A/N: Chapter rewritten since I have a clear idea on how this should end now. Sorry for taking this long... School can drive you crazily busy.
Do tell me what you have in mind.
Chapter 12: Find You
"She's all right, isn't it great?"
"Yea, I'm glad..."
"Shuu..."
"It's the least I can do for her... Keep her sister alive, safe and sound."
"I think you've done well."
"Hmm."
oOoOoOo
"Professor Agasa!"
"You should be resting, you know."
"Yea! Look at the bruises at your face!"
"Hey, hey, I'm fine. And I think I should come to see Ai-chan."
"Ai-chan, I mean Ai nee-chan, is getting better already!"
"Doctor said she'll wake up, all she needs is time."
"Would you please wake up soon, Ai nee-chan?"
"She would, Ayumi-chan, very soon."
"How do you know?"
"Well... I just... Know it. I know she can do it."
oOoOoOo
"Oh? Haibara-chan has a visitor. I suppose, you're KID."
"Koruba Kaito? What a pleasure to meet you in person."
"Shuu..."
"Mister-FBI-or-what-so-ever, I thought we had an agreement. I helped you, so you shouldn't have any idea like arresting me or collecting proofs to get me into jail."
"Yes, we had a deal. And believe me; I don't have any intention to arrest you, even if we don't have that agreement. Anyway, I did a background check on you long time ago. You'd be surprised how much I've figured."
"Hah, is there anything FBI doesn't know?"
"Couples of things, actually. I'm surprised how much you assemble Kudo-kun, even more on the fact that you're not in a disguise."
"Consider how much you know, and how much she knows, it's not a need."
"She? You mean Haibara-chan?"
"I think she had done some background check on me as well."
"I'm not surprised."
"She is really bright."
oOoOoOo
"Hey Kudo! I thought you're supposed to stay on your bed. You were still unconscious couples of minutes ago... Uhm, right?"
"Hatori."
"Man, you're still very weak!"
"Ai..."
"Well, I think we should leave them alone, Kazuha."
oOoOoOo
"Shinichi."
"Professor Agasa."
"Go get some rest. I can look after Ai-chan for you."
"No, it's okay."
"You're a patient as well, Shinichi. Doctors keep complaining because you refuse to go back to your room and get some rest."
"I'm fine."
"Shinichi..."
"It's not like I can sleep without her at my side."
oOoOoOo
"It's the fourth day now, doctor. Why hasn't she awake?"
"She's doing fine. When she's ready, she'll come around."
"When?"
"It's hard to predict, but in most cases, it'll take less than a week."
"Then, all we can do now is to wait?"
"Basically, it is, but talking to the patient can help too. I think the other patient who just won't go back to his room is doing enough."
"Actually, he doesn't say much to her. He just sits there, still."
"Oh. Anyway, other than hearing, touching helps as well."
"So, he's doing it right just by holding her hand? Well, Jodi, if I ever gone black out, do remember to hold my hands."
"Shuu!"
"Hush, darling. He's finally fallen asleep."
"Did I mishear something? You just called me darling!"
oOoOoOo
"Hey."
"Uhm... Kaito?"
"Bingo."
"You... What are you doing here, actually?"
"How hurt, jeez. It's not the first time I've been here. I do care about you and your girlfriend, okay?"
"Oh. Thanks."
"You are... different."
"Hmm..."
"All right, I'll keep quiet."
oOoOoOo
It's not long after Shinichi falls asleep that Ai finally regains consciousness. There's a voice in her head that tells her that it's time to face what she left behind, that she can't run from it forever. She had been running for her entire life, she knows she shouldn't run any more, she can run no further.
Slowly, carefully, she blinks her eyes open, adjusting to the brightness. Her throat is dry. Though she's still weak, she turns to her side to look at the one who had been holding her hand and keep it warm all the time. The sunlight of early summer shines through the window, brushing gently on his face, his tired, exhausted face, the face of the man she loves.
Slowly, she turns to look at the window. She knows it's him who opened the curtain, he knows she misses sunlight of a summer morning; he knows she loves how the light shines on her but hated the heat. She wouldn't think it's an act of love, but she believes that he cares deeply for her wellbeing. There's no one he doesn't care about though, isn't it?
