Sorry for the wait! I've had a lot of schoolwork lately and I've been really into another one of my fics. I hope you enjoy this chapter! The next couple chapters are when I hope the action really starts. As usual, I own nothing but Charlotte. Please review!
After walking into S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, I sensed Fury before I heard him. "Kent!" I winced before Steve was ushered away from me and Fury and Coulson stepped out from where they'd been hiding. Bruce and Tony only exchanged a glance before going into another part of the facility, leaving me to face the wrath of Director Fury. I started fake coughing hurriedly so that they might still believe the flu story, at least until we were in a private office. "Good to see you've made a full recovery, Agent Kent," said Fury when he arrived in front of me. "Although the next time you decide to kiss someone, make sure that the both of you are indoors." I turned to look out of the doors I'd just walked in. God, he was right. I had been stupid. Any sort of private conversation that involved S.H.I.E.L.D. shouldn't have been said right then and neither should Steve and I have kissed. The press were probably putting the pictures online now. This is what they'd been clamoring for since our first press conference; they wanted specifics on dating. Who cares if the Avengers saved the world from alien domination? The world just wanted to know who they were screwing and if they happened to show interest in the girl who wasn't a member of the team but had helped them, well, that just made it even better. It gave me more of a Cinderella story than I already had but it did exactly what S.H.I.E.L.D. was trying to avoid, according to Bruce and Tony; giving me more press.
"I will do my best to make sure it never happens again, sir," I responded. Fury only shrugged. He'd taken to enjoying giving me a hard time but at the end of the day, I think he'd grown to like me.
"It's only got to improve your image," said Coulson.
"Or ruin Captain Rogers'," said Fury. I blanched. I hadn't yet thought of it that way. If the press linked us, we'd be forever compared and contrasted. What one of us did would have an effect on how the other was perceived. I'd be damned before I let anyone drag down Steve's reputation, especially myself.
"I promise that I won't do anything that would potentially hurt him," I said. Fury's mouth twisted up in a smile.
"I almost believed you there, Kent. You need to work on your lying face." I scoffed.
"You've gotta be kidding me. Why on earth would I ever do anything to damage Steve with the media?"
"That's not how you worded it. But Kent, I believe you've got a fair amount of explaining to do."
"Yeah, the flu was horrible. I've never had it before in my life. But can we please go to your office?" I slanted my eyes to the right and I saw Bucky stepping into the opening corridor of the building where the three of us were standing. I immediately started coughing in an attempt to get him to leave. He's the one who shouldn't know about Asgard.
"Agent Barnes," Coulson directed at Bucky. I continued to hack away. "Are you ready to meet Captain Rogers?" I glanced back over at him in time to see Bucky nervously nod. Even from this distance, I noticed that his hands were sweating. His right one began to shake back and forth like a dog wagging it's tail. For the first time, I thought S.H.I.E.L.D. might've had a point in pairing us off.
"As I'll ever be," said Bucky. I heard them walk away and I finally felt comfortable enough to turn back to Fury.
"You're getting good, Charlotte," said Fury. "Now would you mind explaining to me why Jane Foster arrived here an hour ago in a complete frenzy?"
"Can we go to your office?" I responded.
As soon as he'd closed the door behind us, I'd regaled Fury with everything about Asgard down to Jane's life being threatened. I left out a few trivial things but I stressed the agreement Thor and I had come to for our realms and the fact that Loki could be back on the planet in under a month. Fury hadn't openly reacted the entire time. At the end of my spiel, he only pressed a button on his phone to call Coulson to the office.
Coulson came in and distracted us from the real problem at hand. "I'm glad you called me in, Director. Dr. Chandler from the Psych Department was asking about how Stark is dealing with everything that's been going on, particularly Pepper," he said. I openly rolled my eyes but Coulson didn't seem to understand it.
"Dr. Chandler is a quack and he needs to be fired," I said.
"You are in no position to be making those kinds of claims, Agent Kent," said Fury, dare I say, furiously. Coulson ignored his comment in favor of talking to me.
"Dr. Chandler came highly recommended, Charlotte," Phil said. "Need I remind you, I hired him." I sighed. Coulson had been the one who'd gotten me my menial staff job in the first place and he wasn't like to let me forget it. It conjured up a memory of Coulson approaching me at a career fair my junior year of college. You wouldn't think that a secret government agency would go after a potential employee in quite that way but that's how it had happened. He'd extended a card with the extremely long name of Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division. I'd pursued the job heavily before really knowing what was going on. When I'd Googled the name, nothing came up other than a few vague references. I thought they might be some kind of CIA division but who would want a chubby 22 year old with crooked teeth for a spy? Needless to say, it didn't quite turn out that way.
"All he seems to care about is who everyone is dating," I said. "He's no better than those vultures who follow me and all of the Avengers around."
"What he cares about are the relationships agents are forming with each other and with other people. No one should have to remind you, of all people, that the relationships you have can make or break you. Dr. Chandler can help prevent an agent from getting broken down about things."
"You mean, he can stop something like I did from happening again?"
"Okay, Kent, put a sock in it," said Fury. "Coulson, sit down. There's something you need to know. Our prime new agent here wasn't sick with the flu the past two weeks. She was in Asgard, participating in Loki's trial at Thor's insistence. Jane Foster went with her. Long story short, Odin has decided that Loki's punishment for the war crimes against our planet is to come here and make it up to us while in the process, bettering himself. It might sound like a feel-good Hallmark movie, except for the sheer fact that this is Loki we are talking about. He almost singlehandedly blew Manhattan into the Atlantic over the course of a few days. Charlotte and Thor also agreed to an alliance between Earth and Asgard. We are now obligated to take them in." Coulson's mouth dropped open. "I wish I was joking."
