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To everyone who has shown me overwhelming support in my endeavor to work on this story simultaneously with "Limerance" and to everyone who has either PM'ed kind words, reviewed, or added this story to their faves/alerts: thank you so much!

Both of these projects are quite massive in scope and detail, with a lot of work put into historical research, and all of your support encourages me to keep working hard to put out regular updates and to finish these stories where I wasn't able to before. Seeing new readers and watching older readers returning really is the best feeling in the world. Thank you again, everyone!

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My Hatred, My Obsession

Chapter 3

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Something was wrong.

Kagome sat up with some difficulty, blinking the cobwebs of sleep from her eyes.

Very wrong.

Stumbling to her feet, she looked around the vacant clearing, barely illuminated by the dying fire. Her senses flared outward on instinct, but all that came back was a terrible frightening emptiness. She peered through the darkness, wishing that now more than ever, she could control her powers again. As it was, all she could do was squint past the swaying grass, trying to make out any immediate threat.

Nothing. But the feeling didn't dissipate.

It resembled a persistent scratching in the back of her thoughts, like a fingernail scraping at a scab. The hairs on her nape stood on end. Though the bit of wind that swished past her wasn't cold, she shuddered, wrapping her uninjured arm around herself to cradle her sling. Her eyes shot to Kikyo's broken bow on the ground, useless even if she could wield it. Standing here, in an open space with knee-length grass all around her and barely any moonlight to see by, Kagome imagined herself to be like a turtle without its shell. Soft and vulnerable, too slow and weak to protect herself - she was a sitting duck.

The all too familiar dread persisted, digging deep into her insecurities and picking at the scabs of her self-doubt.

Since leaving Rika's village and meeting Sesshoumaru, she initially thought it was his youki that was responsible. As though confirming her theory, the feeling backed off after she began traveling with him nearly a week ago. But in the last day or so, it started creeping up on her again, stalking her waking moments closer than her own shadow. Now, it seemed to surround her like a death shroud, whispering that now — now now now! — was the time to run if she wanted to live.

Reigning in her initial anxiety, Kagome glanced around her small camp. Sesshoumaru was nowhere in sight. He didn't need to sleep and rest like she did, and he frequently left her alone while she recovered from their backbreaking pace across the countryside. Without a care in the world, he abandoned her. The bastard. He left her alone, blind in the darkness, unable to fight, and helpless if she needed to protect herself. She fought with conflicting emotions on that front. A part of her wanted to scream at him, especially right now when it felt like something was out there, just past her line of sight, planning to attack while she was vulnerable.

The next breath she took turned to stone in her chest. Her body stiffened when she heard the sound of weight bending wet grass just a few feet behind her. Whatever it was stood still, waiting.

There it was again. That heavy sensation in the pit of her stomach, like a bag of twisting rusted nails grinding against the lining of her organs. Her heart slammed against her rib cage in a panic-stricken rhythm of warning. Bending down, she took Kikyo's bow into her hand, determined to fight back in any way she could. Her body coiled like a spring, ready to strike.

I won't go down easily.

If she had to, she would run as fast as her feet could carry her, hoping her temporary guardian would find her by scent.

The presence behind her shifted, moving closer. She nearly screamed when something broad and solid settled over her shoulder. She whipped around, terror gripping her so completely that she tripped over her own feet and went sprawling backwards. A powerful force pulled her back, knocking the wind out of her. Gritting her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut, she lashed out with the hand holding Kikyo's bow, praying it still had some power left that could at least stun her attacker while she ran.

Something caught her wrist in a bruising unforgiving grip. The coil around her waist tightened, pulling her even harder against a wall that radiated as much heat as a furnace. The smell of dewy fields and moist wind overwhelmed her senses. Fur brushed against the side of her face, and suddenly the entire situation ground to a halt. She raised her head, shock barely registering through her body's natural fight or flight response.

Through a white haze of adrenaline, a pair of glowing golden eyes stared down at her. The expression on Sesshoumaru's face was as unreadable as always, but Kagome could tell that he was not amused. The large hand holding her wrist spared her no pain, and the other arm that kept her trapped against him felt as solid as tempered metal. Just a little more force and he would break her ribs like dry twigs.