And it's just one of many things he knows through mere observation.
Although she doesn't move a muscle other than her neck, Shinichi feels it. He flinches and raises his head that was resting on her laps, just to meet her in the eyes. She is still beautiful as ever, but there is more sorrow in her misty aqueous eyes. It's because of him, he feels deeply apologetic for that. He speaks nothing but offers a weak smile, which she replies with a blink, followed by an awkward half smile.
She is never good at acting friendly, because all her life she'd been trying to push everyone out of her zone.
"I'll call the doctor," he says simply. She nods, thinking it is actually unnecessary for a checkup.
oOoOoOo
"What would you like for lunch, Ai-chan?" Professor Agasa asks cheerfully. Professor Agasa, Detective Boys, Akai Shuuichi and Jodi would like to celebrate a little as Haibara finally discharged from hospital. Ai knows that Professor Agasa is doing this to make the situation between Shinichi and her to be less tensed and lighten her mood.
Despite that Shinichi had been holding her hand all the while when she was unconscious, he didn't touch her at all since she's awake. They did the minimum of talking, which seems more like small talk between strangers. To be honest, she is glad and relieve that he isn't aggressive. She truly wishes that things would last like this a little longer. She needs time to think, and his presence hinders her rational mind. Silent love is calling faith to shatter her.
"Anything is fine. What do you guys like?" she smiles as bright as she can, looking at Ayumi, Genta and Mitsuhiko. Right now, she has a role to play. She wouldn't want anyone to be upset or disappointed because of her after all the trouble she caused. She tries not to steal a glance at Shinichi, as she knows they would meet eye to eye, and she wants to avoid that.
"Burger!"
"Sushi!"
"Pizza!"
There goes the Detective Boys arguing over where to have lunch. Ai watches and smile as they argue while ignoring the glances from passer-by. Soon enough, Professor Agasa joins them by giving suggestion that would solve their little problem. Akai and Jodi grins lightly as their grip at each other's hand tighten. Maybe in near future, they would build a family and have noisy children like Detective Boys under the roof they own together.
Haibara senses the little envious from Shinichi who had say nothing but only smile complementary over the company's conversation. He too, long for this, someone who loves and cares for you and would eventually be part of your family. She was the one who ruined what was his, yet he seems more than ready to forgive and accept her.
There would always be something that you can't forgive yourself for, no matter how others tell you that it's not you to be blamed at all. She tries to believe what others tell, tries very hard, but it's futile. It is ridiculous, she knows. Even when she looks at Akai, she would not see him as the one who caused her sister's death, at least, not any more.
But would she ever be able to make up Ran's loss in Shinichi's life? She can't make it, she tells herself. She can offer love and care without wanting anything in return, but he would only see her as a substitute. She may be convinced that he actually loves her as he had told her several times himself and the fact that he had been by her side when she loses consciousness, but her rational mind reminds her that she can't be able to laugh and smile as charming as her. He obviously needs that, judging from his fatigued figures, but that's something she doesn't have.
They end up having lunch in a Western-Japanese fusion restaurant. The food is marvelous; the company keeps her entertained as they talk about various issues. Here and then Shinichi would give his opinion that makes everyone around the long rectangular table laughs, including her. He laughs a lot as well, but he never looks into her eyes.
Ai too, takes part in the conversation and tries hard to convince everyone that she's even better than before. She almost convinces herself as well, until she accidentally glances to him at the other end of the table. She would then laughs and comments on the issues as she looks away. Every now and then, her heart would painfully skip a beat. She wonders if he feels the same too.
oOoOoOo
It was the night after everything is back to normal, except Ran's absence. He looks at Ran's picture on his desk absentmindedly. Her lovely eyes glows along with her cheerful smile, her hand holds his arm, and he was grinning mischievously. They were no more than seven then. Both of them are covered in sweat and dirt after playing in the park. He knew she would be his best friend ever since.
But they loved each other, didn't they? After going through puberty and reckless hormones and more troubles together, they were deeply bonded with each other. None of them ever mentioned, but they knew that they would eventually fall in love, be in a relationship, get married and have children. She could tolerate his ego, she understood that he needs space, she worried and cried and still waited when Kudo Shinichi went missing as Edogawa Conan came to her life.