"I wish you were too," I said. There was no telling how this would go down. Coulson looked between the two of us in disbelief.
"What are we supposed to do?" he asked. "Can we refuse him?" I shook my head.
"Not really. There's no real way to refuse the Allfather anything. Hell, there's no real way to refuse Thor anything."
"Thor came up with this?" I nodded.
"I was against it for a long time but he kept insisting it was the only way. And there's something going on with that Thanos guy."
"Thanos is not a real person," said Fury. "There is no proof the Chitauri had a leader other than Loki himself."
"There was no proof that Loki had an army until the Chitauri rained down on New York."
"You are ignoring the obvious here, Kent. Loki was leaving and probably doomed for a fate worse than death when he told you those things. He had every reason to want to manipulate you to his side again, in the final moments before he left Earth. He made up the story about Thanos to get you to sympathize with him and it's obvious that it worked." I threw my hands up in disbelief.
"You are seriously going to ignore a threat just because Loki was the one who warned us?"
"He is the god of lying," said Coulson.
"This will cause the Avengers more strife than his real attack did, you do realize that, Charlotte?" asked Fury.
"Again, it wasn't my idea," I said. "None of us have a choice in this so I say we prepare and we deal with it in stride. It can't be that bad."
"But it can," said Coulson. "You just created a public relationship with Captain America and a private one with Steve Rogers. Charlotte, you cannot keep playing a game with him, with either of them. It is dangerous for everyone involved and now the entirety of the world knows about your relationship with Rogers. Do not put yourself in the kind of position that would cause the world to find out about Loki."
"You're scoffing," said Fury, "and I get it but you need to get it through your thick skull. This is not some make-believe land where you've somehow scored the bad boy and the good guy both. You will pay highly for leading either of them on."
"I don't believe I need relationship advice from either of you," I said but my voice cracked and no doubt, they'd heard it. They were right. It was like they knew what had happened in Asgard without my telling them. "None of this is a game to me, I promise you. They're both people and they both deserve the best. This is not a game to me." But yet it did feel like I'd been playing Steve. He deserved to know everything but how the hell was I supposed to say that I might still favor Loki? There was no way to come out on top by saying that. Besides, I'd already lied.
"I just want you to be conscious of the things you do, Kent. I'm not here to be an advice columnist, I'm here to be your boss and I wouldn't say anything about it unless I felt you needed to hear what I had to say. Hate me all you want but I am looking out for you, like I've looked out for Clint and for Natasha. Rogers is a spectacular agent with no weaknesses except in his feelings for you." I felt color rise to my cheeks and I clenched my lips together. "Think about the things that could happen if you spurn him or even if you spurn Loki. They are two extremes that I would rather not deal with."
"Love is for children, Director. You don't have to worry about me."
"No matter how many times you keep saying that, it never rings true." I didn't really care at that point.
Luckily, Fury agreed to let me be the one to break the news to Steve before he sent out the company email tomorrow. I ran into Clint after leaving Fury's office and talked to him for a little while when I was waiting on Steve. Clint said he'd be over at Stark Tower that night so he wanted to hear it all. I had only rolled my eyes in response.
From there, I'd only sat in my new cubicle and reread Bucky's file. As my fingers scanned the keyboard, I felt myself growing more nervous. Fury had stressed that the two of us would not be reassigned. There was no reason to expect that I'd get any help from him and Coulson at all. They seemed to like Bucky and maybe they didn't even take his claims seriously. Nonetheless, I had to be prepared to work and train with him.
Bucky's file didn't have too much information in it. Everything in it I'd already studied. I'd figured that since he officially joined S.H.I.E.L.D., his file wouldn't have so many holes in it. Then again, since I hadn't been here to fill anything in, maybe they'd held off. Technically, as his partner, maybe I was supposed to figure him out. That seemed like too hard a task for me to even fully comprehend. Bucky wouldn't tell me anything and maybe he felt that way about everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D.
The phone on my new desk buzzed and I quickly pressed a button and answered it. "Agent Kent," I said. I was glad to be back inside a cubicle, with an office phone and a computer with files that were restricted from me. This was all familiar to me in a way that being a physical agent would never really be. I was more comfortable doing research and writing about it. S.H.I.E.L.D. had only recently gotten it in their minds that I could still keep up with my old job and my new job too.
"Agent Barnes and Captain Rogers have officially been reintroduced to each other," said Maria Hill. "Agent Barnes will be staying in the barracks here until such time as he is ready to move into an apartment in the city. That, of course, means that you will have to come in in order to train with him. The two of you will need to become familiar with each other's strengths and weaknesses, which you may think you already know but I can assure that you don't know everything. Dr. Chandler will conduct one of your weekly meetings with Agent Barnes there to evaluate the two of you together. From there, hopefully your issues will be resolved and the pair of you will finally be sent on missions."
"When should I try to get with him? I take it he's going through entrance stuff right now." New agents, especially an agent like Bucky that's come from some kind of hardship that might compromise him, have to go through certain examinations and other things to prove their trust and their abilities.
"He's ready when you are," she said drily. Maria Hill had never been fond of me and she couldn't make it clearer. I hung up my office phone without giving her a goodbye.
