Sarah knew better than to argue with Olivia when she came to pull her out to get some lunch. It was easier to agree, to grab a quick bite to eat and get back to her wife's side as soon as possible. She knew that Alex had gone to order the food a few minutes before, so no time would be wasted.
She smiled at her mother, who took Jay's hand from her. "I'll call you," Carolyn promised her. "If there's anything at all. I swear."
Sarah dropped a kiss on Jay's forehead. "I'll be right back, sweetheart."
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"How's your pasta?" Olivia asked Sarah.
Sarah looked at her, as if she hadn't fully understood the question. She blinked. "I don't know. It's fine, I guess. It's nice. Sorry, I wasn't really thinking. It's food, isn't it?" she smiled at her 'aunts'.
"Lily says that Jay has got to wake up soon, because she wants to bring Wiggle to see her," Alex said, with a small smile. "We've tried explaining that Wiggle isn't really welcome in hospitals, but she's not listening."
"She'll be home with me soon," Sarah said, determinedly. "And I'm sure she'll be thrilled to see Wiggle. And Lily and Maisie too, of course."
"So have the doctors said anything?" Olivia asked gently.
"They said she'll wake up any moment now. Then they'll have to do all sorts of tests, but she's going to be fine. I just know it. I mean, she's looking good, isn't she? Apart from the fever, but that's really fallen."
"I'm sure she'll adapt real fast too," Alex said in a quiet voice, referring to the amputations.
"She will," Sarah jutted out her chin stubbornly. For a second, she looked just like Alex when she was in a particularly determined mood, making Olivia smile.
"There's more Cabot in you than you know," Olivia said.
"As long as there isn't any Lomas," Sarah muttered darkly, thinking briefly of her hated father.
Olivia put her hand briefly over Sarah's. They both knew the horror of having a rapist as a father.
Sarah shook herself. "So when are you two going to the clinic?" she wanted a change of subject.
"We were going Thursday, but we've decided to leave it until next month," Alex said lightly.
"You cancelled?" Sarah was appalled.
"Postponed," Olivia demurred.
"Rebook it," Sarah looked anxious. "Jay will be furious if she finds out you cancelled because she's sick. Thursday is five days away. She's gonna be fine by then, and she's going to be pissed if she's affecting your chances of having another child."
"Let's just see," Alex tried to persuade her niece.
"No!" tears sprang to Sarah's eyes. She didn't know why she was becoming so emotional. "She's going to be fine. She is. There's no need to cancel anything. Please?" she pleaded.
Olivia took out her phone, her heart breaking at the sight of the lone tear tracking down Sarah's cheek. "Hi," she spoke as the phone was answered. "I spoke to you this morning, postponing our appointment. That's right. We were due to come in Thursday. We were just wondering if the original appointment is still available? It is? That's wonderful. Yes, Olivia and Alexandra Benson. Thank you. We'll see you at 3pm on Thursday then. Thank you. And so sorry to mess you around."
Sarah's face crumpled; she dropped her hands into her lap, as she started to sob. Olivia slid along the bench seat, and put one arm around her. "She is gonna be okay," Sarah wept. "She is. She has to be."
"And there's every reason to believe she will be," Alex said. "Every reason."
Sarah nodded, her face a mask of misery.
"C'mon," Olivia guided her to her feet. "Let's get you back to your lady, so's you can be there when she wakes up."
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At 3pm, Joe switched places with Carolyn, smiling warmly at Sarah as he came in. "How's my baby girl?"
"She's good," Sarah said. "She's moved a little. They say she's just asleep now, not unconscious. It'll be any minute now." Even as she spoke, Jay moaned lightly. Sarah squeezed her hand gently. She leant over her and kissed her softly on the forehead. "Shh, darling. It's okay. You're all better now, and I'm right here when you wanna wake up."
There was no further movement for the next hour, but then Sarah felt a light tugging on her hand, and realized Jay was squeezing her fingers. Her eyes were still shut, but Sarah could have sworn she saw her eyelids moving marginally. She looked over at Joe and smiled. "Hey, Jay. My girl. I'm right here."
Joe wheeled himself to the light switch, and lowered the lights. Sarah gave him a grateful look. She stroked Jay's cheek gently. "I'm right here sweetheart. And your Pop's here too. He's just turned down the lights, so it's safe for you to open your eyes, it won't hurt. C'mon, honey, show us your beautiful brown eyes. You know how I love your eyes."
Jay moaned, turning involuntarily into the pillow.
Sarah reached out and ran her hand lovingly over her forehead. "That's it, baby. You're doing so well. You've had a shitty time, but you've been so strong. I knew you would be. You're my hero. And I know you don't like being called a hero, so you just damned well wake up and chew me out."
Jay groaned again. She swallowed. Everything hurt. She started to feel anxious. She had no idea where she was. What was that beeping? Why did she feel like she'd been run over? She was unbelievably thirsty. Was she at home? She seemed to be lying down, but it didn't feel like their bed. There was a strange smell. She twisted, trying to wake up, involuntarily jarring her foot; pain lanced through her and she cried out. She could hear voices. Soft voices. And then she felt soft hands on her. A gentle hand caressed her cheek. She knew that hand. She knew that voice. Her wife. Sarah. Sarah sounded worried. Jay wanted to tell her it was all okay, but nothing seemed to work. She whimpered. There was that hand again, on her brow this time.
Jay always felt so safe in Sarah's arms. Whenever she had a nightmare, or had had a bad day, the feel of Sarah against her always made everything better. She was scared now. She didn't know what was happening. She barely even knew who she was. But she could tell Sarah was there, so whatever had happened, Sarah would make it alright.
With a great force of will, Jay forced her eyes open. Everything was blurry, but she could see the outline of Sarah's face.
