[I'm so, so sorry, yet again, for the delay. Work is insane. I will try to update more frequently, I promise. And thank you for all your reviews, I do appreciate them.
To the reviewer that objects to my depiction of Alex as 'the man', I don't have much to say – only that that certainly was not my intention. I don't see either Alex or Olivia as 'the man', more as vibrant, sexy, feminine, intelligent women. For the record though, if I were to put either of them in the role of protector, it would be Olivia. I'm just sorry my writing has not been good enough to portray this. But if my character choices offend you so much, may I suggest you stick to writers who don't make 'Alex about as masculine as you can'?]
"I just need to get out of here," Casey's voice was laced with tension. While much of the physical evidence of her rape had been washed away, there was still significant tearing and bruising, making her decision to go ahead with the rape kit a sensible one. But she had had enough of poking and probing, and she just wanted to crawl into a dark corner, away from all these people, however well-intentioned they were.
Casey knew that she couldn't go home – it was a crime scene and, from what she could gather from Olivia and Alex's low conversations, it was already being processed by the crime scene guys. In a strange way, she was relieved, because it took the decision out of her hands. She wasn't sure that she ever wanted to go back to the apartment again. But a hotel would be better than this stark hospital room.
She was so lost in her thoughts that she was startled by Olivia's hand on her back.
"Sorry," Olivia was pissed with herself. She, of all people, knew to avoid startling a victim. That's what Casey was now, she realized, her heart breaking for her. A victim.
"It's okay," Casey gave her a shaky smile, and touched her arm lightly to show that she was happy to have her there. "I'm just a little jumpy."
"Of course," Olivia tried not to use her 'victim voice'. She didn't want Casey to think this was just another case to her. It was so much more than that. Casey was their friend. Both their daughters adored the feisty redhead. "I know you want to get out of here Casey, but they say they don't want you to be alone, at least for the next 24 hours. Please say you'll come home with us?"
Casey looked up into Olivia's eyes, her feelings conflicted. She adored Olivia and Alex, and their family. But she wasn't sure that she felt up to dealing with the two girls, even though she loved them fiercely.
"You can just stay in your room," Olivia had guessed what she was feeling.
"Or," Wheels said from the doorway, where she had been for the last minute, "you could come back with me? I have a guest room. And you won't have to talk at all if you don't want to."
Casey felt tears prick her eyes. Even at this worst time of her life, she still drew comfort from her friends.
"That's decided then," Wheels smiled. "Alex has just gone home, to pick up some sweats for you. She thought you'd be more comfortable that way."
Casey looked panicked. "I thought she couldn't get in my apartment?"
"She's gone back to our place," Olivia said softly. "She's going to bring you some of her clothes. We'll talk tomorrow about what you want from your apartment."
Just the thought of her home made Casey feel sick. Olivia watched her changing expression.
"Or not," she added quietly. "Don't even think about that right now. I'm just going to find the doctor, see about getting you discharged, if you still want to get out of here?"
Casey nodded, and tried to smile.
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Carolyn hesitated as she stood outside the door to Jay's hospital room. She looked at her watch. 11am. Sarah would still be there. She took a deep breath, and knocked gently as she pushed the door open.
Jay gave a wide smile at the sight of her mother-in-law. "Hey," she said. "I thought that might be the nurses bringing Tommy. He's seeing his doctor right now, and they promised to bring him round for a hug afterwards. He hates seeing the doctor, though he's always real kind to him."
Carolyn kissed Jay on the cheek, and then patted Sarah on the hand.
"Spill," Sarah said, humorously.
Carolyn stared at her.
Sarah laughed. "C'mon, Mom. I know that look. That look says 'I've done something that you're not gonna like'. See," she pointed, making Jay laugh too. "You can't deny it!"
Carolyn laughed with them. "Since when did you turn into a witch?" she teased her daughter. She put up her hands in surrender. "Okay. Okay. I give. I'll tell you. But you've gotta wait until I finish before you say anything. Anything at all. You swear?"
