Chapter Twelve – Atonement
Title:Through the Window Came the Wind
Author : lifelesslyndsey
Disclaimer: It might not mah sandbox, but I'm building castles. But I'm not profiting from them.
Pairing:SamxBella
Rating: NC-17
Warning: language and adult concepts in probably graphic citrusy detail.
Summary:He fought to do what was expected of him and she did the opposite. If love was less about finding that perfect someone, and more about finding that someone who makes you perfect, you never know who you might find. Love might bring out the best in us, but first, it brings out the worst.
A/N Not beta'd
A/N A lot of you are going to think that her punishment is lenient, but it's actually pretty appropriate, for Native American customs. Just roll with it.
A/N Super kickin' super appropriate quote for today's chapter. It's like it was written just for my story, I swear.
'Every true, eternal problem is an equally true, eternal fault; every answer an atonement, every realization an improvement.'
-Otto Weininger
We met at Old Quil's the following night for the meeting I had called. It was a power play I'd allow the Old Man, and the only one he was getting today. I'd be a fool to think that Old Quil wouldn't see this as an opportunity to scorn my imprint. While Billy and Harry had been more than accepting of the Imprint, Quil had held back. The rest of the council was more easily swayed. It had been dictated by their Gods, who were they to spurn it? If Taha Aki wanted Bella as part of their tribe, so did they.
But not Old Quil.
"I'm here to discuss the incident at Ephraim Hallow," I intoned formally, from my place at the head of his kitchen table; the only concession Quil could not deny me.
He spoke first, raising a grizzled hand in my direction. "What is there to discuss? The Swan did damage. She will pay."
Steeling myself, I replied with all the Alpha force I could muster. "I wish to take partial blame for the fire. I pushed her to it."
Harry snorted. "That's ridiculous; it was an accident! How did you push her to something she didn't even mean to do? Unless you know something we don't?" he added, with a stern and questioning look.
"No, it was most definitely an accident," I concluded, having given this some thought the night prior. "They broke into the house and were smoking and drinking. Bella hasn't even said it was she that started the actual fire, though I suspect it was for the sheer fact she hasn't denied it. Believe me, she'd scream her innocence for the Gods to hear, if it were there."
"Then how do you claim yourself to be at fault?" Billy asked, eying me carefully. I knew he had his theories; the man always did.
Smiling benignly, I answered. "I stretched the bond too far. Due to...personal reasons, I had spent the ten days prior to the fire in wolf form, ghosting the boarder."
"Personal reasons?" Quil questioned, sharp as a tack. "What personal reasons?"
"Reasons that are personal," I replied in kind, daring him to press further. "No more is needed to know on that particular subject in reference to this meeting. It was my actions, however, that caused her to act irrationally. I want to be punished the same as her."
"No," Quil replied before any else could get a word out. "A chief does not dishonor himself for a pale-face."
In response to that I growled, a full rumble tearing itself from my chest. The wolf preened as Quil shrank back slightly in his chair. "You will not speak of my imprint as if she is any less than me, Elder. Do you hear me?" Vindication soared through me as I pulled myself up to full height in my chair.
"I hear and understand you, chief Uley," he replied in kind, with the slightest of bows. "But even so, your actions did not directly cause the fire, therefore we cannot punish you as such."
"We'll punish him then, for his actions against his Imprint," Billy cut in, casting me a quick apologetic look. "He's dishonored Taha Aki's chosen."
My heart beat so hard in my chest; I wouldn't have been surprised if it sounded like I was purring. I had dishonored her, and it hurt to know. I wanted to be punished; I wanted Taha Aki's atonement like I wanted to breathe. It was frightening and real and I hadn't even realized that it was exactly what I had asked for. By straining the bond, I'd hurt her. It meant of course that some part of her was accepting the bond and that she was accepting me, but I had hurt her in my moment of selfish weakness.
I was a wolf; I had to stay strong.
"It will have to be done quietly," Harry suggested. "And for this offense the tribe can't punish you. You must turn to your brothers for this."
"The Pack," I confirmed, a shiver of dread lacing across my skin. "Consider it done. Jacob will mediate. He can report back to Billy that it has been done to acceptable standards."
