I reached the Fairmont and got the first room available. I made sure to stop off at some liquor store and by three bottles of cheap wine. Ones that would get me good and drunk; by the time I make it up to my room I am a complete mess. I walk into the bathroom and can see now why the lady at the front desk was repeatedly asking me if I was okay.

My mascara was running down my face along with the tears that wouldn't stop. I uncorked one of the bottles, took off my dress and got into a robe. I made sure the room I got would have a perfect view of the Seattle skyline. I opened the curtains to find floor to ceiling windows – perfect. Pulling up a chair, I start sipping on the wine right out of the bottle.

This wasn't how this trip was supposed to go; I wasn't supposed to cry at all. Why does he always make me cry?

Because you love him, silly.

That makes me laugh, because I love him, I love him with everything in me. But not like any of his subs loved him, they were obsessed with him controlling their every move. I am obsessed with his love for me and my love for him.

I start to think back to when we broke up, how happy we were before everything happened. How we use to sit on the living room floor in front of the windows, just like the ones before me, tangled in sheets and making love to the beat of the rain. We would lie there for hours and not care about the time, memorizing each other's bodies; every curve, dip, or crease.

"Christian, stop it!" I cannot contain my laughter anymore, he won't stop tickling me, "Christian, baby, please I can't anymore." But I still broke out in a fit of giggles; he was lying next to me with half his body on mine and was tickling the crap out of me.

"God, I love that sound…," he said, his tone full of lust and adoration for me, "I think it's my favorite sound in the whole world. I could die a happy man if that was the only sound I heard for the rest of my life."

I smile up at him, "For the rest of your life, huh? That's a long time, Mr. Grey."

"For you, that sound, this body, your mind, and those eyes – I could rule the world with just a sniff of your hair, Ana. You are so intriguing and you don't even see it." He continues to compliment me while running his hands all over my body. Down my arm, across my waist, up my stomach, under the curve of my breasts and he stops to rest it on my shoulder; his thumb rubbing circles on my collar bone. "You bewitch me with your beauty every time I look at you."

I look away from him and blush because he is just too sweet to me. "You are amazing Christian," when I look back at him he is staring at me with those eyes that would melt my soul, "how did I get so lucky?"

"Ha, I think it is me who got lucky!" He says as he rolls over on top of me, he spreads my legs with his knees and positions himself at my entrance, "Look at me."

I couldn't though; I was too busy focusing on that friction that his hard member was causing every time he moved over my core. "…Christian." It came out in more than a moan then anything – I just couldn't help myself.

"Ana. Look. At. Me." When I finally turn my head towards him he runs his nose along mine and catches my mouth giving me a passionate filled kiss that left me breathless and wanting more. "Anastasia Steele, you are my life. You make me want to be the greatest man there is, but only if I can never hear you doubt yourself again."

He starts to slowly push into me, knowing I will agree because the sensation is to damn good, "Ahh, Christian… please."

He chuckles a little, "Agree with me, Ana."

"Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Never again, I promise," and with my promise he fills me to my hilt and continues to work me over as we lose ourselves to the beat of the rain and our absolute love for each other.

Remembering that makes me take another long chug from the wine bottle that's almost empty now. I should probably text Kate and let her know I won't be staying at their house tonight; once I shoot a text over to her I check my email. I guess I forgot to turn my phone back on loud because I have a few.

To: Anastasia Steele

Date: 06/08/2013

Subject: where are you?

From: Christian Grey

Ana,

I want to speak with you immediately. We need to talk and I am regretting letting you storm out of my parent's. I have been to Kate and Elliot's house and you are not there. Don't make me track your phone.

I need to see you.

Christian Grey, CEO
Grey Enterprises & Holdings

He's looking for me? Well he won't be able to track my car anymore since I have a rental. But my phone he is definitely going to be able to find – what should I do? I move on to the next email with my eyes wide as rocks.

To: Anastasia Steele

Date: 06/08/2013

Subject: please talk to me

From: Christian Grey

Ana, if you don't reply back to me than I will have to trace your phone.

Christian Grey, CEO
Grey Enterprises & Holdings

What? He wouldn't dare! We aren't together anymore, he can't do this! I ask for his forgiveness and he just pushes me away just to come looking for me again?

To: Anastasia Steele

Date: 06/08/2013

Subject: you leave me no choice

From: Christian Grey

The Fairmont, huh? Game on.

Christian Grey, CEO
Grey Enterprises & Holdings

Shit. Shit. Shit.

That was ten minutes ago. What if he shows up here? I am a mess! I rush into the bathroom to remove the mascara from my face and flip my hair some. I decide not to put my dress back on; I am way too comfortable in this robe.