"We swear!" Jay laughed. "C'mon, you've got me all intrigued now."
"Before I tell you, you have to know how much I respect your decision to be independent. I admire the way you're paying for your own apartment, and how you don't want any of the Cabot money. And you, Jay, you are just wonderful. I knew, when Sarah told me that you refused to take any money, how much you loved her for what she is, not who she is. And I realized then that that's all my little girl needs. Someone who will always love her."
"I always will," Jay said quietly.
"Shh," Carolyn teased, touching Jay's arm lightly to let her know she was in jest.
Sarah was just staring at her mother.
"I wish I had been the one to make Sarah as happy as you have. I had my chance when she was a little girl, and I blew it."
"Mom, you've..."
Carolyn held up a hand. "Not a word," she said. "I'm so grateful for the relationship we have now. And I hope that you never regret your decision to give me another chance. I love you. Both of you. And I'm so excited about you adopting Tomász."
"It's not a done deal," Sarah said, a little glum.
"But it will be. I'm sure of that. But your apartment – which I just love, by the way – is not going to be big enough for you all. So," she took a deep breath, "and please don't be pissed at this. Please take it how it is meant. And you can still pay off the apartment. Nothing will change. Nothing."
"Mom, you're not making sense," Sarah said, mildly.
"I bought the next door apartment. The two-bedroom one. And I've got an architect coming over later, to work out how to knock the two apartments into one. I've already got all the necessary permissions. I emailed the floorplans to the architect, and he says he can make it into a three-bedroom place, with a study. Or four bedrooms with no study. I know. I shouldn't interfere. But little Tommy, he's been through so much. And Alex would be so sad if you moved far away. So would Olivia. And little Lily and Maisie, they'll want to..."
"Mom, stop!" Sarah cried out, laughing as her mother became almost breathless. This sounded incredible. She was only worried about what Jay would think. She looked over at her wife, and saw tears streaming down Jay's face.
Jay levered herself to her feet, leaning heavily on her cane. She pulled Carolyn into a tight hug. "It's amazing," she said. "You're amazing. And that little boy, who I hope and pray is going to be our son, will think it's amazing too."
"You don't mind?" Carolyn said, when she eventually pulled back from the embrace. She wiped the tears from Jay's face with her handkerchief. "I don't want you to think that I'm trying to take over, or that I'm trying to buy you. I just wanted to make it easier for you to adopt Tommy."
Sarah put an arm around her shoulder, and pulled them all into a group hug. "Thank you, Mom," she whispered.
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Olivia took Alex's hand as they walked back to the car, having driven Casey and Wheels back to Wheels' apartment. She realized Alex was shaking. She stopped and touched Alex's face lovingly, and kissed her softly.
"It's awful," Alex said simply.
"I know," Olivia agreed.
"You will get him?"
"Fin thinks he has a lead. Somebody near his mother's place thinks they saw him," Olivia said. "We'll get him sweetheart. And then you'll lock him up."
Alex nodded, and let Olivia guide her to the car. She couldn't begin to imagine how Casey felt. She looked over at Olivia's open, honest, beautiful face, and she couldn't even guess at how Casey had one day looked at her boyfriend and felt the same things. She had loved him, once. And he had betrayed her in the worst way possible.
"I love you, Alexandra," Olivia said quietly, as she buckled herself into her seat.
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Robyn smiled at her friend, and colleague, Chris. "Are you sure you don't mind?" she pressed.
"Hey, you can sleep on my couch any time you want," he smiled. "It's not the best, and I hate to think what it's going to do to your back, but it's there for as long as you need it."
Robyn gave him a relieved smile. "Thanks. It won't be for long. I'll find someplace real soon. I just want to get out of Sarah's hair, before her wife gets back in a couple of days. They're trying to adopt a kid, they've got more than enough to deal with."
