Title: Coping
Rating: T
Author: Singing Violin
Series: Star Trek: Voyager
Summary: Chakotay suspects something terrible has happened to the captain, and he wants to help, but when he tries, he only makes things worse. Very dark, but not graphic.
Disclaimer: The Star Trek characters and universe are not mine.
Author's Notes (Chapter 2): Thank you to all who reviewed Chapter 1! Wow! I hope you will follow along as this continues. It seems I've taken on a big responsibility, treating this subject, so hopefully I can do it justice. Special thank you to Lia Harkness for looking this over before I posted; I've made some changes since she saw it, so all errors are mine (and will be corrected if you find them and tell me about them). Chapter 3 is coming, though probably not for a few days, as real life must take priority, and I haven't written it yet.

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His encounter with Voyager's EMH was as frustrating as that with Kathryn.

"I'm worried about the captain," he'd answered in response to the automatic query as to the nature of the medical emergency. "I have reason to believe she was," he steeled himself to pronounce the next word, "assaulted on her last away mission. She's exhibiting signs of unusual stress. I'm not sure what to do. I can't even touch her without her flinching."

"I see," answered the Doctor enigmatically. "Have you spoken with her about it?"

"Yes," he replied confidently. "It was our conversation that made me sure what was going on."

"So she told you she had been assaulted?" the Doctor asked pointedly.

"Well, no, but..."

"Do you not trust the captain to tell you if there is a matter of your concern?" the hologram interrupted.

"Actually, I don't," he heard himself reply, even as he was horrified by his own admission.

"And you believe she may have discussed the matter with me?" the EMH continued.

"Right," Chakotay answered, though he was becoming more and more unnerved by what was starting to seem like an inquisition.

"You do realize that, even if she had discussed such a matter with me — and I'm not saying she has — I would be bound by Doctor/patient confidentiality not to discuss it with you, unless I believed her unfit for duty and required you to take command?"

The commander sighed, realizing this was going nowhere, though something in the back of his mind sounded an alarm he didn't have time to listen to at the moment. "I suppose I do."

"Then this conversation is done," said the Doctor. "Computer, end program." And with that, he disappeared, leaving Chakotay alone and frustrated.

For a few days, nothing changed, and the commander had almost convinced himself that it didn't matter, as long as the captain appeared to be "coping." But then, exhausted from gamma shift, he was passing by the captain's quarters when he heard her scream.

Instinct kicked in, and he overrode the door.

He found her thrashing about in her bed: wild, unfocused...and asleep. He grasped her shoulders and attempted to hold her still. Instantly, her eyes opened wide, and she began to pummel him, hard, with both fists. "Get your hands off me!" she cried.

He immediately released her, pulled back, and waited for her to come to her senses. As recognition came to her eyes, so did anger...but the fear remained.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "Are you okay? You were screaming, and I..."

"Just leave," she insisted, finally coherent but clearly quite displeased with his presence. "Please."

He nodded and obeyed.

While he had physically left her presence, his mind was constantly with her, worrying about her, and while a part of him chastised the rest of him for overstepping his bounds as first officer, the rest was consumed entirely with the desire to know what had happened and make it right.

It was just a nightmare, he told himself. We all have them. But most people aren't rudely intruded upon when they do. No wonder she was embarrassed.

He almost convinced himself she was okay, and that he was being overprotective. Almost.

And then the inevitable happened. She was briefing the senior staff about an upcoming away mission at the next star system, and suddenly she was leaning heavily on the back of Tom Paris's chair. She faltered, and Chakotay leapt into action, grabbing her and supporting her slight weight.

The captain gave a startled cry, escaped from his grasp, and bolted from the room, hand over her mouth. He almost went after her. Almost.

But then his senses kicked in and he suddenly remembered the pattern. The Doctor had been told — or perhaps programmed to say — almost the exact words that she had fed him when he had originally inquired about her well-being. She'd reacted badly to his touch every single time since he'd become concerned about her. She wasn't touching the men. But...not so for the women.

"Torres," he ordered suddenly, glancing over at the engineer. "Go find her and help."

B'Elanna looked askance at him. "Are you serious?"

"I don't have time to explain," Chakotay said. "Just go. Please. You're the only one here that can do it."

B'Elanna looked like she'd just been asked to go on a suicide mission, but she took a deep breath before accepting the assignment. "All right."

Everyone in the conference room waited in apprehensive silence for the five minutes it took before the chief engineer commed.

"The captain's okay," she reported. "Just a bit ill. She says you're all dismissed. Torres out."