I pulled my purse out from under my desk and grabbed a compact. Steve was done, I was done, both of us were done with S.H.I.E.L.D. for the day. That meant we were given free reign to leave. Ah, shit, this was bound to be the most embarrassing night of my life. Besides, I didn't know any details. Whose car were we taking? Shit, Steve didn't even have a car. He had a motorcycle. Where were we going? I needed to make sure that I'd even want to eat there. Oh, my God, what had I gotten myself into? This was a ridiculously stupid idea and the only thing it would do is embarrass me.
I wasn't a fan of cheesy date nights or anything. Hell, had I ever even really been on a date? A date where we didn't split the ticket or wasn't at a fast food restaurant? Holy hell, I was totally unprepared for this kind of thing. The greatest thing about Loki is that he hadn't had any preconceived notions about what a relationship with a mortal was going to be like. Steve had to. His hey-day had been in the forties which was an entirely wonderful time where people went dancing at clubs that was actual dancing, not grind-your-ass-on-a-guy's-crotch dancing. Men always paid. The fucking American dream was still achievable!
I'm going to be sick.
"Are you ready?" I dropped the compact I was still holding when I heard Steve's voice. My hands started shaking and I did all I could to conceal them.
"Uh, yeah," I responded, standing up. When I turned to look at Steve, it was like the breath had been knocked out of me. He'd somehow changed and miraculously didn't look jetlagged anymore. Where the hell had he stashed those clothes? "Wow, you look nice. But uh, anyway, how did it go with Bucky?" His cheeks were red but I couldn't remember whether they'd been like that a moment before.
"It went… It was great," he said as the two of us began walking to leave. "I never in a million years would've expected something like this to happen, especially now. I mean, I'd somehow lost everyone I knew back then and now I get some kind of a second chance with my best friend? It's incredible." I smiled. I really was happy for him. There was no denying that it couldn't have happened to a better guy. When I first met Steve, I'd searched high and low for any surviving Howling Commandos. I'd even searched for Peggy. All those wells ran dry quickly and I had hated giving him disappointment after disappointment. He'd probably been wishing for a miracle like this since he'd woken up. I was a poor replacement for his old friends. I'd known that then and I knew it now.
"Was he happy to see you too?" I asked. Steve nodded and he had a look on his face like he was a kid on Christmas morning. It was a real smile, almost a grin. I hadn't seen him smile like that since before I'd met Loki. Hell, had I ever seen him smile that way? "I'm really happy for you."
"I still just can't believe it."
"I know," I said. "I can't either." Bucky was going to continue to throw a wrench into my professional life but he wasn't the biggest concern at the moment. I had to start thinking of breaking everything to Steve… and I was not looking forward to it.
I let Steve lead me somewhere downtown and when we arrived at something that looked like a high class version of a diner, I was pleased. We sat down and ordered before ever starting a real conversation and I was grateful for it. I couldn't figure out what would be the best thing to eat without getting sick.
"Anything interesting happen while I was gone?" Steve asked. Oh boy, did some interesting stuff happen.
"Yeah, you could say that," I muttered. "You might wanna brace yourself for some of the stuff I'm about to tell you." He cocked one of his eyebrows at me. I decided I'd start with the easiest thing first. "I accidentally electrocuted myself a couple of weeks ago and there was a pretty wacky side effect." I could tell he wasn't expecting anything significant. He was probably thinking I'd show him the lock of my hair that was completely straight. "When I touch people's skin, I can see a memory of theirs through their eyes." His blue eyes widened and he almost moved farther away from the table.
"You can't be serious?" I nodded. Steve should've been skeptical of this but he trusted me. Besides, now everyone and their brother had some kind of supernatural problem.
"Bruce has reassured me that it's temporary but so far, it hasn't diminished." Steve ran his hands through his hair, which I don't think I'd ever seen him do. "I haven't told anyone but you, Tony, and Bruce. A couple other people know too but I'll tell you about that later." I couldn't hit him with information on Asgard at the same time as this. That would have been unnaturally mean.
"You haven't told Fury or Coulson?" I shook my head.
"I'm asking you not to." He could tell I was getting desperate.
"Of course, yeah, but don't you think they could help you?" I shook my head again.
"I'd tell them and they'd make me go through tests like a guinea pig. Then they'd inform Bucky and I just don't need that on my plate right now." I didn't want to say a word against Bucky, not now when Steve was high on life from meeting back up with him, but he had to know the dangers of what could happen if Bucky knew something like this about me.
"I won't tell anyone, I promise," he said genuinely. If there was one person I could count on to keep a promise, it was Steve. "So when you acted strange on the airstrip, it was because you touched me." I nodded, running my fingers across my lips. "I'm sorry. I kept on after that." I shook my head.
"I can push it back sometimes. I'm training myself. But if I'm not expecting it, it just completely throws me."
"Do you want to be rid of it?" Of course, I wanted to be rid of it but I couldn't deny that it had helped me, especially where Loki was concerned.
"Yeah but I know it'll go away on it's own. For now, I've been trying to enjoy it. Not every memory I get is bad."
"What did you see when you touched me?" My breath caught in my throat. I should've known he'd ask because so far, everyone who knew had asked me what I'd seen. I thought about lying but there was no point. He was fully expecting what I was going to tell him. It was evident by the look on his face.
"Peggy," I responded. I looked down at the table before I had the chance to see his face.
"I don't know what to say." I shrugged.
"There's nothing to say. I can't control what I see or anything. It's a bit of an invasive power." He sensed I didn't want to talk about it anymore so he changed the subject.
"You said 'some' so what else happened? Didn't you say we'd heard from Thor?" I nodded and tried to muster up a smile.
