Chapter 17
"Do have any idea where she's going or what she's going to do, Casey?" Liz asks a bit surprised about Alex's behavior.
Casey looks back from the door to Liz with a small smile around her mouth.
"She's either gonna set things straight or destroy her relationship for good. She's going to Liv." Casey answers.
Liz looks surprised at the redheaded ADA.
"You're joking right?" Liz asks shocked.
"No. Why would I joke about that?" Casey asks.
"Because now we need security to get them to stop fighting. They are both stubborn as hell and hard headed. They won't stop seeing it from their own point of view." Liz answers.
"It's their fight. Besides, we don't wanna get our assess kicked or get killed by them. We all now that Liv's running. Now Alex needs to chase or stop her. There's nobody else who can do that." Casey says with a tiny smile on her lips.
Meanwhile in the hospital, Olivia is talking with Nathalie while Alex is on her way to the hospital. Where she'll arrive very soon if she doesn't get pulled over for a speeding ticket or something like that. 15 minutes after she left the parking garage from the courthouse Alex drives into the parking garage of the hospital. 5 minutes later Alex stands in front of Olivia's room catching the end of the conversation between Olivia and Nathalie. The blonde attorney decides to wait for a few moments. Inside Olivia's room the Detective knows that Alex is standing at the other side of the door. She just feels it inside her body. It started a long time ago that Olivia knew when Alex was close to her or coming into the same room. Her body reacted to the blonde's presence. She didn't need to see her face to know that Alex was there. Just like she knows now. Olivia holds up one finger to Nathalie.
"One moment, Nathalie." Olivia says.
Nathalie frowns at Olivia but she doesn't get a chance to ask the Detective why.
"Alexandra Cabot, get your ass inside my room and say what you have to say to me. I know you won't leave me alone till you've done that." Olivia says loudly.
For a split second Alex is surprised but immediately she knows how Olivia knows she's there. Just like Olivia, the younger blonde feels it in her own body when the dark haired Detective is close to her. Alex opens the door and walks inside, there's no need to knock on the door. As soon as Alex walks inside Nathalie's eyes grow as big as saucers and a gasp is audibly to hear. The stunned Prof. looks form Alex to Olivia.
"How did you know she was at the other side of the door? I didn't hear a thing and I didn't know Alex was coming here, I can assure you that." Nathalie asks shocked.
"Maybe I'll explain that to you at a later point, right now I suggest you leave this room for a while. Unless you want to be in the middle of the conversation Alex and I clearly are gonna have." Olivia answers.
"No thank you. I don't think it's a wise decision to stay. Call me if you need me. We can continue this conversation an other day." Nathalie says.
"I will. Just one more thing. Don't every try to lie to me again, Nathalie. I'm a Detective I know when people lie to me. Think about that the next time you want to give it a shot. And you can tell me the truth when we talk about it again." Olivia says.
Nathalie just looks at the Olivia and nods at the Detective. It's clear that she is a bit shaky about what she witnessed a few seconds ago. She looks at Alex and the blonde ADA shortly nods at Nathalie before the Prof. walks out of Olivia's room and closes the door behind her. Hoping that things won't fire back now that she knows that Olivia knows what Alex had done. But she has a feeling that both the ADA and the Detective have other things on their minds right now. Alex walks to the chair next to Olivia's bed and takes a seat.
"I was in Liz's office before I came here. What's going on Olivia? And I'm not talking about Liz taking over your case from Casey but you know that." Alex asks.
"Than I don't know what you're talking about. If it's not about Liz taking over the case, you need to tell me what you're talking about." Olivia answers.
Of course Olivia knows what Alex is talking about but if the blonde ADA doesn't start talking about the big pink elephant in the room the Detective certainly isn't gonna start and leaves it sitting there in the room.
"You want me to name it? Fine. I'm talking about you pushing everyone away, including me. I know you're running away but I'm not gonna let you. I know you think that you're damaged and not worth to care about. I spend years on rebuilding your confidence, making you believe that you're not damaged and no good and I'm not gonna let what happened to you take it all away. No matter what you think, you are worth fighting for. You deserve your chance at happiness and I would very much like it to be that with me. I know the road is long to get you back where you were, but you're not alone in that fight. We are gonna fight our way back together. It's time for you to stop fighting against me and start fighting with me. And you better get used to it because I'm not gonna let go the best thing, the best person, that ever happened to me. If you want Liz to take over the case, fine. If you want no other visitors besides me and perhaps Casey, fine. You can get almost anything you want, except for me to leave you alone and get out of your life. That's one thing I won't do. You will get all the time you need to learn to deal with what happened, you will get all the time you need to recover physically and mentally. But you're doing it with me at your side Detective. Cuz I won't let you push me away again. I don't care how long it will take, I don't care where we have to go to make it happen. I don't care if we need to go away from here if that's what you need. I don't care how long that will be. What I do care about is you, Olivia Benson. I love you with everything I am and have. You are the strongest, most caring and still the most beautiful woman I've ever met inside and outside. And now that I finally have you I won't let you run away and never come back to me again. There's nothing I won't do for you just like I now that there's nothing you won't do for me. Where you go, I'll go. That's how it is from now on. There is nothing in this world that can change how I see you or what I feel for you. Nothing." Alex says.
"Well you're wrong. I am damaged. More than I was before. And there is nothing you can do about that. You can't change the facts, you can't change what happened. You deserve the best and I'm not the best. I'll be nothing more than a burden on you. There's a chance that I won't walk again. There's a chance I won't be able to go back to my job, back to SVU. And if that happens then there is nothing left for me. Being a Detective is what I am, who I am. I'm worthless to you, to anyone if I can't be who I was. You can't make me stay if I don't wanna stay here anymore. Here in NY that is, not this hospital. Although if I want to leave it you can't stop me neither." Olivia says.
