Trinity Blood: War Continuum

by smcandy

Taking place one month after the anime's finale from Ep. 24 with additional materials from the manga. A/E main pairing to semi major love triangle or more with one-sided love.

25. Twenty: True Feelings

(AN) AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hi everyone again another update and on time too, in tis chapter you all gonna get a little more insight and information on what pure bloods are. They were something I made a long time back for this story and even my editor fond this concept for them quite interesting. Also I have a feeling you are all gonna enjoy what come at the end form long waited question about the main couple. So…this was kind of a long chapter…but Abel's past is a really complicated issue, and me and my editor wanted to look at the whole thing from more than one angle. Plus…the whole thing at the end…hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it! Take care and read on everyone!.

DISCLAIMER: All rights to Trinity Blood was created and © by late Yoshida Sunao, the anime directed by Tomohiro Hirata and produced by the studio GONZO, as well as a manga drawn by Yoshida Sunao's friend Kiyo Kyoujou. All © rights revered by their respective owners. I own nothing except © to this story, it's plot and it's OC's that will eventually show within later chapters.

Special thanks to one of my editors and co-partners in helping finally get this story off the ground and back burner dragonwriter24cmf check her own TB stories on which are awesome. Currently right now dragonwriter24cmf is helping with the current chapters and drafts for the stories plot and outline.

Warning:This fan fiction is rated (M) AKA Lemon. This story is ABSOULTLY NOT suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 [So if you're under the age limit turn back now, come back when you old enough to read this. I'd rather not get flamed nor sued by parents whom are just looking for trouble in places their underage children should not be looking nor reading for that matter. This story contains strong explicit adult themes and sexual ones such slight foreplay - as in hand sex, one-sided yuri, bisexuality, Attempted Rape, Explicit Sex or anything else mild to hard core kinky for that matter!, references to violence, and strong coarse language. If this disturbs you, do not read any further.

Notice: Trinity Blood War Continuum takes place one month after the events from the anime's finale episode 24 along with some elements, characters and things that will be used and taken from both manga's Rage against the Moons (RAM), Reborn on the Mars (ROM). In addition to some spoilers from stories untold notes left by Yoshida Sunao which he intended to finish off the manga series supposedly. Basically 50/50 will be used on both the anime and manga to those whom are more familiar with manga then others will see this implants as the story develops. Trinity Blood is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the Roman Catholic Church/the Vatican is portrayed as a military and spiritual power. The series also strongly implies major and controversial changes in the Church of present reality, such as women being bishops, cardinals as well as romantic relationships and marriages between members of the clergy. If this disturbs you of form or shape of or on imagination then do not read this story.

Trinity Blood: War Continuum - Chapter Twenty - True Feelings

Esther felt numb, shocked. As she watched Abel vanish into the darkened halls, she couldn't even begin to sort out her feelings. She caught Virgil's eye, and he gestured. He didn't quite meet her gaze, but his own was sympathetic as he held out his hand. "Your Majesty, you should retire soon. I fear that tomorrow will come too early as it is."

"I…you're right." Esther nodded, and allowed him to lead her from the room. She followed him as he took her to the elevator, but her mind was so full of questions that she barely noticed where she was going. She hardly registered it when Mary fell into step behind her, and didn't even realize they'd returned to her rooms until Virgil cleared his throat. She looked up with a start to find him holding her door open. "Thank you." She stared at him, knowing she wanted to ask him about his feelings, but her own were too unsettled. After a moment, she simply offered him a nod, and entered her quarters. Mary came in, and helped her undress, then left. Esther lay, staring at the ceiling, until finally, sleep overtook her.

She woke the next morning, feeling slightly calmer, but still…she felt confused. She ate, let her maids help her dress for the day, but her mind was still going over what Abel had told her.

She knew he hadn't lied. The sheer agony in his voice told her that. Besides, there was no reason for him to tell that sort of story. But as much as what he'd done horrified her, she was equally shocked and appalled by all he'd suffered. The story of his childhood made her feel slightly sick, and the thought that his own people had beaten him and left him to die…she understood the photograph Cain had given her much better now. Faced with that kind of past, she could understand why he would have wanted to destroy something. But…it didn't excuse him. She knew he hadn't asked her to forgive him on those grounds. But…if he'd told the truth, then he'd killed far more people than she could imagine. She remembered seeing the face of the uncontrolled Crusnik, in Carthage, and the thought that he'd knowingly unleashed that on defenseless cities made her want to run from him. Esther bit her lip, caught between the conflicting emotions of horror and pity.

The knock on her door announced Virgil's presence. She gestured her maids away, then rose to meet him. "Lord Walsh."

He stopped. "Your Majesty." He inclined his head in a graceful nod. "Did you rest sufficiently?"

"Yes, I suppose so." Esther blinked, and looked away from his golden eyes.

"Your Majesty…you seem upset. Is there something I can do for you?" He moved forward. "If there is something you require…"

"It's not that." She shook her head, and looked at him, suddenly remembering the night before. Of all of them, he'd been the only one who hadn't been surprised at the knowledge that Abel had been from Albion. "I was simply remembering last night. And I…if you don't mind my asking…"

"You may ask me anything you wish, Your Majesty." He bowed his head again.

"Last night…when Father Nightroad told us he was born there, you didn't seem surprised. Did you…already know about him?"

He nodded. "I was aware of his origins. When he first entered the Ghetto during the attack on the Pope, I knew. The entrance he used was unused, to the point that even I was not sure where it was. And that door can only be opened by a palm-print scan. The computer told me who he was the moment that door was opened." He shook his head. "I thought I had gone mad, or delusional. But when the elevator opened for him, and displayed the genetic coding sequence, there was no longer any doubt."

"I see." Esther looked away.

"I apologize for not telling you. I was not aware at the time that it was relevant." Virgil did sound truly contrite about that, and Esther shook her head.

"No. It's all right. After all, I should have guessed it was odd. I already knew Father had some strange talents, and I just assumed it was more of that." She hesitated. "I…what did you think…about what he told us?"

Virgil stood silent a moment. "I think…that Father Nightroad has had a difficult time of it." He stood still, then moved to the windows. "He reminds me of Vanessa, in a way, and for that, I cannot condemn him. Too…I think perhaps he was trapped. There are times when a man can be forced to choose only what he will betray, and I fear he must have done so. I confess, I would perhaps not have chosen as he did. But I cannot say which of us would have made the better choice." He bowed his head slightly "To be honest, Your Majesty, I do not know that I could have done what he has done. Nor what he does yet."

"I was just wondering, if you hated him."

Virgil shook his head. "I cannot. I am aware, that he did not tell us as much as he told you. But I…do not hate him. Nor do I distrust him. I believe that, having made his choice, even with the price it carries, he is not a man to unmake it. And I know…I have some records from the computers, of the experiments carried out here. He does not exaggerate his story." He stopped, but Esther was grateful he did. She didn't want to know what had been done to Abel, to drive him so close to madness.

After a moment, Virgil turned. "Your Majesty, I am aware that there are several things that must be done. However…Father Nightroad is indeed critical to our efforts. I recommend you take the time you need, to decide what your own decision is on the matter. Colonel Spencer and I can handle things for today."

Esther flushed. "That doesn't seem very fair to you. Besides…I don't want it to seem that I'm shirking my duties."

"We will manage." He hesitated, then spoke. "You have been working non-stop since your return. However…given the ordeal you have so recently come through…I do not think the Court will begrudge you one day."

Esther bit her lip a moment, then nodded. "Thank you, Lord Walsh."

"You are welcome." He surveyed her a moment longer, then bowed, turned, and left.

Alone, Esther turned and settled into the chair at her desk. She knew she should be working, but Virgil was right. She needed to sort out her own emotions. She knew she'd never be able to concentrate, not like this. With a sigh, she stared at the papers in front of her, not really seeing them.

She wanted to speak to Abel. She wanted to ask him to clarify things. She wanted to ask him why he'd revealed so much now. But the pain she'd heard in his voice stopped her. She knew, no matter what she asked him or why, that he'd hear her confusion. And that he'd likely guess the cause. And she was afraid, in her turmoil, that she'd let slip an accusation. Or at least, something that sounded like one.

Esther's fist clenched. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. I can't…I can't let my emotions run away with me. I have to figure things out properly. Otherwise…I might do something harsh to Father Nightroad again. Even if…even if he has done some terrible things, he's still Father Nightroad. He's still the man who's protected me for all this time, and he's still the one who came to rescue me. I need…I need to think things through, before I confront him, or before I decide to ignore what he said.

