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My Hatred, My Obsession

Chapter 4

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Kagome ran forward with no direction or certain destination, too terrified to look back and see if her spell was still in place. She prayed to whomever would listen that the subjugation would last even a minute — a second — longer. Her back tingled, anticipating poison claws to gore into her with the merciless tenacity expected of a demon on the war path. Questions blasted through her panic-stricken mind like whizzing bullets. Was Sesshoumaru already chasing her? Had he broken free? Was there any chance that he would understand why she subdued him? Would he even care?

Paranoid and gripped in the grizzly maw of hysteria, she went blind. Instead of the path ahead, the last few minutes circled and repeated in her memories like a broken record, always jamming and pausing at the ferocity in Sesshoumaru's glare. Guilt swarmed around her, a broken jar of bees that stung her conscience with each step she took. What had she done? What had she done?

But, no time for regret remained. She had to keep running. Any moment now, the creature inside her would —

Her fingertips went numb.

Then her hands and arms.

Her legs moved in stiff robotic motions, pumping up and down without her will or consent until they tangled together and she lost her balance. Still mid dash, Kagome flew forward and went sprawling into the dirt. Unlike her first possession, this time she felt all of the pain as shriveled leaves, spiny twigs, and errant stones shredded the skin on her forearms and elbows. She rolled, trying to soften the impact, but her injured shoulder still bore most of her weight. With a sharp crack, it snapped out of place. A searing flash of agony turned to white noise that filled her eyes and ears like boiling water. She opened her mouth on a gasp and then a scream; nothing but air came out.

She knew, then, that her body was no longer hers.

The creature did not wait for flesh and bone to recover. Righting itself, it burst into another run, ignoring the throbbing pain in what had to be a twisted ankle. Whether it felt the discomfort or not hardly mattered anymore. Kagome didn't resist. As long as the creature was running away from Sesshoumaru and his companions, she wouldn't go against it. That was the plan, at least, until they could put some distance between them. After that, she had no intention of sitting back and leaving her body in the creature's control.

You are being unusually cooperative, priestess.

Kagome focused on staying aware, trying to anticipate the creature's motives. Where was it going? What did it plan to do with her body this time? She tried not to think about the mess she'd just made back at the village. She'd used the spell against Sesshoumaru even though she promised not to. She didn't know what was worse — hurting his mighty pride or going against her word. Both actions made her sick. Despite the uneasy atmosphere between them, he'd protected her since they left Rika's village. He'd kept his end of the bargain, though there was one last part to carry out now that she'd broken her vow.

Should he find her, Sesshoumaru would definitely kill her for her choice.

Forget the demon. He is none of our concern — the thing inside her commanded.

Where was it taking her, then?

Away from here. To the mountains. We have certain business there.

The mountains? Inside her prison, Kagome shuddered with foreboding. It couldn't be. Not the bow maker! Please, no. Was he what the monster was after? Or would it try to kill her again? But if that was its goal, why didn't it just stab her body with something now? Kikyo's bow was still strapped to her back. All it would take was a well-placed strike…

We have decided to keep you alive, priestess. Though, you are a threat and must be kept contained.

Kagome did her best to push all worries of the mountains and what awaited there out of her mind. For now, it seemed the creature could hear at least some of her thoughts. Until she could fight back, she would have to keep calm and worry only about what was happening in the moment. That way, she could keep the thing out of her head and avoid giving away important information it could use against her.

She remembered tapping into her spiritual powers just before the creature took control. They'd been sealed away, so how had she managed that? What was keeping them from her in the first place, and was there a chance to break the seal on them after all? Sinking her ethereal hands into the murky depths of her prison, she searched for that faint link to her powers once again, her shoulders slumping when she couldn't find it. High above her in the darkness, she saw a small light, a tear in the abyss. Was that the link to her power or was it the way out? She tried to reach it — swimming, floating, crawling — but it always moved away just past her fingertips. If only the pain from her injuries would stop distracting her…

For an unknown length of time, Kagome's body ran over dying grass and dried earth until the creature ground to a halt, clutching at its chest and heaving in panting breaths. Her shoulder pulsed with bursts of flame, the agony nearly as bad as when Kagome first shattered it. Anxiety rushed through her; had the fall damaged it past recovery? Rika had warned her about the chances of it healing poorly. What would happen if she couldn't fire a bow again?

Damn this weak fragile body — the creature hissed. We can't outrun the demon this way. Though, if he comes close, all we have to do is pull on his leash. The monster let out an amused bitter laugh, an ugly sound when coming from Kagome's throat.