As soon as she recognized him, she stopped all resistance, but he didn't let her go. Nor did he gentle his grip. In fact, he tightened it until she could no longer hold on to Kikyo's bow. Her fingers went slack, and the weapon clattered to the ground. The muffled sound bounced between them, the only thing filling a void of tense silence. They stared at each other, Kagome's mind reeling. The show of dominance wasn't necessary. Why did he have to rub her own weakness in her face every chance he had?

She found herself speaking first. "Sesshoumaru…s-sorry…I…"

Wait. Why was she apologizing? All of this was his fault for abandoning her when she couldn't defend herself. She opened her mouth to tell him so, but stopped. If she blamed him right now, wouldn't it make her look desperate? Even weaker than she already was? How would she explain this situation? She woke up and got scared by some boogeyman in the dark? Ridiculous. She wasn't about to show him her back just so that he could stab her with his dagger of superiority again.

"Let go," Kagome said evenly. Her legs felt like jello, but she held herself rigid and still. "Did you hear me, Sesshoumaru? Let go."

He made a sound of dismissal in the back of his throat, but surprisingly, he did as she asked. Kagome stumbled away from him, her feet unsteady. She would never admit how relieved she was to see him standing there and how reassuring it was to feel the strength in him, though it hurt her. Rubbing at her wrist, she stepped back, kneeling down to the ground by the discarded weapon. Kagome wasn't sure what else to say. She pretended to examine the bow, hoping he couldn't see the anguished look on her face just then. Anguished and bitter - full of hatred for herself.

"The villages to the west and north of here have been burned to the ground," Sesshoumaru said, his voice low and disinterested.

That caught her attention.

"What? Burned? How?"

"There was no sign of demons."

She'd forgotten how intimidating he could sound. They'd hardly spoken at all during the past week. Kagome didn't question anything he did, and she was fairly certain he wouldn't have explained anything even if she'd chosen to ask. All she knew was that Sesshoumaru was single-mindedly searching for their enemy, and that nothing could sway him from his course. She was just a pawn in his strategy, and a minor one at that.

Her spine tingled.

Something was still wrong.

Wrong wrong wrong…

Kagome stood up and faced her companion, picking at her bandages. The motion had become an outlet for her anxiety in the past days. She hoped the gesture would hide how badly her hands were shaking. Though she was safe now, the dread hadn't gone away. The grinding nails in her stomach were back, the feeling so strong now that she felt she might be sick. She struggled to keep her face set into a neutral mask.

"So what Rika was saying about humans searching for something…"

"What humans choose to do to their own kind is none of my concern. All we seek is clues to Naraku's whereabouts."

She raised a brow. "If you don't care about the villages, why don't you just fly us to the mountain, Sesshoumaru? What is it you're looking for out here?"

He didn't say anything, merely gave her one long intense inspection from head to toe, then turned away. Even after his eyes left her, Kagome's skin seemed to burn from the heat of his gaze. Sometimes, she wondered if he could read her mind. Those glittering diamond-like orbs cut through flesh, blood, and bone to bore straight into her soul. Did he know she was hiding something from him? Did he sense how badly she wanted to escape? She'd been mulling over how to do so for days now, but she didn't have the courage to attempt it. She supposed she could have tried to run while Sesshoumaru left her alone. But doubt always stopped her.

Even if the creature came back and possessed her…

Even if she attacked Sesshoumaru or subdued him…

Wouldn't she have a better chance of survival if she stayed with him?

"Priestess," Sesshoumaru called. "You will sleep now. The sun will soon rise."

Sleep? He had to be joking. No matter how tired she was, the dread in the back of her mind wouldn't allow her to rest now, especially alone. Kagome clutched at the edges of her bandages, pressing her fingers together so hard they hurt to hide their trembling. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this afraid. Was it when she first fell down the well? When she first faced Naraku and understood just how dangerous this world was?

No. Not even then.