"I'll get a key cut on the way home," Chris said. "And you can move in tomorrow. But, just so you know, I don't cook."
"Neither do I," Robyn grinned. "We should get along fine!"
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After Chris left the locker room, Robyn slumped onto the bench, her head in her hands. She couldn't believe it had come to this. She looked at her phone. Amy hadn't responded to any of her messages, and she had to have left over 20. Robyn sat back, and took a shaky breath. She got to her feet, and shouldered her bag.
Robyn's thoughts occupied her so much that she didn't notice the small figure sitting on the wall outside the fire station.
"Rob?" a small voice called.
Robyn whipped round. It couldn't be. The voice she wanted to hear above all others. But it was. Amy was there. She stood up, and took a tentative step toward Robyn. "Rob?" she sounded even more nervous than before.
Robyn stared. Amy was as white as milk. She looked exhausted, and far too thin. Her hair was freshly washed, but it had lost some of its luster. She wore a light make-up, but it didn't disguise the bags under her eyes.
Robyn wanted to be angry with Amy, but all she could think, when she looked at her, was how much she loved her. How much she wanted to be with her. And how much she wanted to protect her. "You look sick," Robyn spoke at last.
"I'm okay," Amy said, but swayed involuntarily.
Robyn instinctively reached out for her to steady her. "You're shaking," she said, softly.
"Can we go somewhere? To talk?" Amy tried to force some vigor into her voice, but even to her own ears, she sounded weak.
Robyn nodded. Fortunately, there was a coffee shop just by the station house. She wasn't convinced that Amy could walk much further than that. She felt Amy lean into her as she led her to a back booth.
"Coke, please," Amy asked the waitress. That worried Robyn more. Amy didn't like Coke, but she drank it when she had migraines, or was feeling nauseous, as it helped to settle her.
"Make that two," Robyn said. They waited for the waitress to return with their drinks. She reached out to take Amy's hand in her own. "Is this okay?"
Amy looked at her, and her eyes filled with tears. She started to sob.
Robyn moved from her side of the table to sit next to Amy, pulling her into a warm embrace, feeling her shaking badly in her arms.
"I'm so sorry," Amy gasped. "I've been such a fool."
Even while she comforted her, Robyn's heart blossomed with a spark of hope.
"What do you need, baby?" she asked softly, her hand unconsciously tucking a strand of Amy's hair behind her ear.
"I need you. I've always needed you," Amy choked out.
"You want me to come back?" Robyn wanted to be clear.
"More than I've ever wanted anything. Do you think you could ever forgive me?"
"There's nothing to forgive," Robyn said gently.
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"They said you should try and eat," Wheels said to Casey, who was wrapped in a blanket on the couch, having declined the offer to go to her room.
Casey nodded. "Maybe a sandwich?" she made as if to get up.
"I'll get it," Wheels laid a gentle hand on her arm. "Ham? Cheese? I may have a can of tuna?"
"Cheese," Casey said weakly. She watched Wheels as she left the room, and tried to fight a wave of panic. She hated to be alone, but she didn't want to talk. She just wanted to be in the same room as someone she trusted, without having to reply to endless interrogations. She had enough of that coming up, she realized, grimly. She wasn't sure that it was an advantage to know so much about the process of rape investigations – and trials. If it came to that.
Wheels had been so kind. She was the perfect host, Casey realized. Before she had known what was happening, she was settled on the couch, a glass of water by her head, wrapped in a warm blanket. She looked at the clock, and was shocked to realize she had been there for over four hours. During that time, Wheels had barely spoken, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable.
Wheels steadied herself on the kitchen counter, trying to keep strong for her young friend. She hated what Casey had suffered, and wanted to protect her from the traumas yet to come. But she couldn't. She could only support her.
