Hermione woke up the next morning feeling like utter shit. She hated how crying before sleep made her feel when she woke up.

Hermione stretched and stared up at her ceiling.

What to do now?

Surely Severus would be sulky for awhile, and Hermione didn't really feel like dealing with it.

She knew it was her fault they were here in the first place. If she'd have been more reserved, more wary of her choices less of a stupid little Gryffindor Severus wouldn't have been hurt and they could be enjoying the quiet life they'd been leading before that blasted kiss.

Hermione sulked for another hour waiting for Severus to come drag her to breakfast.

He never did.

About fifteen minutes before Hermione had to be in the library for the day, she eventually got up and dressed.

She expected to see Severus sitting on the couch waiting for her.

He wasn't.

Hermione gathered her cursed Gryffindor courage and knocked on his door.

He didn't answer.

Hermione started to panic. It was fine if her ignored her for the day but making her shrug her responsibilities was unacceptable.

"Minerva," Hermione called through the floo. "Can I talk to you please?"

Hermione saw Minerva crouched down in front of the fire.

"What is it Hermione dear?" Minerva's brow wrinkled in concern. "Is something the matter? Has Severus done something?" Minerva's tone dropped low at the last question her eyes filling with a protective anger that scared Hermione a little.

"No!...er yes actually it does I think Severus is feeling under the weather." Hermione stumbled over her words.

"You think?" Minerva asked.

"I...He won't come out of his room, and I don't want to be late to open the library, but I can't leave without him of course and I'm not sure what to do." Hermione said her age shining through her panic.

"Alright, I'll have your duties taken care of for today. Consider this a sick day for you." Minerva said kindly trying to get Hermione to calm down.

"Thank you Minerva, I am truly sorry about this," Hermione said

"It isn't your fault dear, I know how Severus can be sometimes. Good luck, and if you need anything don't hesitate to call," Minerva said smiling.

"I will," Hermione replied before smiling back and bringing her head out of the green flames.

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Hermione knocked a few more times, all for not of course. Hermione called for a house elf and asked very politely for the tiny creature to take some food to Severus's room.

The elf was very willing to help but regretfully informed Hermione that it couldn't get into Severus's room either.

That made Hermione very nervous.

Severus hadn't used his wandless magic since leaving Azkaban. She didn't understand, was he mad at her for hurting him. That didn't seem likely, she was sure that he was quarantining himself because he was angry with himself and what he'd almost done to her.

"Severus, please open up," Severus didn't make a sound and the door remained shut.

Hermione thumped her back against his door and slid down to the ground.

"I'm sorry about pushing you," Hermione called. "I didn't know about your nightmares, though I should have assumed," Hermione said quietly. "I don't want to lose how far we've come." Hermione whispered, she then stood up and walked over to the couch. She lit a fire in the grate and settled down hoping he'd heard her and that he would eventually come out.

Severus had heard her. He'd heard every word. But one thing about Severus Snape that constantly caused problems was that he didn't listen.

Severus had been through some difficult periods in his life, he'd been able to deal with some of them with grace and others with at least some dignity, but the older he got the harder it was. He was tired of feeling hollow, feeling like the villain as he did now. He'd ruined too many lives and he was ruining this woman's life, even if she wanted it he couldn't let it happen.

He'd killed the last woman he'd loved, he didn't want to admit that what he felt was love but the horrible burn of shame in his gut was telling him it was.

He was holding a letter opener over his wrist.

Hermione had made sure his room was furnished, which included such useless knick knacks as the pearl handled letter opener he now held.

Severus needed the burning pain, craved it. His own guilt was suffocating him, he couldn't take in a deep breathe it hurt too much.

Severus moved over to his closed and heavily warded door.

He put his hand to the wood knowing Hermione was somewhere on the other side. He rested his forehead against the solid wood.

The sudden rush of pain was the wonderful release he needed.

Severus sighed.

He looked down as his red blood rushed down over his fingers and dripped onto the floor.

Severus did feel sad as he slowly lost blood. He knew Hermione would be terribly upset when she found his body, but she would recover. Find a nice young wizard to comfort her and she'd be free to pursue him, no strange bound convict lurking constantly in the background.

Severus's vision was darkening as he thumped onto the floor.

Hermione was deep in a lovely text about nightmare charms and different ways to work through night terrors with magic when she heard a thump from behind Severus's door.

"Severus?" She called without looking up from the paragraph she was halfway through.

She didn't get a response and turned around ready to call out again louder, when she noticed a dark liquid seeping out from under Severus's door.

"Oh no," Hermione whispered in horror. "No no no no." She jumped up and ran to his door, sending out a patronus to Madame Pomfrey. "You didn't," She cried as her silver otter scampered away.

Hermione tried the door, it was locked but no longer warded which made her knees weaken in terror.

"Alohamora!" Hermione practically screamed at the solid door.

The lock clicked easily and Hermione tried to open the door, she found that it wouldn't budge. She got it open enough to stick her head in and saw a sight that would haunt her for years.

Severus was slumped down against the door his face sluggishly turned up toward her.

He smiled at her, a horribly sad broken smile.

Hermione put her hand over her mouth and eased around the door to sit beside him her knees becoming instantly soaked in his blood.

"Why would you do this?" She asked him quietly gently grabbing his wrist and turning so she could see his slit wrist.

Severus was still conscious, but just barely and he looked up into Hermione's face.

He knew he shouldn't speak to her shouldn't utter any sentimental last words to her that would make her pine once he was gone.

"Why?" Hermione asked brokenly.

"I...Love you I think," Severus croaked out staring up at her. "I couldn't do that to you,"

"What are you talking about?" Hermione said her face twisted in confusion her hand still holding his bleeding arm aloft.

At that moment Madame Pomfrey rushed in and instantly began to staunch the bleeding pushing Hermione back.

"No," Severus coughed quietly as he realized Madame Pomfrey was stopping his plan from working.

"You absolute dolt." Madame Pomfrey admonished still working on the gash on his arm.

Hermione backed out the door and came face to face with Minerva.

"What's happened?" She asked a squeak of panic. She noticed Hermione covered in blood. "Are you hurt?"

Hermione shook her head, she was succumbing to shock.

Minerva looked past her and saw Severus weakly attempting to fight off Madame Pomfrey, who was healing giant gashes he'd slashed into his own wrists with what appeared to be a letter opener.

"Oh dear," Minerva gasped and instantly put an arm gently around Hermione's shoulders. "Come on, we are going to go get you cleaned off and let Madame Pomfrey work her magic."

Hermione was too out of it to protest and allowed herself to be led away to the Headmistress's quarters.