She took another deep breath, feeling her mind calm. A small smile touched her face. She knew Virgil was right, that she'd never be able to concentrate on her work but still, she could have used the distraction. She needed to think about something that wasn't emotionally charged. She cast her mind back over recent events, trying to focus on something that would distract her. Then a spare thought leaped out at her. Father Nightroad said that some people couldn't actually take the Bascillus. At least, I think that's what he said. But…that man…Kampfer…didn't he say something similar? Something about…about my blood. That there was special blood. What did he call it? She frowned. That's right…he said it was a Pure Blood strain. That Virgil would know, because the House of Manchester has always bonded to the Royal Family because of that special blood.

Now that was something she needed to investigate. Esther stood, grateful for the chance to consider something else. She was halfway to the door when she stopped. Lord Walsh…he said he'd take care of things for me today, so I could think things over. But if that's the case, then he's probably working really hard right now. Even for something like this, I shouldn't disturb him. She frowned. Is there…someone else I could ask? Colonel Spencer would know, but…that's the same. She's also working very hard right now. Seth might…but…it's not fair for me to call her just over something like that. She felt her teeth grit in frustration. Sighing, Esther reached for the door. If she was going to be frustrated, she might as well go to the garden. As least the scent of the plants would soothe her nerves. And the roses were in their last season of blooming.

"Hey there Red." As she emerged into the hallway, a familiar voice greeted her. She jumped, then turned to see Leon lounging against the wall. "What's up? Four Eyes keep you up too late last night?"

"Father Garcias." Esther smiled and moved to stand beside him. She sighed, and looked down at her hands. "No, it's not that Father Nightroad kept me awake last night. It's just…there was something I wanted to know, and I'm not sure who to ask. Lord Walsh and Colonel Spencer have the answers, but right now they're working, and I'm not sure who else I could ask."

"Well, did you try Four Eyes?" Leon snorted. "I haven't seen him, but he's gotta be around here somewhere."

"I…no I haven't seen Father Nightroad." Esther swallowed. "After last night…I haven't spoken to him yet."

"Hmph. That guy…" Leon let the sentence trail off. "Well, what did you want to ask about?"

"Umm…there was something about the Albion Royal Family, and something one of the Order members said came back to me. I wanted to check it out, but…"

"Well, why don't you ask the Professor?" Esther started, and Leon grinned. "He may not know everything, but he's pretty smart. He's from the Albion nobility, so he knows a lot of stuff about this place. And you can never tell what he'll have stored in that head of his."

Esther stared at him for a moment, then blushed. "You're right. I never thought of it, but…Father Wordsworth might know. I'll see if I can find him."

"He's in the library." Leon made a face. "Probably researching what that idiot said." He pushed himself straight. "Why don't I escort you down there? We wouldn't want to take a risk, letting you wander around by yourself."

"Ah…thank you Father. But I don't want to take you from your duties."

Leon waved a hand dismissively. "Ah…I was bored anyway. Havel's in with Caterina, and so is Petros. It's not like she needs another guard. So…shall we, senorita?" he grinned and held out his arm.

Esther nodded and moved to stand beside him. She walked beside him, lost in her thoughts, until suddenly, his voice startled her out of her reverie. "So…I guess you're still bothered, huh?"

"What?" Esther blinked up at him, then blushed once more. "Sorry, I'm afraid I wasn't paying attention."

Leon shrugged. "No big deal. I just thought you look like you're still troubled. What? Grandfather Four Eyes say something else to bother you after we left?" His eyes glittered dangerously, and he cracked a couple knuckles. "If you want, I can beat him up for you."

"I…well, it's not…it's not quite like that, I don't think." Esther sighed. "It's just…well, it's a little confusing. I haven't really decided what I think about it yet." She looked up at the man beside her. "If you don't mind my asking, are you…are you bothered? By what Father Nightroad said?" She swallowed. "I know…I saw you looked angry, when he told us his brother was the Contra Mundi, but…I was wondering if you were really upset about it."

"Hmph." Leon made a rude noise under his breath. He stopped and folded his arms, a frown on his face. "Well, normally, I wouldn't say this, but since it's you…" He shook his head. "That guy…it would have been helpful to know that he's been in the military. After all, if I'd known that, I'd be better able to work with him. And hearing that he's that old…geez. I thought the Professor was a bit grey around the edges, but that guy…it's a little spooky honestly. And hearing that about his brother…geez. It's a hell of a mess that guy's gotten into. It makes me want to punch him, for being stupid."

"I see." Esther looked down at her hands. "Did it…did it bother you, that he said he was on the side of the Methuselah, during the war? Or that…or about his brother?"

"Well, I guess that depends. Sure, it bothers me some, but…" Leon shrugged, then turned and met her gaze. "Everyone chooses their side during a fight. It can't be helped. I was a soldier for a while, and what I learned is…everyone fights for their own reasons. And everyone chooses their side for those reasons. Fighting, is all about the reason for your choice. I may not like what side Four Eyes was on, but…I can't say I fault his reasoning. And since he and I are on the same team now, I guess it doesn't matter. No matter what may have happened, I've fought enough battles with that clumsy guy to know…I trust him at my back. Or standing beside me. The rest is just the past. After all, there was a time I wouldn't have sided with the Vatican either." He made a face. "As for that crap about his brother…that's his business. He'll have to take care of it on his own. And if he screws up, I'll beat the daylights out of him. Simple as that." He gave her his wolf's grin.

"I see." Esther nodded. She noticed then that the doors of the library were just a few feet away. "Well then. Thank you for escorting me."

"No problem. I'd better get back to my post though. And hey, I hope the Professor has the answers you need." He gave her a jaunty wave. "Take care, Red."

"Thank you." She bowed slightly, then turned and pushed the doors open, walking into the lit room.

The musty smell of books enveloped her, oddly reassuring. She loved the openness of gardens, but the warmth of the library was comforting in it's way. That's right. Father Nightroad, he said he liked to read. I wonder…if he'll be here too. She wasn't sure what she'd do about it if he was. With a shrug, she moved forward into the shelves, looking for Professor Wordsworth.

She found him at a small table, near the center of the library. There was a stack of books near his elbow, and he was sitting with one open on his lap, looking deeply engaged, but he looked up at her approach. A warm smile touched his features. "Lady Esther. This is a pleasant surprise. I thought you'd be busy this morning."

"Yes, well, I had some things I wanted to figure out. Lord Walsh kindly suggested I take a day to think about them." At his gesture, Esther settled into the chair next to him. "Actually, Professor, if you don't mind, I have some questions I'd like to ask you."

"Well, of course you can ask me." His smile widened, and he set the book aside, moving to set his pipe a little more firmly between his teeth. "Now then, why don't you tell me exactly what it is you want to know about."

Esther fidgeted a moment. "Well, I recall last night, Father Nightroad mentioned something about people who couldn't become Methuselah. And while I was being held captive…Isaac von Kampfer…he took some blood for tests. It seemed…he thought there might be something special about it. And he mentioned…he said there was something called a Pure Blood. He didn't tell me what it was though."

"Ah, yes. I was just reading about that myself." Esther blinked at him, startled, and he offered her a boyish grin. "I was also intrigued by Abel's comment. But…about that, I have gathered some information. Would you like to hear it?"

"Ah…yes please." Esther settled back.

"Well then…as it happens, there are several different types of people in this world, as I'm sure you've guessed. If you exposed all of them to the Methuselah Bascillus…what they call the Kudluk Bascillus, most people would probably just become extremely ill. Eventually, they would die of anemia, or the side effects of the Bascillus. This is what usually happens to someone when they're attacked. Assuming they don't die of blood loss first, of course." He saw her expression, and made a rueful face. "Sorry. I didn't mean to sound so clinical."

"It's all right." Esther forced a small, answering smile. "You said that happens to most people. Is there some other reaction?"

"Well, naturally. There are some people who can accept the Bascillus. For those individuals, they integrate it into their bodies, just as Methuselah do. They become what are known as converted vampires. Actually, a while back, we were ordered to stop an individual who was trying to make such beings. Professor Barrie…I think it was."

Esther gasped. "The man who was responsible for the Silent Noise?"

"In part. But he also did some…rather unfortunate experiments involving trying to turn young children into converted vampires. But I suggest you ask Lord Walsh about that, or Father Leon and Father Nightroad."

"I…why those three, Professor?"

"Because Leon and Abel were the ones who handled the matter. And after it was over, I understand they transported Barrie's children here. I'd be surprised if Lord Walsh didn't know about it, in that case." He smiled. "But, I'm getting a little off track here. You wanted to know about Pure Bloods."

"Yes, please."

