Sarah looked over at her wife, who was dozing in the passenger seat of their car. They were on their way home. At long last, Jay's awful hospital experience was at an end. She was still recovering, true. Her speech was a little tentative, especially at the end of the day when she was tired. Nobody else would notice, but Sarah knew her so well, she could tell when she was struggling.
Sarah glanced surreptitiously at Jay's left hand. Or, rather, at her pocket, where she had jammed it, to keep it from view. She sighed sadly. Jay had lost two-and-a-bit fingers on that hand when her meningitis has developed scarily into septicaemia, as well as all the toes on her right foot. Jay had never openly complained, but Sarah knew that she now felt disfigured.
Sarah couldn't have cared less what Jay's hand, or her foot, looked like. All she cared was that her beloved wife had recovered, and she wasn't going to lose her. But she had to be patient. Usually, when they were both in the car and Sarah was driving, Jay would casually rest her hand on Sarah's thigh; it wasn't a sexual gesture, it was more like a means of unspoken communication. But the hand that Sarah was so used to feeling was hidden in Jay's jacket pocket.
Sarah pulled into the parking lot under their apartment, and parked the car in their allocated space. "Hey, sweetheart," she touched Jay's leg gently, not wanting to startle her.
Jay stirred. She swallowed, and blinked, momentarily disoriented. Then a small smile crept over her face. "Home?" her voice cracked with emotion.
"Home," Sarah agreed, smiling. "At last. Back where you belong."
Jay just nodded, nervous that if she spoke she might start crying. She hadn't expected to feel so emotional. Clumsily, she managed to unbuckle the seatbelt with her damaged hand. Sarah helped her to her feet and passed her her cane. Jay smiled, as she centered herself. They made their way slowly to the elevator.
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"Let your Ma rest, Daniel!" Abbie laughed, as Caryn flopped onto the couch, giving in as their son jumped on her, giggling.
"Ma is having a baby," Daniel announced, proudly.
"Two babies," Abbie reminded him, still not completely sure if their two-year-old son really grasped the concept that Caryn was carrying their children.
"Feels more like twelve today," Caryn grumbled, rubbing her belly disconsolately. "I feel like a whale."
"Why a whale?" Daniel asked Abbie.
"Just because whales have quite big tummies. And your Ma's tummy has grown to fit the babies in," Abbie tried to be tactful. She knew that Caryn, who was usually happy – eager – to laugh at anything, including – and especially – herself, had become hyper-sensitive about her weight. She was convinced that Abbie would soon come to her senses and realize that she was huge and unattractive.
Of course, Abbie didn't feel that way at all. In truth, Abbie sometimes had to drag her eyes away from her girlfriend, especially in public, as she was in serious danger of ogling. To her, Caryn was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And now that she was pregnant, with physical evidence of her fertility, Abbie couldn't get enough of her. It wasn't just her breasts, though Abbie felt that she could drown in them, it was everything about her.
Fortunately, once Caryn's morning sickness had abated, her sex drive had risen sharply, to match Abbie's almost insatiable appetites.
Abbie looked at Caryn, whose expression was, for once, unreadable. Caryn's phone beeped, and she took it out of her pocket, glancing briefly at the message. She smiled.
"Something good, counselor?" Abbie teased.
"Depends on your point of view," Caryn said, as she pounced on Daniel, tickling him and pinning him to the couch. "So, baby boy, how would you like to go see Lily and Maisie? And Wiggle? That was a message from your Auntie Olivia. She said they're going to the park, and want to know if you want to go too?"
"Park! Park!" Daniel shouted.
"CW, you've been on your feet all day," Abbie said. "Do you really think the park is a good idea?"
"Not for me," Caryn replied. "Nor," she winked, "for you. I think maybe we should have a little lie-down, once Hot Cop has collected Daniel. She suggested we might like some time … alone."
Abbie's mouth went dry; she could see Caryn's erect nipples through her shirt, and knew exactly what she had in mind. "Oh God, yes," she gulped. "What time is Liv getting here?"
"She's on her way. Ten minutes, tops. C'mon, Danny, let's go find some nice bread for you to feed to the ducks," she lifted her son into her arms. She brushed a strand of hair from his eyes. "Your hair's getting long, baby boy." She adored the child in her arms. It didn't matter to her that it was Abbie who had given birth to him. In fact, she loved him even more for that. He had Abbie's beautiful brown eyes, and he was going to be a stunner, just like his mother.
