A/N I'm sorry for keep y'all waiting for so long. As I mentioned in my other stories my beta reader got sick and so we got behind with beta reading all the chapters I've written. Therefore this chapter is posted without being corrected after beta reading. The chapter is currently with my beta reader and will be corrected afterwards for errors if necessary.

Sorry for the short chapter but I think y'all forgive when you're finished reading it...

Chapter 11

Olivia turns her head away from Alex ashamed of being so weak. That's how the Detective sees it. She heard what the blonde ADA had said. That she was proud of Olivia that she had managed to come some far. But in Olivia's eyes she was weak because she couldn't finish the exam. If it was possible she would have turned onto her side but since that isn't an option she does the only thing she can do and that is turning her head away. Besides feeling weak she felt dirty again. The touch of the Prof. how professional it may have been was triggering the strong Detective. She needed to fight to don't have a flashback. She tries to stop the tears from coming but it's helpless and soon the tears are flowing over Olivia's cheeks. Images of what happened that night going through her mind. Even though Olivia is quiet and her body doesn't move Alex knows the Detective is crying and it breaks the younger woman's heart. To see her best friend so miserable and in pain. She curses Prentiss for what he did to her. And she starts thinking that maybe it is better that Casey tries the case because right now Alex doesn't know if she can stay professional as she sees the Detective like this. She knows why she got the title Ice Princess but right now Alex doesn't feel like the hard ass top notch attorney she usually is.

"Liv, is it alright if I just hold you? You don't have to say anything if you don't want to." Alex asks hesitatingly.

Olivia turns her head back to Alex expecting to see pity and disgust in Alex's eyes but all she sees is caring and love in the now stormy blue eyes.

"I would love it if you could hold me in your arms. It makes me feel safe." Olivia whispers.

Carefully and slowly Olivia moves a bit so that Alex can sit on her bed. Alex stands up and carefully climbs on the bed gently pulling Olivia into her arms. Olivia leans back against the blonde's body even though it hurts a bit to stay in this position the Detective doesn't want it differently. Alex feels Olivia relaxing against her body and the tension in the Detective's body slowly disappears.

"Did you really mean what you said to the Prof. that you are proud of me?" Olivia asks softly.

Alex kisses the top of Olivia's head briefly before she answers the Detective's question.

"Yes, I'm really proud of you Liv. You've been trough so much and still you allowed Nathalie to examine you. I could see that you really didn't want her to but you did it. And that makes me so proud of you. To me it shows how strong you really are I know that you don't see it that way but that's what it is, what you are to me. You fought to stay alive, to come back to me. Something that nobody with similar injuries ever managed to do and you did it. Every time they lost you, I lost you, every time you came back. And to be completely honest, I don't know what I would have done if I would have lost you. It would have destroyed me that I do know. And I do what ever I can to protect you. I'm here for you Liv. I won't go anywhere I promise." Alex answers.

"I heard what you said to me, I remember it. When you whispered in my ear. I always will protect you the best I can, Lex. I always want you to feel safe and be safe. But what I don't get is that you want to stay here with me. Why Lex? Why do you want to stay here with me?" Olivia asks.

Alex takes a deep breath. She hasn't expect that she would tell Olivia what she feels for the brunette so soon but the blonde knows she has to be honest to Olivia. So Alex decides that now is the time to put her heart on the table so to speak and hopes that Olivia won't crush it.

"I thought I would have more time to tell you this but you deserve the truth and I want to be honest with you at all times. So here goes nothing. Because I love you Olivia Benson. That's why." Alex answers softly.

Olivia can't believe what she's hearing. Silently asking herself if she finally got crazy. Surely she couldn't have heard that right.

"You...love me? As in really love me?" Olivia asks shocked.

"Yes I do. I have loved you for quite some time to be honest." Alex answers.

"You can't love me. Look at me Alex! I have more broken bones than I can I have fingers to count. I've been raped multiple times I'm dirty. Even Munch looks better than I am right now. I'm damaged more than I already was. I'm broken and weak. I'm a Detective for heaven's sake and I even couldn't defend myself. How could you possible love me as I'm in love with you? Sure as my best friend I can understand that somehow I think but you deserve so much more and better than me. I'm the product of a rape and had an abusive alcoholic mother, I'm just a blue collar cop and I'm a woman. Now after what happened the circle is closed there is nothing good left. No person in their right mind can want me and I can't blame them." Olivia says, with her head down.

"I don't care what other people should or not should do. I don't care if I'm gonna stay an ADA for SVU for the rest of my career I would love to stay an ADA for SVU as long as you are being there. Yes I wanted that chair for a long time but that changed and I'm changed. After Witsec that is not longer what it is important to me. That's what you meant with being a woman. You're not just a blue collar cop Olivia, you're a decorated Detective and the best the NYPD has if you ask me. To me you are beautiful always has been and always will be. As for the rest you know how I think about that. I don't give a damn about all of it because to me it doesn't change who you are or what you are in fact it made you who you are the woman who I love. Yes I hate what happened to you and I will be there for you the best I can because no matter what you're not alone in this. What is important to me is if you love me like I love you. I need to know that. Do you love me, Liv? Or is have I poured out my heart for nothing?" Alex asks.

Alex is afraid that Olivia will say no and break her heart but if the Detective loves her too she is determined to stay at her side and be there for her, trying to help her heal and pursue a relationship with the Detective when she is ready for it. Alex turns her head so she can look in her eyes. Needing to see her when she answers the million dollar question. When stormy blue eyes connects with dark brown ones Olivia can see that blonde means what she says. She clearly sees the love and determination in her eyes but the Detective also sees a spark of fear, afraid of getting rejected.

"Yes I love you Lex. I have loved for a very long time too. But..." Olivia starts to answer when she is interrupted by Alex.

"No buts Olivia. Knowing that you love me too is all I need to know, all I need or needed to hear. I know you're not ready to pursue a relationship and that's ok I can and will wait until you are ready. You loving me too is all that matters." Alex says.

"That's where you are partly wrong, Counselor. I'm not ready nor capable for a physical relationship and I won't be for a long time probably. And I know that it's gonna be a long road to recover physically and mentally but I do want to start a relationship with you. I just need things to go slowly, I need you to chase or stop me when I run or want to run and to be patient. I've waited and wanted you for too long, I can't and don't want to wait any longer." Olivia says softly.

"Everything you want or need you can get it. We will get you back on your feet Liv, literally and figuratively. We'll go as slow or fast as you need or want us to go. You don't have to worry about that because all I want or need I'm holding in my arms right now. As long as I'm able to do that I'm happy." Alex says softly.

A/N2 I know the road to get there will be hard for the both of them but now they have each other and their love to get past every obstacle they will be facing.

As always please R+R. I'm addicted to them I think and if not me I'm afraid my muse is for sure.