"There you are," Sarah kept her voice very low. "There you are, my beautiful girl."
"Saa...?" Jay's voice slurred.
"It's me, sweetheart," Sarah held her uninjured hand tight, as she nuzzled gently against Jay's face. "It's me, baby," she whispered.
After a few seconds, Sarah pulled back. She looked over at Joe; tears poured down his face.
"There's someone else here to see you, darling," she said softly, beckoning Joe to move closer.
He heaved himself to his feet, leaning heavily on the side of the bed. He could barely believe that Jay was awake.
"Pop?" Jay croaked, blinking as she tried to focus. Everything seemed blurred. She was sure that that was her father though.
"Hey, Jakie," Joe said softly. He lowered himself back into the chair, and rested one hand on Jay's arm. "We missed you, kiddo."
Jay exhaled, and shut her eyes again.
"That's it, sweetie. Sleep if you want to now," Sarah said softly.
Jay opened her eyes again. "Want … you," she said with some difficulty.
Sarah kissed her hand tenderly. She settled herself on the side of the bed, so that she could take in the sight of her wife. She reached out and brushed the hair from Jay's eyes. "Your hair's getting long," she leant forward and kissed her very lightly on the lips. She heard the door opening.
"I'm gonna give you two some privacy," Joe could barely keep his voice from cracking. "I'm going to go tell the others the good news. And I'll tell the nurses, but I'll ask them to give you ten minutes together first, okay?"
Sarah nodded, gratefully. She turned her attention back to Jay, whose eyes had closed again. She kissed her on the lips again, and was gratified when Jay tried to respond. Jay opened her eyes. "Love. You," she tried hard to enunciate clearly. "Where ….?"
"You're in the hospital, Jay. You've been very sick. But you're going to be okay."
"Hurts," Jay's voice was weak.
"Where?"
"Ev'where," Jay struggled.
"We'll fix that right up, sweetheart. Just try and relax now. You need your sleep."
"Words … diff … diff … ," Jay was trying not to cry. "Diff... hard," she managed at last.
"You've been through a lot. A hell of a lot. Some stuff's going to be hard for a while. We'll fix that," Sarah was dreading telling her about the amputations. She cupped her cheek. "You're going to be okay."
Jay gave a slight nod. She had very little idea of what was happening, but Sarah would take care of everything. "Love you," she whispered.
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"She's awake, Graham," Alex tried to keep her voice steady. She had promised her brother she would call him as soon as there was news. He had visited a few times in the hospital, but he had held back a little, not wanting to intrude. "We don't know yet. They've got lots of tests to do. But Sarah says she's responding to her. So it's all good. No, Liv's not here, she's picking up the girls. She's going back to work tomorrow. I'm staying off until next week, there's bound to be stuff I can do for them. I know, isn't it great? I've gotta go, Graham, but I'll keep you in the loop. Love to Carla and the kids."
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"Mama!" Lily came hurtling toward her mother. "I thought Grandma Wheels was going to come get me today?"
Olivia caught her and lifted her into her arms. "She was, baby, but I've got some good news for you, and I wanted to tell you myself. Jay-Jay woke up today. She's still very tired, but we think she's going to be okay."
Lily smiled. "Can I go see her?"
"Not quite yet, peanut. She's still very tired, and she keeps falling asleep. The doctor says she needs lots of rest. But they think she'll be up for visitors next week."
Lily's face fell. "But I wanna see her," she said.
"I know, baby. And she wants to see you too. But it's better if we let her rest and get a little bit better first. Your Mommy and I haven't seen her yet, either. Just Sarah and Joe so far. As soon as we can, we'll take you to see her, and I just know that's going to make her feel even better."
"Did she have her fingers cut off?" Lily tried to make sense of the information she'd been given over the past days.
Olivia set her on the ground. She knelt at her level, and took both of her hands. "She lost a couple of fingers, and a few toes. But you don't need to be scared. She's still the same Jay."
"How will she do things, without her fingers?"
"She'll learn ways round it. She's a very resourceful girl."
"Is she okay?" Lily sounded worried.
"She will be, munchkin. She's just got to get a bit stronger, and get used to things, and she's going to be absolutely fine. And we're going to make sure she knows how much we love her."
"Jay's my friend," Lily said.
Olivia smiled. She straightened up, and held out her hand to Lily. "Shall we go see Grandma Wheels? And pick up Maisie and Wiggle?"
Lily smiled excitedly.
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Olivia took Alex's hand as they made their way into the clinic. "It feels really weird, coming in here again," she said. "I mean … so much has happened since we were last here. Is still happening."
Alex looked at her, anxiety creasing her features. "Are you okay, honey?"
"I'm fine," Olivia automatically replied. She saw Alex's cynical face, and smiled. "I am okay. Truly I am. It's just … odd. Sarah and Jay are going through so much stuff, and here we are, trying for another baby when we're already so blessed. And while they're coping with God knows what, you're going to … we're going to …," she blushed, embarrassed at what was ahead of them. They both knew that Olivia's chances of conception would significantly increase if she climaxed after the insemination, but Olivia hated the process. She had never been one for quick sex – she preferred the tenderness of making love, in the privacy of their own home, or at very least a hotel room. Yes, there were times when she liked it hard and fast, but not on a hospital gurney, however tastefully the clinic was decorated.
"You mean because I'm about to get you off in a public place?" Alex decided to try teasing, to lessen the tension Olivia was feeling. Subtly, she moved the neck of her shirt to reveal a lacy, red, silk bra. "I went lingerie shopping," she whispered. "Just for you."
Olivia could feel her own nipples tightening. "Maybe it'll be okay," she said.
"Let's try it and see," Alex smiled, taking her hand and walking up to the counter.