This chapter was inspired by the song 'Counting Stars' by One Republic, which is wonderful 'stuck in traffic' music. Cheers! (The emotions behind this piece might not make as much sense to you if you are seventeen, but if you are twenty three or older… Well, it might hit a little closer to home.)
Counting Stars
Gilbert wrapped his arms around Matthew and tucked him under his chin. He leaned back against a pile of cardboard boxes, tangled in flickering lights and tinsel and ornaments.
He sucked on his cigarette and admired their handiwork.
"We make a mean Christmas Tree," he chuckled under his breath. Matthew swatted at the cigarette smoke and knocked back an open bottle of rum before passing it to Gilbert. He held it for him as he sipped.
"Well, we made do, anyway," Matthew hummed.
"We always do."
They had been evicted from their previous apartment three days before Christmas and they had needed to move from one terrible apartment to another. The walls were cracked, the tiles were warped and peeling, but it was cheap. And that was what mattered, really.
As long as they had each other, they could handle the weight of the world. They could handle anything.
He nuzzled his blonde curls and sighed. They were sitting in the dark, washed in the moonlight pouring in through the open window and the glow of their makeshift Christmas Tree. It was freezing, and he could just see the holes in their clothes and the dirt under their fingernails. It was a little rough, living life on the edges of society and propriety, but it suited them. They looked good doing it.
He took another drag of his cigarette and admired the way it dangled between his fingertips. Very bohemian. Gilbert pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and blew the smoke against the freckles there. He grinned when Matthew coughed.
"Keep it to yourself, vagabond."
"You like it," Gilbert cackled as he worried his cigarette.
"Sure, that's why I'm coughing. Obviously. Here, take another sip."
Matthew held up the bottle again and coaxed Gilbert to swallow. He licked the rim instead. Just to be contrary. Matthew frowned at him, but it was half hearted at best.
"You're such a child," he sighed as he wiped the rim with the sleeve of his worn sweater. "I don't know why I put up with you."
Gilbert laughed and pressed his hips against his ass, drawing attention to his prominent erection. Matthew rolled his eyes even as he pushed back.
"Oh, right. Now I remember."
Gilbert stubbed his cigarette on the floorboards regardless of their lease agreement. He nipped at his earlobe and slipped a hand underneath his sweater, tracing his hipbones and circling his bellybutton. He trailed his fingers up and down his ribcage.
He watched the stars turn outside their window, burning brilliant and bright in the cold, and took his time. They were in no rush, and he would not want to rush this anyway. He lapped up the small moans and groans as Matthew squirmed in his arms.
He turned around in his lap and kissed Gilbert. He rubbed their noses together.
Matthew rubbed their erections together too, playful and teasing, and it was his turn to bite back a whine. He let his hands slide to his backside and pulled him even closer. They breathed the same air and thought the same thoughts. They were perfectly synchronised.
Gilbert smiled against his lips. This would be their fifth Christmas together and, to be honest, each one had been worse than the one before it. Somehow, though, they were happy. He still woke up beside Matthew on Christmas morning and that made the headaches and heartache worth it.
Hell, they were even getting good at it.
It was strange that everything 'wrong' made him feel so 'right'. Sex and drugs and rock'n'roll. They had started out so nice and normal and they had fallen so far, so fast. Their educations and degrees gathered dust in the waterstained shoebox stuffed under their bed… But they were happy, in their own way, with nothing. There was a sense of freedom in poverty.
He cradled Matthew closer, closer, closer and deepened the kiss.
As long as he continued to wake up next to Matthew, he could endure anything. He would endure everything. As long as they continued scrabbling and stumbling through life together; as long as they continued making mistakes and bad decisions and lopsided Christmas Trees. Together.
He did not need to count dollars as long as he could count the stars.
As long as he could count them with Matthew.