He nodded. "Apparently, for whatever reason, there are certain people who are completely immune to the Bascillus. No matter what happens, they cannot be affected by it's power. I was reading today, in these books…" He gestured to the pile before him. "Apparently, the Albion Royal Family has some connection to Pure Bloods, though it isn't clear if the it's one of those lines, or simply related in some way. It may simply be that they have a number of them in families under their protection. The references are a little vague. But they do give some information regarding such people."

"I see. And what do the records say?" Esther flushed. "I suppose I should just look it up for myself but…"

"It's perfectly all right. I don't mind explaining." The Professor nodded, then his eyes went a little distant. "As I've said, a Pure Blood can't be affected by the Bascillus. Not only that, they're extremely resistant to other forms of viruses and such. In fact, the reason they are called Pure Bloods is for precisely that reason. Very little affects their bodies. They'd have to be under a great deal of stress, or severely injured." He frowned. "Offhand, I can't say whether even the Crusnik could affect such a person. It's possible even such a power as that would be useless. But even if it wasn't, I highly doubt the effects would be at all similar to what a normal human would experience." He shook his head. "It's a fairly useful trait, but it also causes certain problems."

"Problems? What are those, Professor?" Esther stiffened.

"Well, since it's so pure, and untouched by the virus, Pure Bloods are very highly sought after by Methuselah. One assumes they taste different from normal humans, but more than that…" He frowned. "Normally, any blood a Methuselah drinks would be returned to their systems. But after a while, of course, it too is affected by the Bascillus, which is why they must continue to drink, or have iron supplements. However, a Pure Blood, or the blood from such a person…."

"It wouldn't be absorbed, would it?" Esther shivered. "So it would be helpful for longer, because it can't be affected."

"Exactly. More than that…some Methuselah have an affinity for finding or recognizing the scent or feel of a victim. But as I understand it, such awareness would only last as long as the untainted blood. But if such a Methuselah took the blood of such a human, then conceivably, they would always be able to locate that person. And that…could be rather troublesome."

Esther felt a cold chill run down her spine. She clenched her right hand over her left wrist, fighting back the memory of the Order members drinking her blood. She didn't know if any of them had such a talent, but if they did…she felt her muscles tense.

"Esther, is something the matter?" She looked up to see the Professor watching her, concern on his face. "You've gone rather pale."

"I'm sorry. It's nothing, really." The forced a small smile. "I…well, it's just, I was thinking what it would be like, if the Order had someone who could track a person like that. If they got the wrong person's blood….or something like that. It sounds a little terrifying."

"I have to agree with you there. But you know…you look as if you're a little troubled by something." He gave her another of his reassuring, fatherly grins. "If you'd like to talk to me, please, feel free to say whatever is on your mind."

She wanted to tell him. But…telling him about that meant she'd have to tell him about the rest as well. The thought of revealing what Cain had tried to do with her, or worse, what Dietrich had done, still worried her too much. She shook her head. "It's nothing really. It's just, I was thinking over the things I heard last night, and that came back to me, so I wanted to find out more, if possible. But really, I'm all right."

He made a soft noise. "Thinking about all the things that you heard last night, hmm? I confess, I've been doing a lot of that myself today. That's one reason I hadn't already finished my research." He gestured to a pile of very old, very battered books lying on the far side of the table. "I believe those books may contain documentation of the experiments Abel mentioned. I was wondering whether or not I ought to read them."

Esther blinked. "You were wondering…whether or not to read them? But why, Father? Surely if they contain information…"

"Well, they might. But…even if they do, and even if it's written down as mere facts and reports, that information…" He sighed, and his face fell into worried lines. "Even if from here it looks like simple reports, that information is likely to be highly personal to Abel. It will probably embarrass him. After all, he obviously revealed as much as he felt comfortable with last night." He smiled ruefully again. "Actually, I would venture to say he gave us far more than he felt comfortable with, last night. To pry deeper, even with the best of intentions, might cause him further trouble. And whatever else he may be, Abel is my friend. I've no wish to cause him further anxiety if it's unnecessary. So…I was considering putting those back where I found them, and leaving them alone."

"That's right…you and Father Nightroad have been friends for a long time, haven't you, Professor?" Esther looked up at him. "And he really…you didn't know about him?"

He shook his head. "Not a thing. Abel's never been very forthcoming about his past. In fact, he avoids it more than any other subject I've ever asked him about. I've only gotten glimpses here and there." He bit his pipe, considering. "Actually, the only time I've ever gathered anything concrete, he wasn't actually speaking to me. He was caught in the grip of a rather vicious nightmare. I heard him muttering just before he woke up screaming, and he let it slip that he'd remembered something. But then he covered it up again." He shook his head again. "I've never really pressed him. I've always assumed that Caterina knew, and trusted him. And that was enough for me."

"I see…then…what you know now…hasn't changed your opinion?" Esther looked away from him.

"Well, I'm not sure how to say this…in a way, no. But…in a way, of course it has." He leaned back. "Naturally, knowing what I know now…well, in many ways it's a little disconcerting. After all, to find out a man who looks half my age was old enough to witness Armageddon…well, that was rather startling. And to hear that he once fought against the Vatican, is also a little disconcerting. But really, I think what bothers me most is hearing how he came to be that way."

Esther sat up a little straighter. "I don't understand. If you don't mind telling me…"

"Not at all. Actually, it would be a relief to talk this out with someone, if you don't mind." He looked at her, his eyes serious. "Although, if you'd rather not discuss it…"

"No. Actually, I'm a little confused myself. I spoke to Father Garcias, but…"

"But Leon has his own way of looking at the world. And it's quite different from what you're used to." He chuckled. "I quite understand." He eyes turned grave again. "Let's see now…how shall I put this?" He frowned. "I don't doubt anything of what Abel told us. For one thing, he's a rather poor liar at the best of times, which is why he prefers misdirection. Not that he can't lie, but he dislikes it."

"That is true. I know…Father has lied occasionally, but only to protect someone, or something important to him." Esther looked down at her hands.

"Exactly. But if the story Abel told is true…well then…I feel I owe him an apology. But not one I know how to make, nor one I think he'll accept."

"Apology?" Esther stared at him. "But why….?"

"Because, the greatest source of Abel's suffering lies in the scientists who abused him…or at least failed to understand him. Moreover, despite what Abel said to me last night, those men and I were probably very similar. Immersed in our search for knowledge, and occasionally oblivious to the harm we might do." He bowed his head. "I've been in charge of keeping an eye on Abel's condition for quite some time…and I won't deny there have often been times when I dragged him into a research project, with and without his consent. In fact, I did so the first time we met, if you recall."

Esther smiled, remembering. "I do. The incident with the siren, when I first came to Rome."

"Exactly. And Abel has always taken it with good heart. He fusses, and sulks…but it's rare for him to actually fight me, or lose his temper, or even refuse to do something." He sighed. "Hearing what he feels, after all this time…I can't help wondering what he truly felt, all those times." He shook his head. "When he first returned, and after you were taken…Abel fought me hardest then. He was…extremely reluctant, and I thought he might strike me once or twice. And now, I wonder if that's how it's always made him feel. Pained, and defensive. I wonder if every time I touched him, I was triggering torturous memories, and he was forcing them back. If he was sparing me, for the sake of friendship, or simply because I'm human and happen to be his comrade in the AX." A small, hurt smile touched his face. "It would be very like him, wouldn't it? To let himself feel such things and not tell anyone, for the sake of preventing pain in others."

Esther bit her lip. "That's true. Father would…Father would be like that, wouldn't he?" She felt tears trying to gather in her eyes, and shook them away. "But still…I think…I think he didn't want to cause you trouble, Professor. And when I've seen you with him, it looked to me as if the two of you were….very good friends. I think…even if it was troublesome for him, Father Nightroad might not have minded helping you much. And he did say, last night, that he doesn't think of you the same way as he felt about those men."

"Well, that is true." William smiled tightly around his pipe-stem. "But then, he could just be protecting me again."

"Even if that's true…he wouldn't do so if he didn't care for you, Professor. Besides…I don't think Father Nightroad was protecting you, last night. I think…for him to tell a story like that…I think Father must have been completely honest, at that time." She felt herself flushing a little. "Of course, it's not like I have any proof or anything. It's just…the way Father made me feel."

"Well, there is that. And as it happens, I agree with you. Abel…that's not the sort of story he would tell, even to protect someone. Certainly, he wasn't protecting himself." He shook his head. "To be honest, I can't imagine what it cost for him to reveal so much, nor why he would have done so now. The information certainly is useful, and rather revealing, but to place himself in such a position, now after all this time…well, it is rather strange."