Wheels placed the sandwich on the side table, and returned to her chair, picking up her book. She tried not to watch Casey, wanting to give the shaken woman her privacy, and not wanting to intrude. So she didn't react when Casey managed only a third of the sandwich before giving up. And she tried not to react when, 15 minutes later, Casey bolted for the bathroom. She could hear her vomiting violently, but she didn't go in, opting instead to wait by the door. She would give her some space, she decided. Casey emerged a few minutes later, her face grey and anguished.
Wheels wrapped the blanket around her shaking shoulders. "Bed?" she suggested. "Just for a couple of hours?"
Casey looked up at her. She nodded. Then she shook her head. "I'm scared," she finally admitted.
"Maybe if I come in and sit with you? You can lie down, while I'll read my book. Unless you want to be alone?"
Casey shook her head vehemently. "Not alone," she whispered.
Casey felt like a child, as she allowed Wheels to tuck her in. It was oddly comforting, reminding her of her childhood, when her mother would take care of her when she was sick. But she wasn't sick this time. This time it was much worse. She shuddered.
Wheels smoothed her hair from her forehead, and pressed a kiss to her brow.
"You will stay?" Casey hated that she sounded so pathetic.
"For as long as you want. I've got my book. I'll be just here."
"What are you reading?" Casey wanted to know. She didn't want to talk, but she was comforted by the soft sound of Wheels' voice.
"Pride & Prejudice," Wheels smile. "It was one of May's favorites. She liked me to read it to her when she was sick. I thought I'd never be able to pick it up again, but I was wrong. It's like having an old friend with me."
"Will you read some to me?" Casey asked. "It's one I've always meant to read, but never got around to."
"Of course," May turned back to the beginning. "You're gonna love it."
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Abbie crawled back up Caryn's panting body, and claimed her lips in a deep kiss. "How was that?" she teased, loving the stunned expression on her lover's face.
"Oh. God," Caryn tried to catch her breath. "I... Abs. Oh God."
"You're repeating yourself," Abbie grinned. "Maybe," she kissed a rosy nipple, "maybe I should start repeating myself too," her hand started to travel south.
Caryn caught her hand in her own, and in a show of surprising strength, she flipped them so that Abbie was beneath her. "While there's nothing that I would like more than a repeat performance," she said, breathlessly, "I'm thinking maybe it's time I showed my appreciation for your efforts," she kissed her passionately. "And," her fingers circled a stiffening nipple, "I've been wanting to spend some quality time with … your girls."
"My girls?" Abbie was indignant. "CW, do you seriously think I'm going to let you get away with calling them that? I mean, it's hardly... oh Christ," she felt Caryn's talented tongue sweep over her breast. "That's not playing fair. You can't … Jesus, Caryn," she felt her teeth scraping across sensitive flesh. "Oh my God."
"You've come over very religious, all of a sudden," Caryn laughed.
"That, my gorgeous pregnant girlfriend, is because you're divine. And," Abbie squeaked, "if you continue along those lines, I'm either going straight to Heaven, or straight to Hell."
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Jay hugged Tomász tight. "I'll come see you every day. I promise. And you won't be here much longer," she said, as she rocked the weeping child. She hated that she was getting out of the hospital, and having to leave the child behind.
"I don't want to be alone," he whispered, miserably.
"You're not alone, sweetheart," Jay said. "Greg here is going to be with you all today. And Susie is going to be here all night. And I'll be back at 10.30am tomorrow, I swear, so that we can go to the pool together. You like the pool, huh, Tommy?" Jay had pleaded with the doctors to ensure that they could share their hydrotherapy sessions, and Tommy was coming along really well.
"Will Sarah come see me too?"
"Every day."
"And when I get out of the hospital? Where am I going to go?"
Jay couldn't bear the child's unhappiness. "We're going to fix up something for you. I'll make sure of it," she didn't want to give too much away, until Children's Services agreed they could at least have him with them temporarily. "I'll make sure you like where you go. And I'll still see you every day," she promised, praying that she could keep her word.
"I love you," Tommy said as he buried his head in her front.
"I love you too, baby boy," Jay told him.