"Not a baby," Daniel said.
"No," Caryn agreed, ruffling his hair. "You're a big boy now. Our big boy."
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Olivia looked down at their eldest daughter, who was holding tight to her hand, and chattering away as she almost always did. Lily was so beautiful, and Olivia loved that she had Alex's eyes, although the rest of her looked more like Olivia every day. It was clear that she was not going to be a girly-girl. She then looked over at her wife, who was pushing their younger daughter in her stroller, and smiled. Maisie was a complete clone of Alex, and Olivia guessed that she probably would be in to all things girlie when she got a little older. Already, she was happy when they tried to put her in a dress, unlike Lily who outright refused to wear one.
"What has you so amused, Detective?" Alex teased in a light tone.
"Just thinking what beautiful girls we have," Olivia said.
"And a very handsome dog," Alex prompted with a smile. "Isn't that right, Wiggle?" she laughed as he tugged on the leash.
"Will Casey be at the park?" Lily wanted to know. "I want to show her my new ball."
Olivia swallowed. "Not today, munchkin. We probably won't see Casey for a couple of weeks. She … she isn't feeling too well. So we'll just give her a little space for a while."
"Is Charlie taking care of her?"
Olivia was astounded. She had no idea that Lily even knew that Charlie was … had been … Casey's boyfriend. She stopped, and knelt at Lily's level. "No, sweetie. Casey and Charlie aren't together any more," she forced herself to keep her voice even. "But it's okay. Casey's staying in Grandma Wheels' guest room. So Grandma Wheels is taking real good care of her."
"Can we go see her? I want to tell her I hope she feels better real soon."
"Not yet, Lily bean."
"I have an idea," Alex suggested, seeing the look of anguish on Olivia's face. "When we get back from the park, we can make a card for Casey. Would you like to do that, Lily?"
"Can I draw her a picture of Wiggle? She likes Wiggle."
"That would be perfect," Alex smiled.
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Jay watched Sarah open the door to the apartment, and was suddenly bone tired. She tried to stifle a yawn, as she stepped into the welcoming space. She could tell it had been thoroughly cleaned, and she saw all the flowers around the place. She felt a lump in her throat, and reached for her wife. "Thank you," she said, softly, burrowing into her soft front, reveling in the feel of her.
"You're home," Sarah whispered into her hair, rocking her gently.
Jay nodded.
Sarah held her for a few minutes, and then pulled back slightly, looking at her watch. "It's nearly 3pm," she said. "Let's get you in bed for a couple of hours, and then I'll make us some dinner."
Jay looked anxious. "Wanna stay with you," she admitted, speaking carefully, so as not to stumble on her words.
Sarah recognized the signs. She knew that Jay was exhausted. "I'll come with you," she said. "It's been a long day. All that time with Tommy, and then with the doctors. And then the trip home. You've spent a lot of the last six weeks in bed. It's no wonder you're shattered. We'll snooze together, huh?"
Jay was docile as Sarah led her to the bed, unbuttoning and pulling her jeans part-way down before she encouraged her to sit on the edge. She pulled her jeans and socks off fully once she was seated. Sarah forced herself not to interfere as Jay fumbled clumsily with the buttons of her shirt, partly due to tiredness and partly due to her damaged hand. Jay smiled as she managed to unhook her own bra at the back. "First time, on my own," she smiled, tired but triumphant.
"To be fair," Sarah teased, "you've always been an expert removing lingerie; mine, if not your own."
Jay grinned. "Lemme try," she pulled Sarah so that she was standing between her legs. Sarah stripped off her own t-shirt, and Jay reached behind her. It took a moment, but she succeeded in unhooking the lace bra.
Jay's breath hitched, as Sarah's ample breasts spilled into her waiting hands. "Oh God," she whispered, as she kneaded them gently. She had never been so tired in all her life, but she couldn't ignore the bounty in front of her. She leant forward, and very gently took a candy pink nipple in her mouth, moaning with almost-forgotten ecstasy as she did so.