"Why Jacob?" Quil asked, doubtful as ever. "As your Second, he is most likely to go easy on you."
"He loves Bella," I replied quietly. "Not as he did once, but he remembers still. He loves her and he would punish me the hardest for hurting her. Jacob Black will not go easy on me."
"Then let it be done," Billy cut in, slicing his hand through the air. "Next subject."
Again, Quil spoke before all others, his graveled voice quick and dry. "I want the Swan banned from the Reservation until the Imprint has been accepted."
Three sharp breaths layered like hisses as Harry, Billy and myself stared at him where he sat. Neither Billy nor Harry spoke, and for that I was grateful, for his words were a direct insult to me. "No. You have been against my imprint since the moment you heard of it. You have fought me on it and I do not appreciate it. You force-fed my ninety-eight pound imprint full-strength mushroom tea and laughed." At this, both Billy and Harry had the good graces to look ashamed."But I overlooked that, just as I am willing to overlook your obvious racism. But to attempt to deny me my imprint? To separate us? Stand before me and request banishment? It needs to stop. You would do well to consider whether you are dishonoring Taha Aki and my imprint, Elder Ateara. Do you hear me?"
"I hear and understand you, chief Uley," he breathed out, eyes widened. I realized that during my tirade, I had stood, leaning menacingly over the table at him.
Breathing out in a huff, I returned to my seat. "Alright. As that's been said, I would like to abjure my right to punish Bella to the Elders. I do trust that you'll keep in mind punishments that suit her crimes as dictated by our tribe. Nothing that can harm her, humiliate her, or otherwise scare her off. Do this right, please."
Harry's voice was soft and hesitant as he asked his question. "Why did you choose a tribal trial, Sam?"
"Bella has abandonment issues," I explained quietly, guilt niggling at me for displaying all her weakness like cards on a table. "Her mother, the Cullen boy, Jake…" Billy winced, but I ignored it and continued, "Even her father, to some degree I think, though she seems happy to have him back. I played into those issues when I left for...personal reasons. That was my mistake. However, if she should accept the imprint, she'll not only gain me, but an entire community. That would do her wonders, I think. I want the community to accept her, to really make her feel like a part of us. The first step to accomplish that is to treat her as one myself."
Billy gave me the smallest of smiles, his pride evident. "You thought of all that as my house was burning?"
I huffed out a laugh. "I saw Red finally breaking, when your house was burning. She's hit her bottom, hopefully. And now I just want to give her all those things she wants. Not just the things she needs. Making her a part of the tribe...she can keep that, even if she doesn't accept the imprint. She'll always be welcome here, as family. I want that for her."
"You've done well by our people and by your imprint," Harry said, cutting Quil off before he could speak. "We will honor your request for tribal punishment, both for you and Bella. So says I."
"So says I," Billy repeated, giving me a nod. They both turned to Quil, whose mouth was pinched.
"So says I," he said at last, shaking his head. He paused, turning his tired gaze back to me. "Did the Swan have a vision, Chieifling?"
"Did she hallucinate, you mean?" I asked, rolling my eyes. "She said she saw something, but she wouldn't tell me what. Honestly, you drugged her; I wouldn't be surprised if she saw unicorns."
Tapping his dirty nails on the table top, he gave me a toothless grin. "Did you see anything?"
"Well no," I replied. I'd tripped balls, that was for certain, but I hadn't seen anything out of the ordinary.
"I see. Perhaps your imprint isn't the genetic downfall of our most beloved Taha Aki," he muttered, more to himself but I still heard. "This will require research. Well, be gone with you all then. So says I."
I opened my mouth to form some indignant reply. Imprinting was not just about genetics; if it were, I would have never imprinted on Bella. Billy shook his head, waving the old man off. "Give me a ride home, would you Sam?" he asked, jerking his head towards the door.
"Sure Billy," I agreed, pushing up from the table. Harry was arguing with Quil in the kitchen, for which I took some small satisfaction. If I couldn't say it, at least someone would.
The truck ride from Quil's to Billy's was short but not silent. I couldn't help it, nerves eating away at the edges of my veneer of calm. "I'm so sorry about your house Billy."
