, in furious tears and alcoholic scent, at the sergeants and nurses. Though unreasonable and illogic, I want to agree with him badly.

"And it's all because of you, mother fucking scumbag!" I feel a harsh kick on my chest, followed by more, on my stomach, my back, my face, "if it isn't because of you and your bitch, my daughter wouldn't have to go through all this!"

I didn't fight back; in fact I wish I'm beaten to death. I wish I'm the one lying there, hearing the declaration of my brain death, unable to do a thing about it... I owe you my life, Ran.

I think I'm already half-dead if it wasn't because the sergeants and others pull him away to calm him down. I wish with all my heart that they didn't.

I hear a deep, loud and hoarse roar escape from my throat, just moments before I feel my throat dry and in pain. The wind blows vigorously on the balcony; the chillness I feel on my cheeks suggests that I'm crying.

The moment when I know Mouri Kogoro had decided to agree with Ran's organs donation, the operation is already done. Instead of seeing her emptied body, I went seeing Ai, a person whom I know is always there for me when I need.

I didn't know how my need turns physical, even going that far to the point persuading her. But strangely frankly, I can't tell if I'm lying or telling the truth. I don't even know if I love her or simply use her.

All I know, is I can never lose her, my savior.

I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, to regain rationality even a little.

Come to think of it, had I ever loved Ran, or Ai?

Or maybe I am just too foolish to understand love?

Perhaps the only one I love right from the start is no one but myself.

I look at my watch, 4:52am. A moment later, the doctor is going to check on her. Despite of whatever, I need to get her dressed before found naked by somebody else.

As I walk back to Ai's room, I can't help but to think how our future would look like. I'll propose to her, we'll get married, I'll open a detective agency, she'll be a veterinarian, and we'll have children...

I can't decide if my feeling to her is really love, but even if I can't end up living with a person I love, I have to at least live with a person whom I need and understands me.

How selfish...

I am dumbfounded to find Ai isn't in her room. She could be gone looking for me when she realized I'm not there with her. The question is what makes her, a patient who definitely needs rest, wakes up at so early?

Immediately, I turn to the outside to start looking for her. To my consternation, a doctor, in her mask, is already standing at the door, about to enter.

Just as I walk to her to tell her I'll look for Ai, I feel my mind faints and my vision blurs. Damn it! That's why she's wearing a mask! Why hadn't I suspect that? But it's too late, I am already on my knees, feeling my consciousness strains away. I cannot even cry for help.

It is probably an odorless gas that puts people into sleep and at the same time mutes them. I can only deduce that it's emitted when I came in, because the door was left open when I entered. But it's this strong and concentrated to work in such a short time... It can only be...

The 'doctor' raises a gun and shoots. She is probably using a silencer, a really high technologized silencer, because not even a hiss is heard. This confirms my deduction, and fear rises in me.

A bugging pain is felt from my right shoulder. The shooter doesn't intend to cause my death in one shot; my death will come shortly though, after my blood is drained away slowly.

Ai... I can only pray you'll be safe. When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done, help me leave behind some reasons to be missed. And when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory, leave out all the rest.

I have a feeling, there is no chance of winning against the one walking towards me, and I am really going to meet Ran in heaven, if I'm not going to hell.

Reply to dear guest reviewer:

Someone else, lust is the direct reflection of a person's inner thoughts and feelings in my opinion. Hope this chapter explains the last chapter. And I have to agree with you, it's pathetic, but isn't it just human nature, unexplainable and illogical?

Shinichi has an infamous, there is only one truth. But sometimes, we humans are too blind to see the truth. Or perhaps, the truth sometimes doesn't exist at all.

Thank you!