This chapter was inspired by 'Crazy For You' by Hedley. Most of the time, I think this is how these two meet. Badly. And as comedian Louis C.K. pointed out, agreeing to a date with a man, any man, is "literally insane and ill-advised". Just sayin' is all.

Crazy For You

Matthew rushed around the corner, clutching his textbooks to his chest and looking behind him.

He was still following him.

He dashed around the ticket counter and jumped the turnstiles. It was just his luck. He always seemed to attract the unhinged, the disturbed, the strange and deranged. They waxed and waned with the cycles of the moon.

Matthew swept onto the car and willed the doors to close. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. The underground tunnels flickered and pulsed with the evening crowds.

But the man slipped inside just before the train pulled off the platform and draped an arm over his shoulder. Shit.

Matthew shivered and hugged his textbooks closer.

"Can… Can I help you?"

He grinned at him, a slow stretch of lips, and winked.

"I'm sure you can."

He was pale and bright in the same breath, brilliant, and he laughed as the car rattled back and forth. His hair fluttered around his ears, whitewashed, and Matthew thought that he must have been wearing coloured contacts. His eyes were red.

It was startling.

His undershirt was neon and so were his trousers and he had painted his fingernails orange. He was impossible to miss, or ignore, even though Matthew was trying really, really hard.

He seemed vaguely familiar.

"You're touching me," Matthew stressed.

"Do you want to go dancing? I want to go dancing. Let's go dancing."

Matthew blinked.

"No."

"Oh, come on. Let's go dancing. It'll be fun."

"I don't even know you."

"My name is Gilbert, I'm twenty two years old, and I have too much time on my hands. I like long walks down dark staircases and solving murder mysteries. I was raised by ocelots. What else do you need to know?"

Matthew blinked again.

"You're crazy. You must be crazy."

His smile stretched a little further. He nodded.

"Crazy for you."

"That's it…" Matthew mumbled to himself, glancing upwards, "It's finally happened. I'm going to die. No one will be able to find my body and my parents will never know what happened to me. It's all over."

Gilbert snorted. He shifted his weight.

"Well, that escalated quickly," he enunciated dryly. He kicked his combat boots and looked a little sheepish. "Look, I know that I come on a little… Strong… But I like you. I do. We've been riding the same train for almost two years and I don't think you've ever noticed me but I've definitely noticed you. A lot. So… I just wanted… Do you want to go out sometime?"

Matthew stared at Gilbert for a long time.

"You're very… Forward." He said slowly, carefully. Gilbert shrugged.

"I know."

He shuffled the textbooks in his arms.

"What about…" He considered it. "Coffee? We could go for coffee. Just coffee."

Gilbert seemed even more surprised than Matthew felt. Which was saying something.

"I'd like that."

"… In a nice, safe, well lit neighbourhood."

"Okay."

"And you're paying."

Gilbert laughed delightedly and brushed his nose with the back of his hand. He looked ecstatic. And Matthew felt himself smile softly.

"My treat."

He wondered what he was getting himself into.

Author's Notes:

I have actually gone out for coffee with someone who followed me off the local bus. I'm not saying that it is particularly well advised but, in my case, it turned out alright. Mostly. I have gone out with strangers. And I am that person, I have the strangest encounters. Truly. The stories I could tell…

(And if you know who else was raised by ocelots, I might just love you forever.)