[Just a quick update. MANY thanks for the kind reviews, they mean the world to me.;)]
"We should go," Robyn said as she stood up. "This has been fun. And the food," she smiled at Vanessa who was walking past one of the tables in the coffee shop, "was wonderful, as always!"
"Good save," Vanessa gave her trademark cheeky grin. "Or Joe would have been round to your place demanding answers."
"V, leave the poor girls alone," Joe shouted from the kitchen.
Amy and Robyn headed out, leaving Alex, Olivia, their daughters and Jay and Sarah still chatting away.
"Can I go check on Wiggle?" Lily asked. Vanessa had settled Wiggle in the tiny apartment above the coffee shop that they never used now that Vanessa had moved in with Joe.
"I'll take you," Vanessa offered. "Does Maisie want to come too?" she addressed the smiley baby who was sitting in Olivia's lap, her face smeared with food. "Maybe we can hose you down a little too, pumpkin?" she held out her arms to Maisie.
"Nessa!" Maisie called, putting her own arms out and waiting to be picked up.
Happily, Olivia lifted Maisie and passed her to Vanessa. "Thanks," she smiled. "There may be a … diaper issue … too."
Vanessa laughed. "It's a good thing we have everything we need upstairs, then, isn't it young'un?"
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"Amy was very quiet," Alex mused. "And Robyn seemed kind of tense. I know she has a sore hand, but it seemed more than that, somehow."
"I think it was to do with her hand, though," Sarah said quietly. "She hates it when Robyn gets hurt on the job. I think they had a fight about it. They barely looked at each other, did anyone else notice that?"
Sarah had been watching Amy and Robyn closely throughout lunch. She knew that Amy had had the phone call they all dreaded, from one of the rookies at the fire station. And that rookie hadn't learned the golden rule of the notification call – whenever possible, always find out as much as you can about the hurt officer's condition and, if appropriate, let the contact know that they were going to be alright. But all Amy had heard was that Robyn was in the hospital, and nobody could tell her how badly she was hurt.
All the worst-case scenarios had gone through Amy's mind as she rushed to the hospital, so when she had found out that Robyn had suffered a dislocated thumb and two broken fingers, she had exploded with fury, taking out all her pent-up anxiety and terror on her girlfriend. Since then, they had patched things up, but it was still tense between them.
"I think maybe Amy was a little hard on Robyn," Olivia said gently.
Alex looked away. She didn't want to be part of the conversation. All she could think was how she would react if Olivia were the one in the hospital, and she knew that being reasonable would be the last thing from her mind.
"You can understand it though," Sarah said quietly. "That fear... whenever you hear about a fire. Whenever she's ten minutes late home. When there's no answer to her cell. The fear...," she tailed off, seeing the wounded look on Jay's face. "Anyway," she tried to be more cheerful. "Rob's okay, and Amy's gonna be fine too. She said her blog's going well too, even some advertisers interested. Who would have guessed that a blog about being a lesbian in New York would be so popular!"
Jay smiled. "She writes well," she said. "And it's not some … you know … overly-dramatic blog. It's about ordinary people."
"Almost like lesbians are normal human beings," Alex teased, her spark resurfacing. She looked over, to see Vanessa returning with the children. "So, Lily-bean," she lifted her elder daughter into her lap. "Wow, you're getting heavy now. How was Wiggle?"
"He was good. Though he did lick all over Maisie's face, so she had to have another wash," Lily smiled.
"I think maybe we should head to the park for a half hour, so that Wiggle can run around a little," Olivia suggested. "And we might even find time to play on the swings, you'd like that Maisie, wouldn't you?" she took the baby from Vanessa's arms.
"Ma!" Maisie cooed, reaching out to grab Olivia's shirt.
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After they had all had fun in the park, they made their way home. Sarah and Jay kissed the others goodbye at their door, and crossed the road to their own apartment. "I love that we're so near," Sarah said to Jay, as they got into the elevator in their building. "We can really spend some meaningful time with them, especially the girls. We're so lucky to have such a great family. When I think back...," her tone was somber.
"Don't think," Jay said softly. "That was a long time ago. We've all come a long way since then. Your Mom most of all. It's a shame she couldn't come today, she'd have loved it, especially in the park."
Sarah smiled at her as they exited the elevator, and Jay opened the door to the apartment. "Want some tea?" Jay asked.
Sarah shook her head. "I want you," she pulled Jay to her, and kissed her tenderly. "God, I just love you so much."
"Right back at you," Jay smiled. She led Sarah to the couch, and pulled them both down. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," she said in a quiet voice.
"For what?" Sarah was confused.
"For what I put you through. Every time I go to work," she clarified. "No, don't argue. I saw your face in the coffee shop, when you were talking about how Amy felt. I know what goes through your head every time you see me walk out of the door. And it's not fair on you."
"It's who you are," Sarah protested.
"No," Jay said softly. "I used to think it was. I thought I was the job. And maybe I was. Before I met you, perhaps. But I'm not like Olivia. What she does, it's so important. And there are very few people like her, even in SVU. I like them all, especially Munch. But Olivia, she's the only person out of that bunch who I could talk to … about …," she didn't finish her sentence, but Sarah knew exactly what she meant. "So," Jay continued. "I can see why she has to go in every day. And I know it's awful for Alex. But Alex understands. She's at the coal face too. She knows what happens. She knows how important Olivia is. But that's just it, Sarah. My job, it doesn't matter. Or not so much. And there will always be people who want to be firefighters."
Sarah tried to tamp down on the spark of hope that was blossoming in her chest. "What are you saying?"
Jay took her hands. "I should have paid more attention to you. And I will. From now on, I swear. This job of mine, it hurts you. And that means that I am hurting you. And I hate that. It's gonna take a while, baby, but I'm going to find something else to do. I've been thinking about it, and there has to be something. I was thinking maybe plumbing, something like that. I could do a course, maybe online, or correspondence, or something. While I keep working. And then, in a few months, a year at most, I swear, I'll be qualified to do something else. What do you think?" she looked anxiously at her wife.
Sarah was stunned. "I can't ask you to do that. To give everything up for me."
"But you didn't ask. And, honestly Sarah, it's not everything to me. Not any more. There's only one thing that means the world to me, and she's sitting right here. Plumbing could be good, huh? I could wear that tool belt you like so much," she teased. "And," she touched Sarah's face softly, "then you'll know I'm not going to end up like Pop."
"I love your Pop," Sarah said weakly, her emotions raw.
"I know. And so do I. So much. And he doesn't let the chair hold him back. But I know what it would do to you if that were me. We can't promise each other we'll never get hurt, or sick. But I can do my best to minimize the risks. So, tomorrow, I'm going to spend the day at the computer, and I'm going to do some proper research. This isn't just for you, my darling. It's for us. Our future. And, when we have them, our kids. Our family."
Sarah didn't realize that she was weeping until Jay brushed the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs. "Are you sure?"
"More sure than I have ever been," Jay said. She felt a great weight lift from her heart. Now that she had actually said it, she felt lighter, happier. She didn't feel the slightest pang. "I'm looking forward to the future. And you're earning more now, so if I have to start at the bottom of the ladder, in terms of wages, we'll be okay. As long as you don't mind me being a kept woman for a while."
"Just so long as you're my kept woman," Sarah's voice cracked.