"I know you are used to doing everything on your own. That you've never had someone who cared about you and only you. That was there for you and only you. But that is changed now. I know you've never been a kept woman and I never want to change you or that but I do can get you the best medical help there is. Liv, if you don't want to stay in this hospital you don't have to. If you want to go to another hospital I'll do anything that's needed to make it happen. After you will be released for rehab, you can go to the best rehab there is. You can go recover anywhere you want. Tell me, what is it that you want?" Alex asks.
"It doesn't matter what I want. Besides that I don't have the money for it, you can't just come with me to wherever I would want to go. Even if I would let you pay, I can't ask from you to quit your job or take an absence to leave and go with me. So there's no point in answering that question Alex." Olivia answers.
"Forget about the money and what I would need to do or not. If it was possible, what do you want?" Alex asks.
"Just because I don't fight you right now doesn't mean I won't do it in the future. And you will get tired or ashamed of me and leave me just like everyone else does. I don't have the luxury for if- then- scenario's. Nobody could deal with my demons, nobody truly understood them. So what's the point of telling you what I want if it's never gonna happen?" Olivia asks.
"I'm still here aren't I? I know your background, I saw your body and I know what happened and I'm still here. I know that everyone else in your life left you but I'm not them. It's their loss not yours. They don't see the person you truly are. The person I see on a daily basis. They might not see your true beauty but I do. I think I've proven that I don't abandon you, that I won't leave you. So I think I deserve a chance to proof that you're wrong about me leaving you. I was able to stop you running for now and I know I can make you stop any other time that might come. I don't ask for ever Liv. I only ask for a place in your life at this moment. Nothing more. All I'm asking for is to let me back inside, behind those walls again. And to go from there at your pace. That's what I'm asking for and to let me take care of you within the reasonable. For once don't think about what I would need to do or don't need to. Don't think about whether you can afford certain things or not. Think about what YOU want or need. And then tell me what it is that you want." Alex answers.
Olivia looks Alex in her eyes and sees that the younger woman means every single word she just said. And inside the Detective knows that Alex has proven herself more than once. That she deserves a chance. The question is does she allow it. Does she allow herself that chance and for once in her life tells the blonde what she wants? Will she allow Alex to put her back together and let her heal? Olivia knows that she will never meet someone like Alex again. Someone who puts up with her antics and has the patience to let her break down her walls slowly and with baby steps. Someone who truly cares for her and only her. Alex really wants what's best for her. And most importantly, the ADA really loves her. Thinking about it all for a few minutes Olivia decides to give Alex what the blonde wants, to give herself what she wants. To take a shot for happiness with the woman she loves more than life itself. It's time that she stops running away from Alex and to run towards her. To accept the offer for help to recover and not to think about money or what Alex may need to do.
"I want the time to recover from this physically and mentally. I want to get over with the trial so that I can focus on that. I want the time to figure out what I want to do. If I want to go back to SVU or not. If I want to stay and live in NY or if it would be better to start over again somewhere else, if I can recover from this 100% of course. I want to get myself back. And I want to do that with you. I want to build a relationship with you. I want you and learn to stop running away from you." Olivia says softly.
"Then that's what we're going to do and focus on. One step at the time. And if you need to go away from here to do it, we're going to do that. We figure it out how to do that later. We can talk about it with Nathalie later. About the recovering part, she probably knows where we can get the best help for your recovery. I don't care where we need to go or where you want to go, if you want to stay in NY or not. All I care for is that I'm going where you're going. I'm done running away from you too Liv. Like I said, where you're going I'm going too. And we go at your pace, we go as fast or as slow as you want to go or need to go. But right now we need to get you ready for your surgery." Alex says.
"Thank you Lex for chasing after me and stop me from running. I owe you and Casey a big apology. If I haven't screwed it up with her for asking Liz to take the case." Olivia says.
"Apology accepted. You were only running because you were scared Liv. Casey will understand that too. One more thing or two actually. Do you want Casey to be here when you're coming out of your surgery or not? And do you want the guys stay away or do you want them to visit you?" Alex asks.
"If I didn't screw it up with Casey I would like her to be here when I come back. But I don't want to see anyone else besides Casey, Liz and you. Maybe I'll change my mind about that later, right now I don't want anyone else but the three of you around me or see me." Olivia answers.
"Casey will be here when you come back. I'll call her when you're in surgery. Don't worry about the others. The only thing that's important or matters is what's the best for you. When are they coming to get you for the surgery?" Alex asks.
Olivia looks at the clock before answering Alex.
"They should be here any minute now. I love you Alexandra Cabot. I know I haven't shown you that the past week, but I do." Olivia says.
"I know you do Liv. And I love you too Olivia Benson." Alex answers.
"I really want to kiss you right now but I can't." Olivia says.
"Why not?" Alex asks softly.
"I can't reach you, you're too far away." Olivia smiles.
"I can do something about that." Alex answers as she leans over to Olivia slowly.
As soon as Alex is close enough Olivia briefly kisses Alex. The moment their lips connect in a soft and gentle kiss Olivia knows she's done fighting against the blonde ADA. She may try to run again but she knows she won't get far and certainly will not run away as fast and hard as she did this time. After the first kiss Olivia kisses Alex again and a bit longer this time. It may be a closed mouth kiss again but Alex and Olivia both know that this is just a start. That it takes time before their kisses will be more intimately and it's alright. Their biggest win is that Olivia stopped running and that they've grown closer to each other. Everything else needs time and can wait.