What did it mean by his leash? Sesshoumaru's? No! She didn't want to see that look in the demon lord's eyes again. The accusation of betrayal and sneer of disgust. Her stomach twisted into knots just thinking about it.

You have no say in it, priestess. There is nothing that can pull me from you now, remember? Nothing save for your death, and we will not allow that to happen…not just yet.

From that moment on, time blurred together. Hot blistering day turned into frigid night then shifted to a dull and gloomy morning. Though she had no control over her body, Kagome experienced all of the damage inflicted on it. Through a haze of suffering and exhaustion, she felt her body's hunger and its thirst. She writhed in the darkness, flinching with every torn muscle, overworked tendon, and strained bone. The creature stopped for nothing, not even to drink out of the flask in her pack.

Running. Always running. Heat or cold. Day or night.

The monster didn't care about her human limitations and pushed forward with feverish intent, obsessed with the idea of reaching a location where Sesshoumaru couldn't find them. The ever-present trepidation in that need made Kagome wonder. Did the creature fear him? The night of the storm, she could have sworn it forced her to jump into the river because Sesshoumaru was there. They'd fought, and the demon lord had wounded her, showing a disregard for her life that caught the creature by surprise.

The demon means nothing — it insisted with unusual vehemence.

Yet Kagome couldn't let the idea go.

If Sesshoumaru truly was a threat to the creature somehow, then her best chances rested with allowing the demon lord to catch up with her. Sure, he might kill her. But, he might be able to help her somehow, too. What did she have to lose? Only her life, and lately a shadow hovered over her sense of reason, whispering that even her life didn't matter anymore. A single thought lingered like a cancer, spreading and growing, feeding her strength through misery.

She would do anything if it meant defeating Naraku and saving her friends.

Anything.

Over the next few days, she fought tooth and nail to slow the creature down. Sometimes, she managed to regain control for a brief moment, but every time she did, her opponent pushed her farther and farther back into the void. Resisting became increasingly difficult after each attempt until Kagome wondered if she would ever be able to crawl out of the darkness again. After two days of fighting, her mind felt close to breaking. The pinprick of light so high up above her hovered, ever unreachable. Surrounded by thick fog and a bottomless abyss, she couldn't help but give in to the depression she'd been trying to keep at bay. Receding back into her prison, she wondered —

Just whom had Kikyo left her legacy to?

For so long, Kagome had wanted nothing more than to step out of the undead priestess' shadow, to be seen as herself and no one else. Yet the moment fate granted her the opportunity, she failed at every chance to prove her worth. When considering her situation in those terms, Kagome wanted nothing more than to curl up and disappear. But, she couldn't give up. On principle, she couldn't. If she did, then all her fears and insecurities might come to light. If she gave up, she would be weak. If she gave up, then Kikyo had truly left her mission and her quest to a nobody.

Again, Kagome lost track of time and was so preoccupied with fighting both the creature and herself that she hardly noticed when the thing came across a group of traveling merchants headed south towards Rika's village. In her voice, the creature greeted them, greedily eyeing their horses. Travel would be faster and easier if it could steal one for itself. The merchants were an obstacle, however. They would need to be dealt with.

"Lady Priestess," one of the men bowed his head respectfully. He balked when he saw the condition she was in. "Are you alright? You're hurt!"

"I came across a pack of demons some days ago," the creature said, its voice full of false strain. "They attacked, and I barely escaped with my life."

"Where are you going? Can we help in any way?"

"To the mountains…"

"Lady Priestess," one of the other men spoke up. "We've heard terrible rumors about the northern villages. They aren't safe. You should reconsider."

"I cannot," the creature answered with fake sadness, drawing Kagome's features into a wounded expression. It hunched its shoulders, clutching at torn bandages.

Taking pity on what they saw as a lone and brave young woman, the men made camp and offered her food and drink. At last, the creature drank some water but left the meal untouched. With Kagome's eyes, it watched the men as they prepared to sleep for the night, and with her hands, it tucked away one of their hunting knives into its robes. Knowing what the creature planned, Kagome beat against the walls of the void, shouting and pleading for the monster to leave the innocents alone.

Stop this! You don't need to kill them! — she begged — Just take one of their horses and leave!

We don't need to take their lives, but we are going to nonetheless. Who knows? They may run into your demon lord and tell him where we are…

Please, leave them alone! They don't have anything to do with this!