His smile was sad, even if his words were not. "It's just a house Sam. Just because the house is gone, doesn't mean the memories are. It was run down anyway; hasn't been lived in for twenty some-odd years. Couldn't bring myself to go back when my dad passed."
I nodded, breathing out slow and long. "I remember your wedding, you know? I was what? Four? My momma kept yelling at me for stomping through the daisies. And Sarah wore a yellow dress, I remember that."
He smiled then, the wistful kind of curve to the lips. "She said wrapping her baby-belly in white was like calling everyone a fool."
"I'm going to make it up to you," I promised. "I don't know how-"
"Sam," Billy breathed out, shaking his head. "You didn't do anything. Hell, even Bella didn't mean it. You don't owe it to me, not on your behalf, and not on hers. I'm a little sad, yeah, but it was just a house."
"I'm still going to make it up to you."
"You can try," he said gruffly, rolling his eyes. "But it's hard to make up for a whole lotta nothin'."
~000~
As I had promised, a tribal council was called order. I had kept it small, limited to Billy, Quil, Harry, and a handful of others. As much as I wanted Red to be treated as a member of the tribe, I didn't want her to be gawked at. Still, being punished as one of our own would help the tribe accept her when the time came. If the time came.
The Elders sat at either side of me, each looking solemn and grave. It was partly for show, and partly because half of them were all ridiculously old. A month ago, it would have been Billy who spoke, but I was chief now and it was my duty. I thought it strange that my first actual ruling would be over my own imprint.
Red stood beside her father, staring down at her shoes. "Isabella Maria Swan, you are here on charges of arson," I said, formally. There was also breaking and entering and under-age drinking but the tribe only cared about the arson. "You burnt down the family home of William Black, and endangered our entire tribe and land. How do you plead?"
She mumbled, head down, before Charlie cupped her elbow gently and cut in. "You'll look at Chief Uley as he speaks, Bella. Show some respect."
Head snapping up, her eyes were wide and wild. "Guilty. I...it was my fault. All of it. I wasn't thinking,and...I started the fire. It might have been an accident, but it was my accident."
The first honest words out of that damn mouth of hers.
"As he is the injured party, Elder Black will lead the judgment," I replied to the room at large. I hadn't it in me to ask his punishment; that was for him to decide. He had every right to be angry, but I didn't believe him to be spiteful.
Billy raised his hand, silencing any murmurs. "For my personal reparations I ask only this; apologize, to myself, and to our people. However, this apology must be made in action, not word. How you do so is your decision." Common practice in Quileute law; true remorse was as much a spiritual payment as a dollar was monetary. There was no sense in asking for what could not be paid.
It was Harry who spoke next, his voice fluid and calm. "Reparations will be made for your crimes against the community. What has been taken from the tribe must be given back three-fold. It is not land I speak of, but good deed." His words were formal, ancient even; give back what you took, and then give it again and again. An apology to the past, the present, and the future.
Old Quil spoke next. "Marked ashkat," he said, and my insides seized up; he would throw that at me. He should have been the one most accepting of Bella; his mother was an imprint herself. But he lived to test it, and test me. Old Quil would always push me the hardest. "Your third reparation will be made to the leader of this tribe, Chief Uley; a personal reparation of his choosing. He shall over see all three reparations and judge them of their worthiness." More tests; he was questioning my loyalty; to my tribe, or to my imprint.
That, I had notseen coming.
But he didn't know that they were one in the same to me. Red was part of my tribe; I could be loyal to the both of them.
Red left, proverbial tail between her legs, sparing me no passing glance. I didn't blame her, only offering a solemn nod to Chief Swan, myself. When at last the Swans had left our den, I turned to my Elders. "Is it wise to leave her punishment in my hands? I thought you believed me to be bias."
"It was never that we believed you would go easy on her Samuel," Old Quil spoke, surprising me. I had thought he expected just that. "More that we expect the balance to be kept. We have named our punishments Chiefling," he said, with an irritating endearment. He meant it well, and I knew that; I was the youngest chief in several generations. "We have faith that you will hold your ashkat to them."
"You have never been easy on her Sam," Billy said quietly, "because it isn't what she needs. You won't be now. Use this opportunity to help her grow."