Christians POV

I can't believe I have to go to this over dramatic birthday party for my father. What happened to us just having dinner with only the family? And maybe my crazy grandparents - I could always get a laugh from those two nut jobs. I smile thinking of my grandparents love for each other; been together for years and years and couldn't regret a day of it. Who knew?

I guess I thought that was going to happen for me at some point too. When I met the one, I wanted to marry her then and there. She was the perfect woman for someone like me; she never put up with my shit and always knew when I needed her. She was amazing, flawless, and she blew my mind day in and day out with how smart she was. God, that woman was a fucking angel.

What I did to deserve her only made me confused, I never understood what she saw in me. I remember when she told me she loved me and we separated for almost a week because I couldn't pull my head out of my ass and come down from my ivory tower to see that I was loved by the most beautiful woman that could ever walk this earth.

I know she is in town because Elliot told me, he said that I shouldn't know because of what happened between us. Which I doubt he even knows the truth - whatever Ana told everyone I just went with; when she left me, my first thought was that she told everyone what had really happened and they would all hate me. That night my mother came over and she didn't have a clue as to what she was walking in on; she didn't even know Ana had left until she saw me passed out at the piano with a bottle of whiskey dangling in one hand and Ana's goodbye letter in the other.

The last time I saw Ana I knew she was gone out of my life for good, I knew we were done. That night in New York when I thought I had her for good; I thought I could just take her back home with me and love her. I had fought tooth and nail just to look at her one last time, smell her lavender scented hair and lemon body wash on her skin. Just to calm her goose bumps away whenever she got around me because that electric shock we both felt, that 'jolt' that I never had with anyone but her, was always so intense.

When Elliot told me the news of my girl coming back to visit for Carrick's party I got even more overwhelmed with ideas of how to win her back. Elliot could see right through it. I wanted to send flowers, presents, and a fucking singing flock of birds to show her how much I had missed her; but Elliot told me that I needed to play it cool and wait to see her at the party.

For once, I actually listened to him. Because as Taylor is driving me to my parents' house, I think about how I want her to be shocked to see me there. To be so into seeing me again that she has to leave the room.

I. Just. Want. Her. Back.

Ana POV

"...Christian," I said his name again because I don't know how long we just stood there staring at each other. We were so close that we might as well be breathing each other's air.

"What are you doing here, Ana?" Whoa. He's mad, I drop my head but then I see his cock bulging through his pants. Oh. He's turned on... Let's play this game then.

"..I... I came for your parents," I said it all so fast that he probably didn't catch a word of it. Taking a deep breath I look back up at him and bite my lip slightly and for a second I see him slipping so I do what I came here to do. I reach up and kiss him, just the lightest, gentlest kisses I think I have ever bestowed upon him. I can see the lust and urge cross over his face I don't know how many times. I start to stroke his neck and he leans his forehead on mine; we are so close to kissing again that if I just lean forward…

"Ana...," he turns away from me and walks across the room to sit on the window seat; leaving me to lean against the door and actually take a steady breath. When I finally focus back on him, he is staring at me with those eyes again; I know he is holding back because he doesn't know where we stand. The last time we talked, in the letters, we agreed to be civil towards each other if the time ever came when we crossed paths.

"Ana, I don't know what to say to you. Forgive me, please; I have waited years for you to walk back into my life again. I went through countless journals and notebooks writing down my feelings for you – so when I did see you, you would know. But that was years ago and now here you are and all I can think about is if I am dreaming or not…"

He trails off with his words and eyes. He isn't looking at me anymore and I need to think fast before he leaves or I do. So I walk towards him, slowly; with my arms hanging loosely around me and the look on my face is probably pure agony. "Christian…"

He looks up at me and sees that I am walking towards him so he stands up. "Ana, stop. Please. I cannot think correctly with you looking at me like that. I mean, here you are and all I want to do is lose myself in you. Build up five years of tension that is inside me waiting for a release because my fucking girlfriend, who was the only one for me, decided to leave me in the dust and go to New York." He runs his hands through his hair and starts to pace in front of me. All I want to do is reach out and kiss him.

"…was." I felt like I couldn't breathe, "Okay."

"Don't take that the wrong way, please. You don't even realize how happy I am that you are back. But, we aren't the same people anymore. You told me you hated me, Ana." The more he talks the more the tears start to well up, "On my way here I was trying to think of a plan to get you back. To make you mine again – but now that you are standing right in front of me looking so god damn good, I can't help but to have some anger take over from all those years ago."

"So you don't want me anymore?" I thought I was going to stop breathing, "you… you don't love me anymore. Christian I came back to apologize to you, in person. Not over the phone or via text or letter. I needed to see you and see how happy you have become without me dragging you down all the time! I just wanted to apologize so we could start over…" The tears are coming heavy now and I have to sit down on the bed to keep from falling on the floor.

I feel him sitting next to me on the bed, he hands me a tissue and just lets me cry. When I look up at him I can see why he has been so quite. Not a lot – but a few tears have fallen across his beautiful face, I reach up and wipe them away.

"Christian I want to start over. We can be friends, friends with benefits, boyfriend and girlfriend, sub and dom, I'll do wha...-"

"Anastasia, don't you EVER tell me that we can have a dom/sub relationship." Oh he's definitely mad now, "You were never my sub! You were my best friend and the love of my life. As for starting over, I would have to think about it. I don't know if I could trust you anymore, I opened up to you for the first time in my whole life. We were together for almost a year and you just left me with a fucking hand written note! You don't even live here anymore!"

"I am sorry! Okay! Is that what you want me to say, Christian? That I am sorry! I'm sorry I lost our child and I am sorry I destroyed our relationship because of it! I am so, so sorry I left you! But I couldn't keep seeing the look on your face every time you looked at me – like it was my fault I lost our baby! Like I had a miscarriage on purpose! You made me feel horrible, like a terrible human being, you made me feel like I was in it by myself and you didn't want anything to do with it!"

"Ana… Stop!"

"No! You stop! You stop acting like I just up and left you! We lost our baby, Christian and you should have comforted me and supported me but instead you left to god knows where and disappeared for days. What did you want me to do? Be there waiting for you when you came back drunk again? Listen to you mumble about how I ruined your life, again? What did you want from me Christian? I couldn't ever talk to you because you were always gone ALL the TIME! You left me long before I left you, but at least I have the decency to stand up to you and apologize about my behavior!"

"Ana… Listen to me..."

"No, I am leaving. Tell your parents that I said goodbye and that I love them. But I can't keep exhausting myself with this conversation. I just came back to apologize and see if we could start over as friends or… or… whatever! But you said it, you can't trust me anymore. So for the third time in over five years, Christian, goodbye…" I booked it out of that room and ran down the stairs, grabbing my bag from the landing and shooting out the door. I kicked my heels off in the car and went straight for Seattle to book a room at the nearest hotel.

I just wanted to be alone.

Okay guys? So there was some of your questions answered this chapter. Now since I've been spoiling you guys with this - I am not going to update again until tomorrow. I know, last time I lied but you guys all rock and keep me going with your kind words that it is just hard not to. I love to write and writing something like this to get immediate feed back helps the motivation with personal stories!

Again! You guys ROCK! Do me a favor, write a review saying what you think should happen next...and if I like it, it might just be the NEXT chapter. Who knows. I will be doing this every once and a while because I want to interact with you guys because even though I am writing my story, its really being written FOR YOU!

So have at it!

Also, I work in the mornings so updates probably wont be till around this time or later.

To Pks9704: 'anticipation hell' isn't so bad sometimes. ;)

xoxo,

Madss