Four Heads Are Better Than One

Year Two: On Bludgers and Incompetence

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Greenhouse Three

Severus eyed the door to the greenhouse rather apprehensively. It was, he had to admit, an ingenious place for a meeting, especially since Pomona had spent the past several days extolling the dangers of the puffapod plant whenever Lockhart was in earshot. Of course, they had then been subjected to a long winded tale involving the heroic rescue of a South American village from a rampaging puffapod, but Severus was not the only one to note that the DADA teacher had kept a considerable distance away from the greenhouses ever since. It seemed that he was completely unaware of the fact that the most dangerous characteristic of a puffapod was its ability to sprout seedlings in seconds. Smirking slightly at the memory, Severus pushed open the door.

He started abruptly as Pomona suddenly appeared before him and clapped a pair of earmuffs over his ears.

"What the…?" he began, but broke off as he realised the witch couldn't hear anything either.

Pomona grimaced and sketched a quick message in the air with her wand. The Mandrakes have to be left uncovered every few weeks.

Severus nodded in understanding and followed his friend through the rows of plants, flicking his wand almost contemptuously at the Venomous Tentacula as it attempted to wrap itself around his ankles.

Pomona led him to the very back of the greenhouse, where Filius and Minerva were waiting, comfortably seated on the infamous puffapod. To his surprise, both Heads burst out laughing at the sight of him, and he removed his earmuffs rather disconcertedly.

"What in Merlin's name is so funny?"

Minerva raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realise you and Lockhart had so much in common, Severus."

Severus followed her gaze and realised, to his horror, that the earmuffs he was holding were bright pink and very fluffy. "Pomona!"

The Hufflepuff was making no attempt to hide her grin. "Yes, Severus?"

Severus fixed her with his most deadly glare, but a warning cough from Filius' direction reminded him that they actually had things to do, and he kept quiet. He did, however, recall an interesting little potion he had developed several years ago. He had been unable to find a use for it at the time, but that looked like it was about to change. A decidedly evil smirk spread across his face at the thought. Pomona's smile faltered slightly at his expression, and she hurriedly took a seat next to Minerva. Still smiling, Severus joined them.

Filius rolled his eyes at the behaviour of his colleagues. "If you two have quite finished, perhaps we could turn to the small matter of the attempt on Mr. Potter's life."

Severus gave a disgusted snort. "Are you talking about the rogue bludger or Lockhart's incompetence? Although personally, I wouldn't classify either as a life threatening situation."

Minerva scowled at him. "You wouldn't be taking that attitude if we were talking about Draco Malfoy."

"Draco wouldn't be stupid enough to be hit by the bludger in the first place."

"No, he was about to be hit by the snitch instead. At least Harry noticed his."

"A bludger is rather larger than a snitch."

"That's the whole point of having a Seeker."

"As fascinating as this tangent may be," Filius interrupted wearily. "Can we please get back to the more important subject?"

Pomona coughed. "Minerva, Severus, you two know more about Quidditch than I do. How difficult would it be to enchant a bludger like that?"

Minerva frowned. "I highly doubt any student would be able to do so. Bludgers are carefully Spelled so as to be resistant to that sort of tampering."

Pomona groaned. "Please tell me we don't have another Quirrell on our hands."

Minerva shook her head adamantly. "No member of this staff would try to kill Harry."

Severus smirked. "Lockhart might. He's still having problems with the fact that Potter's more famous than him."

Filius rolled his eyes. "It's not him. He doesn't have the brains."

"Idiot."

Minerva scowled. "That's putting it mildly. The man's an utter imbecile! You saw what he did to Harry's arm." Her finger twitched almost involuntarily towards her wand.

Filius grimaced. "I didn't know it was possible to mangle that charm that badly, and I've been teaching for over twenty years."

Pomona sighed. "At least he'll be gone by the end of the year."

"Can't come soon enough," Severus muttered.

Minerva rubbed her eyes and straightened up. "But if we're all agreed that Lockhart's incapable of jinxing that bludger, and so are the students, then who did?" No one could answer and she let out a long sigh. "Why does everything have to happen to him?" No one could answer that either.

Filius shook his head reluctantly. "It looks like we're back to just keeping an eye on him." Minerva and Pomona murmured in agreement, and even Severus gave a curt nod.

"I suppose we must."

"Severus," Minerva began warningly, but she broke off with a sharp intake of breath.

A ghostly, silver phoenix was gliding through the air towards them. The four teachers got to their feet, each of them recognising the Patronus for what it was. The phoenix swooped down and hovered in front of Minerva.

"Minerva, I'm sorry to interrupt you, but something's happened." Albus' voice held none of its customary cheeriness. Minerva's face grew steadily grimmer as the message continued. "I need you to join me on the second floor immediately. There's been another attack."

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