At least in the past she'd always had something to fall back on. Inuyasha. Her power. A weapon. Friends. Now, all she had beside her was a demon lord whose motives and agendas she could only guess at. If she was possessed and used her power against him, he promised to kill her. None of it made any sense, for it seemed that he was searching for that exact opportunity. He wanted the creature to find her again; maybe hoped he could use it to find Naraku. Did that make her expendable? Would she really be willing to die just so Sesshoumaru could find a clue to locate Naraku?

Inuyasha...will I ever see you again?

Kagome sat down by the fire, her shoulders slumping and her nails digging even more into her palms. Using her traveling pack as a pillow, she curled up on her uninjured side, wincing at the agony when her shoulder moved even a little. Her skin itched. She wanted a bath. Specifically, she wanted to sink into the giant bathtub at home and let the steam and bubbles wash all of this mess away. She wanted her mother's home cooked dinner, missed the warm welcoming arms and soothing voice that told her everything would be alright.

Mom.

Grandpa.

Sota.

At the thought of home, her eyes stung. She held back her tears behind a firm wall, however, waiting for Sesshoumaru to fly off like he usually did. To her supreme frustration, the one time she truly wanted him gone, he refused to leave. Instead of abandoning her as always, he took a seat on a nearby outcropping of rock, tilting his face to look up at the sky. His thoughts seemed to drift with the silvery clouds, body angled away from her. It was as though she'd ceased to exist.

To try and clear her mind of sadness and anxiety, Kagome decided to focus on his profile. She'd never spent this much time around Inuyasha's brother. She respected his power and strength, but she knew next to nothing about him as a…person, if he could be called that. Could a human even understand the mindset of a demon his age? How much of this world's history had he seen? What did it feel like to live for centuries? What drove him aside from pride and his role as a powerful demon of the land?

Though Kagome swore she wouldn't be able to sleep that night, exhaustion finally caught up with her. Before she closed her eyes and gave into a dreamless rest, she could have sworn she saw Sesshoumaru's piercing gaze slip to glance her way.

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In the morning, things played out as though nothing odd had happened the night before. Neither of them spoke of their encounter. Kagome certainly didn't want to. Their first priority was reaching the mountains, and she couldn't do that if she allowed herself to be bogged down with depression. So, she tried to stay up-beat and positive, observing the scenery as they passed and appreciating the raw beauty of a wild and untamed Japan.

Sesshoumaru moved forward at the same punishing pace as he had all week, not caring that Kagome struggled to keep up. Fortunately, traveling with Inuyasha over the years had given Kagome a stamina uncommon among most humans. Though her body protested, it didn't let her down. At times, she would lag behind. Always, Sesshoumaru stopped when the distance between them grew too large. She wanted to call it kindness, but knew it was nothing more than proof that he was watching her like a hawk. Her potential power over him likely made him wary of her. Though she'd promised not to use the spell against him, she understood his misgivings.

Most humans would have leapt at the chance to wield this sort of control over a higher demon. But Kagome knew she would never do so unless the situation was dire or out of her control.

Spring had given way to summer, and the heat out in the open was almost unbearable. Sesshoumaru seemed, as usual, unaffected. As for Kagome, she thought she might burn up and turn into ash if they continued walking through areas without any kind of tree cover. Not to mention, her water was running low. Trying to ration it ended with her feeling weak, dehydrated, and praying they might find a spring or a village where she could refill some of her dwindling supplies.

By mid-day, they reached a small hamlet. Kagome's flash of hope quickly turned to sorrow when she saw that this place had met the same fate as the other villages they'd passed during the week. Sesshoumaru mentioned that he hadn't sensed the presence of demons, which meant that people had done this to each other, a fact that broke her heart no matter how many times she was faced with it. She'd spent years in this era, and even longer studying its history, yet Kagome still couldn't understand why humans went to war so willingly and carelessly.

Her eyes roamed over the houses, left untouched and abandoned as though their owners had only stepped out for a moment or two. Laundry flapped in the breeze, white sheets and linens snapping around like dancing ribbons. Baskets of food and bales of vegetables and crops lay outside the doors and huts while farm animals like goats and chickens wandered around sniffing and picking at the grass. A large dog slept near one of the smaller huts, dozing in the cruel heat, waiting for its master to return.