"I'm really sorry for the part I played in this but yeah, we heard from Thor." Steve raised his eyebrows again and I continued. "I haven't been sick with the flu these past two weeks. I was in Asgard."
"What? How could a human go to Asgard?" I almost threw up my hands.
"I don't know. Thor was at Stark Tower when I got home after recruiting Bucky. He wanted me to help during Loki's trial because he thought his father would have him killed or banished or something. He used the opportunity to take Jane with us. I agreed and after I participated in the trial, Loki's sentence was taken down a few notches. Thor insisted that banishing Loki to Earth so that he could pay for his crimes against us was the only course to take. I disagreed for a long time but if Loki comes, Thor will too. I had no say in the final matter but Thor's father made the sentence. Something came up so it'll take them a while to come."
"Please tell me you told Fury about this one thing." I nodded. Steve had lapsed into leader-mode. He had to do some hardcore thinking. "And what did he say?" I didn't want to say that Steve sounded angry but he certainly sounded serious.
"We don't have a choice, Steve. Thor and I agreed to an alliance between Earth and Asgard. We can't get out of it."
"When?"
"I don't know. They have to deal with some other realm right now and it might take them months to get everything sorted."
"Did you talk to him while you were there?" I knew who he was talking about without the name.
"Only once or twice."
"And Thor is definitely coming back?" I nodded.
"That's probably the only good thing about this, I'll admit." I truly wasn't eager for Loki to be back on Earth in any capacity. Fury and Coulson had been right. This would drive a wedge between me and the Avengers. No one would know what to do. Loki would win his battle with us before he was even in the atmosphere. "This is something you really can't tell Bucky."
"Who all knows about this?"
"You, Fury, Coulson, Tony, Bruce, and Clint, I think. I'll tell Natasha the next time I see her." I saw Steve's hand move from the table to his leg and it was almost palpable how anxious he was. "I'm really sorry. I know this is the last thing anyone wanted but I didn't have a choice. Thor was going to do this whether I gave him the go ahead or not. I just thought you needed to know. I wish I hadn't said it now, like right now. That was a really stupid idea and I could punch myself for telling you. Oh, my God, I'm sorry. I just felt like it was a weight on my shoulders and I wouldn't be able to relax until you knew everything." He nodded at me without quite meeting my eyes.
"I understand you weren't in charge of what happened," he responded. I felt myself release a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "But this will have a huge effect on the team. It might even have one on S.H.I.E.L.D." I nodded.
"I really wasn't trying to make things harder on you. I know that I'm a problem for a lot of people to have to work with and around but I swear, I'm not trying to be that way." He mustered up a smile and the tension I'd been feeling started to diminish.
"You're not a problem and I'm not mad about it. I just have to think of the best way to approach this." I nodded. One thing I really appreciated was that Steve certainly considered me a part of his team, whether I was qualified to be or not. That's why, even if he was mad, he wouldn't show it.
"Thanks for understanding," I said. I'd gotten it off my chest, which I thought would make things easier for me and ultimately make me feel better but I was wrong. Now I just felt guilty. Yeah, I had been in Asgard on business but it had ended up going in another direction with Loki and now I just felt like I was playing them both, whether it was intentional or not.
Luckily, minutes later, Steve changed the subject. He told me a little about the team he'd been working with the past few months and he asked me about my training, which I appreciated. I was nervous but I could push it back when I thought of the fact that Steve and I had been friends for over a year. I could pretend that it was normal for the two of us to just go out by ourselves even when I knew it wasn't. I hadn't spent so much time alone with him since we had been in New Mexico and before that, when I was working with him to help him adjust to the time period.
But as the night went on, I felt myself loosening up. One thing was for sure, Steve and I could make each other laugh. Maybe we were both so anxious that we were to the point of nervous laughter but I trusted that maybe we weren't. Hours had passed by and I hadn't even noticed.
When we got up to finally leave, I felt myself grow nervous again. He was going to walk me back to Stark Tower or at least back to headquarters. No doubt those swarming journalists had figured out where we were. Fury and Coulson's words seemed to repeat over and over in my head; that I could bring down Steve and his reputation. It was the last thing that I wanted to do but it might not matter what I do.
"Thank you for going out with me," I said, once we were outside. "I, uh, I had fun!" I was grateful it was dark and that my face couldn't be clearly seen. I could feel heat on my cheeks even though it was no longer 90 degrees outside.
"Yeah, of course," he responded. "Me too." We walked a little ways farther and took a turn into Central Park, which I thought was kind of out of the way, but I followed him. "Are you nervous?" Steve asked after a while.
"Oh God, is it that obvious? I've been sweating bullets all day." Strangely enough, Steve was the only person that had ever really made me nervous. Meeting Loki and Thor had not given me the anxiety that I felt just being around Steve on a regular day.
He sort of laughed in response and I liked hearing it. It had been rare and I had no doubt that Bucky being back was fueling much of his good mood. The stuff about Loki and Asgard couldn't have been easy to hear. "Well, you don't need to be, you know."
"Oh, I know, it's just that I can't help it. You make me nervous." I saw him smile and it made me feel ridiculously happy. "But hopefully, I'll get better about it as time goes on." I heard him laugh again.
"I hope so," he said. "How are we supposed to be friends if I make you nervous?" I laughed then.
"It's not the 'friends' part that makes me nervous. It's the other part." But that part had to make him nervous too. I could almost see it. There were always signs that gave away how anxious a person was. My hands shook and Steve blushed. Both were a little bit too noticeable.