Sarah felt a jolt at her center, biting back a cry of delight. She was reluctantly about to discourage Jay, at least until she had had some sleep, when she felt her wife shudder suddenly, and was distraught to realize that Jay was trying not to weep. "Baby?" she touched Jay's cheek.
Jay released Sarah's breast, as she took a gasping breath.
"Jay, sweetheart, what is it?" Sarah was beginning to panic, as Jay lost her flimsy grip on her emotions, and started to sob convulsively.
"I … this … oh baby. I … what if we? I might … suppose I had?" Jay was gasping for breath.
Sarah felt her own eyes fill with tears. "I know. I know. But you're okay. We're okay. Everything's gonna be fine. Shh, my darling. It's okay. Let it out. I'm here for you. I'll always be here. And so will you. And we're gonna be mommies. What could be better than that?" carefully she guided Jay back into the bed. She swiftly shed her own clothes, and climbed in next to her wife, gathering her tight in her arms and holding her as misery engulfed her. Jay had been so strong since she had become sick, and it was all coming out now.
Finally, exhaustion overtook Jay, and she fell to sleep in her wife's arms, still hiccupping and whimpering. Sarah rocked her lovingly until she stilled.
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Three days later
Jay took Sarah's arm to steady herself as they walked together up the hospital corridor. When possible, she preferred not to use her cane, but she knew that her balance was still uneven without some help, and she feared falling on her butt just slightly more than she hated the cane, so she was always sensible and used it when she was alone. But when Sarah was there, she preferred to hang on to her. They knocked on the door of the doctor's office.
"So we can take him home in a week?" Sarah asked, delightedly.
"You sure can," Dr Richards answered, a broad smile on his face. "And, where possible, we'll keep both your follow-up appointments close to each other," he nodded at Jay, "so's you can minimize the number of visits you have to make here. I'm guessing you've seen enough of hospitals for a while," his tone was understanding.
Jay allowed herself a small smile, still stunned and absorbing this new information. "We should talk to you about putting Tommy on our insurance. What treatments are covered. I mean, he's going to need proper prosthetics as he goes along. We'll get him the best we can afford, of course. Sarah's doing well, and I'll be back on my feet in no time, and..."
Dr Richards held up his hand. "You won't have to pay anything. I have a note here, to the effect that we have a blank check in terms of what he needs now, and will ever need in the future. It says here we're to give him the very best money can buy."
Jay looked at Sarah, hoping for some sort of illumination, but Sarah looked as confused as she felt.
"But he's going to be our son," Jay spoke slowly, in case she hadn't made sense before.
Dr Richards smiled. "I know. Children's Services have made it very clear that they're real happy that you've come forward. It says here that you, and I quote, 'have a lovely home, which is soon to be expanded, and there is no doubt that you will both make wonderful, loving parents'."
"Well I don't understand," Jay said, mulishly.
"Your anonymous donor said she doesn't need to remain anonymous," Dr Richards said. "And I'm thinking you probably know her. Carolyn Cabot."
Sarah was open-mouthed. She looked over at Jay, fearful that her pride could be hurt by the revelation. She watched delightedly as a smile spread over Jay's face. "You don't mind?" she asked her, gently.
Jay laughed. "Of course not. I only care that we do the very best we can for Tommy. His welfare is worth a lot more than my pride. Hey," for the first time she reached for Sarah with her damaged hand, and grasped her fingers. "Let's go tell him he can come live with us. If that's okay," she looked at the smiling doctor. "Are we done?"
"You're done," the doctor said. "Go talk to your son."
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"I know," Olivia took Alex gently by the arm and led her to a quiet corner of the squadroom. "I know. We're doing all we can to find him, baby. Casey's safe with Wheels, he doesn't even know she exists. And as long as we can keep her away from the office until we can track him down, it should be fine. Charlie's no criminal mastermind. He's just a thug. A thug with mental health issues."
Alex nodded. "We can't really talk here," she was trying to maintain her professional exterior, and retreated into her formal persona so that she wouldn't break down in front of the guys. She just felt so bad for Casey, and knew from private conversations with Wheels that the redhead was still very traumatized by what had happened. She missed her at work, having got used to her friendly presence in their shared office.
Olivia could see the shutters coming down, and nodded understandingly. "Wiggle okay?" she asked, changing the subject. She could see Alex relaxing gratefully.