"Yes. It is." Esther forced herself to agree, but her heart was suddenly pounding. Father Wordsworth is right. After all this time…it is odd. And yet…didn't Father Nightroad say it himself? He did this…revealed all of this…because I wanted to know about his past. Because he knew…because I had confronted him about it, he decided to tell me. And since he couldn't take me to…to that place…without a guard, he chose to let everyone else know as well. Even though…even though it was extremely painful for him, he did this because I asked him too. A hot flush of shame scalded through her, as the knowledge of what she'd asked, and what he'd done for her sake, sank in.

"Lady Esther? Are you all right?" She jerked out of her thoughts to find the Professor staring at her, concern in his eyes and the pipe on the table beside him.

"I…oh yes." She shook her head, unwilling to tell him of her thoughts. "I was just…thinking about everything…and…"

"You're still rather confused about Abel, aren't you?" Esther stiffened, but the smile he offered her was gentle, and kind. "He did tell you some things, after the rest of us left, didn't he?"

"I…yes, he did." Esther looked away.

"Those things…they're probably things Abel couldn't bear to reveal to anyone else. Things that were truly terrible for him." Esther managed a short, jerky nod, afraid that if she spoke, then she'd reveal something. But the Professor only inclined his head, looking thoughtful. "In that case, if what he revealed to you was even worse than what he dared to tell us, then it's not surprising you'd be confused. And if that's the case, then I think I know just the person you really need to talk to."

"You do?" Esther blinked, her fear momentarily forgotten in her surprise. "But who…?"

"Talk to Caterina." He smiled at her surprised expression. "It's really the only logical choice, if something about Abel troubles you. Well, you could talk to Abel himself, I suppose, but I got the impression you didn't want to do that just yet."

"No, I…" she looked down at her hands, absently twisting a handkerchief around her fingers. "I'm afraid, if I talk to him right now, that I'll say the wrong thing. I might…I might hurt him, even if I didn't mean to. Or I might…say something that he can't hear. And I don't want to do that."

"Well, in all fairness to you and Abel, you're both a lot sturdier and more sensible than you seem to fear. And underneath everything, Abel is…well usually, he's a very sensitive person. As are you. But…I understand." He gestured with the pipe. "That's why I advise you talk to Lady Caterina."

"Lady Caterina…that's right, she has known him a long time, hasn't she?" Esther considered.

"She has. But she also knows more about Abel than most of us." He frowned. "She's never shared the details, but I suspect she'll know at least some of those things that are bothering you. And even if she doesn't, I suspect her advice will be very good." He chuckled. "In my experience, it usually is, even where…or perhaps I should say, especially where, Abel is concerned."

Esther thought about it. She'd once been very intimidated by Caterina Sforza, and she was still a little in awe of her, but…recent events had turned a superior/employee relationship into a surprisingly comfortable friendship. And Caterina's previous advice about her advisors had been very good indeed. She looked up at the man sitting next to her. "I think I'd like to do that, but I don't want to disturb her if she's working."

"Well, I don't think she's doing much at the moment. Probably finishing after-incident reports and answering Cardinal di Medici's questions." He smirked. "The Cardinal is…rather incensed. I think he's angry that we didn't attack the Order headquarters as soon as possible."

"Oh?" Esther settled back. "But...were you planning to?"

"Not at all, which is exactly Lady Caterina's point." He gestured. "The whole point of our mission at the time was to find out where you were and recover you. Of course, if we'd had to fight our way out, or something of that nature, we certainly would have. And I don't think anyone would have been adverse to doing some damage. But no, the only solid mission objective was to find you and bring you back. We weren't equipped to do much beyond that, to be honest." He chuckled again. "And then, of course, you saved us the whole thing by dropping neatly into Abel's arms on the road about forty miles out."

Esther blushed. "Well, I didn't think I should wait around for someone to rescue me. I'm simply grateful it all worked out."

He nodded. "So are we. Thanks to that, Albion is settling again, the Pope has stopped twisting up his handkerchiefs with worry, and Abel is being…well, about as reasonable as he gets, and a great deal more so than he was. And this peace you helped construct is still standing."

Hearing those words made her feel warm. And the image of Alessandro, sitting on the Holy Throne and twisting a handkerchief, with his usual solemn expression, was enough to prompt a smile to her lips. "Thank you, Professor."

"It's no trouble at all." He smiled and gestured with his pipe. "Now, why don't you go talk to Caterina for a bit, and let her help you sort out some of the rest of your concerns."

Esther stood. "I'll do that, Father." She paused as her gaze shifted to the stack of books he'd indicated. "About those…are you going to read them?"

His eyes tracked her gaze. After a moment, he shook his head. "No, I don't think I will. After all, it's Abel's business. And if there's something he wants me to know, he will tell me. So it's fine."

"I see. Well then, be sure you return them to the shelves properly." She spoke softly, as if she were teasing, hoping that he'd read her unspoken request. She was grateful that he wasn't going to read them, and she didn't want anyone else to do so either. Though she still felt conflicted, she didn't want to expose Abel's secrets so deeply to the world.

He blinked, and met her eyes. After a moment, he nodded very slightly, and she saw that he understood her intent. "Of course. I'll do my best to make sure they get back to their proper place." He gestured again, every inch the absent-minded professor. "I believe Caterina is in her rooms at this hour. If not, you can ask Father Vaclav where she is. I'm certain he'll know."

"Thank you." She gave him another nod, then turned and walked quickly out of the library.

Knocking on Caterina's door a few minutes later earned her a soft invitation to enter. She stepped into the room to find Caterina seated on the sofa, dressed in casual working clothing and reading a report. The Lady Cardinal looked up at her entrance, then set the paper aside and rose gracefully to her feet. "Your Majesty."

Esther blushed. "There's no need to be so formal, Lady Caterina." She blinked, spotting Petros standing by the far wall. "If you could spare a moment, I was hoping to speak with you."

"Of course." Caterina nodded and resumed her seat. Her eyes flicked to Petros. "Brother Petros, if you'd be so good as to find Father Vaclav that I'd like to delay lunch a little, and that he should bring enough for two."

The knight stiffened, but after a moment, he bowed. "As you wish, Excellency." Then he turned and strode out the door.

Caterina turned back to face Esther, brushing a strand of long golden hair out of her eyes with an absentminded gesture. "I guessed you wish to speak to me alone. Actually, I'm not that surprised to find you here." She smiled, but there was sadness in her expression. "It's about Abel, isn't it?"

Esther started. "How did you…?"

The Duchess of Milan shook her head. "Even I was a bit unsettled last night. But when he held you back…I guessed. He told you, didn't he? About his role in the war, all those years ago."

Esther nodded. "I…he did." A stray thought came back to her. "He also said that you and Petros already knew."

"Yes. Abel's told me a few things over the years. But in addition to that…" Caterina sighed. "When the Inquisition held him, he asked the Lady Seth to provide us with some documentation. Petros and I both read it. There were some accounts of the war in there. There's also information in the Vatican archives, if you know what to look for."

"You…looked it up?" Esther stared at her.

Caterina's expression turned a little amused, or exasperated. "Abel let a few things slip, while he was watching over me as I grew up." She caught Esther's expression, and the smile deepened. "I was only fifteen or sixteen when I met him, for the first time. He never told me much, but what he did let slip made me wonder, so I accessed the files and looked it up. And afterward, when I spoke to him about it, he confirmed it." The exasperation returned to her face. "And then he disappeared for two weeks, and I had to hunt him down. I barely caught up with him."

"I see." Esther blinked, then focused her eyes on the wall. "If you don't mind my asking…what did you say to him? That time."

"I told him to fight with me. To fight alongside me. And he agreed. Rather reluctantly, but he did agree. Not long after that, we both entered the church."

"I see." Esther bit her lip for a moment, then began to speak, slowly and carefully. "Father Nightroad…he's been with me through so much. I can't help remembering all the things he's done for me. And he's always been good. Even when…even when I ask about things that aren't my business…even when I say harsh things. He was even…even willing to stand by my side when I rejected him, that time in Carthage. And Father Wordsworth told me…that he looked everywhere for me. That he even…he even went to the Inquisition to try and get more help in finding me."

"That's all very true." Caterina folded her hands. "So then, why are you troubled?"

"Because…he did…or said he did, such terrible things." Esther swallowed. "Those sorts of things…if we forgave everyone who did that kind of thing, then we wouldn't be at war with the Contra Mundi. We'd have let them win a long time ago. To forgive him…for something like that…I'm not sure about it. Even though…even though he's changed, and even though I understand why he must have reacted that way…I still…that sort of thing…I'm not sure what to make of it."