Remember well, priestess. From now on, you are my prey. Even if you should separate from me, I will find you again. And when I do, I will slaughter each and every person you hold dear. I will blacken your heart until it submits to me, and when you are filled with darkness and misery, you will fulfill your purpose in this world.

Each word thundered through her prison, driving into her like bolts of blazing lightning. Imagining what was to come, the innocent blood that would stain her hands, Kagome shook with newfound rage, both at the monster's cruelty and at her inability to stop him. In that rage, a sobering realization hit her. She focused on the creature's words, on the emotion in them, and discerned an all too familiar buzzing in its aura.

It felt exactly like a corrupted shard of the Jewel.

There was no mistaking it. She and Inuyasha had hunted shards for so long that she learned to recognize their aura with ease.

She had no time to think about what that meant. Its threat properly communicated and its surroundings quiet and still, the creature stood up and took out its stolen hunting knife. Shedding Kagome's sandals to make less noise, the monster crept towards the first merchant's sleeping roll, peeling back his blanket and looming over him until the man sensed that something was wrong and jerked awake.

"Lady Priestess?" he mumbled, his voice hoarse yet grating in the quiet night. Her hand flew out to cover his mouth, muffling his surprised scream at the sight of the gleaming blade. The last thing Kagome saw was her other hand slashing outward and sliding the knife between the man's ribs. He convulsed, his teeth digging into her palm on reflex. Blood sprayed forth from his abdomen in a boiling stream, covering her hands, face, and neck.

Suddenly, something pulled a blindfold over her eyes. Her skin went numb, all sound and sensation vanishing completely. No matter where she turned, she saw only emptiness until she wondered if she existed at all. Where was her body? She couldn't hear her heartbeat or feel her breath. The pain from her injuries disappeared. She blinked, but couldn't feel her eyelids moving. Above, even the orb of light turned to blackness, leaving her alone.

Was she dead? Gone? Had the creature won the battle for her body completely? She couldn't believe it — she wouldn't. Even if she was nothing but a scrap of soul now, she would fight until she had control again.

Because — she told herself voicelessly — I will do anything I have to to protect those I love.

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He stalked her.

For days, Sesshoumaru followed her halting progress across the land, always one step behind. Her scent faded in and out, inconstant as the moaning wind that soared across the plains. Perhaps it was fortunate that she was wounded. The smell of blood was stronger than the scent produced by skin. It became familiar. Coppery, tangy. Slightly sweet. He learned to recognize it even when it barely lingered on the grass or among the trees. At times, he flew to quicken his pace. Other times, he walked. Whatever was needed to stay on her trail.

It galled him, both that a single human could escape his reach and that he bothered to track her this far. Had he seen himself now a hundred years ago, he would have killed his pathetic future self without hesitation. The shame would have been unbearable. That a great and powerful demon of his stature troubled himself to search for an insect went against his principles. That he couldn't catch her after days spent in pursuit was even worse.

Did he really need her so badly to find Naraku? Relying on anything but his own power to accomplish his goals scraped at his pride. Countless times, he nearly turned back. And countless times, he remembered the way her spiritual power wrapped him in chains. The feeling of his body turning to stone; the sensation of his sense clouding and fading —

When he remembered that, he had to remind himself that he needed her alive to find Naraku. When he remembered that, the caustic venom of his anger rose to the surface, reinforcing his need to find her and take vengeance. He pictured what that might be like, flexing his fingers. It was then that he felt an odd warmth suffuse his palm. He recalled the night he'd returned to their camp to find the priestess gripped with terror. He remembered how hot her skin had felt in his hold, how soft. Strange that he should remember something so insignificant, yet from that moment on, the sensation haunted him.

On the fifth day of his search, the weather turned unexpectedly foul. Rain bucketed down from the sky, forcing him to order his companions to stay behind in shelter while he moved on. Neither of them protested, Rin expressing unnecessary confidence in his abilities. He didn't acknowledge her words. Of course he would find the priestess. Of course he would catch her. Of that there was no doubt. However, whether he brought her back unharmed or ripped her to pieces was a different matter altogether.

The howling winds and freezing rain gave him no trouble save one: water muted all scents and washed them away. The trail nearly went cold more times than he could count, but the smell of her blood persisted. He cursed the storms at first, but stopped when the onslaught brought him some luck. At night, a curtain of water hid everything except for what lightning could illuminate, but after almost a week of searching, he finally found what he hunted.

To escape from the rain, the woman took refuge in a small village not far from the mountain passes, one of the few settlements still standing after the mysterious attacks that broke out like a rash across the north. Waiting for the human ants to climb back into their proverbial anthills as they retired after a long day, Sesshoumaru glided through the streets until he found what he needed.