"Do you want to be more than friends?" he asked after a moment of silence and I stopped walking. He'd said it quietly, almost quiet enough for me to have missed that he said anything at all.
"Yeah," I said back. "I do if you do." Steve had stopped now and I felt my hands start shaking. I buried them in the folds of my purple dress and when he turned to look back at me, I almost ripped a hole in the fabric. Could he see it on my face? Was he picking up that something had happened in Asgard? Oh, my God, this was just cruel on my part… to the both of them. I couldn't just give in to every single impulse I had. Normal people controlled themselves and their feelings, why couldn't I?
But things with Loki… No matter how much I might want something to happen between the two of us, I knew none of it could be permanent. Not even my friendship with Thor was permanent. The two of them had been alive for over a thousand years and were like to go on for another thousand and another thousand after that. I could be killed on a mission next week and even if I lived till 100, it still wouldn't matter. They would never age, they would never be decrepit, they would never truly get injured. But didn't those same things apply to Steve? I'd never fully learned how he survived all those years without a scratch, without aging. Who knows what would happen now that he didn't have those obstacles? No matter which side the coin landed on, I was completely out of my league with both of them.
"You know I do," said Steve, breaking my mind from running on it's treadmill. I nodded.
"Well, then, I'm happy." I sounded like a freaking idiot. I had sounded like an idiot on a date with a Harvard grad the entire night. I couldn't string words together to make coherent sentences at all and I felt like everywhere we went was 100 degrees. "Next time I won't burden you with all the stuff I did tonight." He smiled again and looked at the ground.
"It's fine. Maybe next time I'll take you on a better date." I started laughing.
"Oh, my gosh, are you kidding? This is the best date I've ever been on. Actually, I don't think I've ever really been on a 'date' date. So you're blowing me out of the water already. You're perfect." And when I saw his reaction to me, I knew he really was. Steve was efficient and a soldier and incredibly good in public but then he could switch and be bashful. I knew I wasn't that way and it made me admire him. He'd never flinched at the idea of being an icon or talking to the public. He was good at being a leader. "So, uh, keep up the good work," I said.
"Well, usually first dates are about getting to know a person, right?" I nodded when we began walking again. "At least we're past that point."
"Oh yeah, I'm sure that's the most awkward part… other than worrying about making a fool of yourself."
"Are you worried that you have? Or have I?" I laughed nervously.
"You know I'm the one more prone to making a fool of themselves. Hell, I stuttered in the middle of an interview with E! last month. E!"
"Everyone probably likes you more for it." I decided not to tell Steve that I was absolutely terrible with the press and I especially was going to leave out that they basically hated me.
"Well, I think we all know that you're the most likable." He shrugged.
"I doubt that."
"Well, given that it's impossible not to like you… I mean, even Tony is beginning to be fully behind you."
"Yeah, I'm sure," he responded sarcastically and I laughed.
"Alright, maybe he needs a little more persuasion but he's still butthurt that everyone wanted you to lead the team instead of him because, of course, experience has got nothing to do with it."
"Well, I recall the battle for New York being a total bloodbath. I don't think anyone was qualified to lead us into that." I had never exactly blamed myself for the battles against the Chitauri (because how self-centered would that be?) but I knew I had played a part. Some people at S.H.I.E.L.D. still regarded me warily because they thought I might still be in contact with Loki, even though the Avengers completely obliterated him in the final battle. I knew Steve didn't think that way because for some odd reason, he'd never really gotten angry about Loki and I having a relationship. Sure, he'd been angry that I'd harbored him… but he'd never been angry that I loved him. Steve was far too good for me. He was far too good for everyone.
"I don't think I'm qualified now for some of the things we had to do. I mean, aliens, who knew?" He nodded. "But seriously, I think the worst part of all of it was my dancing skills."
"No, it wasn't!"
"Oh, please, you're just being nice. That was the worst night of my life, seriously." But I had to admit that the highlight of the night had been the dancing. "I almost tripped over myself multiple times."
"Even if you did, at least you didn't fall." I laughed. That was true; at least I didn't fall.
"Did you like it? Dancing, I mean. Poor Thor evidently went to a lot of trouble to make sure the two of us at least knew some steps." Steve smiled again and I just felt at ease.
"Well, the only time I danced, other than mimicking Thor, was when I danced with you and yes, I enjoyed it. I'd love to do it again sometime." A smile crept onto my face when he looked over at me.
"Are you saying you wanna dance with me? You actually wanna put yourself through that again?"
"It wasn't exactly torture." This wasn't real. This was like some wacky movie version of everything a date should be (other than me finally cracking and telling him everything about Asgard). But Steve was serious. He was really asking me to dance, in Central Park, at night, when he was walking me home. This was like a dream. And instead of saying something else incredibly awkward, I took his hand when he offered it.
But I didn't think. I didn't think about what touching his skin would do. It was stupid and I should've been bracing myself the entire night but I found myself glad that I hadn't been prepared.
I was sitting at a table in the old S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, in our makeshift cafeteria and across the table from me was myself. I was taken aback at first because I'd never actually seen myself in another person's memory but it passed. I looked different than I did now. I still had my long hair and evidently, I'd taken the time to do it that day because it fell in finger curled waves to the middle of my chest. I was wearing a blue button up blouse (that I probably should've buttoned up a little further) and black pumps were peeking out from under the table. I looked good. And I wasn't the only one that thought so.
Judging by just what I had on, this was a year ago, at least. It was fairly early in the getting-to-know-Steve process and I could guarantee I was still walking on eggshells around him.