Caterina nodded. "A very valid point." She considered. Her gaze drifted to the far wall. "Of course, you must bear in mind: Abel does not expect you to forgive him. He has never, at any point, asked for such a thing. In fact, if you ask him, he will tell you very clearly that he considers himself a damned soul, a sinner marked forever by his sins."

"I know." Esther bit her lip. "But that too…it's very difficult. I believe in Father Nightroad, and I trust him, but still…" She swallowed. "I…I trusted Dietrich too, and Isaac Butler. I truly thought…that they were my friends. That they were allies who'd support me. But…"

"But they have both betrayed you." Caterina nodded. "That makes it hard for you to trust, even one such as Abel. And now that you know who he is, and the truth of his past…it's become even more confusing. Is that your concern?"

"Yes. It is." She fought back tears. "I know, you probably think I'm being very silly, but…"

"On the contrary, it's a valid concern. After all, Father Nightroad is a key figure in this battle with Rosenkreutz. Even more so than we realized. If you cannot trust him, then we must seriously rethink our strategy for the matter." Esther looked up, startled. Caterina held her gaze for a moment, then spoke more gently. "And Abel is…as you say, Abel has been close to you for a very long time. That is also important."

Esther nodded. "But, I'm not sure what to do. And I'm afraid, if I confront him…I may say the wrong thing."

"That is understandable. I felt the same way, when I faced him." Caterina smiled.

Esther blinked. "You did? But then…if you don't mind my asking…what did you…?"

The gentle, sorrowful smile on the Cardinal's face deepened. "I looked into his eyes. But when I met his gaze, all the things I wanted to say to him disappeared. All I could hear was his voice, the first words I ever truly heard him speak, in his own form. The first words he ever spoke to me." Her gaze looked beyond Esther. "When he saved me from vampires who'd attacked my family, I asked him who he was. And he looked at me, with those sad, solemn blue eyes and that gentle smile, and said, 'I'm someone who's come to save the lives of humans. Don't worry, I've come to help you.' Just that. I didn't even know his name then. But it was enough. And when I heard those words, I knew that I couldn't hate him. That I'd forgive him, even if he would not forgive himself."

Esther looked down. "Something like that…I remember his first words to me as well. They're very comforting in troublesome times." He said he was my friend. That he would always be by my side.

"Indeed." Caterina looked over the rim of her spectacles. "The truth is, I can't tell you how to handle this. Only that you need to speak to Abel. You won't know what your true feelings are, or his, until you see him face to face." She sighed. "Abel is within the Palace at the moment. It shouldn't be too difficult to find him."

"I know. But…I'm still not sure…I'd like to think a little longer." Esther felt embarrassed, but she couldn't help it.

"I see. Well, in that case, I suggest we turn our minds other matters for the moment." Caterina offered her a smile. "If you wouldn't object, I have a number of things I'd like to discuss with you. And the Empress has sent along several documents I think might be interesting to you."

Esther nodded, grateful for the distraction. She shifted a small table closer, and together, she and Caterina spent the rest of the afternoon immersed in paperwork, and discussion. Vaclav brought them lunch, and supper, but the rest of the time was spent in working, or in the discussion of random topics, such as the gardens.

It was a relief from the troubling thoughts of Abel. Even more importantly, Caterina was well trained in politics, and much more experienced than Esther. She was also more than willing to share that knowledge, and she was aware of where the difference in personality altered the situation. They went over several documents, and discussed strategies for various alliances, plans of attack and so forth. Caterina was a shrewd woman, and Esther found herself somewhat envious of the other woman's obvious ease with the affairs of state. She was also grateful to have the older woman to teach her. As the day neared it's end, she felt as if she'd accomplished a lot.

The night had fallen when a soft knock interrupted. Caterina gave her permission to enter, and Virgil stepped into the room, bowing. "Your Majesty. Your Excellency."

"Lord Walsh." Caterina nodded her head. "I suppose you've come to take your queen back to her quarters."

"It is getting somewhat late." Virgil bowed to Esther. "Your Majesty, if you wish to remain, I will depart. However, I recommend you retire soon."

"I understand." Esther turned to look at Caterina.

The older woman smiled. "You may as well." She looked over the documents on her table. "I confess, I am getting a little fatigued, myself." She rose to her feet. "Perhaps we should continue this later tomorrow, Your Majesty."

"Of course." Esther also rose. She offered Caterina a half-bow of respect. "Thank you, Lady Caterina, for assisting me today. You've been very kind."

"You're more than welcome, Lady Esther." Caterina bowed her head very slightly. Esther nodded back, then left.

It wasn't until she entered the hall that she felt the vague sense of tiredness that had been bothering her. All of sudden, she felt she could barely keep her eyes open. She blinked and shook her head.

"Your Majesty?" Virgil spoke from beside her, and his voice was concerned.

"I'm all right." Esther smiled up at him. "It's just…we were working so hard, and I guess I never realized how late it was getting, or how tired I would feel. I felt fine, but now…I just felt so sleepy all of a sudden."

"I understand. Did you resolve some of the things you needed to?" Golden eyes surveyed her.

Esther smiled slightly. "Well, I'm not sure about that. I…I did talk to some people. And I think I understand things a little better now. But I'm not sure it will be resolved until I speak to Father Nightroad. And right now…I think I'd rather sleep."

"As you wish." He inclined his head, then opened the door to her room, and bowed. "Your maids are awaiting you. Please rest well, Your Majesty."

Esther nodded. She was so sleepy, she didn't really register it as her maids dressed her in a long nightdress. She wanted to think about everything she'd talked over with the others, but her eyes were too heavy. No sooner did her head hit the pillow, then she was asleep.

The world seemed stained crimson. Esther looked around, but she couldn't see anything but the swirling red light. She felt…not afraid, more like anxious. She gazed around; looking for any clue she might find to explain things to her. Then, so soft she barely heard it, her ears caught a fait sound. She frowned, closing her eyes to listen better. After a moment, she knew what she was hearing. The sound was that of someone crying, softly, somewhere.

Carefully, Esther began to move forward, toward the sound of that pained voice. After a moment, she spoke hesitantly into the crimson light. "Hello?"

There was no answer, just the soft sound of choked, agonized sobs. She stepped forward, peering through the red haze. Then, suddenly, it cleared, and she froze.

Abel knelt before her. His eyes were closed, and he didn't seem to be aware of her presence. He knelt before a dark metal cross. With a start, Esther recognized it as the one he wore as his secondary rosary, but this one was as tall as he was. Abel was kneeling, his arms wrapped around it in an embrace so tight she could see where the ragged edges drove into his uniform. Yet, the priest seemed unaware of it. Both hands reached around the crucifix, one reaching up to grasp where the arms crossed, the other pressing his pale face into the metal, so harshly she was surprised it didn't cut him. His face bore it's human aspect, with his pale skin, tied back hair, and glasses. But the dark wings of his Crusnik form stretched behind him, and his closed eyes wept tears of his own blood. The tears streaked his face, ran down the metal of the cross, and dripped into the red that surrounded them. Esther flinched, only then realizing that she and the priest stood in a pool of his blood, wept and shed on this cross.

The sight filled her with pity, and sorrow. She felt tears sliding down her face, to mingle with the pool of his. She knew she feared him and yet, the tortured, suffering soul before her inspired nothing but a desire to ease his anguish. She took a step forward, reaching out to the figure before her. "Father Nightroad…"

With shocking suddenness, a hand grabbed her arm, whirling her around. She gasped, finding herself facing Cain. Terror burned through her. The pale white figure smiled coldly. "You know, it really isn't fair for Abel to have you as well. After all, he's already had his chance."

She struggled, but his grip was unbreakable. The cold smile widened and he leaned forward. "Well now, my dear, why don't you simply join me? With fire I will renew this world for my brother, with you helping me." Then his mouth shifted, and covered hers with a brutal kiss, harsh and demanding. Esther gasped for air. Then Cain broke away, and lifted her arm. "See? Just a little of your blood…" His head bent toward her wrist.

With a choked off gasp, Esther shot upright in bed, breathing hard. She felt sweaty and sick. For a long moment, she simply sat there, her hands over her mouth to stifle more cries. She took deep breaths, trying to calm her racing heart. It was just a dream. That's all. I'm safe in the Palace.

Slowly, her heart rate and her breathing slowed and steadied. Esther swallowed, then reached for the water that was always left at her bedside. A few drinks helped cool the rest of her anxiety. She wiped the drying sweat and tears from her face, and leaned back against the pillows. Now that she was calmer, she managed to look back at the dream.

