I never thought this would be happening again... I mean, if Christian had already conquered his demons once - why is he so skittish about me touching his chest again? I want to ask him so bad, but I know I just need to let him cry it all out before I say or do anything. Not that I could, he's got me clutched to his chest so tight it's a wonder how I am still breathing.

I'm rubbing the back of his neck, trying to figure out what happened... Why won't he let me touch his chest?

It's like a drug, maybe. Like he relapsed.

"Christian, can you look at me please?" I beg, willing him to come out from the crook of my neck and talk to me. But I already have a feeling of how this is going to go. He still hasn't made a move so I lift my hands to his shoulders and gently push.

"No," came a mumbled answer, but still an answer nonetheless.

"Christian, it's been over an hour," maybe even two, "and I need you to tell me what just happened...please?"

"I don't know if I can..."

I kiss his shoulder, his neck, his cheek, and his forehead. Gently reassuring him that he can, "You are one of the strongest people I know, you can do anything."

Ever so slightly his arms slip from around my waist but his hands remain on my hips, he leans all the way back so his head is leaning against the wall and his eyes are still closed.

"Hey, tell me what's going through that sexy head of yours?"

"Just bear with me please. This is harder than the first time I had to tell you this, I feel like such a fool."

"Hey, look at me!" I take his head in my hands and lean my forehead against his, "You are not a fool. Nor are you a failure. Or any other self-degrading thing you can muster up. You are Christian Grey and I love you. No matter what happened in the past, do you hear me?"

He stares into my eyes for a moment before tiredly answering, "Yes."

I move off of him, next to him is fine but I didn't want us getting carried away because of our positions. I sit and wait, letting him breathe a little bit before he starts talking.

"The nightmares...they started a while after you left - months I'm sure. I even went back to seeing Flynn and it all just got worse...after my intervention with the drinking, I just never wanted anyone to come near me, unless it was you. You were all I wanted and I guess it just stemmed from that. I really can't explain it." He waits a moment, grabs my legs to lay them across his. "But, I know the nightmares made it worse. There was a time that I didn't sleep for days...I just...couldn't. All I saw when I closed my eyes is you leaving me over and over; I needed control and I wasn't getting it. I basically had a breakdown."

"So if you needed my touch, why did you freak out just now?

"I don't know, that's what I don't get," he says, running his hands through his hair, "maybe because I craved it for so long but never got it. I haven't allowed anyone to touch me since that stupid intervention thing."

I grab his hand and catch his eyes, making contact so he will see that I am serious, "I'm still listening, but I wanted to let you know that we will be coming back to the intervention thing." I crack a smile, and so does he.

He's back.

He grabs my other hand and holds them both in his giant ones, "You know I love you, right? I still can't believe you're here. No one's ever surprised me like this."

I giggle, "Except for that time you came home from that business trip and I secretly planned that party for your birthday...the look on your face was definitely a Kodak moment."

"Yeah," he said, looking as if he is remembering something, "hold that thought, I'll be right back." He tossed my legs up so he could stand and ran into his office, coming back a few moments later holding a picture frame.

"What is that?"

"I don't know if you ever saw this or not, but Mia snapped a picture of us that night. You were hiding when I got there and I couldn't find you, but I guess she got this the moment you jumped into my arms that night - which in the end, made me the happiest man alive."

I take a good look at the picture and what it shows me shocks me to my core. Two people, holding each other. Surrounded by others, balloons, and confetti. I can see Christian's hands around my waist, holding me to him. My hands are around his neck, playing with his hair. But that obviously isn't what he is showing me.

"Do you see it?" He asks, which of course, I do. Our eyes are locked on each other, not caring about anyone else in the room.

"Yes," I reach out and grasp the picture frame, remembering that night and how I hid from him because I wanted to watch his face when he was first surprised. "I see love, adoration and lust. Especially lust." I stifle a giggle, Christian had been gone for almost two weeks that trip and I definitely was suffering from it. "You were gone so long that trip, the longest one..."

"...and I hated every moment of it." He said, looking into my eyes, "Do you remember what you gave me for my birthday?"

I giggle, "Yes. I do remember giving you many things that night." I said, recalling our race for multiple orgasms and probably the most head I've ever given a person.

"They all were top notch gifts, but I liked the ones you gave me while on your knees. We christened a lot of furniture in this apartment... "He said, switching gears, "So I guess what I'm trying to say, is that...you were a big part of my life, Ana. I mean, you were the only part of my life that made sense. When I saw you, I knew that you were it. I guess I just relapsed back into the no touching because I just wanted you so much and I blocked everyone else out."

"...so what do we do now?" I ask, I wonder if he is going to...yep, he is. Christian grabbed my hand and slowly moved it towards his chest - eyes locked on mine the whole time. When my hand makes contact with his chest, he stiffens but moves it under his shirt anyways. I get up and straddle him, wanting to make sure he is okay with everything so I go as slow as possible.

"Christian, are you sure about this?'

"I've never been surer about anything in my life, Ana. If we are going to start over, this is where we probably have to start."

"O-Okay, well…okay" I smile at him, and gently start rubbing my hand back and forth over his heart.

"I just want to make this a better experience for you then the first time you accidentally touched my chest, I don't want to lose you again over my silly fears." He said, cupping my face and running his thumb over my jaw.

"Let's not talk about that time, okay? We got through it and that's all that matters." I say, gently kissing his forehead and then his lips.

"I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. I was such a terrible person and I don't know what I did to deserve you. But for you, I would move mountains to make you happy. Anything you want and you have it…you know that."

"Christian, I don't want anything. The only thing I want – I have. He's sitting on this couch and in the perfect position to kiss me, don't you think?"

"I don't think. I know," and with that. Christian grabs me up and tosses me lightly on the couch. He crawls over me and takes my face in his hands. His lips meet mine and all of our emotions pour out of each other in that one kiss. I want to get closer to him so I wrap my legs around him and grind into him as hard as I can.

He pulls back, his left hand on my hip, "Whoa…baby. Are you sure?"

"Yes, I need you," I say, grinding into him more so he will get my sense of urgency.

He immediately lifts me up and starts walking towards his bedroom, "Good, because I need you so much more." He opens the door and I slowly slide down his body, making sure I hit every aching spot of his.

He lifts up my shirt and takes it over my head, quickly coming back down to unbutton my jeans and pull them down to. I step out of them, leaving myself in nothing but my bra and panties.

Looking up at Christian, I mentally pat myself on the back for choosing the black lace underwear set. He traces my skin from one shoulder to the other with his index finger, dipping it where my collarbone dips and rising with it as well.

"Beautiful. Even more than you were five years ago…"

This is a short chapter and for that I am sorry. I wrote the sex scene...twice, I haven't yet wrote it to where I feel like it deserves to be seen by you guys yet. I don't know what it is, but it's missing something and I'm going to figure it out.

Read & Review!

xoxo,

Madss