I perked up when I heard myself talk. "Dear God, when will they ever turn on the air conditioner in this place?" I watched myself lean back in my chair and start fanning myself with a file. "It's probably 85 degrees in here. Can you believe it?" I felt Steve smile. "Sorry, what were you saying? You were in the plane with Howard and Peggy, right?" I saw myself put down the file and break out a blue pen. I was taking notes. This was really early in our friendship.
"He asked Peggy to stop for fondue on their way back." Wow, being in this memory was strange. It was like I was having a conversation with myself. But I wasn't. For once, I was Steve in the equation and I got to see how his mind worked.
"Cool, tell me all the details you can remember. Fury and Phil will eat this stuff up." It struck me how much of an accent I had. As Steve, it sounded like I spoke too slow but in a way, it was nice. Comforting. Or at least, he thought so.
"I didn't know what fondue was so I had no idea what he was implying so before I jumped out, I asked her whether she and Howard 'fondued.'" Steve's voice was deep and in the memory, he was embarrassed to be telling me this because he didn't want me to write it down. But he was comfortable enough to be telling me this in the first place. I was his only friend.
Across the table, I dropped the pen I'd been writing with and started laughing. I mean, really laughing. But my laugh almost didn't sound the same, it sounded a little prettier, a little sweeter. "What did you think it was? Sex? Oh, my God, that is great!" As Steve, I felt more than a little embarrassed. People in this time period would have had no problem figuring out what was what and they would never have asked Peggy something like that. But when I continued laughing, I felt Steve smile. "That's really cute, I'm sorry. That is just too good!" Something clicked in Steve then. I felt it. It was warm and it was hopeful, that maybe he really had made a new good friend in this time period. Maybe I wasn't going to just be someone hired to work with him. Maybe I could grow to be close with him. Maybe I liked him for him and not just because he was Captain America (which was how everyone was when he was first recruited).
The memory ended faster than it began and I knew I had a grin on my face. Steve was such a genuine person. It was so great. "What did you see?" he asked slowly. He was asking out of curiosity, not out of malice, which I greatly appreciated. It was nice.
"One of those ridiculous interviews I had to conduct with you every single day," I responded. "But it was funny. It was when you told me that fondue story."
"And you laughed for twenty minutes straight?" Steve was laughing and I kind of was too.
"Yes, oh, my God, it's as funny now as it was then." He made a face.
"It's never been funny." I started laughing.
"Oh yes, it is and I'm gonna tell Tony and Clint all about it unless this dance you've promised is the best one I've ever had." It wouldn't take much for it to be the best I'd ever had. But I realized that I was going to embrace this cheesy, almost perfect date (key word being 'almost' since I had ensured it wasn't going to be perfect).
Steve pulled me into the hold that Thor had taught us both but neither of us was as stiff as we'd been the night before that final fight. This was fun where that had been tense and weird and I'd been feeling guilty.
"If I step all over you, I am so sorry," I said. Steve laughed. I looked at my feet and tried to remember steps. I knew dancing wasn't supposed to be so analyzed or so thought out but I couldn't help doing it. "You're still the better dancer! Even after months of neither of us practicing, you're still the better dancer!" He laughed again.
"Well, you've improved," he responded. I scoffed.
"So you admit I was terrible?"
"You were not terrible… just bad." I started laughing again and I realized that this was the most fun I'd had in ages. The last time I had really let myself have a good time had been before most of this had happened, back when Clint, Steve, Tony, and I would go to the bar out in New Mexico and laugh at how funny I was when I was drunk. I actually felt drunk now. I was laughing at everything and I felt good, really good. "So is this dance the best you've ever had?" I pretended to think.
"Well… something could be done to improve it." A smile turned up on my face and he dropped my hand, freeing me up to touch his face. Nothing happened from the touch… at all. I wasn't even trying to push anything back. Nothing happened. Hell, maybe that was a good sign.
I raised myself up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his. No matter how many times this might happen, I would never get used to it. It gave me goosebumps and made me feel nauseous and made my thoughts whirl. I'd never felt all those things at once. It was like a brand new experience, like I'd never been with anyone before, and I loved it. I loved it all.
I hit the practice room floor with a thud and a groan. My left shoulder shuddered under my weight. I swear to God, if that bastard had knocked my shoulder out of its socket again.
This was my fifth fight against Bucky and most likely, my fifth loss. I hated hand-to-hand combat but Bucky loved it, using that bionic arm like it was actually human. Shouldn't I be allowed to get some kind of a leg up on him?
"Come on, Charlotte!" I heard Clint yelling. I groaned again. This fucking sucked.
I felt Bucky's hand slam down on my ankle and I screamed in pain when he twisted it. I got lucky when I yanked it away. It didn't matter. Bucky had descended on me again and pulled me to my feet by grabbing at the top of my S.H.I.E.L.D. suit. He was smiling. This asshole was actually smiling at me. Futilely, I grabbed at his dark hair, yanking his head backwards. He only punched me in the stomach in turn. I yelled out again and backed away from him, clutching my middle.
There were no real rules in these training fights, other than being careful to avoid serious injuries like broken bones. Bucky had taken it seriously when he'd heard there were no guidelines. He hit me everywhere he was certain wouldn't rupture one of my organs in the first fight and in the second, he'd landed a blow to the side of my face that still hadn't finished healing.
I bent over in pain and gasped out. When Bucky neared me again, I readied myself for the newest blow. I don't even know what he did and suddenly, I was on the floor again, my feet pulled out from under me. I groaned and moved my hands out from underneath me. Why wasn't he finishing me off? He'd had plenty of opportunities.