The second part had clearly been a rather distorted jumble of memories, most of them from Cain's attempted seduction. It was the first part that puzzled her. Why, why would I see Father Nightroad like that? It's true…I know he's suffered. And he said…he's mentioned that he's trying to atone for his actions. Caterina said so too. But that…that was…so sad. To see him weeping like that…Is that…how I really see him?

Suddenly restless, Esther sat up and tossed the covers aside. Sitting in the bed worrying over it wasn't going to help. Though a glance at her clock confirmed that it was extremely late, she wanted to simply have this over with. She wanted to face him, to decide how she felt. She wanted to know what he felt. She wanted to sort things out once and for all. She stood and threw a robe around her, then went to her wardrobe and selected a comfortable outfit that was easy to get into. She shrugged it on, then slipped on a pair of shoes and went to her door.

Virgil was standing outside, apparently taking his turn at guard duty for an evening. His eyes widened as she emerged. "Your Majesty. Is everything all right?" His pale golden gaze examined her. "You look a little pale."

Esther offered him a faint smile. "It's all right. I just had a…very disturbing dream."

"I see." He relaxed, just a fraction. "Your Majesty, it is very late. You should be resting. Is there something I can do for you?"

She looked at the door across the hall. It was still dark. "Actually…is there any chance you could tell me where Father Nightroad is? I'd like to speak to him, if I can."

He blinked. "If you wish, I can have him summoned. Or…perhaps it would be better to wait until morning."

Esther shook her head. "I'd rather walk myself, thank you, and clear my head a little. Besides…I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a while, so I might as well do something." She smiled sadly, then turned to look at him. "Do you know where Father Nightroad has gone?"

He sighed, very softly. "I believe he is in the rose garden, my lady. Shall I escort you?"

She shook her head again. "No. It's all right. I can find my way. There are guards, aren't there?"

"Yes Your Majesty." He bowed. "I hope you manage to resolve things to your satisfaction. However, please return soon. Your Majesty has need of rest."

Esther nodded. "I will." Then she turned and strode down the hall, before her resolve could fail her.

The guards watched her quietly and unobtrusively as she made her way out to the gardens. Descending into the green landscape, lit by lanterns every few yards, Esther shivered and pulled her lightweight cloak a little more firmly around her. Albion evenings were cool even in summer, and as summer edged into fall, there was a definite bite to the air. She swallowed once, then stepped down onto the path to the gardens.

She'd gotten just past the first row of hedges, when a voice from her right startled her. "Esther?"

She whirled, her heart pounding. Then she relaxed, as Ion Fortuna stepped into the lamplight from an adjoining path. The young Methuselah lord moved forward to stand beside her, his eyes bright with concern. "Esther, is everything all right? I thought you'd be resting by now."

She shook her head. "I'm all right. It's just…" She offered him a rueful expression. "I couldn't sleep, so I…I decided to come out here. And…there was something I wanted to take care of."

"I see. Well, as long as you're all right." Ion's boyish face relaxed into a smile. "You know, I hadn't had a chance to say this, but…I'm relieved you're all right, Esther. I was worried for a while there."

Esther nodded, relaxing herself. "Thank you for worrying." She looked away, blushing slightly. "To tell the truth, I was rather concerned for a while, myself. But everything turned out fine." She stopped, then looked up at him. "That's right…you were helping with the rescue operations, weren't you?" She smiled. "Thank you."

"I…" Ion blushed, visible in the lamplight. "Well I…I didn't actually do that much, really. And you rescued yourself, so…" He broke off, looking uncomfortable

"It's all right. You still helped with finding me." She looked down at her hands. "I wanted to say thank you. For being so concerned about me."

They stood in silence for a few moments. Then Ion spoke in a hesitant voice. "Esther…"

She looked up at the soft tone, and was startled to see his eyes gone grave and solemn. "Yes?"

"Esther I…" He looked away from her, red rising to his face. "I…really care for you. Ever since…ever since that time you were with me in Carthage…I've had really strong feelings for you. When we were…when you came to the Empire with me, I wanted to ask you…well, to ask you to stay with me. In my home. I know…now…well, of course you have to remain here, in your own country. But…if you wanted…I'd be willing to stay here with you." He met her eyes again. "I wanted to tell you that. I really care for you, Esther."

Esther swallowed hard, her heart suddenly pounding. Ion's confession sounded very much like her own, a few months prior. In fact, he'd said something similar just before her capture. She felt a painful clenching in her gut.

She didn't want to hurt him. Looking into those earnest eyes, she didn't want to hurt him. And yet, she knew very well that she thought of him as a friend. A very dear friend, and a wonderful companion, but no more than that. She valued his kindness, enjoyed his company, and respected his beliefs. But…she didn't love him. She knew she might have, once, but…she'd given her heart to Abel a long time ago. And even if he didn't return it, even if she felt confused, she wasn't sure that emotion had disappeared yet. She did know, though, that the only thing that would hurt the Earl of Memphis worse than an outright refusal, was if she gave him hope, and toyed with his heart. And that, she wouldn't do.

Ion was still waiting for her answer. Finally, Esther reached up one hand to touch his face lightly. She let a sad smile touch her lips. "Your Excellency…I'm…I'm very honored that you feel that deeply about me. And I hope you'll always support me, and grant me your friendship. But I…I'm afraid…"

His hand came up to touch her mouth. "You don't have to say it." She saw the pain in his eyes, heard it in his voice. "I understand." He looked away. "It's because…because the same way I care for you….you care for Father Nightroad, isn't it?"

Esther nodded. "I'm afraid so." She looked away. "I…I don't know if he returns my feelings, but…"

"I understand. And if that's the case…" Determination firmed his shaky voice. "Until you change your mind, or until that guy comes to his senses, I won't give up on you." The amber eyes were bright with determination. "But…for now…I'll be your friend. I promise you, no matter what…I'll be your friend, and if you ever need anything from me…all you have to do is ask, all right?" His eyes still looked hurt, but he managed a ghost of a smile.

Esther nodded. "Thank you, Ion."

He held her gaze a moment more, then carefully dropped his hand from her. "Did you…want to speak with Father Nightroad?"

Esther nodded once more. "Yes."

"Well, then, he's right down that path." Ion gestured. "You should probably go ahead, before you get chilled." Esther managed to nod in acknowledgement. She was halfway across to the path, when Ion spoke behind her. "Esther…" she turned, and the bright amber eyes caught hers. "I hope…I hope that this time…you'll be happy." Then he turned and vanished among the hedges.

Esther stared in the direction he'd gone for a few moments, her heart aching for the young Methuselah. A part of her wished she'd been able to give him what he wanted, but…she knew it was impossible. She took a deep breath, to steady herself, then turned and strode deeper into the garden.

Abel was standing near the center of the rose pavilion when she entered, looking up at the night sky. His face was turned from her, and she couldn't tell exactly what he was staring at, but she guessed. His gaze was turned in the general direction of the second moon, and under the torch lights of the garden, his frame was tense and unnaturally still. He didn't turn or speak when she entered, but she saw a slight shift in his stance, in the tilt of his head, and knew he was aware of her.

She hesitated a moment, trying to gather her thoughts, then stepped forward. "Father Nightroad."

"Miss Esther." He didn't turn. "You know, you should be resting."

She moved to stand close to him. "I know. But I couldn't sleep, and I thought a walk in the garden might help." She wanted to tell him she'd been looking for him, but standing there, she wasn't sure how to broach the subject. She couldn't see his face clearly, and the tone of his voice was neutral, hiding his feelings.

They stood in awkward silence for a few minutes, gazing up at the few stars visible from the gardens. Esther shivered as a cool night breeze snuck down the back of her collar. She'd been in colder weather, and she was aware of the changing season, but still, she felt a chill brush over her.

Abel shifted beside her, then suddenly she felt the outer jacket of his cassock being draped over her shoulders. She blinked and looked up at him. "Father…"

"We shouldn't risk you catching cold." His voice was gentle, though it still masked his emotions. "You should probably go inside soon, but until then, this will help you stay warm."

She nodded, and pulled it closer, inhaling. The scent of incense ozone and newly turned earth. It occurred to her, for the first time to wonder about that last scent. She knew why he smelled like incense, and guessed the ozone smell had something to do with his Crusnik powers. It seemed as safe an opening topic as any.

She started to speak, but Abel beat her to it. He bowed, just little. "If you'll excuse me, I'll leave you to enjoy the gardens in peace."

"Father…" Esther reached out, and just caught the sleeve of his shirt. "Are you…are you busy with something? If you have work to do, you shouldn't be out of uniform like this."

He shook his head slowly. "No. It's not that. I simply thought…well, perhaps you might find more relaxation without my presence. After all, I…"

"Father." She interrupted him, hearing a faint edge of pain lacing his words. "Why would you think you need to leave? You don't have to do that."

