Chapter Six – Sympathy

Title: Through the Window Came the Wind

Author : lifelesslyndsey

Disclaimer: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.

Pairing: SamxBella

Rating: NC-17

Warning: language, and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.

Summary: He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.

A/N Spanked this one out myself so all mistakes are mine.

A/N Are any of you interested in a Paul fic? I have one in mind, for when Hit and Run is done. I had intended to do a Peter-Fic, but it isn't coming. This Paul fic though, I like it. Also, if I collab'd a QuillxBella fic, would you all read it?

A/N This chapter deviates from actual New Moon facts, by replacing Emily with Sams mother (as in previous chapters). I've also given Sam some history. Just throwing that out there.

"I'll tell you where to find sympathy. It's in the dictionary between shit and syphillis."-Unknown

There was a pause, where nothing was said. She stared at the water-stain ring on my counter top, tracing her finger tip around it. "What...why was your change the worst?"

"Uh..." I hadn't expected her to ask, and it wasn't something I enjoyed talking about. And yet when she asked, none of the expected feelings of shame and anger came with it. Instead, I wanted her to know."I was the first to phase. I was your age, older then the rest which is actually normal. It had been some time since the change had happened in our tribe, and the legends of it were no longer familiar. Our grandparents knew the legends because their fathers lived them, and our fathers told them as bed time stories. So when it happened to me...well, I didn't know what was happening to me. Neither did my mother; the tales of the Wolves were saved for sons."

"Didn't your dad..."

"Josh was never around," I cut in quickly. That was a story for a different day. "Not consistently, and when he was, he sure wasn't telling me bed-time stories. Usually he needed money or ass and he knew my momma was sucker enough to give up both. God bless the woman, but she is a fool for that man. So when it happened to me, I didn't know what was going on. I was trying to take care of my mom and myself, barely out of school, while...dealing with this thing inside of me. I was sick and sore all the time, andso angry. My mom...it scared her. But she didn't know the stories either. Almost no women know about the wolves, just mothers and lovers, and it had been so long since..." I wondered if she'd realize the levity behind that comment, before pressing was neither mother nor lover but one day, she could be both.

"She didn't know what to do with me. And the anger...it grew and grew and grew and then one day I came home and my father...fuck." My mouth felt dry, stomach in my throat, and I let my head fall into my hands. The wolf said speak, but I didn't want to talk about it, about the way it effected me. This was weakness, and I hated it.

"You don't have to tell me Sam." The warmth in her voice was unfamiliar, bordering on pity and totally unwelcome, especially when I didn't know her like this. I wanted the animosity back, if only for a moment. If only...if only so it didn't feel like I was suddenly talking to a stranger.

"I think I do," I replied, staring at the counter top. I did; this would be part of us my past, just like hers would. I'd hear her story too, just as she'd hear mine. "I think you need to know. I came home, already angry and confused. I was probably already so close to phasing that anything could have set me off. But...uh. I found my mother and father kissing in the kitchen. It was an innocent kiss. Like...like he hadn't been gone for years, like he was always there for her. Like he had a right to kiss her, and it made me so madto see it. I phased for the first time in my mothers kitchen. I tried to attack him; I was out of my head. I ended up hurting my mother instead. Badly. Permanently. And when...when I smelled her blood, I ran."

Her eyes were wide when I looked at her. "Oh my god. Was she okay? Were you okay?"

"No. She's blind in one eye, and lost some mobility in her shoulder. She use to be so pretty..." I took a deep breath. "So I ran. And of course, so did my father, because that's what he does. But not before alerting the council to what he'd seen. He remembered the tales enough that he understood what had happened. I was stuck in wolf form; I had no idea how to get back to human. Billy, who's grandfather had been Alpha of his own pack, found me about six weeks later, roaming the forest line of his property. He called me by name and I...it took me a bit to realize he was talking to me. Like I'd almost forgot the name was mine. Eventually he managed to talk me through phasing back. The Elders had been reading everything they could to help me.

I was pretty much feral at that point. Completely ass-naked in his back yard. His daughters were still around, so he got me in the garage, and gave me a pair of his own jeans. He explained what was going on, what I was, and the stories, and it was just...so much to take in. And then I remembered what I did," I laughed, bitter, hard. "When he finally managed to tell me what happened to my mom, I threw up all over his garage floor. And considering I had been eating nothing but raw animal for the last few weeks, it wasn't pretty. He kept me for a while, kept me away from every one. I stayed up at Old Quill's place, which is the farthest from the heart of the Rez. I didn't see my mother, or any one for four months. It was harder for them to teach me, and probably more dangerous.