Chakotay thought he heard the sound of retching as the link terminated.

The next three days, the captain was nowhere to be seen. Orders were conveyed via text, and Chakotay suspected, based upon their content, that Kathryn was spying on the crew via the monitors. However, when he requested an audience with her, he was denied.

Finally, he made an executive decision to visit Sickbay, hoping that this time, with evidence to support his assessment that the captain was unfit for duty, the Doctor would be more willing to listen.

When he arrived, he was greeted by an unfamiliar face. She appeared to be a middle-aged woman with short, blonde hair and chubby cheeks, and was wearing a Starfleet medical uniform. She smiled warmly at him. "Hello, Commander Chakotay."

He tapped his communicator. "Security, Intruder Alert in Sickbay!" he called. The woman suddenly looked chagrined. "What was that for?" she asked. Then she looked down at herself, holding up her hands to see, then raised her eyes again, recognition seeming to dawn inside. "Oh, I forgot."

She then shimmered out of existence and was replaced by the familiar form of Voyager's EMH.

B'Elanna Torres appeared from around the corner. "Chakotay, you can cancel that alert. I've been modifying the Doctor's program. We didn't mean to alarm you."

He tapped his communicator again, looking annoyed. "Never mind, Tuvok. I was mistaken." He could visualize Tuvok's raised eyebrow of curiosity in his mind, but knew he could trust the Vulcan to comply without question. He'd explain later. After he understood it himself.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" he asked her angrily.

She sighed. "Since the EMH here is our only doctor and Chief Medical Officer aboard, he's been serving patients of all genders. We decided that, in order to make some members of the crew who are uncomfortable with a male doctor more at ease for their examinations, it is important that he have a female form. He chose the appearance, which was trivial to change, but I've been working on the personality. Doctor Zimmerman modeled the program after himself, and simply making the EMH look female might not be enough to provide the illusion of being with a female doctor, given that he acts so...well, you know."

Some members of the crew. She must mean the captain. She probably reacted the same way to the Doctor as she did to me. Why didn't I think of this solution?

Chakotay then realized there was a way to address his earlier suspicions, sparked by the Doctor's behavior last time he'd attempted to talk to him about the captain. "B'Elanna, before you began to enhance the Doctor's program, did you check to see if anyone else had recently made any modifications?" The Doctor cocked his head, looking interested in the response.

She nodded hesitantly. "I did."

"And had anyone?" he asked, hoping desperately for a negative reply.

"That information's classified," B'Elanna admitted. "I wish I could tell you, but I can't."

Classified, the commander repeated to himself mentally. The only person on board with the status to classify it would be the captain. And, if no modifications had been made, she would have had no reason to do so. Furthermore, if B'Elanna had known that there had been no modifications, then she would have said so.

So basically, B'Elanna had just confirmed that the captain had been mucking with the Doctor's program.

This was a problem.

"B'Elanna, may I talk to you in private, please?" he asked, glaring in the direction of the Doctor.

Torres nodded first at Chakotay, then at the Doctor, who gave the order to deactivate himself.

"What's on your mind?" the engineer asked.

"It's the captain. Obviously she's not okay, and you know more than I do. I want to help, but I don't know what to do." The commander hoped he did not sound too desperate.

"Chakotay, I can't discuss this with you," B'Elanna replied regretfully. "I just can't. It wouldn't be right or fair to the captain to talk about her behind her back. But I will tell you this: if there were something you could do to help, you'd be asked. And I'm not confirming or denying that there's anything to help with."

The commander was about to make a case, try to argue why it would be okay in this instance, but after opening his mouth to reply, he quickly closed it, realizing that arguing with B'Elanna would be futile at best and counterproductive at worst. It seemed like she was already on the case, and he trusted her with his life, so why not the captain's? In fact, he had already trusted her with the captain's well-being when he sent her after her when she bolted out of the conference room...

But he still wanted to help, despite Torres's implication that because he hadn't been asked, there was nothing he could do. He refused to accept that. Wasn't there always something he could do? On the other hand, B'Elanna seemed to be doing something herself...and he had to admit, given what he'd observed, it had as much of a chance of working as anything else...

He fought his protective urges down once more and steeled himself to simply wait for this to resolve on its own. He felt helpless, but he had now been told by more than one person that waiting was all he could do. "All right," he conceded, nodding his head. But he couldn't completely let it go. "Just, let me know, if there's anything I can do," he begged.

Lieutenant Torres nodded in return. "I will."

=/\=