"He's great," Alex said, with a small smile. "He's been dog-napped by Liz again. I think she likes the company on the days she's not in court, or in meetings. We seem to be sharing him at the moment," she laughed.
"You're still okay for the clinic tomorrow?" Olivia lowered her voice. "And Thursday and Friday?"
Alex nodded. "Of course. Hey," she saw anxiety flit across Olivia's face. "It worked for Caryn and Abbie, didn't it? Really going for it in one week? We may be lucky too. Though maybe it's best not to hope for twins, too," she smiled.
"How long has she got to go?"
"I'm not sure. About four and a half months, I think," Alex said. "Then all hell will break loose in that house. Can you imagine?"
Olivia laughed, but then felt her cell vibrate in her pocket. "Benson," she answered. "Okay, Melinda, I'll bring Elliot." She hung up. "I'm sorry, Alexandra, I've ..."
"Gotta go," Alex smiled, as she finished her sentence. "Me too. I just wanted to drop off those files."
"Shit," Olivia remembered. "I'm supposed to be ..."
"Taking Lily to the eye doctor. I know. Look," Alex peered at her watch. "It's okay. I'll talk to Liz, she'll let me out for a couple of hours this afternoon, I'll take her. I'll make up the time this evening; I can bring paperwork home."
"You sure?"
"Totally. Go, Benson," Alex smiled.
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Sarah smiled as Tommy climbed into her lap for a hug. She used to worry that it was only Jay that he liked, but he had become so affectionate toward her too in the past couple of weeks that she knew she hadn't anything to worry about. "So, Tommy," she said. "You've been doing so well, that they say you can leave the hospital soon. Isn't that great?"
He looked up at her, his big brown eyes anxious. He reminded her so much of Jay in that moment that her heart skipped a beat. She realized that, with his coloring, he could easily be Jay's son. That wouldn't hurt in the future. Fewer questions from people.
"Hey, you mustn't worry. It's good news. And we have other news too, that we hope you're going to like. We've been talking to all the people that have been taking care of you, and they say that, if you want to, you can come and live with us. Would you like to do that?"
"With you? You and Jay?" Tommy asked.
"If you want to. You don't have to. Or you can come, see what you think. Maybe stay a few days, and think about it. We want you to be happy, don't we honey?" she addressed her wife.
"More than anything," Jay agreed. "We'd really like it if you wanted to stay with us, but if you don't, we can find somewhere else that you're going to like."
"Can I come stay with you?" Tommy couldn't quite believe this was happening.
"You can, Tomász, next week, once the doctors say you can go. But only if you want to," Jay said, guessing at how overwhelming this must be for him.
He nodded, trying not to cry. "I wanna come."
Sarah hugged him tightly. "That's the best news we've ever heard. You can come home with us next week then. It might be a little noisy for a while, 'cos we're just making our apartment bigger, so there's lots of room for us all. But you can stay with us while it's being done."
"You can have our room, and we'll sleep in the living room," Jay said. "And then, when the apartment's all done, we'll fix up a special room just for you. You can come with us to the store, and choose just how you want it all." She swallowed the lump in her throat. "You're going to be our son, Tommy. Or own special boy."
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Alex put Maisie to bed, and came out into the living room. She was trying not to worry about Olivia, who had been due to get home over half an hour ago. She eyed Lily, who was sitting disconsolately on the couch, a sleeping Wiggle in her lap.
Alex sat down next to her, and was relieved when Lily crawled into her lap, dragging the small dog with her. She rubbed Lily's back lovingly. "Hey, peanut," she said, softly.
"I don't wanna wear glasses, Mommy," Lily said in a small voice.
"Oh sweetie, I know. I'm so sorry. But you won't have to wear them all the time. You don't have to wear them when you're playing in the park, things like that," Alex said to her. "You can still do all the things you love. But when you're reading, or watching the tv, or really want to see something well, you can put them on then. I hated my glasses too, baby girl, especially when I first got them."
"How old were you, Mommy?"
"Five. Just like you, Lily bean."
Lily brightened marginally. She loved it when she did things that were like her Mommy, or her Mama. "Do you hate them now?"
"Only when I can't find them, and I want to see something properly. But I love them when I can find them because," and she slid them comically down her nose, "because then I can see you and Maisie properly. And that's great. How else would I know how beautiful you are?"