Only the decaying motionless bodies strewn about the paths and roads ruined the picture of a peaceful simple life. Whoever was responsible for this hadn't even taken the time to burn the homes. They'd ridden through, killed innocents, and moved on as though they'd been culling weeds in a field.

Kagome took a small breath. "Can we…maybe…"

"No one survived," Sesshoumaru cut in.

"Do you know that for sure?" She challenged.

"Time is short. Come." Without waiting for her answer, the demon lord turned away and continued walking. Kagome turned, too, feeling defeated. Inuyasha and her friends might have investigated these atrocities, Jewel shards or not. That she allowed Sesshoumaru to lead her around like this against her instincts and convictions bothered her, yet she knew that there was nothing she could do to resist him in her state. Not if she wanted to reach the mountains in one piece.

The nails ground against her stomach again.

She looked back towards the village.

Something moved in the shadows of the houses. Narrowing her eyes, she tried to make out several shapes that stood out against the dark browns and golds of the huts. The grinding in her gut intensified until the sound of it filled her ears like a dull roar. Her body shook with painful tremors, each movement setting bursts of fire through her broken bones.

"Sesshoumaru, wait," she murmured. From the corner of her eye, she saw him pause in mid stride. "I need to…refill my water flask." Taking a few steps towards the village, she gasped when she saw the shadows wiggling.

Don't go. This is bad.

She paused.

Beads of sweat rolled down from her neck and slipped down her chest. The sun pressed down on her from above. Her mouth went dry as bone. Death. She could feel it in that village, but it was more than just the corpses. It was in the shadows, in the shapes that flickered and sometimes looked oddly humanoid. The roaring in her ears grew louder, coming in waves that almost sounded like…

A shrill voice calling Sesshoumaru's name from high above snapped her out of her trance. She looked up and saw Sesshoumaru's two-headed dragon beast flying gracefully towards them, his servant and Rin in tow. Immediately, Kagome's teeth clenched together. The demon lord had mentioned that they would catch up with him and Kagome eventually, but their timing couldn't have been any worse.

No. No. No.

This wasn't good at all.

She flinched when the dragon landed and Rin hopped off, running first towards Sesshoumaru then bouncing on her tiny feet and turning towards Kagome. The innocent smile devoid of anything but pure joy would have normally given Kagome the lift in spirits that she so badly needed. However, in this moment, the priestess felt nothing but horror as she watched the little girl running towards her at full tilt. Arms held out, black hair flying like a banner behind her, eyes sparkling with radiant happiness.

All of that was in danger!

Kagome's eyes snapped sideways. The shadows around the houses wavered and shifted again, their movements sharp and unnaturally quick. One in particular slithered closer. Had it had a face, Kagome was sure it would have been staring right at her. Its head tilted once then popped, as though it broke its own neck. That blank shadowed face continued twisting until the head hung at a crooked angle from the rest of the body.

Found you… — a voice hissed in her ear, almost lost in the grinding and roaring around her. Something tickled her just under her nose, and when Kagome reached up to feel for what it was, her hand came away smeared in blood.

It was coming.

They were coming.

She wanted to shout a warning, but her voice wouldn't respond. The feeling was the same as before, when the creature first possessed her on the edge of the ravine. This time, though, it was fear that paralyzed her. Not for herself, but for Rin and the others. Her body shook violently now, stomach twisting viciously. The ground spun under her feet.

"Kagome!" Rin cried out as she jumped up and wrapped her small arms around Kagome's waist. The priestess hardly felt the pain of it when the child bumped into her broken shoulder. She looked at Sesshoumaru, stared him down, prayed that he would read the apprehension in her eyes, for she was petrified and unable to do anything but grip Rin to her with all the strength she had in one arm.

"Kagome, I missed you so much!"

The priestess' answer came in the form of her arm tightening even more around the child. She pulled her closer, wishing she could protect her and swearing she would do anything to do so. At last, Sesshoumaru seemed to understand that something was amiss. His stance changed instantly from relaxed to battle-ready. His hand slid to the hilt of his sword. Jakken looked between his master and Kagome with bulging eyes, muttering something the priestess completely tuned out.