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

He wasn't kidding. I move to open the door but it swings open on its own; and there he is. Standing with Taylor behind him, he looks me up and down then turns to say something to Taylor over his shoulder. Probably telling him he could leave.

"Christian, what are you doing here?" I already know he wants to talk, what a stupid question.

He doesn't say anything. He comes in, locks the door and heads to the bar to pour him a drink. I see him chug it like it was his last dying wish.

"This is my first drink in years, Ana. After you left I got so drunk for weeks, to the point where I couldn't even stand whiskey anymore. It stopped blocking you from my head because I got to use to the buzz. It turned into you every time." He looks at me and gives me a sideways smile. Oh.

He points to the window, chair, and bottles of wine and smirks, "Watching the rain, huh?"

I smile, "It's still my favorite thing to do."

He sets his drink down and fully turns to me, "Ana… You don't realize what I have been through since you've been gone. I need to know the truth before we move forward"

The rain started to get heavier so Christian stayed longer than expected, or didn't expect, I don't really know what his plan is. The whole time he has been here I cannot think of doing anything else but jumping his bones. I'm sitting in the chair and he's on the bed with his elbows on his knees. I'm facing him somewhat so I could see any change of reaction to what I was about to say.

"You look good," I might as well start the conversation of being honest, "like nothing has changed; but you are different. I don't know what it is yet but you've changed."

He looked at me like I had two heads, sighing he said "Anastasia, you changed me when I met you. You changed me again when we were dating. You changed me again when you agreed to move in with me. You changed me again when you showed me the pregnancy tests. You changed me again when WE lost OUR baby. You changed me again when you left me. Anastasia, I lost two things in the same month that I loved with all my heart and I almost died because of it..."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling when he told me how I had changed him. How could I be so selfish as to not think about him when I left? What is wrong with me?

"Christian, I am so, so unbelievably sorry that I left you." Hugging my robe to myself more I take a deep breath and say, "If I never left you, you wouldn't be so cold and heartless towards me. We would still be hopelessly in love and you wouldn't hate me so much like you do now."

The look on his face when I say that he hated me was of pure agony, like he didn't know what to make of it. "Anastasia I don't hate you."

I stand up, letting the robe fall open, not even caring that I don't have anything on but a lace piece of underwear. He gasps as he notices my body and then looks me right in the eyes. "But you do, you do and it's killing me. You want to know the truth, Christian? I regret everything. I went to New York and it was miserable, I wanted to come back to you so bad and so many times that one time I made it all the way to the airport before turning around. I just wanted to see you and hold you but I was so stubborn and wouldn't let you save me. You asked for the truth, right? The truth is I haven't been able to forget you, I have never been able to move on from you because I am still so in love with you. Whenever I went anywhere you were always there, in the back of my mind reminding me to watch my step or to not bite my lip. You promised me that you wouldn't ever hurt me, but as soon as the going got tough with the miscarriage you were out the door."

I can't read any emotion on his face, but after a while he shook his head and looked down while taking deep breaths. "Christian, what is wrong? You said you wanted to be honest with each other! Please be honest with me, tell me if I am just wasting my time here and you've already forgotten about me." As soon as the words are out of my mouth he launches at me, pinning me against the large glasses window - I was so scared I thought we were going to go through the glass. He has one of his hands in the robe resting on my bare back - pulling me against him. The other is in my hair tugging it so I would look up at him.

"You think I didn't want you back? You think that I could forget you? Forget what we have together? The love that we shared was a once in a lifetime love and it is still unforgettable." His voice is so low and sexy that it's hard for me to control my breathing. "Anastasia...," He draws out saying my name while running his nose up and down mine - not taking his eyes from me, "I chased you for months. I couldn't leave my apartment, I wouldn't go to work, I drank all day and night and I wouldn't let Gail wash our sheets because it smelled just like you. I had Welch, Taylor, and Sawyer working double overtime to find you. I didn't shower or shave; my days would mix together and I never knew what time it really was. You said that I left you way before you left me, but if I left - I wasn't gone. When you left - you took my sun and my moon, you took my happy; you took everything with you but my anger. When I saw you in New York all those times," What? All those times? How many times did he see me? "All I wanted to do was throw you over my shoulder and bring you home so I could breathe again."

All of a sudden he picked me up and tossed me on the bed, the robe flew open and he stood there staring at me while removing his pants and then his shirt. When he climbed on top of me he started kissing up my body, "Anastasia, you have said that I didn't miss you, countless times. You told me you hated me and then told me you loved me." After he was fully on top of me, he started kissing my neck and the valley between my breasts; I couldn't fight back the moans anymore.

"Let me show you how much I have missed you..." He said, and then he caught my mouth with his and kissed me like I was going to evaporate.

xoxo,

Madss