He dragged me by the ankle to the middle of the training room and I couldn't even be bothered to look like I cared anymore. I felt like I might slip into unconsciousness. But the kill shot was coming. That's why he'd pulled me to the middle of the room; to finish me in front of the Avengers and Coulson.
In a desperate last attempt, I grabbed one of my knives from my belt and slid it between my knuckles for a better grip. I tasted blood in my mouth and all I felt was anger. I waited until I felt Bucky behind me, ready to pretend to sever my head or something equally gruesome, then I flipped onto my back. I upper cut the knife to settle beneath his head. When Bucky began frowning, I smirked.
I had dealt the death blow. I'd won.
"Hell yeah!" Clint yelled.
"You tricked me," said Bucky, offering me his hand. I was wary of it because I didn't know whether he was trying to trick me.
"I won," I responded. I took his hand and he helped me to my feet. I gave him a nod and he nodded back. Bucky wasn't blatantly open about hating me, especially not when Steve was around, but anyone watching these fights knew he had it out for me.
I heard the door to the training room open and I lifted my arms in triumph. I felt like Judd Nelson in the Breakfast Club. Clint was clapping. He'd been rooting for me to win something against Bucky this entire time. It wasn't that the others didn't; it was that they knew I probably couldn't.
I walked over and Tony high-fived me after handing me a water bottle. Steve moved past us to talk to Bucky and it sent a chill down my spine. Even though Steve and I had been dating for a couple months now, I still felt second best compared to Bucky. Oh yeah, it was great that the guy had gotten a second chance at life after spending decades in the employ of the Russians but did he have to steal my best friend/boyfriend?
I left the room with Clint and Tony and didn't even bother saying anything in the way of a goodbye to Steve and Bucky. I was over it. I shouldn't be jealous because at this point, it was clear that even if Bucky complained about me every day to Steve, it made no difference to him. He'd stuck with me this long and through much worse. He hadn't turned on me when I'd been in a relationship with Loki.
Shit.
Goosebumps prickled up my arms and a chill came over me. I should not be thinking of Loki. I'd made my choice. Besides, there hadn't been any sign of him and Thor since I last heard from Jane who had been regaling me with what had happened with the dark spirit. If she hadn't been there to keep reminding me of it, I would've thought my trip to Asgard had been a dream. Nonetheless, I'd told myself that I couldn't waste time wondering about Loki and Thor. At this rate, they would probably never come.
"So you finally won against him, the Winter Soldier!" said Tony. He'd put his arm around my shoulders and I felt my breathing heave. I was exhausted, too exhausted to think about anything except my bed.
"It's been a long time coming," said Clint. "I knew you could do it."
"Yeah, you were the only one," I responded. My hand babied my midsection and I limped a little.
"Was he mad that you tricked him?"
"He was probably pleased that he has more fuel for the fire against me. Anything shady I do gives him some kind of credence." When I'd somehow managed to beat Bucky in archery training two weeks ago, he claimed I'd had Clint teach me. He didn't trust anything I did. He especially didn't trust me with Steve.
"Whatever," said Tony. "The guy's a butthurt asshole that's jealous his best friend replaced him. I don't know what he expected when he fell off that train seventy years ago." I laughed and groaned at the same time.
"At any rate, you should be proud," said Clint. "It may have taken more time than any of your other fights but you won." I shrugged.
"I've won one fight out of five. One out of five. That's pathetic," I said. But it really wasn't. Bucky was well-trained and had been fighting for most of his life, especially hand-to-hand. It was a miracle that I could stand the fights as long as I could.
"Well, you're better than him at archery and sharpshooting." I scoffed.
"I'm better at sharpshooting by .2 points. Point two!" Bucky was brilliant with rifles. Hell, he was brilliant at anything that required him to hit a target. That was the only margin of training together where he didn't completely beat me into the ground.
"Archery?" said Tony.
"Again, I beat him by three points." Bucky had never trained with a bow and arrow before but he was still good at it. I didn't understand. "I just don't get it. Why pair me up with someone who is that good? Besides the fact that he hates me, if we were to go into the field together, he would leave me in the dust. The only skillset we have the same is with guns. In everything else, he totally blows me out of the water. He's an insanely good agent."
"You have skills he doesn't have," said Clint.
"Name one."
"You tricked him, Charlotte," said Tony. "If there's one thing I've yet to see from him, it's trickery." I rolled my eyes.
"Anyone with half a brain could trick someone. I was desperate. It was the only opportunity I had."
"I don't believe the Winter Soldier is accustomed to being tricked," said Clint, almost laughing. He was right. Bucky had been almost shocked that I'd done it.
"He's not as charming as you either," said Tony.
"Yeah, right. He works so hard to be charming to everyone," I said. "He's had six dates in the past two weeks."
"There's a difference between being good with women and being charming." I guess that might true.
I left them to hit one of our locker rooms for a shower. I examined myself in a mirror before getting into the shower. I didn't look bad but I didn't look good either. The bruise was still on my face from where Bucky had hit me a few weeks ago. It was yellow and purple and was disgusting. I had to slather makeup over it before I could go out in public. Then as I looked down, I saw my midsection was riddled with bruises and welts. I groaned when I saw a red mark on my chest. My legs looked okay other than a few bruises and the ankle Bucky had twisted earlier.
After my slow shower, I put on a tanktop and some shorts before wrapping my ankle with some gauze. Tylenol PM was calling my name. It was only 7pm but damn it, I was going to go to bed.