"I…you're very kind, Miss Esther but…" He met her gaze for the first time, and Esther nearly flinched at the terrible anguish in those eyes. His voice was softer, and the pain barely suppressed. "You know, now, what I am…what I've…what I've done." He looked away. "Knowing that…well, it's kind of you to ask me to stay but…I'm sure you'd rather not be…be around a monster like me."

"Father! You shouldn't say such things." She held his sleeve tighter. She could feel him shaking. The memory of his words, his terrible confession, rose up, then faded under a feeling of sorrow for him. "I don't think of you like that at all."

He was trembling harder now, his head bowed. When he spoke, his voice was an echo of the one he'd used the night before, as the words of his confession racked him with agony. "How can you not? After…after the things I've done…." He shook his head, and a terrible, bitter laugh escaped him. "The Contra Mundi…the Enemy of the World. The one everyone would do anything to defeat, is my brother. And yet…I…for all that Cain has done, I am far worse." He drew his hand gently out of her grasp. "Thank you, Miss Esther…for trying, but you…you shouldn't dirty yourself with these bloodstained hands of mine."

"Father, please don't talk like that." She reached out. "It's true, you may have done some terrible things in the past, but…that doesn't make you a monster. Even I've done things I'm not proud of. And I'm sure the others have burdens in their pasts as well. After all, isn't Father Garcias a convicted felon? And I'm sure the Professor and Father Vaclav have their secrets as well."

"Not like this." Abel shuddered. "I…after all the lives I've taken…I can't…" He turned from her with a suppressed groan. "I…Cain is the Enemy of the World…but I…I destroyed it. In the end…we're…exactly the same."

"That isn't true." Esther moved forward, her fear of him driven away by her need to comfort him. She laid a hand gently over his lips, and looked him in the eyes. The unguarded agony in his expression touched her heart with sorrow. Father…this suffering…you endured this for me. This is…I did this to you. Dear Lord, please let me find the words to help undo some of the pain I've caused him.

Abel looked as if he was about to break from her, and she felt that doing so might break him entirely. She reached up, and took one of his hands, gently. It was much larger than her own, and stronger as well, but Abel froze. "Please Father, just listen to me, all right?"

He held still, and she took it as assent. "I know…you did some terrible things in the past. But…that doesn't make you a bad person, Father. After all, I think…given what you told us about your childhood, I think anyone would have reason to be resentful, and hurt."

He drew her hand away from his mouth. "That's no excuse."

"No. But…it is a reason. And Father…what you did, you did it because you thought you were protecting something important to you, right? You were…acting because you loved your brother, and that…that's not a bad thing. And what happened after that…well, it's like I felt when they killed Bishop Laura, isn't it? You were really hurt, Father. I think a lot of people do things they don't mean to when they feel really hurt. So, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. After all, if you truly repent, then God will forgive you. And I think, so will the people around you. I don't think…after hearing your story, I don't think anyone is planning to leave you. And…you said Brother Petros and Lady Caterina knew, right? And they haven't left your side. Surely that's proof that you're not a monster. And I…I don't think you are either."

Abel shuddered at her words. In the light of the torches, she could see the sweat beading on his brow. "Miss Esther…"

She shushed him once more. "You are not a monster, Father." She kept her voice and eyes as gentle as she could. "It's true, I know you've done some things you regret. But…the fact that you regret them so deeply proves that you are a good person."

He shuddered again. Then something seemed to relax in his frame. He straightened, took a deep breath. "I…thank you, Miss Esther." He swallowed. "I'm grateful…that you could think of me that way. But still…" He lifted one hand, to look at the palm. "I still…with the Crusnik fused to my body… I could become like Cain at any time. Even though…even though I fight it…" He shivered. "I've seen it. That I can do the things he does now. That I am…"

"You are nothing like him!" The words burst out of her with a vehemence she hadn't planned. She shook her head, feeling her frame tense up. "You aren't anything alike." She spun to face him.

Abel stared at her startled. "Miss Esther." The shock banished the darkness from his eyes.

She looked into his eyes. Then she looked away and spoke hesitantly. "When I…when they held me prisoner…I saw him several times. And you…you weren't anything alike. That man..." she swallowed. "Father…you, you may get angry, and sometimes you behave carelessly, but…you care. I can see it, when I look at you. But he…that man…he didn't care about anything. He…there wasn't any emotion in his face, not like there is in yours. His eyes…were so empty…." She shivered. Cain's face appeared in her mind, and the other Order members. She felt herself shaking, and bit her lip, trying to regain control of herself. Tears filled her eyes, and she tried to blink them away.

Suddenly, gentle hands took her shoulders. She blinked, to find Abel standing there, his face hesitant. "Miss Esther…"

She tried to compose herself. "Sorry, I just…"

This time, it was Abel who gently interrupted her. "Miss Esther…I don't mean to intrude, but…did something happen? Did someone…do something to you?" His voice was soft, and his eyes were concerned now, for her.

"I…" She swallowed. A part of her wanted to tell him, to tell someone, but the memories still made her feel ashamed and sick.

Abel looked at her moment. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. "If you wish to tell me…I will listen to you. But…if you don't want to say anything, you don't have to, Miss Esther. It's all right. If you simply need a shoulder to cry on…I'm right beside you."

That gentle encouragement broke her self-control. With a choked sob, Esther stepped forward into his embrace, reaching up to seize his shirt with both hands. She buried her face in the fabric of his cassock, no longer trying to stop the tears that welled up in her eyes and spilled down her face. They soaked Abel's shirt, but he said nothing. Esther swallowed. "I…they…the things they did….and Dietrich…and him…"

Abel remained silent, asking nothing. Somehow, standing with her face buried in his shirt, and his arms warm around her, she found the words breaking from her. Between breaths and tears, she found herself telling him everything. She told him how the Order members had drunk her blood, how Dietrich had molested her, how Cain had approached her. She told him how the other man had taken her blood, and the way he had spoken of Abel, and Lilith and Seth. The words and memories tumbled out in no particular order. She felt ashamed, but at the same time relieved. She even found herself telling him of the nightmares she'd been having, though she didn't tell him of the dream that had woken her.

Abel remained quiet, but she felt him tense when she spoke of Cain. When she told him of Dietrich's attempt on her, she felt his arms tighten around her, and his head bowed, and she knew he was upset for her. But he offered her no words, and she was grateful. It was easier, somehow, to speak to his silent presence.

Finally, her words ran out. She leaned against him, feeling drained, distantly aware that she'd soaked his uniform, and that he'd made no move to release her. She felt exhausted, but peaceful. Relieved.

Abel held her a few minutes, then spoke softly. "I'm sorry."

Esther blinked. "Father…"

He sighed. "I'm sorry…that you had to go through that. That you had to face that ordeal…" His face was sorrowed. "I…am sorry that…that Cain did such thing to you. And Dietrich…I am truly sorry."

Esther swallowed and pushed away from him, wiping her tear-stained eyes. "It's…it's not your fault. And…everything worked out. It's just…the truth is…I…" She looked away. "I was afraid, after what I said to you, that you wouldn't come. I thought….I thought I was alone."

"Nonsense." Abel's voice was gentle, but firm. One hand touched her shoulder. "No matter what happens, I promise I will always come to help you." She turned to find him standing with a gentle smile. "I did say, didn't I? I am on your side."

Esther swallowed, remembering her own doubts about him, and feeling oddly ashamed in the face of it. "Father…I know you mean it, but… you can't be certain that…"

"I promise, Miss Esther, I will always come for you. It might take me a little more time than I'd like, but…I will come." He reached up to his own collar, and then behind him. "And… if you ever find yourself in trouble again, and you're afraid…here."

He reached out, one hand clenched around something. Puzzled, Esther extended a hand, and he lowered something into it. Esther blinked, then opened her hand.

A fine silver chain lay coiled in her palm, and nestled among the links was a small silver locket. Esther drew it closer, trying to look at the engraving on the front. Frustrated, she moved to stand next to one of the torches, and gasped in surprise. The emblem was her own royal Albion Lion, but underneath was carved a rough, rayed cross, clearly enough rendered that she could see it was the one she'd dreamed of. She stared at it for a moment, then her trembling fingers reached up to undo the clasp.

The locket fell open, revealing two pictures already inserted into the frames. They were both head-and-shoulder shots. The left-hand one was Abel, his eyes gentle and a sad smile playing about his lips. The other was of herself, a bright grin on her face, the small hood over her hair marking it as having been taken when she was a Sister. She gazed at the pictures, shocked, then looked up at the man beside her with wide eyes. "Father…something like this…why do you…?"