Since I phased first, I'm Alpha of our pack. It gives me a certain ruling over the others. They're compelled to obey me. The Elders didn't have that over me, and I was...difficult to say the least, because the nature of my anger, maybe. We're so ruled by our emotions, it can cripple us. But over time I learned to control myself and then...then I got to go home. My mother was waiting for me on our front porch, and I almost didn't make it to the door without phasing because when I saw her...when I saw her it had been almost six months since my father had fled, and she was obviously very pregnant."

"The twins," Red breathed, eying me over the counter with sympathetic eyes. For all that she looked strange to me, looking so compassionate, it was certainly a good look on her.

"I was so angry at myself. But I kept it together, because I knew; because I remembered what would happen if I lost control. My mom was a mess; the scars were still fresh then. But she wasn't afraid, just gathered me up into a hug and told me to say hello to my sisters. I got a job after that, working with one of Billy's contractor friends, and eventually...built this cabin. I know my mom didn't kick me out because she was afraid of me, but sometimes I feel like..."

"I've never met the woman and I already know she loves you," Red cut in, with her own sad smile. "She sounds like she's always there for you, and you're always there for her. And you're really great with your sisters, Sam."

"It's always been us. Until the twins were born, and then there was just...more of us."

"Has Joshua been back since...since your change?" She asked, tentatively.

"No," I replied. "And I don't blame him, considering I tried to kill him. He's not especially well loved by the tribe, but I doubt they'd be thrilled if I gutted him in broad daylight."

Red paused again, tapping a finger against the counter top. "You don't have to answer me, of course, but Embry and the twins..."

"Look a lot alike?" I said with a sad smile. "Yeah, and he's noticed it too. He's very good to them. We...well, no one was really sure who Embry's father was, because his momma never talked about it. He's just another good kid Joshua fucked over. It's worse for him, I think. His mother wasn't part of the tribe and...the Elders ruled against telling her." That particular memory was still bitter-fresh. It had been my first proposal as Chief, equal rights for all mothers of Pack members, not just members of the Tribe.

"Renee wasn't a very good mom," Red suddenly said, staring off at the fridge as if refusing to meet my eye. She didn't have to explain the off-handed comment for me to know it for what it was. She was sharing something about herself, something personal, as I had. It might not have been the part of her past I was most interested in, but I still wanted to know. "She wasn't...bad. She didn't hit me and she fed me and whatever, but uh...she wasn't always there for me I suppose, in the ways that I needed her. I grew up...on my own and well, I never had much help. I don't like help and I don't know how to ask for it, but mostly I don't appreciate it, even if I should."

The way it was worded, it almost sounded like an apology.

~000~

The next day found Red sitting on my front porch, her monstrous beast of a truck parked by the road. "I don't think Jake's up to a visit today, Red," I said, limping up the stairs to my door. "Got our asses kicked. Quill's a hell of a lot bigger in wolf form than he is in human form. He always was a stocky little shit. Took four of us just to pin him"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry I shouldn't have presumed," she said awkwardly. "I'll get going. Um...here's my phone number...call me, if your ever free. To see Jake, I mean. I'm looking for a job, but at the moment, I never have anything to do. Charlie finally got my truck fixed so I thought I'd...uh. Just call me, if you get the chance."

"You didn't head over to Jakes first?" I asked, curiously. Considering all the shit she had given me in the course of two days, I expected it.

"Not...not after what you told me," she replied, eye lashes fluttering against her cheek. "If he hurt me...I think it would hurt him worse, I guess. And I couldn't do that to Jake," she said carefully. I looked her over, watching her shift from foot to foot on my first step, restless. No matter what she told herself, she was here for me. Wouldn't do to send her off, as much as I wanted to just crash on the couch and sleep till dinner.

"You ain't got shit to do, huh?" I asked with a laugh, holding open my screen door for her Wind tugged at the hood of her familiar red jacket as she walked under my arm and into the kitchen.

"None of my old ….friends from Forks talk to me much any more," she said suddenly defensive. "Not that I've made much of an effort, but whatever. Look, if I'm putting you out, or whatever, I'll leave."

"Hey, I'm just curious," I said, holding my hands up in defeat. "From what I reckon, you don't care much for me. I'm just a means to see Jacob."

"Well I hope your not waiting for me to correct that statement," she said bitterly, peeling off her jacket. She hung it carefully on the empty rung of the coat rack that I never remembered I installed. "I figure if I want to see Jake, I might as well get use to your face too."

"Such a mean little shit," I snorted, and she scowled back. "Look, how about we call a truce?" I asked, proffering my hand.

Red took it, curving her smooth palm into my calloused one. "How about we call a truce when it comes to Jake," she said, already shaking. "Everything else, all bets are off."

"So this?" I asked shortly, waving at her, and then the room. "Whats this then?"

"Convenient," she called out, slipping into my living room, and dropping down onto my battered old couch.

Ah, the frigid bitch was back. And they say familiarity breeds contempt.

tbc