They would be together; they were meant to be, didn't they?
His mind drifts to Ai's sarcastic grin. He is expected to hate it, but oh, how he loved and misses her being sarcastic. Everything between Ran and him changed after he was shrinked, and somehow, she has responsible over the issue. But then, he thought no one would understand what he's going through, until he met her, the one who took APTX and expecting death.
He had never been so miserable throughout his life; no, he had no idea what does that means. He hated how he became a child and went through childhood again, not being able to be listened and seen and valued as a famous detective. It was her that reminds him that it is a gift; it is a gift to survive somehow, without dying, and be granted a hope to see the ones he loves again as Kudo Shinichi.
It was truly a shame... He blinks in realization, feeling the pain Ai felt, his heart clenches. How would he not noticed, she did everything just to be freed from the organization, even it takes committing suicide. When she realized that she was still breathing somehow, the only hope that keeps her breathing is to meet her sister again. She lost her only hope as she learnt her sister's death, which part of it was because of him.
But she didn't give up surviving. Even though he didn't really blame her for APTX, she continued her research in Professor Agasa's lab, staying up till late at night, just to create the antidote for him. He should've known better that she wouldn't take the antidote if the Black Organization had not been destroyed, because being a child is very much appreciated disguise for her. She did it anyway, just because she wanted happiness for him.
She always thought that she is the one to be blamed, he knows. Behind the sarcastic grin and hurtful words, is just a girl trying to protect herself from the entire world. Life had truly been unfair to her, but still, she put others before herself, especially him.
How would not he notice then, that she cares deeply for him? Why had he been so ignorant and selfish to care about nothing but to have his adolescence back and be with the one who is meant to be with him, just so that everything goes according to his plan? He should have known how she feels. He should have cared more about her.
Shinichi jerks a little from his chair. He knows she feels very bad because of Ran's death, which is why she wouldn't talk to him. She had always been radically selfless, but she hides it well. He should've make her realized that it's all right to be a little selfish, ensure her that he would care for her and would accept her past. He comes to a horrifying realization that, he would never have anyone else who understands him like she does.
Something has to be done, before it's too late. He would never want to lose anyone in his life again before being able to love them. He should never compare the two important girls in her life, because love is never meant to be compared. He may feel affection other than apologetic to Ran, but he knows the one who had been through the worst part of his life together with him would be the one that truly understand him.
Edogawa Conan would eventually be with Haibara Ai if he could never become Kudo Shinichi again. What about Kudo Shinichi? If he was never Edogawa Conan and never met Haibara Ai, he would eventually be with Mouri Ran. He didn't realize, but Edogawa Conan is part of him now. Miyano Shiho had chosen Haibara Ai even after she regains adulthood again, why shouldn't he choose Ai rather than Ran, if he was ever given a chance to choose again?
Something has changed in him, and it will never be the same.
He wasn't sure, but now he knows Sherlock Holmes adores Irene Adler, even though they were never meant to be. If Holmes is ever given a chance, perhaps Irene would be his. Now that Kudo Shinichi is given more second chance he than he deserves, shouldn't he gives everything he can to Haibara Ai? Ai had given him more than she had...
In darting and unsteady steps, he finds his way to Professor Agasa's house.
"Shinichi-kun," Professor Agasa opens the door for him as soon as he rings the doorbell, "She's gone..." Shinichi can tell just by looking at Professor Agasa's worried face and the note he's holding with trembling hand.
Dear Professor Agasa,
I'll be gone for a while.
Sorry to have you worried.
Sincerely, Haibara Ai
I'll run away with your footstep, he swears to himself. I will find you.
Reply to Dear Guess Reviewer:
Someone else, and Shiho knew that she will never be his only option since they first met. In fact she thinks that it's fine because she knows no one can substitute the position of Ran in Shinichi's heart. Besides, she always thinks that it's her fault that Shinichi turned into a child so she had to hold back from falling for him so that ShinRan's relationship can last, so that she doesn't ruin his life any further. Although she's disappointed with his indecisiveness, she would choose to forgive because of the guilt she feels. Thanks for your opinion. It's nice to hear from you again :)