Chapter Twenty
I am back to having early contractions with this baby. Embry tries his hardest not to worry too much, but he is concerned even more with the pains getting so bad that I am stuck in bed. Emily and Sue come to visit and take care of me while Embry goes to school. My sweet Manny will not leave me when Embry is gone and he plays either on the bed with me or on the floor in the room. I am laying in the bed and nursing Manny when Embry comes home one day and he is breathing heavily. He looks at me and I can tell something is wrong. Jacobo has been back for some time since the wedding and he has kept his distance since the fight. Embry runs over and he crawls on the bed ti lay and hug me from behind. I blink and turn to look at him and see he is trying not to cry.
"Baby, what is the matter?" I ask him quietly.
"I dreamt you were crying because the baby died and then you killed yourself because of that, leaving me and Manny alone," Embry sniffles.
"Sweetie, you know that is not going to happen," I say. His hand goes to our child that is sleeping at the moment. The baby has been good and still for about thirty minutes now. We remain quiet while Manny finishes eating and listen to our son's heartbeat. I must have dozed off because Embry is taking Manny from my arms and putting him in his room. It is only a few more minutes when Embry comes back and he lays with me again, but I curl up against him as a pillow. I dream of amanny and his baby sibling only to awake not long after to something wet on the bed. I sit up and try to think as to what it could be. The moment I left the sheets I smell blood and I panic with a loud scream. Embry jumps up and he looks at me.
"Mari, what is the matter?!" Embry exclaims.
"Embry, I am bleeding! The baby..." I sob. Embry looks at the sheets and he curses as he jumps to his feet. He shouts for Allison and I cover my face as I cry, which is the only thing I can do right now. Allison runs in and she helps Embry get us ready to go. I begin to feel some pain in my back and it is then that I realise my body is going into labour.
"Marinna, it is okay, Embry is calling the doctor and getting the truck ready. Hush, sweetie, it is okay," Allison says, as she helps me get up and walk with me to the front door. Embry takes over and asks Allison to stay with Manny.
"Baby, you are okay, the baby is going to be okay," Embry says, but not meaning fully. I try to calm down, but the pain is starting to become overbearing. We get into the truck, I call Sam and Billy with tears falling down my face to let them know, and we take off quickly to the hospital. My mind is going crazy with the pain and the thought that we could be losing our baby. Embry is holding my handand letting me squeeze when the pain comes back. I take deep breathes and whimper every now and then. Embry pulls into the emergency room entrance and he rushes to carry me out of the truck. My mind is begin to become hazy and i can feel the blood between my legs. A team of nurses and doctors take me away and I taken into a room. Embry is standing and watching me carefully while the doctors do their jobs. They give me all kinds of medicine to stop the conttactions, but one nurse says that it is too latand that the baby has no heartbeat. Embry's screams of pain make my heart break and I begin to cry myself. A doctor orders for a birthing room to be prepped and I am to push my now dead baby out. They leave me alone with Embry and he slowly comes over to me.
"I am so sorry, baby," Embry sobs. I reach for him and we put our hands where Manny's little sibling was once alive. Twenty minutes later, we are taken into a birthing room and I am given some pitocin to speed up my contractions to help push the baby. I am too busy crying to push and embry is trying to calm me down while crying himself. The doctors are able to convince to push the baby out and we soon have our baby boy. He was very small and he looked just like me. I held my son and screamed from distraught from losing this precious boy. Embry kisses my head as he looks at our son with me. I refuse to let the nurses take him until Manny gets to see his brother.
"Baby, they have to take him away. They also want us to name him and decide what we want to do with him," Embry says hoarsely. I look at him to see we ar not wanting to let him go or name him just yet.
"Ethan Matthew Call," I say. Embry does not make an objection and tells the nurses. Little Ethan is taken from me and I suddenly feel empty. My mind tries to figure out what we did wrong to lose our Ethan. Embry leaves the room and I am left alone to finish with the doctors.
Manny arrives with Allison and he is a happy boy. He reaches for me and he snuggles up against me. He notices that I no longer have my large tummy. I tell him that his baby brother is in heaven with grandma. He pouts and demands to see his baby brother by hitting my arm gently. Embry is not here and Manny continues with his temper tantrum. Allison takes Manny and he screams for me to hold him and bring his brother. I ask Allison to take him out of the room and watch my screaming boy leave with fear. Not long after, Billy arrives with Jacob, Matthew, Sam, and Emily.
"Marinna, are you doing okay?" Billy asks.