That tangy smell. Strangely sweet and tempting.

Human blood should not have smelled so appetizing, not to a demon who scorned the taste of it.

He chose to make no sound as he entered the hut she slept in. Once he found her, he paused, uncertain of how he should proceed.

In sleep, her face looked innocent and peaceful, her normally soft features made harsh by the ordeals of her travels. The bandages around her shoulder hung in tatters, white cloth stained dark brown by filth and dried blood. Her clothes were in a shambles, hair resembling a raven's nest with all its tangles and knots. She looked thinner, her skin pulled too tight across her cheekbones. A pale hue stained her chapped lips.

The sight drew a frown from him. It appeared the one possessing her cared nothing for her body's welfare. Odd that she was still alive. The last time the creature took her, it drove her to attempt suicide. If it hadn't done so yet, what were its true motives? Where was it taking her in such a hurry?

Something occurred to him, then. Was recovering her now worth what might be lost in doing so? Perhaps if he followed her to the end of her path, he might find information about their enemy. Perhaps if he allowed events to play out as they would, the creature would lead him to Naraku himself. What did it matter if the priestess died in the process? He wasn't here to protect her. She wasn't like Rin, and as far as he could tell, she no longer held any special powers to help in the fight against their nemesis. None that she could control, at any rate.

Again, he remembered the moment she'd subdued him. There had been real terror in her expressive eyes. Fear, and the conquering of it. In that moment, she'd known exactly what she was getting herself into. Yet, she'd persisted. How illogical, for a human to rush into a situation involving certain doom. He might have expected it from a foolish samurai, deluded in his sense of loyalty. But she was just a child not even two decades of age. He supposed that sort of courage could be admirable, in a way.

Raising his hand, he looked at his palm, flexing his fingers as had become habit in the past week. Reluctantly, he remembered how tiny and fragile her wrist had felt in his much stronger grip. To think that something so small could have the gall to stand against him and possess power enough to immobilize him…

A red fog momentarily clouded the edges of his vision. A hundred years ago, he would have relished wrapping her body in his poison whip and watching as her skin melted from her bones. But, he was different now. Changed. Since meeting Rin, life seemed…a little more valuable, somehow.

I need her alive. At least, for now.

Setting his jaw, he turned to leave. Allowing nature to take its course was for the best. Humans existed to break and die at the whim of stronger forces. All it would take is an unexpected gust of wind or a careless hand, and their lives would fade out like dying candles. Judging by her state, the priestess' body wouldn't hold up for much longer. Might as well make use of it for a greater cause. Doing so would elevate her purpose past the lowly status of her species. At the very least, her death would mean something in the end.

Convinced by his own superior logic, Sesshoumaru moved towards the doorway, determined to follow her when she continued traveling on the morrow.

"Don't go," a small voice murmured, almost too quiet to hear.

He paused.

"Don't go."

Turning, Sesshoumaru expected to see the priestess' pleading eyes staring up at him. However, she hadn't moved at all from her previous position. Still deeply asleep, her chest rose and fell in steady shallow movements. Confused, he barely restrained himself from stepping back over to her in order to investigate. Was this one of the creature's tricks? If so, then he had overstayed his welcome. The last thing he needed was for the monster to catch wind of his new plan. If it knew how close he was to them, it would certainly never lead him to its master.

Still, he waited, expecting to hear that soft plea once more.

One moment.

Then two.

It did not come again.

His eyes roved over the priestess' shoulder, noting the odd angle at which it lay. Any fool could see that it was broken again, and not in a way it could heal from. A flash of heat bloomed in his chest; a strange emotion.

Was it pity?

Perhaps killing her now would be merciful, like putting down a sick animal or a bird with a broken wing. A swift death, both to avenge his honor and to end her suffering.

He raised his arm into the air. Glowing green venom oozed from his claws. Bringing it to her throat, he stopped. A slight movement, and it would all be over — the hunt, the fixation on revenge, and the memories from that strange night. All of it would disappear, and life would go on as though nothing happened.

The unfamiliar, unpleasant warmth crept through his chest again.

No. Not pity, but a kind of dread. Should he kill her now, he would never feel her heat against his palm again. A distasteful notion. Why? He couldn't have said. It just was, much like Rin just was, existing without plausible explanation or purpose. Sesshoumaru let out a slow silent breath. The poison vanished from his claws.

In the next moment, he drew back and turned on his heel, stepping out of the hut and melding into the night.