He smiled sheepishly. "Well, actually…you'll have to blame the Professor and Lady Caterina for that." He swallowed and looked away. "I…when you were gone…I…I was having trouble, with maintaining my control. The professor…he thought…something like that…he thought it would help keep me focused on what we were fighting for. That it would…help calm me down. And it…well, I suppose it worked, a little. When…when the nights were the darkest…I could hold that, and promise myself I'd save you." He stopped, and when he spoke again, his voice was much softer. "I…there were times…when looking at that image was…all that kept me sane. I…Seth asked me to help her, and we had no leads. I thought…I thought I was going to go mad, but…being able to look at your face…see you smile, even just like that…it helped. It hurt…knowing you were captive…but…it…helped me stay focused, when I feared the Crusnik would overwhelm me."

Esther felt a lump form in her throat at the confession. She moved forward and held the locket out to him. "If that's the case, shouldn't you keep this, Father?"

He shook his head, and closed her hand over it again. "I want you to keep it. If…if something happens…I want you to have this, as a reminder of my promise to you." His eyes were solemn in the light.

There was something wistful about the tone of his voice, and a sadness in his eyes that startled her. She closed her hand about the locket. "All right."

Abel nodded as she slipped the chain over her head. "Thank you, Miss Esther."

She caught that wistful, sorrowed tone under his words again and looked back up at him. He was standing, looking away from her, toward the roses. Hesitantly, she reached up and touched his arm once more. "Father…I…is there something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No. It's all right."

She bit her lip. "It's just…you seem so sad. Is there…is there something else you need to tell me? Or something, you'd like me to hear?"

An almost invisible shudder passed through the lean frame. "I…it truly is all right, Miss Esther. I did…I did have something I want to tell you, but… it should probably wait."

"Why. Father? If there's something you need to say to me…"

Abel shivered again. "I…I think it's best if I don't burden you with this, right now."

Esther felt tears forming in her eyes once more, this time more of frustration and anger than fear. "Why? Are you…still afraid to trust me?"

"No." Abel spun to face her, his eyes wide. Gently, he reached out and laid one hand along her cheek. "Miss Esther…it isn't that. It's just…" He sighed. "I…you've been through a terrible time, lately. And…what my brother did to you…what Dietrich has done…that hurt you deeply. I don't…I don't wish to say anything that might…make things more difficult for you."

Esther reached up to touch his hand. "Please Father…tell me." She caught his eyes. "I've told you before…what I hate most…the thing that bothers me most…is seeing you afraid and ashamed. And seeing you like this…" She swallowed. "Even if…even if it's uncomfortable, I'd rather know what it is that troubles you."

Abel stood still for a long moment. Then he sighed, like a man releasing or accepting a heavy burden. To her surprise, he reached up, and hesitantly enfolded her in his arms. His voice, when he spoke, was barely a whisper, but so intense she had no trouble hearing him.

"I…Miss Esther, when we spoke, the night of the masquerade, I…" She heard him swallow. "I wanted to protect you. From Cain…and from myself. I did not…I did not want to expose you to the darkness of my past. Nor did I want to risk having my brother target you. I didn't realize he already had. But I wanted to protect you…even if…even if it meant putting you at arms length."

He swallowed again. Esther felt a painful lump forming in her throat. At the same time, she was aware of an odd tension in her body, as if she were nervous. She forced herself to remain silent as Abel spoke.

"I…never meant to hurt you. Certainly not as badly as I did. I simply didn't want you endangered for my sake. I am sorry for that." He stopped, and his voice was hoarse when he continued. "I…when I realized you were gone, and who'd taken you…I…I thought I was going to go mad. I felt as if heart was breaking…like my soul was shattering. If…if Leon, and William and Caterina…and the others…hadn't been there, I don't know what I would have done. If Petros…if Petros hadn't been there, I would have let the Inquisition tear me apart, if it assured me that they could find you safe. And I…when we found you, or you found us…I…I've never felt so relieved."

He stopped. Esther waited, but he seemed to be having trouble speaking. She looked up then, to see him gazing at her. "What…what are you trying to say?"

He sighed again, and closed his eyes, his face tightening in response to the tension she could feel vibrating through him. "I…cannot protect you, by keeping you away. And the truth is…the truth is…I don't really wish to try. I…if I could…I would prefer to stay beside you. That's why…when you asked me, last night…I…"

He stopped, and she saw his jaw clench. Then he stepped back, his hands dropping to his sides. "I decided…when we were looking for you, that I…that I would reveal everything. That I would tell you the truth. And that…if you could still…if you…did not turn from me…that I would….give you this."

He reached into a pocket, then took her hand carefully and laid something small and round into it. His eyes met hers. "I…I can't…I can't promise you anything, really. Not until I've settled things between Cain and I. And I…there's no guarantee that I…that I will survive that. But this…if you accept it…then I…well…" He stopped abruptly, and dropped his hands, turning his face away as if he were embarrassed.

Esther blinked, then opened her hand to look at the small object.

It was a ring, smallish but rather heavy. She held it up to the light. The center ring appeared to be a reddish-black stone. Someone had clearly taken a great deal of time to form it into the exact shape, then polish it to mirror smoothness. Braided around the stone were thin wires of what appeared to be gold and silver and copper, They glittered in the light, reflecting sparkles into the rich ore they surrounded. Esther gasped in wonder. "Father, this is beautiful. What…where did you…? I've never seen anything like it."

"No. You won't. I…that ring…I made it. Back on Mars. It was…one of the few things I created, rather than destroyed." He was still looking away.

"Oh." Esther's eyes widened. "But then…why would you…why are you giving it to me?"

Abel swallowed. "I can't…I can't promise, and I won't ask you to promise me, but…I…" His head bowed. "I wish…if I live through the fight with Cain and the Order. I wish to stay beside you. If you wish to have me. If you're willing to…wait for me."

Esther felt her heart beginning to pound wildly. Heat raced to her face, and she felt rather peculiar. Everything seemed distant, unreal, except for the man beside her. "Father…are you…?" she couldn't form the rest of her thought.

He turned back to face her, them dropped to his knees on the gravel of the path. "I am telling you…Miss Esther…what I mean to say is…" He stopped for a single heartbeat. "I am saying that I love you, heart and soul. And that…even though I can't make any requests now…that ring…that ring is my promise that…when everything is over, if it is possible…then I will ask to stand beside you. As…as your husband."

Esther felt herself stiffen in shock. She stepped forward, and laid a hand on his face. "Are you…asking me to marry you?"

He took her hand gently in his own. "Not yet. But…if you choose to accept this then this ring is my promise that I will ask you to marry me, when matters are settled."

The world seemed to rock around her. Esther wasn't sure which was stronger, the surprise that flooded her, or the joy that seemed to fountain from her heart. She felt as if her heart was exploding within her chest, as if the wonder of his request was too big to be contained within her. She felt as if she were floating, as if she were falling, as if the ground had somehow come to life under her feet. She stared at him, too stunned to say anything at first as she looked into the blue eyes.

She saw the consternation in Abel's eyes, and it served to help her ground herself. But the wondrous joy that filled her was still too great to be contained, and she wanted Abel to share it. She closed her hand around the ring, careful not to damage it, then moved forward to lay a hand on his jaw. She touched him tenderly, then leaned forward till their faces were nearly touching and smiled at him. "Well then, I'll hold you to that promise." Before he could respond, she leaned forward the last quarter inch, and kissed him.

Abel stiffened, clearly startled. Then, before she could react, his arms were around her, pulling her to him, down beside him, so that she was curled to his chest once more. Abel shifted as he drew her to him, his body moving to accommodate her movement, and the kiss deepened as Abel returned Esther's passion with his own, all the desperate hope and love, covering nine centuries of anguished loneliness. Esther melted, feeling the electricity and fire of that passionate embrace shorting her mind. She was aware of nothing but Abel's fierce embrace, all the love he offered in that kiss. Where Cain's kiss had been cold and demanding, forcing subservience, Abel's was warm, giving, a sacrifice and request in one. Passion held tightly leashed exploded between them, so deep Esther was almost surprised the very path beneath them didn't light up.

Finally, Abel pulled back. Esther gasped, feeling a wave of dizziness crash over her. She didn't want it to end, but she needed air. She leaned against him, aware of her deep breaths and her own. She wanted to kiss him again, but she had a feeling that another such kiss would destroy the last of both their self control.

Finally, Abel spoke, his voice as ragged as her breaths. "Miss Esther… you…"

She levered herself up, so she could smile into those wonderful blue eyes. "I accept."