Lily giggled. "Mama says you look real cute in your glasses," she told Alex.
"And I'll bet she'll say the same thing when we pick your glasses up next week. You're lucky Lily, you look beautiful with and without them. And," she tickled her, "they make you look real smart too."
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"I'm so sorry, Alexandra," Olivia spoke into her cell. "We had to chase this guy, and we've been stuck in interrogation for three hours. I asked the unis to call you, but they didn't."
"You're okay?" Alex tried to keep the anxiety from her tone.
"I'm good. Really good," Olivia reassured her. "It's just..."
"That's all that matters," Alex replied. "Don't worry, Liv. You're not on my shit-list," she gave a small laugh.
"How did Lily get on? Does she need glasses?" Olivia wanted to know.
"She does. She's kinda pissed about it."
"We'll have to make a big fuss about how great she looks," Olivia said. "She knows I like you in your glasses."
"Did you eat?" Alex asked, looking at her watch; almost 11pm.
"M'not really hungry," Olivia tried to stifle a yawn.
"When are you leaving?"
"'bout ten minutes."
"You're not driving?" Alex's tone was sharp. She could tell how exhausted Olivia was.
Olivia smiled. "Sounds like you don't want me to. Okay, I'll get a cab. I swear."
"And I'll have dinner ready for you," Alex smiled with relief. "Something light, I promise."
"Have I told you lately that I love you?" Olivia asked.
"Not since this morning. That's something I can always stand to hear again," Alex teased.
"I love you, Counselor Benson."
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Wheels shot bolt upright in bed. Casey was screaming – again. She ran to her bedroom and turned on the light. Casey stopped screaming as Wheels reached her, putting a hand on her back.
Casey became aware of a gentle hand stroking her, and a soft voice, as she slowly awoke. The terror of her nightmare leached away as she opened her eyes and saw her elderly friend. Her breathing was erratic, and she could feel her sweat-soaked pajamas sticking to her.
Wheels sat on the bed, and coaxed Casey into her lap. She knew that her young friend hated depending on her, but she also knew how much gentle contact helped her to ground herself after her horrifying nightmares. Nightmares that weren't getting any better, she realized glumly.
Wheels held Casey for nearly an hour. She then guided her into the bathroom, where she ran the tub for her. When Casey emerged from the bathroom, Wheels was waiting for her, a mug of cocoa in her hand, and fresh sheets on the bed. "I'm sorry," Casey said, thickly.
"Well, you shouldn't be. You have nothing to apologize for," Wheels guided her to the couch, and wrapped a warm blanket around her shoulders.
Casey sniffed. "It's nearly 3am. It's not fair on you."
"Hey, I'm 83. I'm retired. I have nothing important to do. I'm happy to be here for you."
"You're gonna tell me I should get therapy, aren't you?" Casey said, her voice full of misery.
Wheels passed her the cocoa. "No," she said quietly. "I'm not going to tell you anything like that. You know, Casey. You, better than most, know who to contact. How to get help. And I'm guessing you'll do it, likely sooner rather than later. But I'm not going to get at you about it. I want you to relax here. You have Alex, and Olivia, to nag at you about getting help. I'm just here for you. I don't want you to worry about anything here. But," she took her hand. "If you do decide to go, and want somebody to go with you, I'm here for that too. I can be free any time. I just wanna help. And I want this place to be somewhere you feel safe, and not worried about anything."
"Thank you," Casey whispered.
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"That's it. Good girl," Alex urged as she held Olivia in her arms. "Just let it go," she let her fingers do their magic, smiling as Olivia cried out as her climax overtook her. "There. My clever girl. That's the last time this month. Maybe even the last time ever?" she kissed her deeply, happy that Olivia responded so enthusiastically. She and Olivia both hated their times at the clinic; making love was a source of such joy to them usually that they detested having to do anything 'to order'. Sex, for them, was something so private, so precious. But they knew that Olivia's chances of conceiving were hugely increased if she came, so they made the most of it.
"You look good," Olivia grinned, when she got her breathing back under control.
"You like it?" Alex grinned, looking down at the peephole bra she was wearing – a special surprise for Olivia, which had served its purpose very nicely.
"Almost as much as I like you without it," Olivia said, a smug grin on her face.