"Kagome, are you alright?" Rin asked, her voice muffled against the priestess' clothes. "Your arm is hurt! And your nose is bleeding…"

"…Rin…" Kagome managed to rasp through clenched teeth. "…You have to run. Now. Go back to Sesshoumaru…"

"But…"

"Please…Rin…"

The air exploded in a showed of dirt, mud, and torn grass.

At last, Kagome's voice obeyed her. She screamed.

The shadows skittered from the village towards them, sometimes slithering, sometimes moving so fast it looked like they were teleporting from place to place. They were humanoid, but they had extra arms and legs; some had two or three heads. Their excited shrieks pierced the air.

They ignored Kagome completely, making a single straight path right for Sesshoumaru. Strangely, the demon lord's eyes moved around all over the clearing rather than focusing on his opponents. Kagome gasped, realization hitting her like a bolt of lightning.

He couldn't see them!

"In front of you!" She shouted, just in time for him to draw the Bakusaiga and block an attack that might have cut him in two. Even though she could see where they were, Kagome couldn't be sure what they used as weapons. She could hardly make out their shadows, much less see more specific features. Their cries deafened her until she was tempted to double over in agony.

Kikyo's bow pulsed where it was strapped to her back. When she looked down, Rin's eyes were wide with fear and confusion. She clutched at Kagome's crimson hakama, her face going pale. Judging by the way she and Jaken whipped their heads around all over the place, they couldn't see the shadows either.

"From the back! To your left!" Kagome called.

Though Sesshoumaru couldn't see them, Kagome noted that he could feel where their attacks were coming from. Knowing the general direction allowed him to block and sometimes even counter. She was no warrior, but even she could tell that he couldn't possibly last long at this rate without being wounded, and who knew what kind of wounds those monsters would cause? Her eyes counted at least five or six shadow creatures. He was severely outnumbered, and it was only a matter of time before some might break away and attack the others.

Priestess… — a familiar voice called to her. Her spine went rigid. The word was spoken directly next to her. Her back exploded in pain when something cold and clammy reached between her shoulder blades and began to creep inside her. Her blood went cold, heart beating erratically as she attempted to fight off what she knew to be the same parasite that took her the night of the storm.

Not again.

Not this time.

She looked down at Rin, knowing she had only seconds to make a choice.

For a moment, as the creature entered her and began to take control, she felt her spiritual energy leap to her defense. She clung to it. All she needed was a window, a tiny chance. Until then, she could hold on. She would hold on!

"…Run…" she wheezed. "Run to the dragon…to safety…don't stop no matter what…" With that, she pushed the child in her arms aside and sprinted forward. Sesshoumaru was a good distance away, but she swore to reach him no matter the cost to herself. She continued calling out directions, trying to warn him, trying to help. All the while, she pulled with all her might on the frail string connecting her to her spiritual power. She had to stay focused or the creature would take hold of her before she could do anything else.

Pushing his influence away took every ounce of willpower she possessed, but she fought on. Her vision narrowed on Sesshoumaru and the clashing of his blade with razor sharp claws. With each heartbeat, she could see the shadows with more clarity. The creature inside her hissed and cursed, pounding against her barrier of resistance with desperate fury now.

Just one more step.

Just one more!

Kagome flew into the fray, barely registering Sesshoumaru's surprised expression as she threw herself in front of him and wound her uninjured arm around his body. In that moment, she released all of the spiritual energy she could gather. A blast of bright white light filled the clearing, spreading outwards like a grand explosion. Bakusaiga's barrier triggered, protecting Sesshoumaru from a direct hit. The shadows around them shrieked and retreated, disappearing and fading into the flash. The drain on her was immediate, but Kagome hardly had time to wonder if she'd just done something foolish.

The creature inside her broke through. She had less than a second to get away.

Kagome looked into Sesshoumaru's eyes. Time stopped. In that one grain of a moment, Kagome's heart clenched in remorse. She saw the understanding in those calculating orbs. He knew what she was about to do, just as he knew that there was nothing he could do to stop her.

"Restrain," she whispered, feeling his body tense and freeze. She pushed away from him, turned, and ran, praying that by the time the creature broke all the way through and took hold of her, she would be able to put a good amount of distance between her and her allies.