"No, I just birth an hour ago to a stillborn baby boy that I will never see grow up or hold in my arms again. Manny is angry that he cannot see his baby brother even once and Embry has left me alone here. I am a horrible mother because I lost my son and I am not sure what I did to deserve this!" I sob. Billy takes my hand and Matthew lays on the bed with me, while holding me in his arms.
"Embry is out in the woods and he is letting his sadness out. He is really hurt just like you, Marinna," Sam says. I ignore him and close my eyes.
"He left me when I need hime the most," I say. Everyone is quiet for a moment and the doctor comes in.
"Oh, I did not know you had visitors. Do you want me to come back?" The doctor asks, but I shake my head. "Well, we did an autopsy on Ethan and found that his heart was not in the best shape. So, that means his heart was too small and it was stunted from the problem you had a few months back. I am sorry for your loae, Marinna."
"Thank you, for everything," I say. She leaves and I go back to crying.
Weeks later
I am back on my feet after the lose of Ethan and getting ready for my sweet Manny's first birthday. Embry has been very careful of me and he has asked everyone not the mention Ethan to any of us since we both are still healing from it. I am making my son's lunch on a nice Sturday when the front door is opened and slammed shut. Embry walks in and then freezes when he see Manny and I in the kitchen.
"What is the matter, sweetie?" I ask gently. I can tell that if I do something to anger him, then he will phase in the house, and Allison does not know about the pack. Manny is settled on my hip and he is drinking juice from a sippy cup.
"I am sorry, I just got fired from work," Embry says. He got a job to help support us as a family and get out own place. I walk over to him and give him a hug.
"I am sorry, sweetie, it is there lose for firing you," I say and kiss his cheek. Manny reaches for his daddy and Embry takes him into his arms. We stand together as a family in the living room and embry lifts my chin to kiss my lips softly.
"Maybe we can talk about other things to get my mind off of it," Embry suggests.
"No, I am not talking about that," I say quickly and walk back into the kitchen.
"Why not? We can have another baby if you just say yes!"
"We are just getting over the fact we lost one baby and you want to put us in that situation yet again?! You are outof your mind if you think I am going to get pregnant only to lose that baby once more! I promised our son, Manny, he would be a big brother and I never gave it to him!"
"It is not your fault and this time we will be careful!"
"No, Embry! I cannot go through it again!"
"Marinna, please!"
"No, you just want to fill the void where Ethan should have been, but I have something to tell you...I have that void too and I want it gone, but I cannot get rid of it in fear of losing another baby from this monstrous body! We have zmanny and that is good enough for me. He is alive and healthy."
"At least consider later on, we could have other children later."
"Yes, but that is years from now when you graduate high school and go off to college. After we get married!" I stopped when I mentioned us getting married. He stared at me and then put Manny down before walking over to me.
"Is that what you need from me? For us to get married after we just lost our baby?"
"No, that is something I can wait for. But if you keep pushing me to have another baby, I willl pack my things and Manny's things and we will go back to Billy's house. Stop pushing me and let me decide I think I am mentally and physically ready to have another baby."
"Fine, I will let you think about it." Embry turns and storms out of the house. Manny toddles over to me and I pick him to kiss his curly hair. He is calm and then holds up his empty cup. We go back to what we weree doing before Embry came in and Manny babbles to me while I check on his food and get him some water. Embry returns home when it is close to dinner and he watches me and Manny dance around the kitchen while making dinner. We spin around the tanle and stop right in front of him. His eyes look into mine deeply and for a long time before walking away to our room.
"Dada?" Manny calls to Embry. I close my eyes and try to keep from calling out to him. But, I cave in and whisper his name with so much sadness it breaks my heart. As if he heard me, Embry comes back and he pulls me into his arms and lifts my chin to kiss my deeply. Tears fall down my cheek as I kiss him back and hold him close to me. We pull away breathless and Embry wipes my tears away with a small smile.
"Let's never fight like this ever again. It hurt to be so angry at you and I hated that I made you mad and now you are crying. I love you, Marinna," Embry says. He kisses my forehead and he rubs my back.
"I am so sorry for fighting like this," I whisper. Manny snuggles between us and he pats Embry's chest. We break apart to finish making dinner. Manny babbles to us and points to things that he thought should be in the food. Embry kisses our son's hair with a big smile and a laugh as I kiss his cheek for his happy attittude. He is what keeps the family together and his everlasting happiness is what keeps Embry and I happy.