I left the locker room with my bag of stuff and dropped it at my desk before moving to leave. When I looked up from shutting down my office computer, I saw Steve standing on the other side of my cubicle and I tried to smile. "Hey," I said. "I was getting ready to call it a night."
"You look like you're in bad shape," he responded.
"That's the nice way of saying it."
"Thought you might need some of this." Steve handed me a bottle of aspirin over the wall of my cube and when I took it, he handed me a Dr. Pepper. I started smiling.
"A man after my own heart," I said. "You sure know how to treat a woman right."
"You want me to take you home?"
"As long as you promise to drive a real car and not a motorcycle."
"I promise," he responded.
Steve wrapped his arm around me and we started walking out of headquarters. I really, really adored Steve and I's relationship. There was something really nice about it, like it was the only normal thing amidst all of this weird stuff. He was sweet and I adored him more than ever. Two months had gone by quickly but it had surely been fun. Aside from Bucky, there had been no roadblocks. The press absolutely adored us. My image had improved tenfold by being with Steve. People were eating up our relationship like we were characters in a TV show. Not to mention, our relationship itself was fantastic. It had everything. Other than Bucky (which was a topic I tried to avoid), I honestly thought it was perfect.
The only blot on my life at the moment was James Buchanan Barnes. But I could ignore him. Hell, I could pretend that he wasn't even there. That's how I got by most of the time.
"How'd you feel about winning your first fight?" asked Steve after I had crawled inside one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s SUVs. He hadn't been too enthused when he'd first heard about Bucky and I having to train with and against each other before we could be in the field together.
"I think I'd feel better if I had beaten him in the first five minutes," I responded. For all I knew, the entire fight had been only five minutes.
I threw back three aspirin and downed half of my Dr. Pepper. "He's a tough opponent."
"You can say that again."
"Bucky told me he was impressed."
"Was he?" I muttered. His opinion mattered very little to me, especially when I was sure he was lying.
Steve quickly changed the subject when he glanced over at me. Most of the time, the two of us never mentioned him. That was the way I liked it. There were two things on our list of things to avoid in conversation; Bucky and Loki. "Tony said Jane and Darcy were over at Stark Tower. They want to congratulate you."
"Yeah, well, they'll have to wait until tomorrow because the only thing I see in my future is my cold bed." Steve laughed a little. It made him uncomfortable when I talked about going to bed and I think it was because he knew I'd had sex before… and because Tony would not let up with sex jokes. It was too awkward to think about sleeping with anyone though, let alone Steve. That thought rarely crossed my mind just because I knew it would make him uncomfortable. He wasn't from this time period and I understood that. It didn't mean that Tony did, though. I couldn't count how many times he'd asked whether I wanted to get it on with me. It unnerved me and made me feel awkward. "Is the bruise on the side of my face too noticeable?" I asked to get my mind off that weird topic.
Steve took his eyes off the road for a split second to look at me. I saw him shake his head.
"Yeah, right. You're just being nice. Does it make me look hardcore? Or like I got beat up in an alley?"
"I don't think anyone would believe you were beaten up in an alley."
"They wouldn't believe it about you either," I responded.
"That's different," he said. "But I will say you look like you shouldn't be messed with." I shook my head.
"No, I should not."
Steve drove into the parking deck beneath Stark Tower and I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't want to ride the elevator all the way up there by myself. "I'll walk you up," said Steve when I was unbuckling my seatbelt.
"Thanks," I said. "That's real sweet of you." He moved his shoulders in a fake shrug, like he knew what a wonderful guy he was, and I laughed. "Tony has been rubbing off on you."
"Actually, I think it was Clint."
"I can see that," I said, sliding down out of the car. Steve was actually really funny sometimes, especially when he wasn't trying to be. Clint and Tony had been loving it. Without any big bad to deal with, we'd all been relaxing and letting loose, which hadn't happened in a long time.
I held Steve's hand in the elevator on the way to Tony, Bruce, and I's apartment. At first, it was because I wanted to do it, to have something to hold onto, and to be close to him. It was like I could never get close enough to Steve. But when I linked our fingers, I tried to see if I could get a memory from him. The power had waned significantly lately, to the point where it was almost nonexistent and I wondered if it was gone.
"You wanna come in?" I asked as I fished for my keys once we got off the elevator. "The more I think about it, the less I wanna be alone." I stuck my key into the lock and turned my head, making an absolutely pitiful face that I hoped did the trick.
He smiled because he knew what I was doing. I felt something stir in my stomach, like butterflies. Sometimes I got them just looking at him. "I should be a gentleman and let you go to bed," Steve said in response. I smirked as I tightened my grip on the door, slightly opening it up.
"Well, luckily, I'm no gentleman." Steve bent forward and I pressed my lips against his slightly before pushing the door open fully. My back pushed against the door post and my hand went through Steve's hair, tousling it from being so styled like it was every day. Steve's hand touched my neck and my face at the same time and I found myself trying to stretch taller to get more of him.
That was when I heard it. A gasp. Steve broke away from me and I groaned. What the hell was it now? When I turned my head, I recognized the gasp had come from Jane, who was standing in the living room.
Steve backed away from me slowly and it didn't register why until I saw him. The living room was filled with Tony, Clint, Jane, Darcy… and Thor and Loki. Bile rose in my throat. How were they here? This wasn't happening. Oh, but it was. Loki was wearing regular looking clothes, for once, that were Asgardian and Thor had had his hair half braided for the occasion. My eyes locked on Loki's and I felt it before I said it. "I'm gonna be sick."